The Baby Of A Teen Mom

Lounge By -K8memphis Updated 4 Apr 2009 , 1:27am by maryjsgirl

-K8memphis Posted 1 Apr 2009 , 3:08pm
post #1 of 27

I don't know--I just thought you all might be interested in reading this article about something we did at work--I work in a Church of course in the bookstore that I launched just over a year ago.

There is zero commercial interest here--the proceeds from the book that I mention goes to charity (I'm putting the rest of the article which mentions the book into the next post so it can get deleted if necessary and the thread can stay? All in trying to keep within board guidleines) and I'm just sharing my experience not hawking the book--the book is mentioned because it's a bookstore article for the paper.

I usually write a bit more upbeat but this is what came out and it might be food for thought or discussion.

I know there's some grammar issues--I always miss the deadline so I'm submitting late and blablabla thedogatemyhomework.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Cherith Dresser

It was a real thrill and an eye opener to deliver our dresser full of baby goodies for one of Memphis' newest additions today. The dresser of course is the project that the bookstore and the Power Verses class and many other members and staff have worked on together for about a year.

The brand new dresser was filled with beautiful brand new clothes and baby items and was donated, dresser and all as an anonymous gift to a new single mother. The new mom faced a tough choice to keep her baby in light of the recent rejection she endured and yet she has no real means to provide for her child. This was our small way of putting some feet (and booties) on the happy and sobering choice of choosing life.

Hope, our much prayed for, much anticipated little eight day old baby, so sweet, yet an almost ghostly quality to her, difficult to explain, an ethereal, somewhat underwhelming muted look to her little lank arms and face. Though she was asleep when we arrived and she barely stirred as we made our way out a few brief minutes later, I do think she knew we were there for her. I know she wanted to wake up and say hey.

She had just been showered with little shoes and booties, socks, adorable dresses, sweet onesies, blankets, diaper bag, bottles, books, lotions, clothing, a swing, too many things to list. These wonderful tangible things were an expression of our hearts of encouragement and good will to her and her Mom, Lisa, and she said, "Thank you!"

We purposefully chose a single mom because they have to try harder yes? I asked Lisa, this little 16 year old Momma, if she was able to go back to school. She said yes that her homebound teacher was due any minute and she can return to class in 6 weeks. YAY!!!!

How did we find Lisa you ask? Eva Dye pointed me in the direction of The Exchange Club of Memphis and Ms. Alma Simpson assisted me.

And in this particular case, Hopes great grandmother, Deborah, is raising all of these children, including Lisa and her new daughter, as well as Lisa's brother and sister. Deborah's own daughter, lost to drugs, abandoned some of these very same children at the hospital at birth. These children who are now mothers themselves.

Our gift which now resides less than two miles from the church is just a tiny seashell on the deep and wide seashore of need. The limitless seashore of need that is relentlessly lapped bare by wave after wave of shortage and want. While we pray fervently that she, Hope, can break the cycle of poverty and fatherless homes and underage pregnancy we acknowledge thats a tall order for such a tiny little thing.



(...the rest of the article is in the next post...)



Mostly I just wanted to discuss the issue of the baby if anyone has any input and what you are doing or want to do in your area. I mean one teensy weency dresser for one teensy weency baby girl is such an even teensier weencier response to such a massive crisis.

But I don't know--what do you think? What have you done or heard of being done about this issue of fatherless childern, teen pregnancy all grown over inextricably entwined with the boa constrictor kudzu of poverty.

26 replies
-K8memphis Posted 1 Apr 2009 , 3:10pm
post #2 of 27

the rest of the article...

...But in all this let's ask that nagging question--where's Daddy? Honestly I don't know where Hope's Daddy is nor where her Grandfather is either. Very sad yes? But interestingly enough and I guess there really are no coincidences, a new book was recommended to me this week authored by Mark White entitled, May I Call You Dad, Why Fathers Are Needed In The Home.

There is a crisis in our homes, Mark writes. In the US half of our children grow up without a father in the home. Value and morality are losing their impact. Around the world, one out of every six children lives in poverty. Teenage girls are being bought and sold. Teenage boys are being targeted by gangs and violence. Children are being abandoned. What we need are fathers in the home.

This book is a clarion call to our society to begin reinvesting in the home once again There are cold hard stats, 85% of all teenagers in prison are from fatherless homes, 71% of all teenagers who drop out of school are from fatherless homes, 63% of all teenage suicides are from fatherless homes. Abandonment is a vicious cycle that offers more casualties than survivors Mark White argues the case for the importance of fathers as leaders within the home.

