What's Your Opinion!!!

Decorating By kcniese Updated 1 Apr 2009 , 12:45pm by kcniese

kcniese Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:09pm
post #1 of 50

Okay I am in my friends wedding at the end of May, and her shower is this weekend I told a long time a go I would do her shower cake. So when her sister called she said that she need enough cake for 100 people plus I had to give $30 for a gift for the bride and to help pay for the hall and also bring a $10 prize gift. Well I was thinking that is a lot of free cake, so I asked if it would be okay if the $30 could be payment for the cake she said well I guess but everyone else was bringing food. I don't think people understand how much time goes into making cakes. I talked to my sister who is a sister-in-law to the bride and is not in the wedding because she is pregnant and due days before the wedding and said that they asked her to bring enough stuff to make punch for 100 people. It's like a mini wedding not a bridal shower. So what would you do?????????????

49 replies
crystalina1977 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:20pm
post #2 of 50

you don't have to feel obligated to do something just because someone says you should, or because everyone else is doing it.

a simple, "I'm sorry but I'm not in a position to donate additional money past the costs of the cake" should suffice.

good luck!

holly4409 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:20pm
post #3 of 50

wow! i have never heard of something like this!!!! every wedding i have been in, i have never been asked to pay towards the reception and/or bring a gift for the prize. prizes are the responsibility of the hostess(es). that's why they're called the "hostess". eek. plus you're doing the cake!!!! if you have already volunteered the cake and she knows what style it is, tell her what your price per serving would be and tell her to shop around to see if it's comparable, and then tell her that because of the large gift that you are already bringing to the shower that you will be declining to take on responsibilities of the hostess.

cheferyn Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:21pm
post #4 of 50

screw em. you said that you would bring the cake and let that be your contribution. this is my opinion on what i would do. i have been in your situation.

ladybug76 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:22pm
post #5 of 50

I certainly wouldn't want to be in your position, but I definitely see your side. SHould you not have helped in making the cake (for 100 people!! icon_surprised.gif Yowzers.. that's a huge bridal shower!!!), they would have paid a pretty penny for any reputable cake. I am certainly on your side that you cake contribution and talent should cover your portion of the hall rental and $10 prize gift. Maybe if you explained to the person how much time and materials is involved with the cake, you are actually saving them all money from buying a cake from retail bakery.
I wish you the best....
~Jaime

foxymomma521 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:22pm
post #6 of 50

I would agree with the PP, but you were the one that offered to make the cake. It would be a different story if they had asked you...

solascakes Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:24pm
post #7 of 50

I would let them know the cake is worth much more than $30,and so i'm already contributing more than everyone else.It'll help to let them know how much the cake would have cost e.g $60 or more.I think it's unfair asking people to pay and bring a gift,if the bride cannot afford the wedding she shouldn't push you guys to pay for stuff,she must cut her coat........... icon_rolleyes.gif

audrey0522 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:24pm
post #8 of 50

I would make sure that they know the value of the cake as well as the time involved. If it is all you have the time and money for, make that clear. I bet you are not the only one who thinks it is an out of control bridal shower. Everyone else is probably hoping someone else will say it!

vickymacd Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:25pm
post #9 of 50

I'm in total disbelief at what some of these Bridezillas are asking. My friends daughter even had her bridesmaids buy the STAMPS for her Thank You notes!! What the heck is wrong with people!

Oh, and as far as the cost of the cakes, (I'm not a professional at all) I was asked to do a graduation cake for a football player that is on my son's team in high school with, like I donated to the school one time. I said NO, felt terrible, but realized that people think all cake is like Costco (sorry Costco!). I feel bad for saying no, but also know the time I would put into it, and even if I was paid, would never be enough.

Grab your gusto and stand up for yourself and your time!!

sadsmile Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:26pm
post #10 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by holly4409

wow! i have never heard of something like this!!!! every wedding i have been in, i have never been asked to pay towards the reception and/or bring a gift for the prize. prizes are the responsibility of the hostess(es). that's why they're called the "hostess". eek. plus you're doing the cake!!!! if you have already volunteered the cake and she knows what style it is, tell her what your price per serving would be and tell her to shop around to see if it's comparable, and then tell her that because of the large gift that you are already bringing to the shower that you will be declining to take on responsibilities of the hostess.




Um yeah what she said!!!!!

solascakes Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:29pm
post #11 of 50

Exactly. Speak up or forever hold your peace.

JanH Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:31pm
post #12 of 50

Who exactly is throwing the shower?

