I've Got A No-Napping Baby! I Need Advice!!!

Lounge By thems_my_kids Updated 24 Feb 2009 , 8:59pm by Deb_

thems_my_kids Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 7:19pm
post #1 of 20

He's not my baby, I watch him 3 days a week and this no napping thing is so new to me! My 3 were on a great schedule around 5 or so months old.

He's a sweet baby, but his mom says he doesn't like to be alone and he gets bored easily. He's 5 months old tomorrow. She mostly carries him in a sling all day, which is fine for her, I'm not gonna do that. She talks like she's trying to get him on a schedule, but it's not working from what I see. If he makes any noise at all, she's right there picking him up. He cries *to be* picked up.

Now, I'll admit that I let my kids fuss for a while when I was trying to get them on a schedule. I'm don't buy into that jazz about the baby feeling abandoned or whatever people say about letting a baby cry. I still got big smiles and love from my babies when I went to get them up. So don't judge me on that, please.

I just want some ideas on how to get this little boy to nap better. I'll get him to sleep, he really doesn't fall asleep on his own either, then after 30 minutes you can count on him waking up. I've snuck in and patted him and gave him his pacifier. Sometimes it works, more often than not, it doesn't. 30 minutes is not enough sleep for him. If I get him up then, within 30 minutes, he's furiously rubbing his eyes.

I have the "no cry sleep solution" book, but no time to read it! Any ideas?!?!

19 replies
michellenj Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 7:26pm
post #2 of 20

It's hard when it isn't your child.

I would just follow a schedule and even if the baby doesn't sleep, that's crib time and it is time to rest. Eventually, the baby will get it and start falling asleep. That's what my MIL did when she had her day care business.

KHalstead Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 7:28pm
post #3 of 20

I can only say what worked for me for my kids and kids that I have babysat that were NOT on regular schedules at home.........babies learn!!

Put him on a schedule when he's at your house! My kindergartener sleeps after lunch at school but not at home and she is perfectlly ok with that, there are different schedules for different places.

I would put him to bed while he's fully awake and get him used to falling asleep "on his own", even put him in there with some music or even one of those things that shines pictures up on the ceiling...it'll give him something to listen to or look at while he's drifting off to sleep.

Second, if he wakes up after sleeping only 30 min. I would check on him (don't turn on the light, don't talk, don't smile, be very neutral), just to make sure he's safe and hasn't vomitted or has his leg stuck between the mattress or whatever........just make sure he's visibly ok, if so....leave....let him cry.....if he genuinely is tired he WILL fall back asleep. Reset the music if necessary, but don't pick him up. After a few days of the routine he should start catching on and I am pretty sure his mother will thank you when she gets back a well rested baby!

Good Luck!

Carolynlovescake Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 7:32pm
post #4 of 20

yup, do it even if they don't sleep. They will get the hang of it and learn what you want and their little bodies adjust to it and become ready for it at that time.

Consistancy!

It's not easy to do but it worth it.

thems_my_kids Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 9:10pm
post #5 of 20

Thanks, Ladies. I'm pretty much doing all that, but he can go from 0 to screaming his head off in 2 seconds. I think whatever I accomplish here, gets undone at home. She won't even let him sit in a safe place while she loads her car when they are going out of town for a weekend.

I guess I just needed a little reassurance that what I am doing is ok.

pastryjen Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 1:21am
post #6 of 20

Been there, done that - your house, your rules otherwise it won't be a good fit and it will take all the joy out of watching him.

The best you can do for him is help him to learn to sleep on his own.

summernoelle Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 2:13am
post #7 of 20

The No Cry Sleep Solution is pretty complicated, but it is 100% about a schedule. Honestly it won't work unless the mom does it with you. Have you thought about talking to the mom, trying to help her set up a schedule?

I was like her with my first. It was just us, all day. I would hold him for hours upon hours because I just loved it so much. But it was hard anytime we got a sitter. When you hold a baby that much, they miss you when you are gone.

CakesByJen2 Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 2:34am
post #8 of 20

It sounds like most likely his mother is just preventing him from getting on a schedule and he's just used to being carried all the time. If that's all, then eventually you should be able to get him to adjust, though it may take a while.

But, before we all assume she is just spoiling him, let me ask, what is he like when he's awake? Is he mostly happy, fussy, screaming, what?

The reason I ask is because my son was the absolute worst baby in the world! My daughter was on a schedule by the time she was 4 months, regular naps, regular feedings, a generally typical, happy baby. My son was the opposite. By the time he was 2 months old he would not sleep AT ALL during the day. He would sleep for two 2-3 hour stretches at night, but only 5- 10 minutes during the day.

