Is He Cheating Or Am I Reading To Much In To This??

Lounge By mw1314 Updated 14 Mar 2009 , 6:19pm by krysoco

mw1314 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 4:03pm
post #1 of 34

icon_cry.gif So My dh was getting ready for a bussness trip . A couple days before he leaves he is playing with his cell phone , changing the ringer so he can tell who's calling my the ringer ( ok, whatever ) Now while is gone he only calls me at either 10am ( I'm at work ) or 4pm when he is leaving. So a couple times during the week I call him 1) he never picks up the off 2) when he does call back ( he's always out side having a smoke ) so the night before he is to come home he calls me at about 11:20Pm ( he's outside having a smoke ) we talk a couple of minnute and he says he going up to the room wants to hang up, I say why can't you talk to me on the way to your room, he says Well I guess I could but I do'nt want to . A couple mintines later I call him back ( forgot to mention something ) no answer , call again no answer . Now i realize that the calls are being rejested , I called at least 7 more times , he doen't pick up . So he calls in back about 20 minutes later , again outside have a smoke . So I get upset Why can't he talk to me in his room?? He goes down 5 floors and outside to call me !!! He said the phone was on silent. HE come home and we talk about this
He says he did'nt always here the phone ( but he did rejest the calls ! )
he said some times it felt like I was a ball & chain. then he make a conment about how good hugs feel so who have you been hugging that hugs feel good, he says his co-workers are big huggers I told him that was inaprobeated ( can't spell) , he did'nt care he said a hug was harmless I told him that if your hugging someone that close and tight for it to feel good it's not harmless ( who hugs at work !! at my work we shake hands ) He said everyone hugs you when to get their and when you leave , what do you do make it a effect to go to these ladys cubitacle for your greeting hug and good buys hug . Am I ready to much in to this or is he cheating ?? Yes you walk into the room he's on the computer and he quikly close the page . My kids have seen him texting ( I checked the phone record and he's not texting from his phone ( but does he have another phone ?? ) He's beening getting up every morning at 6am no matter what , goes into the office for an hour ( says he's reading the paper ) then will get ready for work or if its a weekend goes back to bed What up

33 replies
maryjsgirl Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 4:59pm
post #2 of 34

I think regardless if he is cheating or not you two have some major relationship issues. It doesn't sound like he has much respect for you. Even if you were to find out he isn't cheating, in my opinion his behavior is completely unacceptable.

Tita9499 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 5:02pm
post #3 of 34

Ask him flat out if he is or he isn't.

I agree with the previous poster, even if he isn't you both need to talk about some underlying issues. There's definitely a communication problem and trust issues.

I pray everything works out well for you and your DH.

michellenj Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 7:38pm
post #4 of 34

If I were you I would do some more investigating. Have you checked the history on his computer? I'd also go through his wallet, briefcase, and car. Just be prepared to deal with what you may find out. Hopefully, it will be nothing. Good luck.

kaat Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 8:51pm
post #5 of 34

I totally agree with the first two replies. As for going through his things, if you decide to go ahead and snoop be prepared for the consequences of what you may or may not find. Will going through his things really prove anything or just make it worse. I definitely think you both need to deal with this and soon.

indydebi Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 9:23pm
post #6 of 34

Sounds like you two basically have a disconnect.

If these actions were from my hubby, I wouldn't think "cheating". It sounds like he has outside friendships that he doesn't want to share with you. My question would be why doesn't he want to share the friendship with you? Is it a potential girlfriend or is he afraid you'll THINK it's a potential girlfriend.

I know some women consider it "cheating" if their hubby just talks to another woman, but I don't. My hubby has LOTS of female friends .... and the diff I see here is my hubby openly tells me about all of his female friends. I even ask him which girlfriend he had lunch with today! icon_lol.gif

I had a job where I traveled a lot and spent about 1/2 the month in hotels. It's hard to talk on a phone walking thru a hotel lobby; you tend to lose signals in an elevator; you don't want to have a private phone conversation in an elevator if there are other people in there. I would FREQUENTLY talk to hubby while outside having a smoke and would end the call when I headed up to the room.

On my job, I was ALWAYS on the phone. Once I got into the hotel room, I just wanted to crash and relax. The last thing I wanted to do was talk on the phone. And if I had a "visitor" in my room (which for the record, didn't happen! icon_biggrin.gif ), all I had to do was tell the visitor to be quiet while I was on the phone. Not talking to you while he's not in the room is no where close to an indicator of cheating or not. At least not to me.

