I mean I'm 58. Clearly I look it--I don't color my hair and I'm not going to. I've earned every one of these colorless babies. And it is one of those jobs where it looks like the color has slid off the top kwim? It's grey ~ almost white in the front--full on brown in the back when I've always been a dark blond. I got a few wrinkles--dude, it happens. I'm fine with me though. Wish a few parts worked a little better--can't complain.

So I'm loosing patience (and I don't have much left as it is) when I hear someone address me as "Young Lady" WTF?!

Do they honestly think I am so shallow, weak or in need of (what they consider to be) positive attention, to be flattered in some way by that moniker? That the grey haired and estrogen starved apparition before them would be blessed to be thought of as 'Young"???

Could there be anything more patronizing?

I'm ready to go:

me ~ "Dude I'm 58 years old--that's getting East of middle aged much less young."

them ~ "You're only as old as you feel. Blablablablabla"

me ~ "I feel like punching you--how old is that?"

me ~ "You're only as stupid as you sound when you address a white haired woman, "Young Lady". "

Bite. Me.

I'm ready to start my campaign of one to push back when someone-for example the substitute mailman today-addresses me thusly.

I think I'm gonna go, "Young lady?" with a gently incredulous look on my face. I'm not trying to filet them but give me a very large break on such obvious condescention in the name of being friendly/kind. It's cheeky is what it is, fresh.

Maybe they expect me to giggle?

Agh!!

Does it bug you?

HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The guy at my regular gas station addressed me as "young lady" once. I immediately told him, "Every woman knows that when she is addressed as 'young lady', that it's code for "man, you're one old broad!" So stop insulting me."

He opens his eyes really wide and does the "ohhhhhhhh-kayyyyyyyyy!" thing.

I am NOT complimented when someone wants to check my ID. I'M A FREAKIN' GRANDMOTHER!!!! I have ZERO tolerance for those women who giggle coyly and pretend to be embarrassed that someone wants to check THEIR I.D.

I have said to one person, "I know you're only doing your job but do I REALLY look like an empty headed 19 year old?"

I LUV getting older and am PROUD of my gray hair!! If I wasn't, I'd color it and I dont' color it!!

So kiss my wrinkled white a$$ .... and stop insulting my maturity and life experience by insuating that it's a bad thing to be my age!

God you hit a hot button, can ya tell???

Yeah, bugs the heck out of me....patronizing and condescending all the way. I'm 56 and have names and dates for every white hair I have. I know they think they're being cute but...COME ON!!

While we're on the subject, another pet peeve is when I'm out to eat and have a server constantly calling me "honey" or "sweetie" through the entire meal... CRINGE....Totally grates down my spine like fingernails on a chalkboard.

OK...I feel all better now...

I'm almost 49...next month....I don't know if I LOOK 49.....but what does 49 look like?
Anyway, I got majorly ticked off at Sams a few weeks ago. The DH and I had gone to shop, and I had left my purse at home. I always leave it in the car in the garage, and for whatever reason I had brought it in and forgot it. No biggie...DH has his Sams card and debit card. It was a huge shop....last thing on the conveyor was wine....which I NEEDED for my then stress level.
So, DH helps put all the groceries on the conveyor, runs the debit card, and, being a nice guy, goes out to get the car because it's raining. Idiot 4 year old checking me out rings in the wine, looks at me grinning and asks me for my ID! No purse...no ID. For heavens sake, I have two KIDS old enough to legally drink! I said I didn't have my purse. Guess what? Since they asked me for my ID, I had to produce it, or no wine.

I was SO not impressed!

Jodie

Edited to add: now, I DO get a kick out of my students. I have a photo of the DH and I in my class. He's Italian...black haired. He's getting all silvery, not gray, gorgeous silver at his temples and in his goatee. Anyway, I have little ones ask me if he's my dad. I do have to laugh about that!

on the peeve list .... I cringe when someone addresses me as "Mrs. Brim" but I will go down their throat to be introduced or addressed as "Mrs. Phil Brim". I am not anyone's possession and I have my own name, thank you very much!

Ever see I Love Lucy when Lucy would introduce herself as Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, and intro Ethel as Mrs. Fred Mertz? Even when it was a room full of women, they would identify themselves by their husband's name and not their own. That's the saddest thing I've ever seen on a comedy show.

So if anyone ever introduced me as "This young lady is Mrs. Phil Brim", we're going to have a WHOLE 'nuther definition of "going postal"!

you ladies are great, i dont have the "young lady" problem because I am a young lady (22) but i dont like when people say "aww, you're just a baby!" I know I'm young but I'm not a baby, in fact I have 2 babies of my own. And cakedoll, i cant stand to be called "honey" or"darling" and growing up i had a neighbor who called me "sweet pea".... ugh, i still hate to hear someone say that. Thats my take, kind of the other end of the spectrum.

