My Daughters Way Of Thinking

Lounge By mkolmar Updated 26 May 2009 , 5:21pm by bebea

mkolmar Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 6:40pm
post #1 of 39

My daughter is 8 and I tried having a talk with her about autism. My son is autistic (asbergers-but is a mild case). He has more social and emotional issues but his IQ is off the charts he's so dang smart.
Anyways, DH and I realized we never had a talk with our daughter about what autism is and how our son is autistic. We didn't want her finding out from someone else and freaking out. Kids seem to think differently than adults and worry if that person will die from it or if they can catch it. We wanted to be the first ones to talk to her for this reason.

I started off the talk with "Honey, do you know what autism is?"

She says "No, we haven't learned that in school yet. We are just going over verbs and nouns." icon_lol.gif

38 replies
jer702 Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 7:05pm
post #2 of 39

LOL that is too funny. This morning my 6yr old daughter was telling me how beautiful my cake was. She said, mommy your cake is way to pretty to eat, but do you think I can have a slice later after school. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

ladyellam Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 9:18pm
post #3 of 39

It's usually the grown-ups that have problems with autistic children. My son who is four has autism. We were at Home Depot and we saw a gentleman who was wearing a leather jacket. My son loves the feel of leather and touched his arm. He swung around and yelled very loudly "get your retarded kid off of me!" I explained he was autistic and apologized for my son's behaviour. He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it! BTW he had a 3 or 4 year old daughter in the cart with him.

indydebi Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 9:29pm
post #4 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it!



The irony in this story is overwhelming, isn't it! icon_surprised.gif

What a Mah-ROON!!!

indydebi Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 9:34pm
post #5 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it!



The irony in this story is overwhelming, isn't it! icon_surprised.gif

What a Mah-ROON!!!

michellenj Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 9:40pm
post #6 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

It's usually the grown-ups that have problems with autistic children. My son who is four has autism. We were at Home Depot and we saw a gentleman who was wearing a leather jacket. My son loves the feel of leather and touched his arm. He swung around and yelled very loudly "get your retarded kid off of me!" I explained he was autistic and apologized for my son's behaviour. He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it! BTW he had a 3 or 4 year old daughter in the cart with him.




icon_eek.gif That is horrible. Great example to set for a child. And heartbreaking for you.

ladyellam Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 10:02pm
post #7 of 39

Of course the tears started to roll down my face and my son looked at me and said "man not nice". I told him he was correct and unfortunately there will be others who will will hurt him and his mommy.

We started walking through the rest of the store to try and settle myself down. My son had just started talking and he asked for yellow juice (gatorade) and said please. It was a new word and I told him "words are so important and whatever you say I will do or get for you". So we went up to the front and paid for the gatorade. I handed him the gatorade and the cashier looked at him and said "how rude are you! You should have to say please and thank you". Needless to say I was at my wits end and had to leave the store.

There hasn't been a day when we go out in public where we don't have stares or looks of disgust because my child is throwing a fit. Yes I would love for him to behave and sometimes he does but sometimes he's just a kid and doesn't.

BTW--After our talk about how powerful words were my son grabbed a box of cake mix and said "make cupcakes NOW, please". It was ten o'clock in the morning and by 10:30 he was eating a cupcake! He has been reading books for about a year and a half but we didn't know because he couldn't tell us the words.

jer702 Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 10:07pm
post #8 of 39

wow the nerves of some people. I don't understand how people can be so rude to kids...shame on them icon_evil.gif

veejaytx Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 10:41pm
post #9 of 39

I believe I would have had to tell the "gentleman" that my child is just that, a child, and that he is rude and mean and needs to learn some manners himself, (and then teach them to his child.)

There is no excuse for being rude and mean to a child!

mkolmar Posted 25 Feb 2009 , 11:34pm
post #10 of 39

You should have told the cashier that she was being rude talking to your child in that manner. That he is autistic and then ask to speak to a manager. I've done this before in a different situation. Guess what, that rude person who gave me such a hard and refused to say sorry was fired. I have no remorse for this either.

