I just had to go somewhere and vent, as i am just so sad, worried about my son. We just got back from parent/teacher meeting to discuss my son's progress and it wasn't good.

Just for a little history...my son is now 1oyrs old but back ever since grade three we have been concerned about my son's school work, comprehension etc.. You know how you just have an instinct something isn't right. Well, back in grade three the teacher just said, "it's likely a boy thing", but maybe just get his eyes checked to make sure there isn't any visual problems..we did...we found he did need glasses for overfocussing but overall his eyesight was 20/20.
So the next yr in grade 4..same thing. Why isn't my son understanding his work? I would spend hours studying for a test with him and still he would fail it! It was like he had never seen the work before. So we would meet with the teacher to discuss and went back to the eye dr...did a visual perception test. The findings showed he had problems that may affect his work so we tried to address it with his teacher but he was less then willing to work with us. Or should i say he was just a BAD teacher..the last two teachers have been useless. Each yr he passes but it's with great effort on our part, and working with him one on one. Over the yrs the teachers always say my son is the most wonderful boy, polite, hard worker...yet in my heart i felt something was off, ya know. He just wasn't comprehending things..
Then this yr. grade5, we meet with the teacher from the get go and tell her that he needs special attention in certain areas. She has been wonderful helping him out and overall his grades have been mostly B's, a few C's. Well, tonight we go in to discuss how he is progressing and she tells us that she is concerned about him. She can't pinpoint the problem, but she feels he may have some sort of learning disability, not ADD or anything like that. Maybe memory issues, comprehension..we just don't know. Initally she felt that he was working pretty much where he should be, but recently he has given reason for her to be concerned. He will read a story and be asked to answer questions about it, and most his answers will be wayyyy off, if not wrong all together. Even his math is a major issue. Both things we have known about for many years, but no teacher has agreed with us, or made us feel like we should be really concerned. So she has suggested that we take him to a educational psychologist to have him evaluated. While i am finally relieved that someone else is seeing what i have for years, I am really scared for him. Will he have some major educational problem? Will he be able to catch up? I guess you always hope that your kids will sail through life without difficulties, and here we may have a major problem on our hands. I'm sad, yet really angry that no other teacher told us about this optional assessment . before today. I mean, had they told me we could have this done back years ago we would've. I've been searching for answers all these yrs. It is not going to come without expense..she thinks it's something like $1,500. Probably not covered either. We are a single income family, so this is big money to us. The school no longer does testing of kids. I'm just sooo concerned and overwhelmed.
I guess i should just take one day at a time and worry about things when we find out what we are dealing with, but my mind is thinking the worse. I just can't help but think my son will have this monumental challenge ahead of him, and us. I will pray nothing will be found but like i said earlier, my instincts have been telling me for years that something was wrong.
I guess i'm mad because my son seems to have fallen through the cracks even with us pushing so hard each and every year...and now two years later he is sufferring, perhaps needlessly... ugh.. The teacher even told me that all the teachers know about this assessment, and many take their kids to see them because they know the school board does nothing to help kids in this situation. It takes years of hard fighting even to get children help. So most get these assessments, and it forces the school to abide by what the results say.

Thanks for letting me vent, i know this was long. I wanted to talk with my husband about it, but right after the meeting he left for his bowling league. I'm left at home alone to stew about it all and go crazy with worry. God help me.

Suzanne

I don't know what to do or say about this, but just wanted you to know that I am thinking and praying for your family. I hope that you receive answers, help and patience in dealing with the situation.

First of all, my heart goes out to you. What a challenge.

You wrote:
"I just can't help but think my son will have this monumental challenge ahead of him, and us. "
It sounds like he DOES have a monumental challenge ahead of him, regardless if it has been labeled or not. Keep fighting! Once you have some answers you can arm him and yourselves with the tools you will need to help him overcome these challenges. I know it feels like you are beating your head against a wall with the school and teachers - but enough knocking and eventually you'll get through that wall.
It sounds like he's got a great teacher this year, use her to your advantage. Yes, it's a lot of money, would it be an issue to spend it if it were a medical (physical) issue?