Vanna....I run an elementary school computer lab, so I see all 373 kids in my building. I would LOVE to say I remember all their names, but I don't! So, I do call them sweet pea, and sugar, and chickee and babe.

I just had a little girl last week....she's not verbal at all, a lot of behavior issues. Anyway, it's a bear getting her to leave her computer. She loves it, and she never wants to leave, but she absolutely has to log out herself! Don't you dare try to help! So, we give her warning....."Perla, in a few minutes it's time to go"...."Perla, time to restart". She was ignoring me and I said "Come on sugar....log off" and she stood up and said "I NOT a sugar...I a chickeebaby!"

Jodie

I'm 36 so I don't think I qualify for the "young lady" comment either. I'd find it patronizing.
My kids friends come over and call me by my first name, not Mrs.xxxx. When I was their age, I called every adult Mr or Mrs or Miss so-and-so. I'm not sure if I would like being called "Mrs.XX". I would feel like they are addressing my DH's mother(who passed away a while ago).
I also get "M'am" Hate that too, but I understand people trying to be polite. I have told some people not to call me "M'am" (customer service reps or my insurance rep) specially if you know my name.

We call our kids by their nicknames all the time. When we use their real names they are either in trouble or we need to discuss something a little more serious.

Uh oh - DH may be in serious trouble and doesn't even know it. He often stands at the door and helps the older ladies at our church to get in the building. He calls most of them "young lady". They all seem to love it. Are they just humoring him?

See, I have the issue where people really do think I'm much younger than I am. I'm 26, and will be 27 this year. I work at a University and often I am present for different student welcome events, taking care of a table and answering questions about our department.

I'm often asked if I'm a student. I know students range in all age groups, but it's always asked by parents and they typically are asking if I'm an undergraduate. I doubt they're being PC.

But that's not what bothers me the most...nope. What bothers me the most are those who say, "But in a few years, you're going to LOVE being mistaken for someone much younger!" How do you KNOW that? Did you graduate from Miss Cleo University? I mean, really.

If I really put on the makeup and dress up, I can avoid those questions, but I have issues with wearing makeup often (mostly with my eyes...I get painless-styes too often to wear makeup everyday).

Phew...I think that's been waiting around a while.

Jodies thats so cute that she said that, I can understand you using those names, nobody can be expected to remember so manynames. I just dont like it when a stranger uses all those names, for instance.. im eating out, waitress comes over and says,"Darling, do you need some more tea?" , i understand that thats just the way some ppl talk, i just dont like it. The sweet pea thing, i dont know why i didnt like it, i just didnt, cakedoll, im sure your granddaughter doesnt mind, it beats being called the dogs name! Their were 5 of us growing up and my mom would often go through everyones name plus a few pets before she got to the right kid, we didnt mind, we thought it was funny.

hey bigsis! I'm not offended by ma'am as I view it as a way to address someone with respect.

(And age isnt' what puts ya in the ditz category. Someone thinking that I'd giggle and think it was SO cool that they thought I was younger is the insult that says to me "I think you're a ditz and you will think it's so cool if I treat you like you have no sense or value at all.")

Totally agree about Sir and Ma'am. They are terms of respect. I grew up in Florida until I was about 8 years old. In school, and with adults, everything was Yes Ma'am or Yes Sir. That's just the way it was. When we moved up to Wisconsin, I remember being confused because the teachers kept correcting me and telling me not to do that.

I've worked with the public for so many years that I still do the Ma'am and Sir thing. It's just a force of habit with me.

My kids and grandkids were and are taught to address adults as Miss or Mr. so and so. Like Miss Robin, Miss Doris, Mr. Greg and so forth. Most of the parents of their friends don't like being addressed formally like "Mrs. Johnson" but these terms still afford them a form of respect.

I'm actually really glad I read this thread, because I work in the food service industry and I see a lot of people that come into my store and I do these very same things you are all complaining about!! At least once a day I do the "young lady" joke!

But here's my peeve... I'm 21 but my family has seriously good genes. My mother is 50 next year and she looks 30, no joke. She doesn't have wrinkles on her face, and she dyes her hair because she's not ready to go grey yet... So it's only natural that I would have the same genes. But this is what gets me, I'm really short (5'3" with sneakers on) and I'm thin, that paired with my mother's genes, I look really young. And I really HATE HATE HATE going out to food shows and business trips with my father (who I work with) and having important clients/proprietors look at me and say, "Oh are you daddies little helper??"

I AM NOT AN ELF.

And it really stinks when I'm trying to get a date, too, because the age group I try to date in (24-29) think I'm underage. And going to the bar? Forget it. Dont even get me started.

MystiqueFire, my daughter goes through the same thing and it irks her no end. She's 31, has waistlength blondish hair and could easily pass for a teenager.