For some reason adults can be so rude. I'm lucky because my son is so mild as far as aspergers go. He's different and some people notice some don't. I thank God every day for him. I love him just the way he is. Life will be a little harder for him in some ways but it will make him stronger in the end. My way of thinking is if the person doesn't get to know him--that's their loss. Everyone is put on this Earth for a reason and my son is no different.

Stay strong. For every person who's an tapedshut.gif , there are a 1,000 more who are understanding.

SueW Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 1:48am
post #11 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

It's usually the grown-ups that have problems with autistic children. My son who is four has autism. We were at Home Depot and we saw a gentleman who was wearing a leather jacket. My son loves the feel of leather and touched his arm. He swung around and yelled very loudly "get your retarded kid off of me!" I explained he was autistic and apologized for my son's behaviour. He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it! BTW he had a 3 or 4 year old daughter in the cart with him.




This is appalling (sp?), what a jerk he is!

summernoelle Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 4:54am
post #12 of 39

Oh gosh, I can't even tell you how sad that story makes me. Things like that just rip your heart out as a parent, don't they? I would love to find that man and slap him silly. What type of person would say that?!?

My son is not autistic, but he has a harder time in public than my daughter. Everywhere we go, people ooh and ahh over my girl. We even have had (this is kind of creepy) people ask if they can take her picture. My son though is all rough edges with strangers, and people are always harsher with him, while they will forgive my daughter of anything. It breaks my heart because he is a great boy!

I had a cousin who I was very close to who was severely disabled. The looks and judgments were tough for me even as a kid. I just wanted to yell at them to leave him alone, so this is something that def. touches my heart.

Good luck to you-you sound like a great mom, and that is the most important thing. Just remember that people who treat disabled children that way are just miserable souls. icon_sad.gif

dailey Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 5:19am
post #13 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

It's usually the grown-ups that have problems with autistic children. My son who is four has autism. We were at Home Depot and we saw a gentleman who was wearing a leather jacket. My son loves the feel of leather and touched his arm. He swung around and yelled very loudly "get your retarded kid off of me!" I explained he was autistic and apologized for my son's behaviour. He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it! BTW he had a 3 or 4 year old daughter in the cart with him.




what an a$$hole! sorry, but there is no other word to describe him. oh how i wish i was there...............

xstitcher Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 7:17am
post #14 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by dailey

Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

It's usually the grown-ups that have problems with autistic children. My son who is four has autism. We were at Home Depot and we saw a gentleman who was wearing a leather jacket. My son loves the feel of leather and touched his arm. He swung around and yelled very loudly "get your retarded kid off of me!" I explained he was autistic and apologized for my son's behaviour. He then told me to teach my son some manners. I just couldn't believe it! BTW he had a 3 or 4 year old daughter in the cart with him.



what an a$$hole! sorry, but there is no other word to describe him. oh how i wish i was there...............




Ditto! I'd have liked to be right beside you!

summernoelle Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 2:19pm
post #15 of 39

I take my kids to the park at the mall a lot, and there used to be this autistic little boy there. His parents were constantly apologizing for him, like "I'm sorry, he's autistic" etc. He would come up and want to touch my things and it never was an issue for me.
One day he was there, and I was next to these two women. They were complaining to each other about how the boy was behaving. On and on. He went up to one of their strollers, and touched the drinking straw on one of the fastfood cups. The woman started whining "Oh great. He touched my straw. Now I have to throw away my drink."
The father came over and apologized "I'm sorry, he has autism" and the lady was like "That doesn't excuse his behavior."
The poor dad looked so deflated and exhausted. I wanted to turn and tell that lady she could walk the 20 steps over to the food court and get a new effing straw, but I kept my mouth shut. Hearing these stories, and how these kids are treated, I'm wishing I had said that to her. icon_sad.gif

jlynnw Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 3:41pm
post #16 of 39