With your concerns about his actions and his comments about hugs, it sounds like you two have other issues to resolve. Maybe you can talk with a pastor or counselor to try to sort out what's bothering both of you.

chutzpah Posted 14 Feb 2009 , 4:52am
post #7 of 34

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?

summernoelle Posted 14 Feb 2009 , 5:06am
post #8 of 34

The phone calls while he is away-not too weird because he might not have a good signal, or he could just be exhausted. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be upset about that, but that it is a possibility.

What worries me is that he says your are the ball and chain, and then the hugging stuff. The "hugging" and then complaining to you about it, is a MAJOR red flag. And the texting, and the clearing of messages. He is covering up something.

You need to drag him to a marriage counselor immediately. You can't wait on this. If he is thinking about an affair, then you can possibly stop it and discover what has gone wrong. If he has already started an affair, then you may still be able to save the marriage before the other woman gets her claws in too deep. But you have to act now, and get into therapy within the next few days.

If you want my honest, and not blunted, opinion-he's cheating or getting close to it. Please, please, please try to get help to keep your kid's family together.

maryjsgirl Posted 14 Feb 2009 , 5:43am
post #9 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?





She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:04pm
post #10 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?




She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.




She joined March 2008........I'm with chutzpah, she's a lurker that needs to turn her spell check on immediately. icon_lol.gif

Honestly, if anyone called my phone 7 times in a row I'd ignore them too. That is very immature, which could be one reason why there are problems in your marriage.

When my husband is on a business trip, he calls me when he can. Usually it's when he's not in meetings and not out to dinner with colleagues. The last thing he needs is a nagging wife that whines because he's not showing me any attention while he's trying to work.

When I'm out of town on business I do the same, and yes we just may have dinner with someone of the opposite sex, but it's business and we both trust and respect each other. If you can't or won't trust your spouse, than your marriage is already doomed, affair or no affair.

Don't ask thousands of strangers if we think your husband is cheating on you, ask him. But, you better be prepared for what he may tell you.

Sorry, if this sounds like tough love, but your post is completely puzzling to me............ icon_rolleyes.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:05pm
post #11 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?




She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.




She joined March 2008........I'm with chutzpah, she's a lurker that needs to turn her spell check on immediately. icon_lol.gif

Honestly, if anyone called my phone 7 times in a row I'd ignore them too. That is very immature, which could be one reason why there are problems in your marriage.

When my husband is on a business trip, he calls me when he can. Usually it's when he's not in meetings and not out to dinner with colleagues. The last thing he needs is a nagging wife that whines because he's not showing me any attention while he's trying to work.

When I'm out of town on business I do the same, and yes we just may have dinner with someone of the opposite sex, but it's business and we both trust and respect each other. If you can't or won't trust your spouse, than your marriage is already doomed, affair or no affair.

Don't ask thousands of strangers if we think your husband is cheating on you, ask him. But, you better be prepared for what he may tell you.

Sorry, if this sounds like tough love, but your post is completely puzzling to me............ icon_rolleyes.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:06pm
post #12 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?




She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.




She joined March 2008........I'm with chutzpah, she's a lurker that needs to turn her spell check on immediately. icon_lol.gif

Honestly, if anyone called my phone 7 times in a row I'd ignore them too. That is very immature, which could be one reason why there are problems in your marriage.

When my husband is on a business trip, he calls me when he can. Usually it's when he's not in meetings and not out to dinner with colleagues. The last thing he needs is a nagging wife that whines because he's not showing me any attention while he's trying to work.

When I'm out of town on business I do the same, and yes we just may have dinner with someone of the opposite sex, but it's business and we both trust and respect each other. If you can't or won't trust your spouse, than your marriage is already doomed, affair or no affair.

Don't ask thousands of strangers if we think your husband is cheating on you, ask him. But, you better be prepared for what he may tell you.

Sorry, if this sounds like tough love, but your post is completely puzzling to me............ icon_rolleyes.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:16pm
post #13 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?




She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.




She joined March 2008........I'm with chutzpah, she's a lurker that needs to turn her spell check on immediately. icon_lol.gif

Honestly, if anyone called my phone 7 times in a row I'd ignore them too. That is very immature, which could be one reason why there are problems in your marriage.