Mark is the Founder and Director of the Global Children's Educational Program which helps children around the world living in poverty gain a meaningful education. Mark is a former teacher and principal as well as a political candidate and successful business owner. Mark and his wife Kathy live in Memphis.

"May I Call You Dad is a book for anyone looking for practical solutions to the ruins of broken homes. It is a book every parent should read. May I Call You Dad demonstrates the difference one person can make in the life of a child.


That person is you. So says Mark.
Come by the bookstore and see what else he's said and done!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So that's the article--if anyone is interested in learning more about GCEP--the website is http://www.panamascholarships.org/.

But that's not my point in posting.

Deb_ Posted 1 Apr 2009 , 7:21pm
post #3 of 27

Very powerful Kate.......(said with tears in my eyes for all these poor children).

I heard a staggering statistic last week, over 40% of all births in the United States are born to single mothers.

My dear Dad, God rest his soul, had a lot of insight for an almost 90 yr old man. At the end of his life when he'd read the newspaper front to back each day, his remark was always the same. "The cause of these problems in America is the *broken family*, when we fix that, things will improve greatly".

Lately it feels like things are spiraling out of control in this great Country of ours. There's so much *broken* it's sometimes hard to know where to begin the *fixing* process.

I love the idea from this article........it sounds like a great place to start.

Thanks for posting this.
Deb

Cakepro Posted 1 Apr 2009 , 10:09pm
post #4 of 27

Our society has progressed exactly as Pope Paul VI predicted in his incredible 1968 encyclical, [i]Humanae Vitae[/].

-K8memphis Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 4:09pm
post #5 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

Our society has progressed exactly as Pope Paul VI predicted in his incredible 1968 encyclical, [i]Humanae Vitae[/].




I remember the HV--I do not remember the content--what did he say?

-K8memphis Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 4:14pm
post #6 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Very powerful Kate.......(said with tears in my eyes for all these poor children).

I heard a staggering statistic last week, over 40% of all births in the United States are born to single mothers.

My dear Dad, God rest his soul, had a lot of insight for an almost 90 yr old man. At the end of his life when he'd read the newspaper front to back each day, his remark was always the same. "The cause of these problems in America is the *broken family*, when we fix that, things will improve greatly".

Lately it feels like things are spiraling out of control in this great Country of ours. There's so much *broken* it's sometimes hard to know where to begin the *fixing* process.

I love the idea from this article........it sounds like a great place to start.

Thanks for posting this.
Deb




Your Dad was totally right.

I think I am so stunned because we all know the stats on teen pregnancy more or less kwim--but I just saw them in person. And I frankly will never be the same. Not the poverty, seen that, not the fatherlessness, seen that--the condition of that sweet little girl baby.

So I'm gonna try & end on a positive note but I don't know what to say. I am gonna call the lady who referred me and maybe she can do a home visit. Hope, love some Hope.

foxymomma521 Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 4:43pm
post #7 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Very powerful Kate.......(said with tears in my eyes for all these poor children).

I heard a staggering statistic last week, over 40% of all births in the United States are born to single mothers.

My dear Dad, God rest his soul, had a lot of insight for an almost 90 yr old man. At the end of his life when he'd read the newspaper front to back each day, his remark was always the same. "The cause of these problems in America is the *broken family*, when we fix that, things will improve greatly".

Lately it feels like things are spiraling out of control in this great Country of ours. There's so much *broken* it's sometimes hard to know where to begin the *fixing* process.

I love the idea from this article........it sounds like a great place to start.

Thanks for posting this.
Deb




"Single Mothers" doesn't mean the dad is not involved. When I had my first we were not married, so on the birth cert. paperwork I had to classify as a "single mom". Don't look that far into that statistic, because it is very misleading. Myself and SEVERAL of my friends had our babies with our DH's before we were married. It doesn't mean every child born to a "single mother" is growing up without a father, or that they have a "broken family".

SweetSweetCreations Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 5:05pm
post #8 of 27

I also believe that most of the crisis America is in (and the world) is directly related to the broken home. I do not mean to offend anyone........... but when most of the women went to work it changed the way the family functions. Don't get me wrong I have worked FULL TIME since I was 17 because I was a single mom at 18. I  am thankul I was able to go to work and make a living but I know my children would have had a much better life if I had been able to take care of them not work all the time just to survive.  I did not have their father in the picture after the first year and have not ever recieved a dime from him to care for my girls. I can not imagine what my girls have gone through without a father and a mother who worked 70+ hours a week.It is so great there are people out there that care enough to help and I know if anyone had ever offered I would have been so thankful as I know this new mom is. You may have given her something way more than the items you took, like the knowledge that someone does care in this often cold and cruel world.