my son has asps. He likes having asps, not the full name. He is set in his way. We al have a disablity to some degree. Ignorance is a rampant disability right along with being rude. A cashier has no business talking to anyone about their childs manners, you as a mom have to decide when and where to tell them say please and thank you. He did! My DS is a precious gift. He does odd things and speaks his mind. He has been suspended for making his thoughts known. (he once commented on a girls bra at school that was obviously not covered up, he said that lace was pretty not knowing it was a taboo subject, a bra or of anything else. To him it was just pretty!) Thanks for taking the time to talk to you daughter. Our daughters told us the problem with ds is not his it is the rest of world's lack of manners. I cried for days over their wisdom. He is treated great until parents find out he is not "normal" . Just remember, he is normal with a bit of different way of looking at things. I pity the leather jacket man's child.

jlynnw Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 3:42pm
post #17 of 39

my son has asps. He likes having asps, not the full name. He is set in his way. We al have a disablity to some degree. Ignorance is a rampant disability right along with being rude. A cashier has no business talking to anyone about their childs manners, you as a mom have to decide when and where to tell them say please and thank you. He did! My DS is a precious gift. He does odd things and speaks his mind. He has been suspended for making his thoughts known. (he once commented on a girls bra at school that was obviously not covered up, he said that lace was pretty not knowing it was a taboo subject, a bra or of anything else. To him it was just pretty!) Thanks for taking the time to talk to you daughter. Our daughters told us the problem with ds is not his it is the rest of world's lack of manners. I cried for days over their wisdom. He is treated great until parents find out he is not "normal" . Just remember, he is normal with a bit of different way of looking at things. I pity the leather jacket man's child.

ladyellam Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 3:59pm
post #18 of 39

Thank you ladies for all of your kind words. It really is hard because my son doesn't look "different" so people just assume he is a brat. We were at a indoor playground at the mall and my son was thirsty and he went over to a ladies drink and started to drink from it. I apologized profusely and volunteered to get her a fresh one plus a cookie. She looked at me and said "he's only a kid. He doesn't understand not to drink from another person's drink. He was thirsty and saw something to drink." She took it all in stride but inside it meant the whole world to me!

I did yell at one parent when she told me to teach my son manners. I told her I will give your child my son's autism and see how easy it is to teach them anything. I also told him to get on his knees and thank the Lord above he had a "normal" child.

I love my son and would walk the ends of the Earth for him! God gave me a beautiful child and he is exactly the way He wanted him to be.

On a cool note, when I was talking to my niece about autism she asked me if autism was like freckles. I said yes, some people get them and some people don't. She then said "God really must love Andrew a lot!" I said he sure does!

And to mkolmar- I'm sorry for hijacking your thread. I just loved your story about your daughter and thought to myself, if only your daughter's way of thinking could be the norm the world would be a better place.

indydebi Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 4:44pm
post #19 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyellam

.... if only your daughter's way of thinking could be the norm the world would be a better place.



My best friend went to a parent-teacher conference and was surprised to learn that her daughter had become a best-friend to a child in the class who had a disability (can't remember what it was). The teacher told mom how daughter didn't treat the child different ... they were just two girls playing well together. Teacher said, "I want to compliment her on what she is doing ... but she isn't aware she'd doing anything special and I dont' want to ruin it!"

If your daughter's thinking could be the norm...... thumbs_up.gif

ladyellam Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 7:35pm
post #20 of 39

On a great note, my son got to meet Tiger Woods today. He yelled to Tiger "Go, Tiger!" and he came over and shook Andrew's hand and tousled his hair. And of course gave my son one of his beautiful smiles.

Thank God for nice people!

jlynnw Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 8:45pm
post #21 of 39

It's amazing who some people can be so sweet and only see the beautiful child and how some people only see the bad in everything! icon_evil.gif

My DS would be beyond estatic to have been "breathing" the same air as Tiger! icon_lol.gif I am glad yours got the chance to meet him.