When my husband is on a business trip, he calls me when he can. Usually it's when he's not in meetings and not out to dinner with colleagues. The last thing he needs is a nagging wife that whines because he's not showing me any attention while he's trying to work.

When I'm out of town on business I do the same, and yes we just may have dinner with someone of the opposite sex, but it's business and we both trust and respect each other. If you can't or won't trust your spouse, than your marriage is already doomed, affair or no affair.

Don't ask thousands of strangers if we think your husband is cheating on you, ask him. But, you better be prepared for what he may tell you.

Sorry, if this sounds like tough love, but your post is completely puzzling to me............ icon_rolleyes.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:17pm
post #14 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryjsgirl

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

You're kidding me.

Your very first post on a forum and you totally air your (and your husband's) private life? Asking thousands of complete strangers if they think your husband is unfaithful?




She is more than likely a regular who made an anonymous account to post this. That is what I assumed anyways.




She joined March 2008........I'm with chutzpah, she's a lurker that needs to turn her spell check on immediately. icon_lol.gif

Honestly, if anyone called my phone 7 times in a row I'd ignore them too. That is very immature, which could be one reason why there are problems in your marriage.

When my husband is on a business trip, he calls me when he can. Usually it's when he's not in meetings and not out to dinner with colleagues. The last thing he needs is a nagging wife that whines because he's not showing me any attention while he's trying to work.

When I'm out of town on business I do the same, and yes we just may have dinner with someone of the opposite sex, but it's business and we both trust and respect each other. If you can't or won't trust your spouse, than your marriage is already doomed, affair or no affair.

Don't ask thousands of strangers if we think your husband is cheating on you, ask him. But, you better be prepared for what he may tell you.

Sorry, if this sounds like tough love, but your post is completely puzzling to me............ icon_rolleyes.gif

Deb_ Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 10:18pm
post #15 of 34

trying to edit because this posted 6 times icon_eek.gif I only hit submit ONCE I swear! icon_rolleyes.gif

michellenj Posted 15 Feb 2009 , 11:46pm
post #16 of 34

OP-what's going on? Fill us in. I hope you're okay.

chutzpah Posted 16 Feb 2009 , 7:37am
post #17 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

trying to edit because this posted 6 times icon_eek.gif I only hit submit ONCE I swear! icon_rolleyes.gif




Naaahhhh.... you know you hit it six times 'cause you're irritated and really want to make your point! icon_wink.gif

Deb_ Posted 16 Feb 2009 , 12:58pm
post #18 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

trying to edit because this posted 6 times icon_eek.gif I only hit submit ONCE I swear! icon_rolleyes.gif



Naaahhhh.... you know you hit it six times 'cause you're irritated and really want to make your point! icon_wink.gif




Do you think all 6 posts count towards my rank icon_razz.gif ?

Deb_ Posted 16 Feb 2009 , 1:06pm
post #19 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly

trying to edit because this posted 6 times icon_eek.gif I only hit submit ONCE I swear! icon_rolleyes.gif



Naaahhhh.... you know you hit it six times 'cause you're irritated and really want to make your point! icon_wink.gif




Do you think all 6 posts count towards my rank icon_razz.gif ?

EDIT............it's happening again icon_redface.gif

Karema Posted 16 Feb 2009 , 9:02pm
post #20 of 34

ok for real how would we know if he is cheating on you? You sound really insecure and you need to deal with that first. When my husband was out of town for two weeks I was sad because he was gone and missed him like crazy. I couldnt really call him because he was in meetings all day. I had to wait until he called me at night and said hi. Even then He couldnt talk that long because he had work to do and had to get to bed to get up in the morning. I even heard people in his room before and even heard a girl one time. He was studying for his insurance licence and was offering her a little help. I had to trust him period. He told me that he left the door open while she was there. I didnt freak out and try checking his phone when he got home. If you want to know if he is cheating ask him and ask him for the truth and be done with it. We dont know because we dont have enough info and we dont know your relationship and what it was like in the past. So bottom line talk to your husband!

summernoelle Posted 16 Feb 2009 , 10:36pm
post #21 of 34

It's good for you to trust him, Karema. icon_smile.gif That is great for you, having a strong marriage!

My deal with this situation is the change in attitude towards her, and the enjoyment of physical attention from women at work. In my mind, big huge warning sign. My DH and I sometimes get annoyed, frustrated, etc. But at the end of the day we love each other, and have an attitude of a couple who loves each other. It's when at the end of the day he looks at her with disdain, openly telling her she isn't meeting his needs that is scary.