The thing that was so frustrating is that he could not stay awake while you were feeding him, no matter what we tried, but the second you put him down, he would be awake in 5 minutes, not just crying, but god-awful, blood-curdling screams and he would not stop, no matter how long you let it go on. If he was happy when he was awake it wouldn't be a problem, but he was miserable, cried almost all the time for the first 9 months, unless we were holding him with the pacifier.

He clearly had some kids of issues that unfortunately we and the ped could never totally figure out, but we could not have survived if we had not held him with the pacy so much of the time. He finally started growing out of whatever his problem was around 9 months, and by 1 year was on a fairly normal and predictable schedule, but those first 9 months were pure hell!

Sorry for the long story, but I just wanted to make the point that *sometimes* there may be a good reason for mom carrying the baby around all the time and being unable to get the baby on a schedule, even though in many cases it is just a matter of the mother not really trying to get the baby on a schedule.

indydebi Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 2:39am
post #9 of 20

I was talking to someone just today about this subject. She knows a lady who babysits for a relative and the mom and dad hold the baby ALL THE TIME. The babysitter, who chose to babysit for extra money so she could be a stay-at-home mom for HER kids, is feeling, "I'm not getting to spend any time with MY kid because I have to hold THIS kid all the time!"

Unfortunately, these parents think they are being "good" parents because their child is with them "all the time". They just don't see they are creating emotionally dependent kids. They're not doing it for the kids ... they're doing it for themselves. It's not beneficial to the kids ... but it makes THEM feel like a good parent.

But what everone says is true about different rules for different places. When my grandkids spend the night, they behave great for gramma ... doing all the stuff that mom says they won't do for her!

But isn't that always the way! icon_biggrin.gif

Deb_ Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 3:08am
post #10 of 20

My 2 are 17 months apart, my DD is older.

They were and still are complete opposites. She NEVER napped, not because I carried her all day, she just never did. She did however, sleep for 8 full uninterrupted hours every night from the 1st night we brought her home from the hospital.....so that was a blessing.

But, even though she didn't "sleep" during the day, I still placed her in her crib, with the shades drawn and quiet music playing so she could rest. She would cry a little, but then she would make gurgling noises and laugh etc., but at least she was resting. I did this twice a day for at least 1hr. each time. ( Maybe you could try doing this at the same times each day.) She's almost 21 yrs old now and still requires very little sleep, it's just the way she is. LOL!

My son on the other hand would have slept 20 hrs a day if I let him.....go figure!

At 5 months it's going to be hard for this baby to know what your rules are as opposed to his Mom's. Unless she's willing to work with you, it's going to be tough. The best you can do is to try to keep a schedule while he's with you, and hopefully he'll adapt.

Good luck.

indydebi Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 3:48am
post #11 of 20

CakesByJen, your post hadn't showed up before I hit the enter key on my post, so now I feel bad about making such a blanket statement about parents who think they're being good parents by being with their kid all the time. icon_redface.gif

You're right, of course, that there may be circumstances or issues we're not aware of, and you've offered good inciteful information to us all. thumbs_up.gif

CakesByJen2 Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 12:43pm
post #12 of 20
Quote:
Quote:

CakesByJen, your post hadn't showed up before I hit the enter key on my post, so now I feel bad about making such a blanket statement about parents who think they're being good parents by being with their kid all the time.




That's okay, don't feel bad! Believe me, before I had my son I would've thought anybody that sat in the rocking chair holding their baby all day long was just spoiling them! But Aidan was a very atypical baby. That's why I asked the OP what the baby was like generally. If he's otherwise a relatively happy, just slightly clingy, baby then he probably IS just a little "spoiled" and has become accustomed to being carried all the time.

I still wish I knew what Aidan's problem was, but we never could really figure it out. Now he is a normal, bright, healthy 6 yo, but he does have a somewhat dramatic, negative personality. I swear that first year about killed me, and I still feel a wave of tension and anxiety when I think about it...

koolaidstains Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 1:28pm
post #13 of 20

The mere fact that the mom carries the baby in a sling would not create a dependent baby. It what happens the rest of the time that can make a real difference. I carried all of mine in a sling and they were all different in regards to naps and neediness. Of my four, three got on a regular schedule quickly and took 2-3 hour naps (awesome). But, I had one that would not nap for more than 20 minutes at a time. I wore her in a sling and when she would fall asleep, I'd lay her down, sling and all, but in twenty minutes she'd be up again. She was my biggest baby and grew fast and nursed a lot.

Let's face it babies are going to be different. I do think a 5 month old is very capable of knowing the difference between your home and mom's. So, I say just keep a consistent schedule at your home and the baby will adjust. If you've been trying different things to see what works, then there's no consistency. I say find what works for you!

thems_my_kids Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 4:53pm
post #14 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by CakesByJen2

But, before we all assume she is just spoiling him, let me ask, what is he like when he's awake? Is he mostly happy, fussy, screaming, what?