Deb_ Posted 26 Feb 2009 , 9:14pm
post #22 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkolmar

My daughter is 8 and I tried having a talk with her about autism. My son is autistic (asbergers-but is a mild case). He has more social and emotional issues but his IQ is off the charts he's so dang smart.
Anyways, DH and I realized we never had a talk with our daughter about what autism is and how our son is autistic. We didn't want her finding out from someone else and freaking out. Kids seem to think differently than adults and worry if that person will die from it or if they can catch it. We wanted to be the first ones to talk to her for this reason.

I started off the talk with "Honey, do you know what autism is?"

She says "No, we haven't learned that in school yet. We are just going over verbs and nouns." icon_lol.gif




What a great little girl she is!

My son who is in college now, befriended a boy in his 4th grade class that had Asbergers Syndrome. He couldn't understand why Greg didn't have many friends, he found him so "cool and interesting". Greg was pretty much a little genius, he had a thirst for knowledge and Shawn just loved being with him.

When we moved out of that town, my son was just starting high school. He really hated to leave Greg, he was concerned that he wouldn't fit in. The great thing was that some of Shawn's other friends really liked Greg when they got to know him. So he ended up having quite a few friends by then.

Greg's Mom and Dad were so grateful to our son for treating Greg with kindness and respect, and also just allowing him to be his friend. His Mom told me that Shawn was Greg's first real friend. I still tear up when I think of how happy she was when she told me that.

Shawn was too young to understand why they thought it was such a big deal, he truly liked their son. They still stay in contact today, Greg's grown into a fine young man and he's studying to be a Nuclear Engineer.

ladyellam.........I am so sorry that the ignorant adults in this world hurt your son's feelings. I cannot believe how mean and rotten some people are, especially to children. My God, that just makes me so mad and sad at the same time.

mkolmar Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 5:10am
post #23 of 39

ladyellam : I'm glad you told us what you did. Opening up about autism is important. A lot of people don't know much about it and/or how it affects families.

Honestly it all boils down to how people are raised in some situations.
I was raised by my parents to treat elders with respect. My mom and dad always made sure when I was little to treat everyone the same no matter what their circumstances. Ever since I can remember my parents had me around vets who were missing limbs, those with disabilities, the elderly and those who were sick from cancer and such. My mom taught me that everyone can learn from someone else, all we have to do is be willing to open our eyes and ears and receive the information.
My dad always told me that the person you are looking down and picking on today may be your boss tomorrow.

I'll admit when I found out my son was autistic I about lunged across the counter to kill the lady telling me, but the signs where there.
God blessed me with an autistic child! I refuse to look at it any other way. I feel sorry for those people who don't understand or refuse too, they must be lacking some form of love in their black hearts.

My son is considered the popular boy of his class (very very rare for autistic children--this will more than likely change as he gets older). He's in 1st grade and all the kids just love him. There is another autistic boy in his class, that is having a harder time since he has problems communicating properly. (He talks fine, he just has issues communicating) I was told by the teacher that the only person who puts this little boy at ease is my son. My son has no problems understanding him. Trenton came to school late one day from a DR's appt. the teacher said the other little boy was having a hard day until he saw Trent walk in. The class aid and teacher told me you could literally watch the weight be lifted off of his shoulders. That's amazing to me.

All the kids in the class will soon be learning about autism through kids books. They will actually be starting this certain program in certain grades and adding on to help school kids understand autism. The school system has found that if the kids know early what autism is they have no to little issues with the autistic kids since they understand better what they are going through.

Next time someone questions someone with autism as being retarded just ask them if they think Bill Gates or the majority of doctors, scientists, math geniuses and dentists are? People with autism are in good company. In fact some Dr's and scientist think Einstein may have had a mild form of autism.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories of struggles and happiness. It truly is very important.