My husband is difficult to get a hold of on business trips, but I do not call him, in case he is in a meeting, or dinner with the boss, etc. The calling part in the situation to me is a non issue.

Sorry, I have a friend who had this problem, and this was how it started. The attitude towards her. You have to watch out.

But it seems like the OP isn't going to repost-I hope no one scared her off!

krysoco Posted 20 Feb 2009 , 12:43am
post #22 of 34

Go w/your gut instinct. If you suspect something, you're prolly right. Especially him suddenly closing his computer when your in the area. Very suspicious. He's hiding something. He may not be cheating but something you wouldn't approve of. Ask first, if things continue in the same directions, investigate.

moxey2000 Posted 20 Feb 2009 , 2:41pm
post #23 of 34

How about instead of being suspicious, worrying, and snooping you do the opposite? My husband is a quiet sort who just doesn't give details, especially not like I do, and he liked to go out with the guys. In the early years of our marriage I was suspicious of everything and worried when he was out with the guys that something was going on. This caused a lot of fights and made me upset a lot. Then I realized that the only person this was really upsetting was me. I realized that I couldn't change his behavior, but what I could change was my own and also the way that I responded to him. I decided not to allow myself to get upset anymore. It wasn't easy and it took practice. I also became more loving and affectionate, initiated sex more often, and reminded myself of all the reasons I married him in the first place.

Guess what happened? He in turn became more communicative, more affectionate, and started staying home more. We will be married 13 years this year and it just gets better and better.

Try seeing yourself as your husband sees you. If he thinks you're being the 'ball and chain' then maybe that's the way you make him feel. Greet him lovingly and sincerely, stop making accusations, give him the hugs that he's getting elsewhere, tell him with your words and actions that you love him and that he's important to you. Make him want to come home and want to call you. If this doesn't help then you will at least know that you tried.

Monkess Posted 22 Feb 2009 , 5:03am
post #24 of 34

It seems the op dropped off the radar...knock..knock are u there?

Michele01 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 4:57am
post #25 of 34

It gets quite annoying on here sometimes how people have to reply to a post in a rude way. If you don't have anything to comment back to help the OP, then why even say anything. That would be like always commenting on a cake pic, just cause you looked at it. I bet you don't do that though? That to me is Childish, and seems like people are just trying to rack in the posts. Stuff like this really agitates me. Maybe the OP doesn't like to comment, but researches cake stuff. Regardless, she is in a situation that she wanted help on. She probably said forget it, after reading some of the comments. I know once I posted something on here looking for support, and got a rude comment back when I really needed support. (and this was a cake related topic). I as well just forgot about my post and didn't reply back either. I just don't get it. (sorry, not feeling good and moody) icon_mad.gif

Anyway, about your situation. When my hubby is on business trips, I don't call him at all. It's hard to tell when he is in his conferences (which are usually all day, into the evening), then they go to dinner, and then bed after a long day. He will sometimes call me in the morning, but not usually. He is not a morning person and is usually running late. Then I may get a call before he goes to dinner, and occasionally before he goes to bed. So maybe 2 calls at the most. I probably would have been ticked off too if he told me he didn't want to talk to me either, and then mentioned the hug thing. I don't know if he is cheating on you, but it seems he may not be happy in the marriage. Regardless, you need to straight out talk with him. Hope that helps.

chutzpah Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 7:18am
post #26 of 34

"rack in the posts"?

On CC, does one get extra-credit for how many posts one has?

Michele01 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 1:50pm
post #27 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

"rack in the posts"?

On CC, does one get extra-credit for how many posts one has?





I am refering to posting more to change your status. (regular member, frequent member, etc.)

michellenj Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 2:06pm
post #28 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

"rack in the posts"?

On CC, does one get extra-credit for how many posts one has?




The first one to a million wins. It'll prob be Indybebi, though. icon_lol.gif

Michele01 Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 3:16pm
post #29 of 34

It's funny that the post comment is the only thing that concerns people. Not the fact that certain people make psots that shouldn't be posted. Whatever!

chutzpah Posted 23 Feb 2009 , 4:49pm
post #30 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michele01

Quote:
Originally Posted by chutzpah

"rack in the posts"?

On CC, does one get extra-credit for how many posts one has?




I am refering to posting more to change your status. (regular member, frequent member, etc.)




Aha.... now I get it. Do people really do this? Post lots to change their status? Sheesh.

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