Just a note we have a wonderul husband and step father now but we were on our own until just recently.

Cakepro Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 7:22pm
post #9 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakepro

Our society has progressed exactly as Pope Paul VI predicted in his incredible 1968 encyclical, [i]Humanae Vitae[/].



I remember the HV--I do not remember the content--what did he say?




Here ya go: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

He made four predictions and they all came true. icon_sad.gif

Deb_ Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 7:57pm
post #10 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

Very powerful Kate.......(said with tears in my eyes for all these poor children).

I heard a staggering statistic last week, over 40% of all births in the United States are born to single mothers.

My dear Dad, God rest his soul, had a lot of insight for an almost 90 yr old man. At the end of his life when he'd read the newspaper front to back each day, his remark was always the same. "The cause of these problems in America is the *broken family*, when we fix that, things will improve greatly".

Lately it feels like things are spiraling out of control in this great Country of ours. There's so much *broken* it's sometimes hard to know where to begin the *fixing* process.

I love the idea from this article........it sounds like a great place to start.

Thanks for posting this.
Deb



"Single Mothers" doesn't mean the dad is not involved. When I had my first we were not married, so on the birth cert. paperwork I had to classify as a "single mom". Don't look that far into that statistic, because it is very misleading. Myself and SEVERAL of my friends had our babies with our DH's before we were married. It doesn't mean every child born to a "single mother" is growing up without a father, or that they have a "broken family".




These stats came from new births where there is no father listed on the birth certificate and no financial support from the father.

You probably listed your child's father's name on the birth certificate even though you weren't married, right?

If I remember correctly the statistics were from the government's welfare records......I'll try to find confirmation of that. A local talk radio host did an entire 4 hr show on this topic recently, it was such an eye opening 4 hrs.

mbelgard Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 8:48pm
post #11 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly



These stats came from new births where there is no father listed on the birth certificate and no financial support from the father.





You are so not correct there.

The marital status of the parents is noted whether the father signs or not.

When my oldest was born I was not married but his father signed to go on the birth certificate. I was still listed as a single mother.




No matter what this is not a topic that should be in the forums, something like this is going to end up causing a fight either because there are plenty of present and former single mothers on the forum or because a discussion about combating teen pregnancy is bound to turn up the debate over birth control education.

-K8memphis Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 9:41pm
post #12 of 27

I called Ms. Simpson and she is sending someone.

Now I just feel like an idiot because I didn't think of it sooner.
I was just in shock.

This thread is about a baby who clearly was not thriving. It's not about any one else's feelings. I looked in the face of the worst side of the teen pregnancy issue.

I was raised by a single Mom.

It's not about getting all huff & puff over a moniker (single mom).

Please.

Deb_ Posted 2 Apr 2009 , 9:42pm
post #13 of 27

This show and these statistics were not about children born to just "single" Mom's. It was about children who have no contact with their Fathers and no financial support from them.

In the cases they were referring to, the Father's name does not appear on the birth certificate. The Father's do not exist at all in their child's lives.

It was NOT focusing on the "unmarried" or "single" issue at all, that's a totally different scenario.

I may not have explained that well enough in my first post, I was kind of emotional after reading the above article.

Look, I'm not about to "fight" with anybody about such a sad, sad, but painfully true problem in this country (absent fathers). I was only sharing my reaction to that 4 hr show................sad icon_sad.gif

foxymomma521 Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 2:37pm
post #14 of 27

We still think of the archetypal unwed mother as a Jamie Lynn Spearsa dopey teenager who dropped her panties and got in over her head. A generation and more ago, that's who most unwed mothers were. But according to the most recent statistics from the Centers for Disease Control, teenagers account for only 23 percent of current out-of-wedlock births. That means the vast majority of unwed mothers are old enough to know what they're doing: Unwed births are surging among women ages 25 to 29.

In the last 50 years, there has been an extraordinary decoupling of marriage and procreation. In 1960 about 5 percent of births were to unwed mothers; that figure is now a record high of nearly 40 percent. Out-of-wedlock births used to be such a source of shame that families tried to hide them: Singer Bobby Darin was born to a teen mother and raised to believe she was his sister. But now out-of-wedlock births are greeted with a shrug. Some say they're an understandable response to economic realities. Others say they're a liberating change from the shotgun-wedding ethic that shackled two unsuitable people together for life.
************************************************************************************************************************

***UNWED MOTHERS. IT DOES NOT MEAN THE FATHER IS NOT INVOLVED. Does not mean mom did not plan to have the child. Sorry, but your definition of a "broken family" is a little different from the reality of the situation.