I hope things will start to go well for you. I think once you know what you are up against it will get a little better.

Thanks guys for the support.

Kaat...you are right..we have been dealing with this problem for years and have got through it. I guess if he is found to have a definite learning disability, we will get through it as well. I mean at least we will know specifically what to do for him, instead of fighting him all the time and banging our heads against the wall in frustration. If they find nothing..mind at ease. I didn't even flinch when she said the cost because i just want answers..that's priceless. However, we will have to make some adjustments to make it happen, it will be worth every penny and peice of mind.

I do love this teacher. She has shown from the start that she really cares about her students. Something the last two teachers lacked. She seemed sooo pleased that we are willing to go this next step, as she feels it's critical to finding out exactly how we can help my son to succeed. I'm just so happy that she cares enough to voice her concerns to us. I can tell she will do whatever it takes to help my son.
Your words have really put this in perspective for me..i feel much better. I shouldn't think of this as doom and gloom but excitement that soon we may have answers to our concerns. Thank you for your insight and support.

Suzanne

*hugs*

Suzanne,

I am a learning specialist and specialize in working with students with leaning disabilities and/or attention difficulties. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me. While I won't be much help with the "system" in Canada (I'm in the US), I can answer any questions you have and help you understand the process or any results that you get after the evaluation.


Bonnie

Hi Suzanne,

I just wanted to offer you some good wishes with your Son's testing.

I'm sure everything will turn out OK for him. Whatever the outcome of the tests, if there is a learning disability, then you and his teacher will know what he needs to succeed.

Good luck with everything!

Deb

What it sounds like to me is a learning disability. But this does not mean he will be inhibited or hindered for life, like you are afraid of. You can get him a tutor outside of school that will work with him, and help him learn how to learn. Often these kids have a quirk in their brain where they look at things differently and don't absorb information like that majority of the population. Once you have him tested and have the problem identified, the tutor can help him absorb information in a way he understands.

I'm a mom too so I understand how it is to worry about your baby. But you need to remember how many brilliant people there are out there who have learning problems. Einstein, for one, was dyslexic and was thought of as stupid. He could not for the life of him do simple math like addition and subtraction and was openly referred to as unintelligent. And so many other people always felt dumb or were thought of as dumb when really they were brilliant people who just learn differently.

Try not to worry too much. It will all turn out OK.

I came to the lounge to get opinions on my "school" issues, too and found your post. Sorry you have to deal with this.

My neighbour is a former teacher, when I ask her about my issues, I'll see if she has any advice for you, too!

Hang in there...the unknown really stinks.

Thanks everyone.

I am feeling better about it. I guess i just feel bad for my little guy. He has severe food allergies and for as long as he can remember has had to be 'different' from other kids. He has had to grow up a little faster than most because he has to be responsible when it comes to that. I know it bothers him that he is different in that way, even if he doesn't always say it. Just recently we have found he has outgrown a few of his food allergies and we are sooo happy. Finally, he can eat things the others do.... He's getting to lighten a bit, and just be a kid. Next week is his next oral food challenge for walnuts, pls say some prayers..Now this learning problem comes up giving him more challenges. I just wish he didn't have to have it so hard. He could sure use a break. Oh well, i guess we will deal with it when we know more.
Bonnie, thanks so much. I will keep you in mind if i have any questions as the process moves forward. For now the teacher is going to get us a name of a good educational psychologist and then we'll go from there. She seems to think there isn't too long of a waiting list, but you never know.
Suzanne

