Developing Daughter

Lounge By bakincakin Updated 28 Feb 2009 , 7:57pm by cinderspritzer

bakincakin Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 5:03pm
post #1 of 25

My dd just turned 9 the beginning of Jan. This past Aug. she started to develop pubic hair (not alot) and now her breasts are starting to really "pop" (for lack of better terms). I'm now finding myself comparing her to her friends, which I know is stupid as everyone is different, but I can't help it. Has anybody else gone through this? Is this normal or am I worrying too much? My biggest fear is her starting her menstrual cycle early. Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks

24 replies
JodieF Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 5:55pm
post #2 of 25

It's very hard as a mom when your kids start to change from little ones to the start of adulthood. Your worrying is very normal. But, there's not a thing you can do about when her period is going to start! I would definately talk with her about what's going on. There are really great books you can buy kids to help them understand all the changes. I would have everything prepared also. Buy pads...show them to her. Let her know that you're ready when her body is.
When my daughter started her period we had a celebration! She was starting a new phase of her life. We didn't want her to think it was anything to hide.

Jodie

emrldsky Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 6:25pm
post #3 of 25

Please please please let her know that it's normal, that even though her friends aren't going through it, it's NORMAL!

I was 9.5 years old when I got my first period. I was a B cup by 10 (5th grade). I knew what to do when I started my period, which was good because my mother was in the hospital, having a hysterectomy when it came! lol

Also, if she starts her period that young, you might want to talk with the school nurse and her teacher and let them know, so if she asks to be excused or needs help, she will have someone there for her. It can be really embarrassing to ask to use the bathroom, only to be told no, even if you KNOW you've started and you don't want to announce it to the entire class.

Another good thing...help her keep track of her periods. I was really confused about the 28 day thing when I was young. I was never able to count correctly. Also, if she doesn't develop cramps, she might not have a warning system for when her period starts. You might need to be more active with regards to that, cuz I had a hard time myself. I wish my mom had taken more control, because I sure didn't know when I was going to start.

And if she doesn't get cramps that young, it doesn't mean she never will. I went without until I was 13. icon_sad.gif While it sucked to be in pain, at least I had that warning of when I was starting.

If you have any specific questions, feel free to PM me. I've been in her shoes! icon_biggrin.gif

Good luck!

-Tubbs Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 7:25pm
post #4 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by JodieF

When my daughter started her period we had a celebration! She was starting a new phase of her life. We didn't want her to think it was anything to hide.



I wanted to do this with my dd (13), but she was horrified by the whole thing and just wanted to ignore it and pretend it hadn't happened. She didn't even want me to tell my DH about it. I try to be quite matter-of-fact about it, which I think helps, and each time is more routine for her.

I think the idea of helping your dd with the practical issues is a good one - a calendar is an excellent idea, also ensuring she has supplies, and a note to the teacher (especially for gym) would help.

Make sure she understands what will happen beforehand. One of my friends got her period when we were 9 and she thought she was dying, poor thing. icon_sad.gif

tracycakes Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 7:30pm
post #5 of 25

I went through puberty very early also. I knew it would happen but I wasn't prepared for it when it did because I thought I was too young. I also developed large breasts very early but luckily, 3 of my close friends were the same size so I didn't feel like a freak. Just let her know she is normal and if anyone says anything, they are just jealous. icon_wink.gif

bakincakin Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 7:33pm
post #6 of 25

Thank you. She hasn't started her period yet. I just don't want it to happen so soon for her. She's still too little in my opinion. I have a friend who started in 4th grade, I can't imagine being 9.5. I will be getting books and starting to prepare her for when the time does come.

Our family doctor doesn't think this is typical for a 9 year old and he is referring us to see a pediatrician. I have a feeling I'm going to get there and he is going to tell me there is nothing that can be done and that it's normal anyway. Even if she was developing too fast, I know they can stop it with injections, but I don't think I could/would do that either.

