I have an 8 year old girl, shell be 9 in may. I have been having the worste problem with her. I just want to cry . She is a bright child (very smart)Shes a gymnast and she runs track. The problem Im having is shes been getting very angry at times about nothing. For example this morning she was laying in the floor screaming, kicking, crying, knocking things over,etc. , all because she couldent find a white shirt. This just keeps getting worse and worse. Ive been up all night with my son at the emergency room and im tired, now I have her at home too because she wouldnt get ready for school. (but she wanted to go) I didnt know what to do cause she wouldnt quit and she was hitting me and she wouldnt listen, so I through a little water on her. Im getting to the pointe that I dont know how to handle her. My other daughter didnt do this. Does anyone know what to do? My mom said to beat her but I dont want to. Ive tried taking her cell phone(kids phone, firefly) and her pm4 player. I dont know what else to do. PLEASE HELP!!!!
Every child is different, even when raised in the same home.
I have an 8 year old daughter who will be 9 at the end of May also. She's my oldest child though. I love her so much, but she drives me nuts 1/2 the time. She's extremely bull headed which goes along perfect with her temper lately. I asked the dr. why at her last appt. is her attitute changing and she having almost like these fits of rage (not hurting anyone but stomping around, slamming doors and I've literally have seen this child spin on the floor on her side while screaming and kicking like one of the 3 stooges.) He told me puberty starts earlier than we think in girls. Once they start developing little bumps for a chest, they are in puberty, don't go by the start of the period because that's usually one of the last signs.
Well, that's not happening yet with my daughter....Thank the Lord above.
He then said that at the age of 2, 9 and 12 is the age that most children start to buck up and test ground against their parents. This is due to the fact that their brain is going through major growth at these ages.
I hope he's right about that because she's acting like an absolute loon half the time lately and gets upset at the slightest things. I just try giving her her space if possible and let her get it out, then go talk to her. Sometimes that's not doable though so I have to take action right away and try to nip it in the bud. She usually says sorry later on and tells me why she was so upset, sometimes she has a good reason, but usually no. I just keep reminding myself that if it's a good reason for her to be upset than I should respect that.
My mom told me last week that I was the same way, but my daughter is 2x as hard as I was at this stage. OH GOODIE!
I'm in the same boat so if you come up with any ideas I'd love to hear them......why can't children come with manuals when they are born?!
What else has been going on at your house? What are the ages of your other kids? Whats' going on with your son that you had to be with him at the emergency room, was that a one-time thing or something ongoing?
"Beating" her won't do a damn thing but make her afraid of you, so don't bother. If she's always been this way then it could be a part of her personality, but it's more likely that she's reacting to something that's going on that's bothering her. Kids aren't as self-aware as adults, so she probably doesn't know why she's doing it.
You should talk to her when she's calm and not getting upset about something, and tell her that her behavior isn't okay, and that she needs to learn different ways to calm herself down. Ask her if there's something that you can do to help her when she's starting to feel like she's going to have a tantrum (because that's what is sounds like this is). Maybe you can come up with a signal between the two of you that lets her know that it's time to calm down. It might not work, but it's surprising how well it works with some kids. She could try some deep breathing or leave the room or something...
You can also talk to the school counselor to see if they have ideas, and ask her teacher if she's been acting different in class.
costumeczar brought up a good point about if anything has changed at home and talking to the school.
the part that bothers me the most about this is that she was hitting you. What ever you do don't hit back. This will accomplish nothing and only make things worse. If it doesn't stop I would suggest some form of counseling. I had to go to counseling as a child in 4th grade for a different reason and it did help.
Thank you for your comments, they made me feel better. I dont believe in spanking so its hard when people say stuff about her behavior. Like spare the rod spoile the child and such. Anyway the one thing that might be bothering her is that she got 8th in the state at her gymnastics meet, she feels upset about that, but she was the baby before her brother was born. He was borne on her 7th b-day. My 11 year old has a liver disease and will need a transplant also. There are alot of things that could be bothering her but I try to talk to her and she seems to ignore me for the most part. Her brother had the flu ontop of an ear infection. Hes feeling awful. Thank you all so much! I might have to get her in to a counselor. Her track coach is a counselor, maybe he can talk to her.