I understand your feelings, and it will be a process. You can't help but be very sad and anxious about this-but in the end it will be okay. Here in the states, the school has to test the students like your son and make an individual educational plan. We use specialists Learning Disability Consultants to evaluate and create a special education support for the kids. I do not understand how it works in Canada.
After an evaluation, usually the plan explains how a child learns best and how they can not be successful with certain types of implementation of information. This is very important, because the students can learn as well as his classmates if the material is taught through the mode that is unaffected by the specific learning disability.
My son has a disability in the visual perception area with disgraphia. He had to sometimes go to resource room for small group instruction. He never does well in tests that involve long essay questions. He complained and hated going to the small group instruction in middle school (5th-8th grades) but I made him stay there. Later in college he told me he looked back at the experience and realized it was a great advantage for him. When college classes got tough he new exactly how to teach himself and how to stick with it no matter what. His friends that were always on the honor roll had no clue how to learn when it didn't come easy!
Like almost all kids that have learning disabilities, he found areas that he excelled in. Made that his career and is very successful, besides having a very good job, he is in a graduate program at Harvard.
This will be the outcome for your son too, Just stick in there and keep telling him it will all get easier.
BTW there are great books and resources out there to help you understanding you son's particular learning problem. Besides your friends here on CC, your librarian and book store salesperson may be your new BFF.

Test him for ADD/ADHD, at least to eliminate it. God luv his teacher for being so concerned but you can't say "I don't THINK it's ADD....." You can't not "think" it is or isn't ... it must be tested.

Also test his IQ. I thought my son had ADD and it turned out he had a near-genius IQ. They put him in the excelerated courses and his grades went up and his behavior went to "normal". An answer that he gives that we "mere mortals" think is wrong, could be just the result of a high IQ child .... and trust me on this, these kids think differently than 'regular' IQ kids. Really.

I always described my son as "my little airhead". His problem resolution skills were SO off the wall, it was nuts. But eventually we figured out "the job got done, even if he did do it a little different."

What's funny now is we never thought we'd ever be able to leave him home alone, like we could his big sister. We figured he'd need a sitter right up to the age of 14 and even THEN we'd worry. This is the same son who is a Purple Heart Marine Sgt., platoon leader, war hero. Go figure!

I'm sorry to hear that your son is having trouble and I think it's terrible that he's been struggling without his teachers letting you know how you can help him.


My 4 year old nephew was recently diagnosed as mildly autistic and my sister, while not thrilled that he had something going on, was very relieved to find out what was wrong after wondering for quite a while.

You might feel the same way once you find out what's wrong even if it's something that might limit your son.

Even a fairly minor issue like dyslexia can be pretty bad if you don't get help. Both of my BILs have it (they aren't related to each other) and while one got help and went on to college the other didn't and I'd be impressed if he could read beyond a first grade level.

Suzanne,
As I read your post I thought wow this sounds just like my son. He has struggled since kindergarten. He repeated first grade. His first first grade teacher did'nt seem to take much interest in helping him. She told us once in a meeting that she did'nt make him participate in assignments because he could'nt do the work. We asked for him to be tested, but they felt because our daughter had also repeated first grade, and improved so much that he would too. He did'nt. Finally last year his third grade teacher listened and arranged to have him tested. While they did'nt give us a specific diagnosis, they did say he was below grade level, and therefore eligible for special services. He now takes classes with a special education teacher, and has done somewhat better. He still struggles with simple math and reading. His special ed. teacher recently suggested we have him tested for ADD. The Dr. put him on Concerta. It seems to be helping.
He is also "different" than other childeren his age. He's very sensitive. Gets upset easily. He had seziures when he was younger, and I wonder if that could be the root of his problems, but he has seen a pediatric neouroligist (sp) and he didnt seem to think they did any damage.
It has definatly been a struggle with him, so I know how you feel. Hang in there. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

Please get him tested for ADD/ADHD also. I had my oldest daughter tested at school for a learning disability. It was taken over a course of a week and adds up to about 5 hours of testing time.
My daughter is in 3rd grade and I swear to you she was trying to kill me with her homework. I get told what a wonderful student she is from her teachers but yet her school work was horrid. I worked with her from the moment she got home till she practically went to bed. I spend hours helping her prepare for a test, only for her to fail it. It breaks my heart to watch this happen.
After the testing I now know why. We found out that she has a comprehension problem that is considered more rare. She can understand the beginning of a word and the end but not the middle. She was/is reading basically the wrong words even though they start and end the same as the word she is suppose to be saying. She wears glasses also too, but that's fine. On top of that the testing showed she has severe ADD. She tested out at 89%. YIKES! The teachers and even the tester where all shocked. (including DH and I) We all thought she had some kind of severe learning disability. Luckily for us the school my kids go to is fabulous! They have bent over backwards to help her, and were even before the testing. We just found this back in November so we're still wadding through the waters so to speak.

