Leaving Cc Due To Very Unpleasent Condiditons

Lounge By kakeladi Updated 8 Apr 2009 , 6:24pm by cookieswithdots

kakeladi Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 6:51pm
post #1 of 46

My internet connection will be pulled in a couple of weeks so I thought I'd say good bye now.
After 49 1/2 yrs my husband has decided he would rather wallow in sin than stay married.
He is leaving me destitute. I will not have the money to have an internet connection. I will have to live on less than $400 a month - S.S.
You cannot know how much I have loved being on this and other cake sites. It has saved my sanity over and over.
Thanks for putting up with meicon_smile.gif
Lynne (aka:kakeladi)

45 replies
foxymomma521 Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 6:57pm
post #2 of 46

HOw can he leave you with nothing after so long?? I'm so very sorry to hear this. You are an asset to the cakecentral community, and will be so dearly missed...

Karema Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 7:25pm
post #3 of 46

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Why are you not taking him to court for alamony?I would take him to the cleaners!!!

michellenj Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 7:44pm
post #4 of 46

Oh, honey, how horrible. I wish you the best. You will be missed.

jlynnw Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 8:07pm
post #5 of 46

I am so sorry. I hope and pray your situation will improve. You will be missed dearly. I hope you can find a library or something to stay in touch.

rezzygirl Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 8:26pm
post #6 of 46

Sorry to hear about your situation. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

margaretb Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 8:27pm
post #7 of 46

That's awful. Please try to get legal advice and NOT just from his lawyer.

Your library should have free public internet. Small consolation, I know.

jer702 Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 8:49pm
post #8 of 46

So very sorry to hear this, you will be in all of our prayers and thoughts. Stay strong. icon_sad.gif

sending tons of hugs and loves your way.

Deb_ Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 9:07pm
post #9 of 46

Oh Lynne, I am very sad to hear this news. Almost 50 yrs of marriage? My God I can't even believe what an a$$ he's been........sorry that's probably inappropriate, but I hate cheaters icon_mad.gif

Do you have any children or family that can help you? Please don't allow him to leave you destitute, you deserve better then that.

Of course I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love,

xstitcher Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 9:15pm
post #10 of 46

I'm so sorry to hear this Lynne. I can't believe he would do this to you after spending 1/2 a century with you. What could he be thinking?? Men never cease to amaze me! I truly hope things will turn around for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. You have been such an asset to CC, I'm going to be so sad not to see you on here anymore. I hope for your sake you can get some alimony from him.



veejaytx Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 9:20pm
post #11 of 46

Don't let him do that to you, fight back. Half of everything the two of you have is yours. Sue the .... jerk, keep what is yours!

Kiddiekakes Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 9:41pm
post #12 of 46

Wow...That is along time to be married to decide to call it quits!! I agree...50% of all marrital assets you are entitled too so I would be finding some sort of legal advice/lawyer or legal aid if you can't afford a lawyer. You deserve more than that after 50 years!!

Go get em girl!!!

indydebi Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 10:42pm
post #13 of 46

I am SO sorry and will miss you tremendously. Read this to my hubby who said, "What the hell is wrong with that dumba$$?"

summernoelle Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 10:53pm
post #14 of 46
Originally Posted by Kiddiekakes

Wow...That is along time to be married to decide to call it quits!! I agree...50% of all marrital assets you are entitled too so I would be finding some sort of legal advice/lawyer or legal aid if you can't afford a lawyer. You deserve more than that after 50 years!!

Go get em girl!!!

Yep, and don't forget about the Cake Mafia! We will get this alllllllll taken care of for ya. icon_twisted.gif

Seriously, though, I hope this selfish idiot gets what's coming to him. How could he do this to such a sweet, wonderful woman who he has spent 50 years with? I am so sorry you are going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. icon_sad.gif

-K8memphis Posted 20 Mar 2009 , 11:09pm
post #15 of 46

Oh Lynne, that bastard!

But can you get to the library???
You have to drop in, Dear Cake Buddy.
You must. Will not take no for an answer.

Much Love Many Prayers,

ncdessertdiva Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 12:48am
post #16 of 46

That bastard!!!!! Go to Legal Aid for help or check out the Women's Assistance Program in your area, they generally deal with abusive situations but should able to send you to a caring attorney. Don't let him walk away scott free! You gave him 50 years of your life!!!! Make him hurt in his wallet.

You will be in thoughts and prayers. My daughter and sister are both going through trying divorces now and it hurts me to think of someone going through the same thing. Chin up, all of us here at CC will be saying prayers.

kakeladi Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 1:19am
post #17 of 46

I probably would be worse off if I had to split the assets *& debts*. This is a community property state.
I have a nearly paid for home ..... in one of the worst areas for this economy ..... so probably can't sell it..... and if I did I'd loose at least $5000 as the value is so depresses.
I have 2 cars.....can't sell either or afford gas & insurance to drive them.
Don't know how I'm going to pay electric....it's cold here now. our bill usually runs around $130-175 a month - that's 1/3 of my income.
At my age not much available in the way of jobs.......beside that our unemployment in the area is around 17% icon_sad.gif And how would I get to a job?
Yeah, the library has computers.....they are always in useicon_sad.gif And again, how will I get to it.......it's about a 3 mile walk icon_sad.gif
I closed my shop....took a loss.....a couple of yrs ago when I 1st found out about his 'problem' figuring if I spent all our time together.....never left him alone.....do what he wants things would work out.
Oh well, I just have to 'trust and obey' God. He seems now to be leading me to let go & stay put.......how I have NO idea!

Callyssa Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 1:40am
post #18 of 46

Oh my gosh, I'm so, so sorry this has happened. Do you have children? Surely they wouldn't let you become destitute?? It's too bad he won't just leave and do his 'thing', but somehow continue to support you. He owes you much more than that after all those years together, good or bad.