My baby isn't a baby anymore icon_cry.gif

CakesByJen2 Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 7:49pm
post #7 of 25

Developing as early as 9 may not be "typical", but it is totally normal, nothing to worry about. Development widely varies, and just because her breasts are developing now, does not necessarily mean she will start her period this young. There's really nothing you can do about it, so no point in worrying about it. The best thing you can do is just to start to prepare her, just in case. I'm not a believer in having "the talk". It's a lot scarier to a kid if you make a big deal about it and have to have a whole big "talk". Just look for opportunties to give her bits of info here and there, answer any questions she has, and tell her to feel free to ask questions of you or her doctor.

My daughter started developing a lot of pubic hair very young, but her boobs havn't grown much (I'm still waiting for mine to grow, LOL!), and she just now started her period at 13. We had talked about it off and on for the last 3 years, whenever she had questions, and she had been carrying and emergency pad in a sealed envelope in her back-pack for a couple of years (her idea) just in case. So she was prepared, and it was no big deal. She was actually relieved, because she was the last of her friends to start. Now, learning to use a tampon (she's a swimmer, so had to) was a little more traumatic, but after a couple of times she mastered that, too.

emrldsky Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 7:51pm
post #8 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by bakincakin

Thank you. She hasn't started her period yet. I just don't want it to happen so soon for her. She's still too little in my opinion. I have a friend who started in 4th grade, I can't imagine being 9.5. I will be getting books and starting to prepare her for when the time does come.

Our family doctor doesn't think this is typical for a 9 year old and he is referring us to see a pediatrician. I have a feeling I'm going to get there and he is going to tell me there is nothing that can be done and that it's normal anyway. Even if she was developing too fast, I know they can stop it with injections, but I don't think I could/would do that either.

My baby isn't a baby anymore icon_cry.gif




There are cases where they would do that, but only if she were around 5-6 years old. Those are rare cases.

My mother started at an early age, so I did as well. I don't think I was a freak, but I didn't feel NORMAL either. Mostly because I started at the end of 4th grade, and dealt with it mostly in 5th grade. No one else I knew of had started theirs, and all my friends were in training bras (I got mine in 3rd grade).

ziggytarheel Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 9:14pm
post #9 of 25

I don't think it is as unusual as you (and your doctor) might think. My experience also has been that there was quite a gap between those signs of development and starting my period. I was a fairly early developer, probably earlier than your daughter, but still didn't start my period until I was 12. My daughter started developing just about "on time" but was quite late in finally starting her period (probably largely because she was so thin). I know just by spending time in my kids' classrooms that there were girls starting their periods at age nine, but they were mostly overweight. There seems to be a correlation there sometimes. Oh, and let me add that the school I went to in 4th grade had "the film" in the 4th grade, instead of the typical 5th grade. Apparently, way back in...1969/1970, there were girls at our school starting their periods in 4th grade. And apparently the teachers were quite aware of that. We girls figured out that if we brought a purse to school, put it on our shoulders, and asked the teacher to go to the restroom, she would ALWAYS say yes. icon_wink.gif

I say all of this to make this point: there is no need to panic. Your daughter's attitude will be influenced by yours. I know that as 5th grader, I was kind of jealous of the girls who had already started their periods (I know, I had no idea, did I!). It doesn't have to be a bad thing for her.

Deb_ Posted 19 Feb 2009 , 9:54pm
post #10 of 25

My daughter started at age 10. She was/is an athlete, so she's always been thin but muscular. She started getting pubic hair and breast development at age 9 also.

At this time we switched her to the female pediatrician that was in the practice we were going to and she felt a lot more comfortable talking to her instead of the male Dr.

They say that we take after our Moms when it comes to this stuff, but I was almost 14 before I had my first period.

Is your daughter getting moody or extra sensitive about little things that normally wouldn't bother her? This is also an indicator that she may be getting ready to begin her period. All I can say is GOD BLESS YOU ALL, PMS is HELL with pre-teens and teenagers. AARRGGGHHHHH! My DD turns into a bear, she's almost 21 now so it's a little better. icon_lol.gif

Definitely talk to her about the changes in her body. Kids nowadays are so much more aware of what's happening with their bodies then when I was 10.