Usually, whoever throws the shower provides the venue and any refreshments.

Are the attendants hosting since you're providing the cake, money for the venue and a group gift. But with family making contributions to the menu (your sister making punch).

Must be a huge wedding, if there are 100 guests for the shower....

PistachioCranberry Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:41pm
post #13 of 50

Like it was stated before this is a wedding not a bridal shower. I thought bridal showers were for the brides girls and a few close people, not eveybody in the wedding. Who thought of doing this shower in a hall, because they need to foot the bill.

Is this 30 dollars for everyone to pay because that's 3000 dollars and I would like to know what kind of gift they are buying?

superstar Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:42pm
post #14 of 50

Wow!!!! that is a very big bridal shower & it seems as if the sister & whoever else is planning this affair has gone completely overboard. In the first place, why do you have to give $30.00 for a gift, is she planning to just give the bride to be $3,000.00 in cash as a gift from everyone??? & on top of that $10.00 for a prize!!!! She shouldn't have planned such a big function & then expect everyone else to pay for it.

foxymomma521 Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:46pm
post #15 of 50

As I'm understanding it's not all 100 people contributing $30, right? Just the people in the bridal party?

PistachioCranberry Posted 27 Mar 2009 , 11:48pm
post #16 of 50

I always thought that everyone picks out their own gift to give to the bride.

sadsmile Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 12:38am
post #17 of 50

So what are they needing a down payment on a house? I would turn in a reciept for the cake...marked GRATIS... HAHAHA!

Deb_ Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 1:30am
post #18 of 50

Another option............Order one of those huge sheet cake things from BJ's or Sam's club.

It would save you money in the long run and a LOT of time.

My DD is in a wedding this year and the Maid of Honor is organizing the Bridal Shower. There are 7 bridesmaids including MOH and they are splitting the cost of the shower 7 ways.....i.e. hall, food, shower favors and I'm providing the cake.

No, it's not unusual for the Bridesmaids and MOH to do this, they are hosting the party for the Bride, it's been done for years.

What is unfair however is when 1 person dictates to all the others about what they WILL do. It should be a group decision and 1 person shouldn't have to donate more then the others are.

If you want to provide the cake then perhaps they should figure the cost of your cake into the amount that would be divided amongst all of the bridesmaids.

maryj Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 2:52am
post #19 of 50

I have four sisters and six brothers, I can not tell you how many bridal and baby showers I have thrown. As a matter of fact I just hosted one last weekend. As we were waiting for the bride to be( my niece) and the guests to arrive, my oldest sister announced to us that her youngest daughter is pregnant, first words out of my mouth were" I am not throwing a shower, we'll give her the cash we would be spending on it and let her pick out what she wants" they all agreed. The funny thing is I didn't have to make the cake, my sister in laws sister told us she'd be bringing the cake, we thought oh she must know someone who does cakes....wrongo...it was a wal-mart special. And frankly the ugliest thing at the shower. NO MORE SHOWERS, repeat after me...NO MORE SHOWERS. rant complete tapedshut.gif

sweet1122 Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 2:59am
post #20 of 50

I've been in your shoes. I offered to do the cake for a friend's lingerie shower. I really wanted to do the cake. I needed the experience, and I just really wanted to do the cake. But, I decided, no gift. There was going to be a wedding and I would get her a wedding gift, but no gift for the shower. The cake was my gift.

Once it was all done, one of the 5 of us throwing the shower sent an email that she had spent $75 on decorations and that would be $15 per person... Another responded that she had spent about $20 on the sandwiches she brought and we needed to add it all up and divide by 5... I was like, um... okay, so, I spent about $50 on the cake... But I just moved right along and paid the $15 without making a fuss... But, yes, people have NO IDEA the cost and time that goes into a cake. Unfortunately.

I think you should either tell them you're no longer able to do the cake and they'll have to fit the bill, or if you really want to do the cake (like I did), that should be your gift. They need to understand that the cake is worth a lot more that anyone's food contribution. Good luck!

Deb_ Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:05am
post #21 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweet1122

They need to understand that the cake is worth a lot more that anyone's food contribution. Good luck!




Unfortunately people that are not familiar with the art of cake won't ever understand what our cakes are worth, and how much money and work go into them.

