Family Wanting Free Cakes?! Vent....

Lounge By mackeymom Updated 21 Apr 2009 , 1:13am by KitchenKat

mackeymom Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 9:41pm
post #1 of 46

So my 16 year old sister is engaged to a 20 years old POS. The POS's sister is having a baby shower and my sister asked me to do the cake. No problem. I asked all the "normal" questions. How many people, what color etc. So here we are 3 days before the cake is needed and the mom-to-be has not provided me with any direction of what she wants on her cake. No problem, I can make it look good with or without her help.

I told my sister the price of the cake, and my sister freaked out, asking how could I charge her for a cake?! And after a few furious texts she asks if she can babysit for me instead of paying for it?! I haven't been to the movies in about three years, so the odds of me needing a babysiter are SLIM! So no I would not trade. Does Walmart TRADE? NOPE!

So needless to say I told her I no longer wanted to make her cake! And being the 16 year old snot she is, says "Fine, I won't tell my friends or anyone I know about your cake business".

Does anyone else have issues with family and friends expecting or asking for free cakes? How do you keep from beating your snot realtive?! How you handle business with family? I guess I need to treat famly and friends like everyone else. Paperwork, deposits, consultations etc.

ARGH! icon_mad.gif

And I just got another text "and you can bring my movies back this sunday, I won't be there" (we have dinner at our parents house on Sundays) Double ARGH! icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif

45 replies
Jayde Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:01pm
post #2 of 46

Well, from what I gathered from your post, you arent actually making this cake for your sister. It's your sister's sister-in-law. Shes not technically family, if you want to get nitty gritty about it.

Second, I am kinda a pushover when it comes to family. If they will pay the ingredients, I offer my time for free. I go shopping and get everything that I need all on one reciept. I add in another $15 for extracts, pan release, water, dish soap, and all of the other small incedentals that you use that you dont have to buy everytime. No one has ever asked for a detailed bill for that part, although I could make one if I had to. Add everything up together and that is what they pay. The only thing that they are really getting for free is my decorating skills.

I only do cakes like this for my immediate family. So, no friends of friends or sister's friends uncle. So I would be saying to her, "Oh you want a discount? I can totally do that", and then give her a bill, with 10% taken off of the total.

sweetcakes Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:14pm
post #3 of 46

give her a list of everything she needs to buy for you to make the cake, including box, board, paper to wrap it. that part is now covered. then tell her you will start the timer when you start on the cake and thats the number of hours she needs to babysit for you, preferably on a saturday starting at 10am while you go out shopping or something. should be about 4-6hrs, she'll wont ask again, im sure.

JanH Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:16pm
post #4 of 46

You have my sympathy, mackeymom.

It's sad that your younger sister is so young and immature. But her selfish and bad behavior is a reflection on her, not you.

If your sister is old enough to be engaged, then it's about time she learned how the world/life works. And it doesn't revolve around her wants and desires. She has a responsibility to act like a reasonable adult if she EVER expects to be treated in a like fashion.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't want to receive free cake simply for the asking. Unfortunately, your sister isn't volunteering to make and donate the free cake - she's making that decision for you. Don't you let her!!!! She's created a situation and she has to work through it.... (I see a Wal-Mart sheet cake in her future, if she doesn't apologize and come up with some bucks.)

Hugs,

Jan

SugarFrosted Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:25pm
post #5 of 46

From the time I began doing cakes (20 years ago) my policy has been (including for family and friends):
If I offer a cake, it's free.
If you ask for a cake, you pay.
Period!

Example: If my husband asks for a cake for a work occasion, he pays full price. If I offer a cake for an occasion at his office, the cake is free.

You have to put your foot down from the beginning. Otherwise you will be slaving away your whole life making things for other people for free.
It has to be YOUR choice to do that.

Your sister needs to grow up. What 16 year old is mature enough to get married? None that I have ever met. So don't let her threats worry you.

indydebi Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:33pm
post #6 of 46

For the older, non-texting generation, what the heck is a POS? Everything I think of starts with "Pissed Off Something.........." icon_confused.gif

SugarFrosted Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:37pm
post #7 of 46

I believe she means Piece of Sh... feces

indydebi Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:39pm
post #8 of 46

To the original question..... the what-I-call immediate family (my siblings and their kids ... hubby's siblings and their kids) ALWAYS offer to pay full price for the cake. And because they are so respectful, I always volunteer to do it for free. So it's pretty much a non-issue for me.

HOwever, none of them have ever asked for any kind of discount or freebie for a cake for a friend of a relative's friend type of thing. It would never occur to them to do so.