Man, I was completely clueless. I remember a friend told me that a girl could get pregnant if a boy put his "thing" into a girls pee pee. I'm not kidding, I went around flushing every toilet I pee'd in because I thought a boy may come in after me and put his "thing" in my pee in the toilet and I'd get pregnant. icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif I know, I know but it was the 60's, our Moms didn't talk to us about sex, at least mine didn't. icon_rolleyes.gif

jer702 Posted 20 Feb 2009 , 12:09am
post #11 of 25

My oldest daughter is going to be 7 this year and i'm sooooo dreading this icon_cry.gif I'm hoping that she has plenty of time left before I have to deal with it, but its so scary when you hear about 8 and 9 yr olds going through this. I'm definately taking in all the advice that have been given so far.

krysoco Posted 20 Feb 2009 , 12:38am
post #12 of 25

I've read more than once that a girl's period will start approx. one yr. after breast development.
I've also read often that if a girl is overweight, she's likely to start early.
I wouldnt worry about it.

cakesbycathy Posted 21 Feb 2009 , 3:54pm
post #13 of 25

My DD is only 4, so I have some time to worry about this. But, DH's neices are all teen and tween age. Apparently a really good book to get is the American Girl book (sorry I don't know the exact title).

Also, when I was growing up I never felt like I could talk to my mom about this kind of personal stuff. If your daughter feels like she can come talk to you and not be too embarrassed, I think that will help alot!

Kiddiekakes Posted 21 Feb 2009 , 4:11pm
post #14 of 25

I am also dreading it..My daughter is just turning 6 and I noticed the other night when she was running and wearing a cute little shirt that she is going to be developing really soon also..Doesn't help that she is a bit over weight also and this may be why she is showing too.I am trying to keep her from all the junk food and I stopped buying it months ago but she is almost 6 and weighs 60 lbs...more than her brother who is 2 years older.



Laurel icon_smile.gif

michellenj Posted 22 Feb 2009 , 2:09am
post #15 of 25

I was one ofo the first girls in my class to get my period, it was right after I turned 11. My mother never had "the talk" with me, but at some point I had read the Judy Blume bood "Are you There, God? It's me, Margaret", so I knew what it was. I didn't tell my mom, I just stole pads from her and crammed my dirty underwear into my night stand drawer, and the lady who cleaned our house found my stash and told my mom.

I wish that she had talked to me about it, and helped me realize that it was natural and alright, and not something to be ashamed of.

dailey Posted 22 Feb 2009 , 2:59pm
post #16 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

I was one ofo the first girls in my class to get my period, it was right after I turned 11. My mother never had "the talk" with me, but at some point I had read the Judy Blume bood "Are you There, God? It's me, Margaret", so I knew what it was. I didn't tell my mom, I just stole pads from her and crammed my dirty underwear into my night stand drawer, and the lady who cleaned our house found my stash and told my mom.

I wish that she had talked to me about it, and helped me realize that it was natural and alright, and not something to be ashamed of.





oh i loved that book!!! really taught us girls alot, didn't it?? and who can forget "wifey". i had to hide that one, lol!

michellenj Posted 22 Feb 2009 , 3:39pm
post #17 of 25

I checed "Forever" out from my school library when I was in 7th or 8th grade. My mom found it and went to the school and raised holy he!!

I read all of Judy Blume's books.

bakincakin Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 12:59am
post #18 of 25

Thank you, thank you thank you all for making me feel better about the whole thing. Her Medical Dr. is a male, and he himself admitted he wasn't "up" on all this stuff like he should be and that's why he felt he should refer her to a pediatrician. I think I'm going to cancel this appointment after hearing everybody's experience and coming to realize that this is normal. I myself didn't start my period until I was about 13, so hopefully she will take after me. thumbs_up.gif

Again, thanks for making a panicked mom feel better.