I wouldn't worry too much about your combined debts; you would certainly qualify for bankruptcy in this situation, no? But realistically, he does owe you a portion of his retirement, and any of your investments together, and probably health insurance too. That's only right. I wouldn't let the idea that you owe more than you'd get by taking him to court scare you. If HE told you that, he's just trying to scare you. You absolutely need to talk to a lawyer who can walk you through this. Given the circumstances of his leaving, the court would definitely side with you, and especially considering your age.

I'm assuming you're around 70 (my MIL's age) and if so, you were born in the generation that you just take what you're dealt, and don't speak up for yourself. Well, as hard as it might be, you HAVE to stand up for yourself and not let this man disrespect you anymore. He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. I will absolutely keep you in my prayers, just remember that no matter how bad things may look, there is always a plan. Take care~

dailey Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 1:53am
post #19 of 46

well that just sucks. icon_sad.gif these ladies have given you some really good advice. i'll be praying that everything will work itself out for you.

vcm_9 Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 2:05am
post #20 of 46

I am so sorry! I know we can't do much physically, but we are all supporting you mentally, morally, emotionally and spiritually! Don't give up, just wait for the next door to open. Stay strong, stay focused on the big picture (that you are better off without a cheater and someone who has no respect for you).

You deserve better in life, and as a human being. Chin up...and if you are having a day of doubts, regrets or frustrations..just know that we are all walking behind you willing you on!!

hallow3 Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 3:21am
post #21 of 46

Lynne, I know how hard this is for you but please don't let him walk away from it all. Go to a morgage broker and see if you can refinance the house for the amount owed on. This will get your payments lower for you.It may not be the best place to live but you have a roof over your head. Find some one who will work with you. There are many out there that can help you. Does he have a pension? or 401K? you could be entitled to half of that. Fight back sweetie. I know right it is difficult to think about all these things but you need to take care of you now. Do not let him walk away with everything. You need to see a lawyer right away for a consultation, they are usually free for the first meeting. At least here what they have to say. I wish the best for you and I am so sorry you are going through this at such a rough time. We are here for you! Thoughts and prayers are with you.

adven68 Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 5:57am
post #22 of 46

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. Please take the advice of the previous posters and go to a lawyer fast!

IcedTea4Me2 Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 12:51pm
post #23 of 46

I echo everything the others have said. Remember that in these situations most times the only person who is going to look out for you is you. You really need to be assertive on your own behalf. It's difficult for people in your situation to go from the "we" mode to the "me" mode. You've had a life with someone whom you depended on and trusted for a long, long time and it's difficult to realize that the person who you depend on and trust now is only YOU.

He's probably expecting you to fold passively and take whatever crumb you end up with. Surprise him. Do the opposite.

It sounds lame to say I hope it'll be all right, but you know what I mean. It's a long journey, but each step is critical and must be purposely taken, not haphazardly. Don't just sit down and give up. I know it's hard. Most people don't realize what they're made of until they're tested, unfortunately. You're stronger than you think.


jsmith Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 3:07pm
post #24 of 46

I'm also sorry to hear he's doing this to you. It's just not fair. I agree you should talk to a lawyer. Maybe you can look into a Reverse Mortgage. It looks like you would qualify since your house is almost paid off. I don't know much about it but you can call (800) 569-4287 to get a little info about it. That's the number I found on HUD's site.

mkolmar Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 3:28pm
post #25 of 46

Almost 50 years......he's a complete idiot! My DH is even saying he must be incredibly stupid and is cursing about how selfish some people can be. I'm so sorry!
Please check around and see if there is any assistance out there you can qualify for. You are getting the raw end of the deal here. $400 a month to live on is not enough.

If you are unable to get back on CC, I just want to say thank you for all of the tips you have given as well as the awesome original WASC recipe.
We'll all miss having you on here.

Niliquely Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 3:50pm
post #26 of 46

I am so sorry to hear this...it makes me angry and sad all at once. My parents got a divorce after being married for 25 years. It has been 6 years since they got divorced, but reading these posts brings back all my anger and heartache. I will pray for you kakeladi - I can only begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing.
I do want to express my gratitude to you for sharing your decorating experience with all of us. I use your WASC recipe for almost all my cakes and it gets rave reviews from everyone who tries it. I can do scratch cakes now, but everyone still likes the WASC cake better! So I thank you for sharing all your ideas, recipes, and cake decorating wisdom and pray that God will give you the strength and wisdom to deal with this difficult time and comfort in knowing He is in control even when it all seems to fall apart.

marisanovy Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 3:56pm
post #27 of 46

I am so sorry... icon_sad.gif

You will be in my prayers sister and you will be missed...

Thanks for everything you gave to this community...

Cakepro Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 4:53pm
post #28 of 46

You will be in our prayers. I'm sorry your husband has lost his way. I know of several other people your age whose husbands also went off the deep end and destroyed their marriage (and their financial security), and they ended up having to go back to work at places like Wal-Mart to make ends meet. It's terrible. I'm very sorry that your husband is messing up the life you two have built together.

Do you have children who can take you in?

__Jamie__ Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 5:07pm
post #29 of 46

Asshole. Pardon my french.

Do you have a laptop? I know you may not have the funds, but if you have a wireless card....maybe a neighbor's signal would reach your comp. Not endorsing internet hijacking, but ya know... icon_wink.gif

You are in my prayers, Lady of Cakes.

__Jamie__ Posted 21 Mar 2009 , 5:11pm
post #30 of 46

In fact if you DO have a laptop with a plug in card slot and the right upgrades (if needed), I will personally start a collection fund to get you a card. Let me know and I'll start off with the first donation!

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