Callyssa Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 1:29pm
post #24 of 39

Mkolmar....about your son being most popular now and maybe losing that status as he gets older.....my sons have grown up with an autistic child at their school (he's a senior now) and he's ALWAYS been the most popular kid at school! He's hilariously funny, incredibly smart and witty, and always has a huge circle of kids surrounding him. One time he came up to me and said, 'You look like you need a hug!' and proceeded to give me an enormous hug, then backed off a little like, 'wow, what did I just do?!'!! We both laughed at that for quite a while!

mkolmar Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 4:28pm
post #25 of 39

Callyssa- Your son sounds wonderful to be around. My son is really funny and full of energy too. We call him the floater since he'll play a few minutes then backs off to be on his own then goes back to play a few minutes and it keeps happening this way.
I'm glad to read that your son still has lots of friends and is popular. The teachers and principal keep telling me to be prepared for this to change as he gets older. I'm just worried that he'll have hardly any friends down the road. Then again if it doesn't bother him why should it bother me, but we haven't hit this yet. We still have many years of school left though.
He likes hanging out with the kids in class. I hope from a parents point of view that that doesn't change. I'm happy to read that there is others who have kept their friends from childhood.

Callyssa Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 4:59pm
post #26 of 39

I'm sorry if I confused you, my son isn't autistic, he went to school with an autistic boy. I know there are a lot of factors involved as to how social these kids can be, this boy just happened to be very social. Our kids also go to a very small country school (they even still say the Pledge of Allegiance, and sang Christmas songs at Christmas!) and I think that has helped too. I hope the best for your son, and yes, I wish people could be more educated and less judgemental. But then, that wouldn't be our world, would it?!

jlynnw Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 5:51pm
post #27 of 39

it still amazes me how "they" can tell you the future. My DS never had friends until this year. He is not the most popular but he does enjoy friends. I was always told this would never happen. You know what, it does not make a difference, my girls have the same struggles. Focus on the abilities, the disabilities are often all other see.

mkolmar Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 9:27pm
post #28 of 39

Callyssa- sorry, I misread it. That's what I get for only a few hours of sleep broken up and trying to think icon_lol.gif My kids go to a small country school there are only 26 students in the entire first grade. My kids go to the same school my DH and I both graduated from.
Some of the same teachers they have my DH had in grade school. (I moved there in 7th grade).

My daughter struggles enough with school with no disabilities. My autistic son has less problems with school than she does. I'm happy with Trenton no matter what happens. As long as it doesn't bother him, it won't bother me. Life's too busy to let a little thing like autism get in the way. It's a part of him, not the whole him. If someone doesn't want to get to know him or any other child with or without disabilities for some stupid reason then it's their loss.

Deb_ Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 9:51pm
post #29 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkolmar


If someone doesn't want to get to know him or any other child with or without disabilities for some stupid reason then it's their loss.




That's exactly what my son thinks about his friend Greg. He definitely feels that his life has been enriched because of his friendship with him. I have no doubt that they will remain lifelong friends, there isn't anything that Shawn wouldn't do for him, and vice versa.

I do feel that the ignorance of some of these adults that you guys have told us about will be reversed with our kids generation. Our children have been in school with children with special needs since kindergarten. They are much more aware of Autism, Asbergers, Down Syndrome and other disabilities than our generation was.

When I was in school in the 60's these kids were not in the classroom with us. It's great that they are now, they deserve to be. I'm confident that the ignorance will be turned around as our children grow up.

We have GREAT kids, I love their willingness to be so open and accepting, I think their future is bright! icon_wink.gif

ladyellam Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 10:01pm
post #30 of 39

Thank you again ladies. We are off to Disneyland for a couple of days and then to the San Diego Zoo. When Andrew really first started talking it was at Disneyland. We were there for 4 days and in that time, he learned over 70 new words. Now, mind you, before that time his vocabulary was only about 10 words and nothing pertaining to us. I was just totally blown away by all of his words!

For the next few weeks after that trip, his vocabulary expanded and so did his physical skills. He wouldn't swing on the swings or would allow himself to be picked up into the air before Disneyland. He's now half spider monkey and leaps off the furniture. He loves his trampoline, although he does jump gleefully naked lol.

I'm hoping this next trip will be just as rewarding but if not, I'm so impressed with him. I told him when I grow up, I want to be just like him. He kissed me for the very first time when I told him that. I cried like a baby--happy tears though!!!

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