Good luck with everything. Don't cry, your a good parent for being concerned.

I'm really surprised that the school does not do any testings? My nephew has had every test that they can do through school. It hasn't been with out us going up to the school and pushing for it though. Sadly when it comes to getting things done at school you very much have to be in their faces from the first day.

My friend, who's son is Autistic goes to school first thing every year, even though he has been in the same school for years asking them what they are going to do to help you and has to fight for what is best for him.

If the school is no help then I would next talk to your child's regular doctor. They may be able to help you with where to get testing or make referrals.

While it is scary to think your child may not be normal, it can also be a relief to find out what is really going on. My nephew is ADHD, and has mild form of autism. While he struggles in school, it has gotten better. Sometimes we have to take a step back and so that the child is trying as hard as they can, and it isn't always their fault they just aren't getting it.

After you get the answers, then you will can educate yourself on the best ways to handle it and hopefully make his and your life a little easier where school is concerned.

You stated your son has severe food allergies.

One side effect of food allergies is learning disabilities.

I would look into this.


Also, please don't ever depend on outsiders to have your child's best interest at heart. You are the only one you can depend on. I am dealing with this with my oldest right now. A saved buck is more important than a child's future with some of these school systems sadly.

Good luck!

Suzanne,
I'm in Ontario as well, and I am very involved with teachers & special needs thru my sons school. If you need any info or help or just need to vent about the system, feel free to PM me as well.
Hang in there. There is always light as the end of the tunnel......
sending you **hugs**.

Wow, thank you all for sharing your stories and support. HUGS

Cakes22..i will keep you in mind should questions arise..thank you so much.

I guess the teachers don't feel he has ADD or anything similar because they have worked with kids that have it and he is nothing like them..so i'm told. He can stay focused on task, it's just whatever he is doing is not working. That being said, i'm pretty certain the doctor will be testing for everything and will rule that out as well.
Back when he was in grade 3, i remember reading about dyslexia and thought at the time sooo many of the symptoms related to my son, and still do. He says he doesn't see the words backwards or anything like that, but the other symptoms seems so oddly relatable. The teacher back in grade three just pushed that concern aside when i mentioned it, then in grade four the teacher just didn't care, so thankfully we have a teacher now that actually cares and wants to help us.
I do think my son is a very smart kid. From the earliest of age he was saying the alphabet, he would memorize his favorite books and repeat them to me when i was reading it..age 2..well ahead of the other children his age. When he reads aloud to me, he seems to be doing pretty well..it's just the darn comprehension..
Such a mystery to us really. My husband and i talked last night and i'm getting the vibe from him that he thinks this is just all laziness on my son's part..he feels he rushes his work. If he would just slow down he would do fine. We got in a little arguement last night about it. He said he just wished there were guarentees that by spending this money it will fix his problem. He would rather use the money on the solution. I told him that we MUST find out the problem BEFORE we solve anything, so it's part of the process. EVen with the visual perception test my husband wasn't convinced there was a problem, and kinda faught me on it. He said in the end we will do this testing but i can sense frustration on his part and being skeptical of the whole thing. He said he was like that when he was young. He'd rush his work to play. BUT again..i explained the teacher said it has nothing to do with speed, its comprehension...ugh..I wish i felt more support on his end.
This whole thing has gotten me so stressed out. I do feel better this morning. I know this is the right thing to do. I spoke with my son about it and he is fine with it. I asked him if he thought he was having a hard time in school, and he said, "no, not really"..so i guess i'm confused. Wouldn't he be feeling as frustrated as us if he had a learning problem? This parenting stuff sure is hard work. He's an only child and boy has God given us lots of challenges thus far, but i sure do love my little guy and only want the best for him.
Thanks again everyone for listening. It really does help to get it off my chest.