To them, it's just cake icon_rolleyes.gif

Whenever I make a family cake for free, which is usually all the time icon_cry.gif my husband always makes a point of saying "Debbie put a LOT of time into that cake" loud enough for all to hear. I'm not so sure it always sinks in. icon_rolleyes.gif

pipe-dreams Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:14am
post #22 of 50

This is just ridiculous. I would NEVER tell people that I invited to a party that they have to bring a dish, plus contribute $30, AND $10 for the prize. I wouldn't even want the darn prize if I had to pay for it. I'd rather spend the $10 to get my nails done!
I would simply tell the hostess that, yes you did offer to do the cake. The cake is worth $60(or whatever). I mean, it has to feed 100 people, it's gotta be expensive! You would be glad to do the cake, but you can't afford to bring the $30, and you shouldn't HAVE to bring it. It should be a request for those who would like to help out, and have the means to do it. Or go ahead and give her the $30, but tell them there won't be a wedding gift from you.
I'm sorry you have been put in such a difficult and awkward situation. I'm sure a lot of the other guests feel the same way you do.
Good luck, and stick to your guns!

FairyPoppins Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:24am
post #23 of 50

That is seriously tacky.

How much would you usually charge for a cake for 100 people? It should be upwards of $200 if you average $2 per serving. Perhaps you need to tell them that since you are providing an expensive custom designed cake you will not be contributing any extra money to the shower.

LaBellaFlor Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:22am
post #24 of 50

Please tell me your not going to do it. I know the bridesmaids & MOH sometimes all contribute to the bridal shower, I get it. You know like $20-$30 & brings a gift. But I don't know anyone who has to do all that. Thats just tacky! Your contribution IS THE CAKE! And if you want to do it her way, let her know, fine, $3.00 a serving x 100 people, let her know the bill is $300, but you'll give her discount since your in the wedding, $250...oh yeah, you need that up front before delivery. Just out of curiosity, what do you have to contribute to the actual wedding?!?

apetricek Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:43am
post #25 of 50

First off people really have some nerve! I would actually give them a choice...either make the cake, or they can get a cake somewhere else (yuck) and then you can contribute to their demands...! I would refuse to do both. First off you are going to be out money not to mention time for doing the cake. I wouldn't do both, but that is just me. I would like others suggested keep a "bill" for the cake, and then let them know what the cake is costing you or what the cake should cost them. These NON-cake people really don't have a clue do they! Good luck...stand your ground!! icon_mad.gif

MacsMom Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 4:56am
post #26 of 50

How good of a friend is she? I don't have a problem making free cakes for my good friends. Albeit 100 people for a wedding shower is insane.

I don't like being told where my money should go for a gift, though. I'd say, "Sorry, but I was planning on getting her something more personal than a 'pitch-in' gift." And the $10 is also not your responsibility.

The cake, however, I would take pride in making as long as she was a genuine friend.

LaBellaFlor Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 5:04am
post #27 of 50

And did I read it right? Your sister who is not part of the bridal party is also expected to contribute? I thought only bridal party contributes?

plbennett_8 Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 2:43pm
post #28 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadsmile

So what are they needing a down payment on a house? I would turn in a reciept for the cake...marked GRATIS... HAHAHA!




This is exactly what you should do! icon_sad.gif People have gone completely insane with these things. 100 people for a freaking Bridal Shower? With the economy in the shape it is in, what are they thinking? Do a professional invoice and mark it:

Wishing you all the best.

Sheesh... icon_confused.gif
Pat B.

bakingatthebeach Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:09pm
post #29 of 50

You are saving them at least $250 by doing the cake. Yes you offered, but you offered it as a contribution to the shower. I have done wedding cakes for relatives and friends as gifts, no one asked me to contribute more because of the money I saved them. I would not give anymore, keep quiet about it. If the girl starts running her mouth about how you didnt contribute, the others will know that you did the cake and let it go in one ear and out the other. And if the girl says anything to you about not getting your money yet, tell her the cake is $250 dollars, which do you want, my $30 or pay me $250? Your choice.

Win Posted 28 Mar 2009 , 3:17pm
post #30 of 50

Yeah, what

Quote:
Quote:

bakingatthebeach


said. I was going to say exactly the same. Although, I was going to say if you only charged $3.00 per serving you were giving the same as a $300.00 gift. I'm at the point in my life where I am blessed to be able to "give" my cakes to those I am close to. I figure, that is a pretty big gift because it takes hours and hours to craft one. If you are showing up with cake, that's all you should be showing up with. Or, go the way you have been asked and, in addition, charge for the cake. When you present a bill for $300.00 the organizer of the event might just dictate her orders a little differently.

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