I would like to suggest that we consider these contracts of ours. Everytime I hear someone having an issue and then resolving that they need to add another clause in their contract I wince and wince and wince again.
How about we add that to our list of topics to cover in a consult but not write it into the contract per se.
~~~Graphic Content Alert ~~~
~~~Read Further At Your Own Risk~~~initial here_____
Because these contracts have got to have become some of the scarriest Stephen King type proposals ever.
If the wind should blow while the sun might shine unless it's at night or raining and windlessly still and a mosquito take refuge under a leaf on the west side of the cake...
And there finds a mosquito dragon laying in wait...
And a battle ensues...
Destroying the upper right hand underside of the cake where the side of the pillar closest to the hand made winterberry spray...
Whereas the dragon mercilessly whips the mosquito about with the fondant ribbon...initial here_____
Whereas the sos signals the mosquito sends out result in swarms of deranged hummingbirds to descend upon the sugary creation in a hummerfully euphoric sugar high...
So one hummingbird looses control and poops on the bride's nose on the topper, essentially closing one eye putting the proof in the pudding on the mil's sh*t eating grin...initial here_____
I mean when all you gotta do is put the damn cake in a freaking box in the first place.
>>>Addendum 23.3 Subsection D Paragraph Z:
Whereas if the gps system in the car next to said cake veehical on the freeway feeder ramp causes that car which shall be any other color than perfectly matching the swatch then that car swerveth into the multi-tiered satellite whereas the chocolate ganache-a-mousse within the 6" tier but not the 9" tier slide into the rest of the "anal piping" the hummingbird piped if a hummingbird could pipe poop...initial here_____
Geez give me a break already... initial here_____
I mean seiously, we reveal our entire caking history by the different clauses in our contracts--do we really need to go there for each following order?
Whewwwww, I feel so much better now.
Aw geez.... now I need to clean my screen (after snorting snot all over it).
Thanks fo the chuckle!
Read much Dave Barry...?
I still have clauses to cover my butt, but I did add a tiny line that says basically, "We, in turn, agree to deliver you an awsome cake exactly as ordered, exactly on time".
Gosh, it WOULD be great if we could have a simple statement of "You pay me what I quoted and I'll make the cake/food you ordered."
I think our contracts are a direct reflection on the idiotic thinking of the customers we've run into.
I'm not a cleaning service. I'm not a maintenance staff. But I had to put a clause in my contract to that effect because one Father of the Bride was pi$$ed because he had to tear down tables. I never implied that I tear down tables but because he ASSUMED I was a cleaning service ...... !
As I told the event planner on that one: "I dont' have a clause about not doing the bride's hair the morning of the wedding because I'M NOT A HAIR STYLIST! I don't have a clause about tearing down tables because I'M NOT A CLEANING SERVICE!!!"
Now the pooping hummingbirds is a new one ... gotta watch for that one!