Your sister is 16. This, too, she shall outgrow. (I find it really pi$$es a "kid" off when I tell them "Don't worry .... you'll outgrow that kind of thinking!" icon_twisted.gif Of course, being 50, I have the opportunity to say that to 20-somethings, too, and not just teenagers! icon_lol.gif )

paulstonia Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:46pm
post #9 of 46

Yeah, if the cake was for my sister, it might be free. For her future sil, uh, no. And it is rude for her to assume that it would be.

solascakes Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:55pm
post #10 of 46

For a spoilt 16yr old,I will gladly say NO,not even if she now offers to pay for it.My reason would be you have pissed me off and do not deserve it,go to Walmart or wherever and i will NOt hesitate to rub it in icon_twisted.gif .I will also say to her don't worry you'll understand when you grow up that being rude will not get you freebies,it'll only make you lose stuff. icon_biggrin.gif

playingwithsugar Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:56pm
post #11 of 46

If my sister acted like that, she wouldn't get free cakes, either.

Yeah, right, like you're going to worry about whether your sister's 16 year old friends are going to buy cakes from you.

My family knows better than to ask me to do a free cake for someone outside the family. And whether your sister marries this guy or not, his sister is still outside your family.

Theresa icon_smile.gif

solascakes Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:59pm
post #12 of 46

The only person that gets a free cake from me is my sister and her 2 small kids.Every body else pays even my inlaws,my husband makes sure of that,even if i want to do it for free.He says if anybody is depriving me of spending quality time with him they must pay or else he has lost both ways.

indydebi Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 10:59pm
post #13 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarFrosted

I believe she means Piece of Sh... feces




OHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

southerneas Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:09pm
post #14 of 46

If you do not put your foot down now about this your will hear from her about a "free" cake when she wants her wedding cake .

You could even approach it that she is NOT her sister in law yet therefore she is a customer.

Good luck!!

solascakes Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:09pm
post #15 of 46

There is no way i'm making a cake for POS sister,they probably won't appreciate it,so why bother.

flourbud Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:19pm
post #16 of 46

I sympathize with all you bakers out there who are running a business, which usually means you want to make a profit, and have relatives asking for free cakes. I wonder if they give away their professional talents for free. Funny though - I've been having a hard time giving away cakes. Maybe some of you have heard of the freecakesforkids.com website. This program supplies birthday cakes to children who are foster children, or from disadvantaged families who are too financially stressed to provide a cake for their child. It was started by a lady in Georgia and she was profiled in People magazine back in September. I jumped at the chance to become part of this program since I am retired, LOVE to bake, LOVE to decorate or do anything creative and have time on my hands. HOWEVER, I have been working since last October trying to find an agency in my town that I can work through to provide cakes to the truly deserving children. I have tried DFACS, the women's domestic violence center, and even approached a senior center thinking I could provide cakes for seniors. So far no one is willing to work with me to simply notify me when they are in need of a cake. Who would have thought it would be so difficult to give away a cake to someone who otherwise wouldn't have a cake for their birthday. Just venting.

springlakecake Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:22pm
post #17 of 46

She's young, immature (and probably broke). Of course she doesn't WANT to pay for the cake! Good life lesson for her to have to pay for it. I might have taken her up on the babysitting trade, but not after she had been snotty about it. I think you are doing the right thing by not doing it.

Mommy_Cakes Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:25pm
post #18 of 46

I do photography on the side, and for fun sometimes I'll take my nieces or my sister out and just spend a couple of hours just shooting photos of them and having a good time.
After a couple of these sessions and thanks to the magic of myspace, their friends started to want me to take photos of them as well. But I'm lucky and my girls are smart, their answer to their friends would always be "I don't think she'd have a problem, here's her number/email so you can talk to her and figure out what you want and how much it will be"

Because even at 13, 14 and 15 these girls had the smarts to know that I was making money doing this. So I think it comes down to a maturity/respect thing.

Win Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:28pm
post #19 of 46

I'm a hobbyist so I really should not add my 2 cents worth, but if I were to icon_lol.gif it would be to say that I like the rule of thumb that if it is requested of me, I charge. If I offer it, it is free. If I ever go Pro, that's gonna be my stance.

Your sister needs to spend a day in the kitchen with you. She'd grow up really fast.

arosstx Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:34pm
post #20 of 46

I still can't get past the fact that I read that a SIXTEEN year old is engaged - whether the future groom is a POS or not. Who cares about a cake? A sixteen year old, getting married?

Did I read it wrong?

Chippi Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:47pm
post #21 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by arosstx

I still can't get past the fact that I read that a SIXTEEN year old is engaged - whether the future groom is a POS or not. Who cares about a cake? A sixteen year old, getting married?

Did I read it wrong?