Suzanne

ETA.. the teacher says by getting this educational assessment it will force ALL teachers to accomodate his needs wether they want to or not. So if we get a 'bad' teacher it won't matter because by law they will have to follow through with the recommendations.

sweetcravings,

learning, and the way the brain works, are very complicated processes. Regardless of if the evaluation shows anything definitive, if it is thorough it should give you a tremendous amount of information about they way your son learns.

Dyslexia is also complicated... the definition of dyslexia varies among professionals (educators, physicians, psychologists, reading specialists, etc.) and there is significant evidence to support several types of dyslexia some auditory in nature and some visual in nature). It often has nothing to do with the way a person "sees" the letters on a page. That being said, dyslexia only one very specific type of learning disability. There are many other possibilities that lead to difficulty with learning, particularly in the area of reading (especially with relation to comprehension). "Intelligence" is a totally separate thing form a learning disability. By definition, learning disabilities are present when something is getting in the way of an individual learning what they "should be" learning based on their "intellectual level."

Spending the money on the evaluation will not fix the problem (sorry if that sounds harsh). But it will give you valuable information that will be helpful to you, to your son's teachers, and most of all to your son to learn about the way he learns. That information will be helpful to him for the rest of his life (even outside of school), whether or not any "diagnosis" is made.


Does the school system in Canada provide any evaluations (or subsidies toward evaluations) or are all evaluations done privately at the parents' cost in Canada?

Dyslexia was going to be my next question. Is he not comprehending at all what he reads or is he comprehending incorrectly? There are a # of quick at-home (unofficial) tests you could conduct to get some more answers from his situation. PM if you need. THT

Thanks Bonnie for all that useful information. As far as the school system goes..when my son was back in grade three and i had these concerns the teacher had another 'specially trained' teacher conduct a very small test on my son. At the time, she said that the teacher who did the test felt that he didn't have any learning disability as far as she could tell. She once again indicated he handled the test pretty well, and just kinda brushed it off. When i spoke with his current teacher about this, she said that they aren't even allowed to do that sort of testing anymore in the school, she didn't explain why. But she said, back then, and now if a teacher feels that a student has a learning disability it is an extremly difficult process, and often takes years to finally get approval for special help. In the meantime your child suffers for several years waiting for approval and confirmation of the problem. It's a really faulted process. That's why i believe she felt this was a better option, we would get the answers quicker and be able to help my son sooner. If the tests shows something then they will do formal paperwork and the teachers will have to comply with what he needs. She said that's why so many teachers who's kids have problems automatically get the educational assess. at their expense. They know that by the time it goes through the system it could take years. She told me that they aren't suppose to say these things, but it's the truth.
I know the evaluation won't fix the problem. I completely agree with what you said and in fact i think i may have said those same words last night when arguing with my husband. I explained it to him like this...lets say you are not feeling well. You go out and buy all kinds of over the counter meds hoping to fix it but nothing really makes you feel completely better...do you keep going on taking the meds or do you go to the doctor and find out what is exactly wrong? He said, " i understand what you are saying, it's just i have an opinion and i don't think he has a problem. I think he just doesn't apply himself...." ARgh...i was so frustrated. We were going around in circles and i just shut down talking with him. I know he wants the best for my son, perhaps he is in denial or is trying to be optimistic..it's just last night his words were getting really irritating and making no sense at all. Hopefully he will see more clearly once we meet with this doctor.