-K8memphis Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 3:14pm
post #15 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

We still think of the archetypal unwed mother as a Jamie Lynn Spearsa dopey teenager who dropped her panties and got in over her head. A generation and more ago, that's who most unwed mothers were. But according to the most recent statistics from the Centers for Disease Control, teenagers account for only 23 percent of current out-of-wedlock births. That means the vast majority of unwed mothers are old enough to know what they're doing: Unwed births are surging among women ages 25 to 29.

In the last 50 years, there has been an extraordinary decoupling of marriage and procreation. In 1960 about 5 percent of births were to unwed mothers; that figure is now a record high of nearly 40 percent. Out-of-wedlock births used to be such a source of shame that families tried to hide them: Singer Bobby Darin was born to a teen mother and raised to believe she was his sister. But now out-of-wedlock births are greeted with a shrug. Some say they're an understandable response to economic realities. Others say they're a liberating change from the shotgun-wedding ethic that shackled two unsuitable people together for life.


***UNWED MOTHERS. IT DOES NOT MEAN THE FATHER IS NOT INVOLVED. Does not mean mom did not plan to have the child. Sorry, but your definition of a "broken family" is a little different from the reality of the situation.




I do not think of the typical unwed mother as JL Spears.

Please read this as me being flummoxed, confused by some of the off subject responses upthread.

I'm not sure who you are exactly addressing here, FoxyM, but the topic here is about young teenagers who have babies and are very poor and have no fathers helping to raise the baby. Like as was portrayed in the first post and the actions behind the first post.

So I'm sorry for any toes that were stepped on using kinda broad terms--no offense meant.

I'm not sure what all the variations are about.

I mean if we post a thread about a wedding cake complaint do we then start examining the greater virtues of birthday cake compaints to weddings to retirement cakes whether they are banana cake or lemon?

I'm not following the other posts here. Are those other agendas or am I just not getting it? Type a little slower for me.

This is not a thread with a broad far reaching generalized sermon about anything.

It's about a half dead looking baby. Yah gettin' me?

I kinda didn't know what to do, say, how to act, where to turn. I was able to think about you all and write about it and get it out of my system and figure out to call the lady who referred me to have someone assist the new Mom.

This thread is about underage moms having the babies with the low birth weights and the low expectations and how they gonna get to college, how they gonna climb outa the poverty et cetera--if this is what you want to comment on please continue, otherwise please start another thread because that's not what we're talking about here.

I mean you 'sposed to scream, "Oh my God, your baby looks half dead!!!"

I mean maybe next time I will maybe I should have this time. It was a very very very very very shocking situation to me.

I'm not talking about people in their 30's & 40's having planned babies and stuff like that. Not about JL Spears who hopefully has enough money and some involved parents who can assist her.

What are you guys talking about?

Please read the title of this thread for the subject matter.
It's about a baby, a high risk baby who is not thriving.
And I'm haunted by her little self and perplexed as to y'all agendas.

krysoco Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 3:18pm
post #16 of 27

I didn't have time to read all the responses but it sounds very interesting from what I just scanned over. Nowhere on my kids birth certificates is it labeling single, married, etc. I just looked.

On a side note, the births belonging to 40% of single mothers is misleading. for one thing, it doesn't state teen moms. It is referring to all single mothers. A big problem where I live is that many women are CHOOSING to not get married and still have children. Its an issue that extremely bothers me. So I hope I'm not offending anyone. The biggest lure to unmarried parents of kids is the 'gimmes'. These single mothers get a lot free to have these babies and in turn the daddys get off free for having to pay and raise this kids too. Yes, its a downward spiral of standards and morals. Eventually it does lead to broken homes. Very sad.

ETA also upping those stats are the # of immigrant workers having babies for Americans just to be able to stay in our country.

foxymomma521 Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 3:37pm
post #17 of 27

Not refering to you Kate. The story you posted is indeed VERY sad.
I was referring to Dkelly lumping all teenage mom/uninvolved dads with parents who are UNWED yet still choose to have a baby and calling them all "broken" families. Had she posted a statistic more relevant to your post I would have no issue.

*Edited for spelling*

-K8memphis Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 3:50pm
post #18 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

Not refering to you Kate. The story you posted is indeed VERY sad.
I was referring to Dkelly lumping all teenage mom/uninvolved dads with parents who are UNWED yet still choose to have a baby and calling them all "broken" families. Had she posted a statistic more relevant to your post I would have no issue.

*Edited for spelling*




Gotcha gotcha gotcha. Thanks

mbelgard Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 4:24pm
post #19 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

Not refering to you Kate. The story you posted is indeed VERY sad.
I was referring to Dkelly lumping all teenage mom/uninvolved dads with parents who are UNWED yet still choose to have a baby and calling them all "broken" families. Had she posted a statistic more relevant to your post I would have no issue.