I AGREE! I could not get past that either. If she's aloud to be engaged to a 20 yr old POS then she probably feels she's all grown up and can act like an adult and talk to them anyway she feels like. It's really sad. And I would definitely not do a cake for her or her POS's family. I'm amazedddd.

LaBellaFlor Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 11:49pm
post #22 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by arosstx

I still can't get past the fact that I read that a SIXTEEN year old is engaged - whether the future groom is a POS or not. Who cares about a cake? A sixteen year old, getting married?

Did I read it wrong?


Yeah, that's a concern for me as well. I feel bad for the OP. For me age is relative,life expierence is what dictates maturity, and if she is this immature, why is she getting married?! I'm glad you stuck to your guns! icon_wink.gif

bakery_chick Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:09am
post #23 of 46

I am with SugarFrosted.
I offer--it's on me
you request--you pay.

I haven't figured out how to make my husband pay though so I am a little in awe of you.

I am big on the trading though. You want to trade. Sure, but be prepared to scrub the toilets and mop the floors. Even my 9 & 12 year old nieces have to work off their cakes. My niece wanted a cake for her teacher-sure.
She was scrubbing pots, organizing & cleaning my tip drawers, all those little things I don't like doing or don't have time to do.

tinygoose Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:11am
post #24 of 46

I had one young girl say "I'm going to "let" you do my cake for my 21st birthday." Knowing this girl, I was pretty sure she was talking freebie. So I said. "Great! If you want we can do it in trade." (she babysits...uhh and charges $17 bucks an hour too...gulp my prices just went up). She actually called and was willing to do that. I was impressed that she was willing to work for it. Unfortunately it was a weekend that I was away.

I'm having trouble getting past the engaged 16 yr old too, but hey it happens, alot unfortunately. I think it was nice that she offered to pay for it with babysitting(I'm guessing she has no money). It's not even her gig it's her....future sister in-laws. Most 16yr olds wouldn't have even offered that.

tinygoose Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:12am
post #25 of 46

I had one young girl say "I'm going to "let" you do my cake for my 21st birthday." Knowing this girl, I was pretty sure she was talking freebie. So I said. "Great! If you want we can do it in trade." (she babysits...uhh and charges $17 bucks an hour too...gulp my prices just went up). She actually called and was willing to do that. I was impressed that she was willing to work for it. Unfortunately it was a weekend that I was away.

I'm having trouble getting past the engaged 16 yr old too, but hey it happens, alot unfortunately. I think it was nice that she offered to pay for it with babysitting(I'm guessing she has no money). It's not even her gig it's her....future sister in-laws. Most 16yr olds wouldn't have even offered that.

doughdough Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:26am
post #26 of 46

Alright, I have a few questions:

1. Being a new Texan, what is the legal marrying age here?

2. On that same subject, is a 20 year-old (POS or not) legally allowed to date a 16 year old?

3. Why on earth would POS's sister assume you were making her free cake? (My guess: your sis said something along the lines of "oh, don't worry about the cake---I have "connections")


Sorry this happened to you, but at least you found out before you took the time to make the cake!!

Vylette Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:34am
post #27 of 46

at this point in my life, cakes have become hobby rather than business, but my friends and family know that if I offer it, its free and if they ask...they pay, same as the others =)
Of course, I usually just charge for ingredients and incidentals and no more, Im a softy lol

panchanewjersey Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:48am
post #28 of 46

Sounds like my dingy sister, she's not talking to me for a stupid cake issue, which quite frankly it's kind of peaceful in my life right now. lol

mackeymom Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 12:53am
post #29 of 46

Yes my 16 y/o sister is engaged to a 20 y/o POS. You did read correctly. I guess my dad and step mom made a compromise, you can be engaged but not pregnant........ They created that monster and now they have to deal with it...

But yes, I do think she told the mom-to-be that she could get a free cake. My sister thought she could "push" me into getting a free cake. Like if I don't mention a price on the first call she made to me.... it must be free?! Wrong! She assumed that since I didn't quote her a price at the begining, there would be no price. But when she first called me I was driving with my 3 year old and my 18 months old in the car. So my mind was not in a place to "talk cake".

Im over it now. I am going to put the kids to bed and go to my happy place..... the CLEAN kitchen!

Thanks ladies! I knew that if anyone would understand me it would be ya'll!

all4cake Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 1:38am
post #30 of 46

If one of my family members asked me to make them a cake, if it was something they wanted to give to someone as their gift, I'd do it no charge. If it was them asking for someone else, I would do it but charge...it wouldn't be FOR the family member then. Is the expectant mother your sister's friend or is she simply the POS' sister? There are things I would assess before creating a free cake for anyone. It does annoy me when say there's a company party, and a family member volunteers me to make the cake/dessert for it before asking me if I would....that gets them charged for it for sure...family member or not.

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