CakesByJen2 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 2:51am
post #19 of 25

Actually, if I were you I'd keep the appointment, and strongly consider switching doctors to a female pediatrician. If her doctor didn't realize that it was perfectly normal to start developing at 9, then IMHO, he has no business treating children or adolescents. She's going to start being very uncomfortable seeing a male doctor anyway. A pediatrician is really going to be much more qualified to deal with all the developmental, medical, and behavioral issues that go along with adolesence.

ccr03 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 3:00am
post #20 of 25

I was kind-of lucky. I have three older sisters, so by the time my mom got to me she kind-of had the 'talk' down. I think I got the mensual talk in about fourth grade and started in fifth. I know I started (age-wise) befor two of my other sisters. So what you are saying does not seem completely odd to me.
I would definitely talk to her though. I remember when I was in the third grade, I was called into the school office to translate for a fifth grader. Her mother had not given her the mensual talk and she was FREAKING out when she got it. I have never forgotten that.

koolaidstains Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 4:51am
post #21 of 25

The American Girl book is awesome! I don't remember the exact title either. I think it's something like you and your body? It's very kids friendly, very informative, and age appropriate. It has pictures, but they're still drawings so it's not too graphic. It talks about everything not just "periods." It talks about personal hygiene, changing moods, awkward feelings and stuff like that. I got it for my daughter when she was 8. She had seen me using pads and tampons and started asking questions. She was funny because for a while she was asking all sorts of stuff. I tried to be straight forward and still age appropriate.

I've got this great book about where babies come from and the differences between boys and girls. It's all done in drawings too. It's somewhat graphic, but not the way pictures would be. The only thing I haven't done yet is talk about sexual intercourse and I need to do that now. My oldest daughter is going to be 11 in a week and my next oldest 10 in June.

When I was growing up, books would magically appear in my room, but my mother never said one word about it. She was a teacher and even took me with school to see "the movie" when I was younger that the age they showed the movie, but again never talked to me about it. I was WAY too embarrasses to ask anything. So, I've given my girls books and talked to them some and told them if they had questions as they read to books to ask and I will always be honest with them. I also told them that if they got info from friends to ask me because I will always tell them what's true. The awful things for me was that while I knew all about periods, and eggs and sperm and I never really knew what sex was. I never understood how the sperm got to the egg, as in the "p" fits into the "v." I don't want that for my girls!

CakesByJen2 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 1:02pm
post #22 of 25
Quote:
Quote:

The awful things for me was that while I knew all about periods, and eggs and sperm and I never really knew what sex was. I never understood how the sperm got to the egg, as in the "p" fits into the "v."




Same here! My mom gave me very clinical info, but none of the practical info about how the sperm actually gets to the egg. I had to pick all that up from hearing kids talk, and reading dirty novels.

juledcakes Posted 27 Feb 2009 , 10:43pm
post #23 of 25

I just wanted to add in my own experiences.. I started to develop breasts when i was 9(4th grade.. all the women on both sides of my family are large chested I was a very thin child so I wouldnt beliece all the stuff about being overweight) but I didnt get my period until I was 12. MY biggest piece of advice is to be honest and open with your daughter and let her know that she can always come to you when she has questions. I know I was heavily targeted when i started to develop because I was the only so I tended to slouch and wear baggy shirts so that people would stop staring so its important for her to understand that she shouldnt be ashamed of what she looks like. Im also the oldest of 4 girls and even thought my mom is very open and really close to all of us my youngest 2 sisters(twins) came to me when they got their first periods just because they were more comfortable so any kind of support system she can have is very benificial for her. Hope this helps if you need anything else feel free to pm me.

julia

sweetness_221 Posted 28 Feb 2009 , 6:11am
post #24 of 25

My DD is also going through this and she is 9. She's been starting to develop for a while now. I even took her to the dr to make sure it was all ok. Her pediatrician who is wonderful said that it is becoming more and more normal now. He said girls are starting to develop at a younger age and he also said that overweight girls develop sooner as well. He told me that girls now are starting to develop as young as 7. Scary stuff. I've spoken with my DD several times about her changes in her body and what to expect with her period. It was very strange to have this conversation with an 8 year old. I looked at her the other day and she now is getting curves. "sigh" Where is my baby at? I knew that she was going to get older, but did it have to happen so soon??

cinderspritzer Posted 28 Feb 2009 , 7:57pm
post #25 of 25

The average age for girls to start periods now is reported in medical journals as being 10. So 9 isn't anything to worry about. They're more likely to start if they have higher body fat. And athletic girls will probably miss months at a time if their body fat percentage drops below 16%... So yeah. Now you know. Just make sure you talk to your daughters about it so they don't go through the whole ''I'm hemorrhaging!'' think like Vada in ''My Girl''... icon_smile.gif

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