*Edited for spelling*




I don't think the 2nd post on the thread really helped since the statistics and topic from that are NOT limited to teen pregnancy.

I'm sure the OP didn't mean for it to be something that could turn into an issue but the stuff about fatherless homes and addressing the issue of teen pregnancy kind of opened the thread up from concern about a child to talk of single parents.

-K8memphis Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 4:41pm
post #20 of 27

Ok --I think I'm getting it now, Mbelgard. Yes the stats in the second post are from the book~~that guy has a school in Panama where a handful of children have been able to get educations and four of them are currently in the states in college--pretty cool accomplishment I think--all religion and statistics and fatherhood aside.

Pulling children from a life of extreme poverty to the potential of a college education is miraculous I'm sure we all agree.

So I guess to some folks his stuff is controversial--I just like the comfort of his results at this time. It fit in like a glove to my dresser thing.

-K8memphis Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 6:24pm
post #21 of 27

So forget the book--I manage a bookstore and the article was for the paper-- so I promote books--that's what I do--the book kinda gives an idea of a place to potentially do something or a place to have a resolution to this. A place where we all may disagree on particular details but we can feel hopeful in the result of many kids in school and 4 of them in college. kwim--the article needed brightening up.

This http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5627305&page=1 is what I am referencing. I saw this tv show on 20/20 when it came out and I was stunned--my own city so high in our great and glorious country with such a high mortality rate for infants. Incomprehensible.

There are a couple other videos there to watch too.
It's not for the timid.
This is hard core stuff.
Gut-wrenching.

Yes there are super controversial issues that could be brought up--but if anyone else still wants to dialog--just the part about the babies and the underequipped underage pregnancies of these girl-Moms who have no husbands--this is the topic.

I don't want to talk about the A word, abortion--that's a whole nuther encyclopedia of discussion for some other thread.

So...this is the cycle of poverty I am referencing.

I mean I have no idea where I'm going with this discussion--I just needed to be "baled out" earlier in the thread--why I started it.

Deb_ Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 10:43pm
post #22 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521


I was referring to Dkelly lumping all teenage mom/uninvolved dads with parents who are UNWED yet still choose to have a baby and calling them all "broken" families. Had she posted a statistic more relevant to your post I would have no issue.

*Edited for spelling*




I'm failing to see the post where you say I wrote this. icon_confused.gif

The "broken family" comment was me remembering what my late Father used to say was the "cause of a lot of problems in our Country".....which I agree with.

I never called unwed couples choosing to have a baby a "broken family". icon_confused.gif

Kate, I'm sorry this thread was hi-jacked because of something I posted which was obviously misunderstood. Perhaps I didn't write or type my feelings clearly.

The focus of this thread needs to be the opening article that Kate posted about that poor precious baby Hope.

foxymomma521 Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 10:58pm
post #23 of 27

I heard a staggering statistic last week, over 40% of all births in the United States are born to single mothers.

My dear Dad, God rest his soul, had a lot of insight for an almost 90 yr old man. At the end of his life when he'd read the newspaper front to back each day, his remark was always the same. "The cause of these problems in America is the *broken family*, when we fix that, things will improve greatly".

You state both of these things in the same post. How are you not relating one to the other? I tried telling you that the 40% figure included unmarried-yet-choosing-to-have-a-baby-mom's with unmarried-teen moms and you said I was wrong. So, yes... it seems you are relating the whole "broken family" scenario to unwed mom's of any standing.

Deb_ Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 11:18pm
post #24 of 27

Usually when statements are broken up into separate paragraphs they are meant to be read as separate. New paragraph, new thought. KWIM?


I was trying to keep it brief...........LOL! I guess I failed miserably icon_rolleyes.gif

The 40% stat I quoted was my first thought after seeing some of the stats in the opening article.

The "broken family" that was also referenced in the opening article made me remember my Dad's statement.

Hopefully, I've cleared up the confusion. I really was trying to keep on topic.

foxymomma521 Posted 3 Apr 2009 , 11:23pm
post #25 of 27

yes you did. Thank you icon_smile.gif

KoryAK Posted 4 Apr 2009 , 12:03am
post #26 of 27

"single mother" doesn't mean "unwed mother". If you are in a relationship you are not single. "single mother" would indicate broken family. like me icon_smile.gif

maryjsgirl Posted 4 Apr 2009 , 1:27am
post #27 of 27

K8,

This thread is the perfect example why things never change in this country.


Do you have a Healthy Steps program in your area? I would try to get the young girl involved with them. It is a great PROACTIVE program.

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