She gets carded everywhere she goes; she's even been accused of presenting a fake drivers license. Strangers have thought that her daughter is her little sister.

Last year I asked her to drop off a check for my dues for the clubhouse, which I have never seen the inside of in 23 years except to pay them....and she called me up and told me they wouldn't accept the check, wouldn't tell her why; just told her to have me call.
I called to see what the problem was and the clerk told me that they are not allowed to accept payments from children sent by their parents.

I'm like "HUH?? What children?"

"You sent in some little girl in with the check. She's a minor and we can't accept it"

I said "LITTLE GIRL?? She's 30 years old, been married for 10, and has a 6 year old daughter."

"Well, she looked like a kid to me. You'll have to bring the check yourself." So I did...

She hates it with a passion just like you do.

Good, I'm glad you all cleared up the "Ma'am, Sir" thing for me I feel much better now.

I kinda have a similar problem as your daughter, cakedoll. I sometimes take my little brothers or sisters (huge age gap, they're 1-7 years old) to the store and other places with me. I look younger than I am to most people, so I get the disapproving stares from people everywhere. They think my siblings are my kids.

This was a while ago, but one time, in line at Wal-Mart, and I had my then-2yo sis in the cart. I could hear this lady behind talking about me to her friend or whatever. "It's a disgrace that kids have no morals these days! Having kids when they're kids themselves! She had to have had that kid when she was 14! She should be ashamed!" Etc. Etc. And she knew I could hear her.

Now, I'm the type of person to keep my mouth shut (that's why I want to be indydebi and/or k8memphis when I grow up!), but I was LIVID. Then my sister starts waving and saying hi TO THE LADY BEHIND ME. *Idea light bulb popped up over my head* I turned around and quipped, in a not-so-nice tone....


ISN'T MY SISTER ADORABLE???



Needless, to say, she was silent during the rest of our wait in line.

Okay, so what happens when you get carded and the kid (20) COUNTS ON HIS FINGERS to get to your age and says "Wow! You don't look THAT OLD? You're hot-looking." I told him "oh, darling if only you were a bit old I could show you things you haven't even imagined yet!". Of course my husband was just a few feet away laughing his A%% off.

I don't mind being called ma'am--way better than dude or sweetie.

I love some of y'all's responses.

I got a good one for 'hon' too. My aunt's name was "Hon" her real name was Mamie but we called her Aunt Hon. So just say, "Oh you must mean my Aunt? Her name was Hon" That's all it takes usually to get them to rethink that.

And you can tell if someone means it sh*tty or if they mean it just as an endearment. It's hard to swallow from someone younger though huh.

I mean Gordon Ramsay says. "My Darling" to lots of chicks on his tv show--not so much on Hell's Kitchen though--his other shows. That never sounds inappropriate.

So how someone says it is huge too.

>>>Hey but I think I have the perfect response for the 'young lady' thing.

I'm gonna go, "So would you say 'young man' to a 58 year old male?" cough<you idiot>cough

'Cause I'm not trying to dissect their gizzard without anesthesia--yes I do need to control the urge to verbally coldcock them but--no seriously I think that's a real good line to use to make them think.

I think if one just blows up that ain't gonna work --then you're just a crazy crabby old lady. This way maybe they'll get it--no guarantees but it's worth a try, huh, all you elves, hons, and sweetie pies.

[quote="bigsisof3kids"] I turned around and quipped, in a not-so-nice tone....


ISN'T MY SISTER ADORABLE???
quote]

Good for you!! =) People are SO nosy. Who are they to be judging?? But sometimes it's better to not say anything than just shoot your mouth off, like I've done in the past. Count it as a blessing instead of a curse, I'm Italian/Israeli, usually I dont mix my words, but I love what Indidebi suggested!

Indydebi: Hahahaha, I'm putting that one in the back of my mind for next time!! =P

Cakedoll: What?!? That is crazy!! That's actually borderline insulting.. =/

Jasmine

I'm 29 and I get dirty looks ALL the time when I'm with my children...I also get the feeling that some parents at my 6 year olds school think I am 20 years old or something and they don't seem to take me too seriously. I was only 23 when I had her - but the most mature 23 year old you would ever meet!

I had a guy that plays hockey with my dh actually asked if I was his wife...when I told him I was, he just looked at my dh and said "WOW, your wife looks like she is 17". After that his wife finally started talking to me at the games...but I don't really have time for that kind of bull! They just assumed (assumptions again) that I was his young ?mistress? DH is only 2 years older than me, but looks his age.

I try hard not to be insulted...but after you get these comments daily it is harder and harder to ignore.

I had prematurely gray hair, and kept hearing "Does your granddaughter look like her mother?"
When someone called me 'Ma'am' it used to make me go home and cry. I didn't want to be her grandmother, da^^n it - I was her mother!