Krysoco..here's an example..He will read a short story, and the teacher will provide him with a few pages of questions to answer about it. He will answer questions completely wrong, as if he never even read it. She wonders, did he read it and not remember? or did he read it and just not comprehend the fundamentals of the story. She is completely baffled.
Another example is lets say he has a math test coming up. I would spend a week, nightly going over the required material with him. I would make pretend tests to see if he was getting it. By the last day, he typically is answering the questions all right..great right? Welll, the next day on the test, there could be an identical question, just changed numbers and he gets it wrong all together. It's like he was never shown how to do it..why is that? Or if the word problem has multiple sentences to it, he will often only answer the first part of the question. Even though we have brought this to his attention over and over, to read the question part by part and answer ALL they ask..he just doesn't do it. Why?
He always does well on his vocabulary words, is relatively good at multiplication, adding, subt..but will often still use fingers for even the most basic of questiions..4+4.. Math word problems are a huge problem as is retaining information in general.
I did go online to see the sign and symptoms of dyslexia and like i said he does seem to have alot of the same symptoms..but i know that many things can look alike and this may not be it at all. If you have some home tests, i would like to see them.

Suzanne

Suzanne,

I wish I could make it all better! As moms, seeing our kids struggle is incredibly hard. Hopefully, the tests will give you some answers so you can plan a course of action. You are Nicholas's strongest advocate, and I'm confident that you will be able to resolve this.

Nicholas sounds like a wonderful boy with a lot going for him. With your support, I'm sure he'll reach his full potential. Don't let his grades define him. I remember reading that the vast majority of self-made millionaires were "C" students. So maybe your son won't be the next Einstein...maybe he'll be the next Warren Buffet!

Everyone learns in a different way. My 18 year old daughter was discovered to have a disability when she was 12. We had to adapt to her learning style and work with the school to use the tools for successful learning. That diligence has given her the tools to graduate from High School with honors and the love of learning, just not from books. She is planning on attending Pastry School.

Please do not be discouraged. Your son will find his learning tools with a teacher and parents that care about him as much as you.

A caring parent is the best tool for any child.

Suzanne,

If you are about to go through the evaluation process, be very careful about what "at-home" tests you give him. Sometimes, they might affect the evaluation results in a way that you would not want. Especially if during the formal evaluation the same (or very similar) tool is used.

Most importantly, try to keep a positive outlook. Please don't feel too bad about this situation, even if it looks bleak now. I know it is frustrating for you (and likely for your son). But, once you get the information you need, it may turn out to be a good thing in the long run....

I was one of those kids who was reaching every developmental milestone early and when I began to struggle in school (at about 6 or 7 years old), all the teachers said that I was "lazy" and "wasn't working up to my potential." I had many of the signs/symptoms of learning disabilities and dyslexia. But, It was in the 70's (and at a private school) and so much less was known about how the brain works then...

To make a very long story short, I do in fact have a pretty significant visual learning disability, which wasn't actually diagnosed until I was in college (which I made it into by the skin of my teeth because my grades were so bad throughout my school career). The "good" part of the story came to me quite late - since I struggled until I was in college. But as soon as I got the answers I needed, and I learned how I learn, and realized that my "disability" is part of what makes me who I am, I felt so much better about it. Everyone has some kind of challenge to overcome in life. There isn't anyone that everything comes easily to. Meeting those challenges, and surpassing them, is what makes for good character. My struggles made me appreciate hard work and reward, and I think made me a better person. Those years of struggle led me to the career path I've chosen, and I think help to make me exceptionally good at what I do.

sorry to have rambled on...

Sadly the governments over the years have robbed the education system in Ontario of funding and unfortunately when it comes time for the school boards to balance their budgets with less money cuts are made to some very vital areas including special education and testing of students, and when you have an identified student the ratio of students to specialist is such that your child might see the specialist once every 3-4 weeks depending where you are located. It is my understanding that you can have your child tested through the school/school board but the wait is looooong. So parents who are able to afford it are paying it themselves to eliminate/minimize the wait for their child. The results from your sons testing will become part of his file and will follow him through his education career including post secondary education. It will allow for accomodations to be made for your son pertaining to what areas are of concern, in school it will allow for an individual learning program if needed etc.., As parents we really do need to advocate on our childs behalf and unfortunately sometimes the saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" is true, it's tiring, madenning and by times overwhelming but persevere. Have you checked with your physician to see if there might be a way to have your son tested through him, without getting into a long story my son recently had some tests done through a psychiatrist and we found out that he actually requires extra time to finish tests/exams,