He's generally a good baby. And I think most of his fussiness stems from not enough sleep. And he honestly cries just to be picked up. For example, I had him upstairs in the bouncy seat with me while I was sorting toys in my son's room. He started crying - a mad cry. As soon as I was finished what I was doing, about 10 minutes later, and picked him up, he stopped immediately. The mom flat out told me she doesn't let him cry. I'm assuming that he's been conditioned that when he cries, he'll be picked up. It's my opinion that you can't spoil a baby between 0-3 months, you have to be careful around month 4 and get that schedule down, because by 5 months they most certainly can be spoiled.

Thanks for responding.

thems_my_kids Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 5:05pm
post #15 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by koolaidstains

The mere fact that the mom carries the baby in a sling would not create a dependent baby. It what happens the rest of the time that can make a real difference. I carried all of mine in a sling and they were all different in regards to naps and neediness. Of my four, three got on a regular schedule quickly and took 2-3 hour naps (awesome). But, I had one that would not nap for more than 20 minutes at a time. I wore her in a sling and when she would fall asleep, I'd lay her down, sling and all, but in twenty minutes she'd be up again. She was my biggest baby and grew fast and nursed a lot.

Let's face it babies are going to be different. I do think a 5 month old is very capable of knowing the difference between your home and mom's. So, I say just keep a consistent schedule at your home and the baby will adjust. If you've been trying different things to see what works, then there's no consistency. I say find what works for you!




It's more than that though, I think. She doesn't try to put him down after he falls asleep in the swing, she carries him in the sling while he's sleeping and he does get good naps that way.

And when he wakes from a 30 minute nap screaming his head off, he didn't get enough sleep. That's the way I see it. If he was happy and able to partially entertain himself after a 30 minute nap, I wouldn't care, but he's rubbing hie eyes furiously and is fussy after only getting 30 minutes. He's not been allowed at home to try to soothe himself when he wakes. Mom either nurses him or picks him up.

I do know that all babies are different. I have a daughter that didn't nap as long as her brothers and stooped napping at age 2, but she was happy. Thanks for responding!

CakesByJen2 Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 6:44pm
post #16 of 20

After hearing more about the situation, it does sound like he has simply been conditioned to think that he's supposed to be held and/or carried all the time.

The waking up so soon is probably also a matter of being conditioned to sleeping in the sling, being all snuggled up and the constant rocking motion. He's probably just having a hard time adjusting to the open-ness and stillness of a crib and startling himself awake with his own movements. Try some "white noise" and one of those vibration attachments for the crib.

My son, when he did sleep, would only sleep in his carseat. When he got too big for that and HAD to sleep in the crib, it took a month or more for him to get used to it and not wake up so often. He was such a restless sleeper we ended up having to turn the monitor off because we weren't geting any sleep because of hearing all his movements and noises he was making in his sleep.

I think you can probably get him napping better eventually, just be patient and consistant. It would go faster if mom was doing the same at home, but that's not likely to happen. And I totally agree, it doesn't hurt to let them fuss a little.

thems_my_kids Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 7:36pm
post #17 of 20

Wouldn't you know that I put him down at 12:15 this afternoon and is still sleeping at 2:30!! He has made some noise in between but just one "WAH" and that was it! I do run a table fan in the room for white noise and to block out my son's noise so it doesn't wake Sam.

I'm amazed!! Gotten a lot done today! icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 8:04pm
post #18 of 20

I never would have thought of a table fan for white noise ... what a great idea!

thems_my_kids Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 8:31pm
post #19 of 20

When we moved into our house, I had the baby's room at the top of the stairs so it'd be easy for me to get to in the middle of the night, not thinking of course that his brother and sister would be running by there every night and every morning. That's why I started with a fan. This one is loud too! All of us actually sleep with one on now.

And said baby is about to turn 4 this Saturday! Where does the time go?!?!?!?

Deb_ Posted 24 Feb 2009 , 8:59pm
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by thems_my_kids

Wouldn't you know that I put him down at 12:15 this afternoon and is still sleeping at 2:30!! He has made some noise in between but just one "WAH" and that was it! I do run a table fan in the room for white noise and to block out my son's noise so it doesn't wake Sam.

I'm amazed!! Gotten a lot done today! icon_smile.gif




Awesome....hopefully they'll be a pattern started now for your sake.

LOL.......I remember when my DD was a baby and wouldn't sleep, we had an old house then and there was a board in the hallway that creaked miserably when you stepped on it. I actually marked it with bright tape, so I wouldn't forget and step on it and disturb her during her quiet time. I wish I had thought of the fan trick! thumbs_up.gif

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