That sounds like a good person for her to talk to. You have a large amount of stress in your house right now, so it's understandable as to why she feels like she has no control right now. It might be good for you to find someone you trust to talk to also, just for your own well being.
I hope everything gets better for you and your family.
My 8 year old (going to be 9 in May) daughter is also throwing tantrums and testing my patience. One minute she's got the attitude of a 16 year old, the next she's melting down like a toddler. She's really wearing on my nerves, mostly because the consequences I give (taking away stuff, etc) don't seem to do much.
I have banned her from watching most kid tv shows, because of the attitudes and back-talking of the characters.
If anyone has a solution, let me know too!
i agree with the puberty could it also be a tad bit of exaustion? maybe friends influences if she goes to their house and thats how they act with thier parents? even school girls now aday at least where i live the way they act and talk even though they are only 4th and 5th grade you would swear they are in high school, its almost like now they feel like they need to be older but they still have those as you say toddler meltdowns which makes it two polar opposites you know?
My DD is 7 going on 8 in June. She is stubborn as a bull! Sweet, but let me tell you-she is always right and there is no changing that! lol
My son (9) is adhd and through counseling I have learned a couple of things that I think relate to every day parenting.
One is: give choices. I give 2. More than that he can't handle and I also don't think a whole slew of choices helps anything. One is that they behave and we can (fill in the blank, have fun at whatever, pretty much whatever the goal is at the time) Two is that they can continue the behavior and lose a privelege. Usually tv, games, outside play (which they love) or something of that nature.
One more thing I didn't realize is that more punishment is not necessarily better. Make up your punishment-lose whatever for the night, hour, day and stick with it, but don't harp on it. Later, when things are calm talk to the kids. It's hard, I know, but in the moment yelling (which I admit makes me feel better, but doesn't help anything) won't help and at the moment with tempers flaring won't solve anything. Take a time out yourself-you deserve it.
You can also make special rewards at the end of the day or week. My son needs to be rewarded frequently with the adhd, my dd can wait.
Gosh, I hope this helps some. If you want to talk, pm me. I'd be happy to talk to another mom. Sometimes that's all we really need...to know we are normal, our kids are normal and just because it's not everyone's normal, it's ok. It's our normal. I've learned alot about feeling ok about my parenting because of my son. Although I hate it some days, I thank God that i've been given the opportunity to be his special parent.
Ok, enough of my rambling. I hope some of this helps!
You know, reading these posts almost described my 8 year old exactly!! I always end up over analyzing everything, but one thing I did was disconnect the satellite.
These programs for that age often show the kids being the ones with the power to manipulate parents, back talking, and just being silly. It's certainly only one thing of many, but when I started seeing commercials and stuff portraying that it's cute to think your dad is a dork or talk disrespectfully.
I always wished my kids came with 'manuals', and yeah, it gets real exhausting. My daughter is a drama queen and emotional, and I'm dreading the teenage years!! I don't know, one day at a time I guess. Usually, when she is being totally unreasonable, I just leave her be, and if there was anything taken away for punishment, just do it quickly and 'as a matter of factly', and she will calm down after awhile. Otherwise, I have no idea what to do with her most of the time....
I'm glad to see she isn't the only one!!
I have to say that I've never let my kids watch tv shows that are targeted toward the tweens...I tell them that they can watch whatever kids' shows they want, but not anything that has live actors in it. I agree that they showcase the nasty behavior that I don't want to deal with around here! My daughter, who's 10 now, likes to watch that stupid Full House show from 20 years ago (John Stamos had an amazing mullet), and the Cosby Show, things like that. I don't let her watch any of the shows made specifically for Nick or Disney, they all have to many wise-ass little preteens on them.