How Do You Handle Jealous People??

Business By CakeDiva70 Updated 17 Feb 2009 , 9:34am by Curtsmin24

CakeDiva70 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:09am
post #1 of 47

We had a employee dessert contest, and I entered. I am well known in the office for my desserts ..........they just love them. While I am setting up my dessert display a coworker says that I should not be allowed to enter. Then there were other comments through out the day. My question to you: do you get the green-eyed monster and if so, how do you handle. I just think it is crazy for grown women to act so petty over an office competition. BTW, I won in the category of Best Tasting. I was told that they wanted to give me Best Tasting and Best Presentation, but you can only win for 1. I will go with Best Tasting ......... it works for the business.

46 replies
indydebi Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:15am
post #2 of 47

congrats on your win!!

Here's how I deal with those people: "Who cares? Who's next!"

lostincake Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:21am
post #3 of 47

Yeah...just let them wallow in their petty thoughts and let it roll right off your shoulders.

You can't help nor change their attitudes which are at this point (since we ARE talking adults here) way past the point of being moldable. If they were friends, they would be happy for you. Just don't let it get to you, it is as you put it just jealousy.

Congrats on your win and enjoy it!

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:33am
post #4 of 47

I try to brush it off (even though I want to mush there faces with cake) It starts to get really annoying after a while. I had an instructor not too long ago that was constantly giving me the green eye and I would try not to show my talent so much because I didn't want her to feel bad. I got tired of it and started to put out my best work. Let's just say she wasn't too happy about that. I recieved a lot of positive feedback from other instructors and students and now I don't even care anymore about what she thinks. I do really well and that's all that matters to me. I never took any pictures of my best work and that is the only regret that I have because now I don't have much to put in my portfolio. Don't let it get to you.

CakeDiva70 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:36am
post #5 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

congrats on your win!!

Here's how I deal with those people: "Who cares? Who's next!"





I love it.......straight to the point.............I guess I need to learn to ignore these people.

ceshell Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:38am
post #6 of 47

OK I am on the fence about that. I mean, you have to admit, the concept of an office competition is that everyone there in the office are a bunch of amateurs, so the odds are even. When you are a professional, it kind of takes the fun out for everyone else. Imagine if it was an office sports activity, like skiing (ok that's a reach, but work with me, I'm trying to think of an individual's sport) and one of you was an olympic skiier...I sure wouldn't want to compete against you! If I worked in an office with Aine2 and Sugarshack you can BET that I would feel like it would be pointless to enter a cake-decorating contest. That is why some competitions even have amateur and professional divisions, so you compete against comparable entrants.

I guess my point is, they just felt outmatched, and they unfortunately felt the need to voice it to you (which IS rude). The people who made those remarks just feel bad that they can't possibly measure up to your obvious talents. I don't think they were trying to insult you or denigrate your work...in fact it was a backhanded compliment.

That said, the really stupid thing though, is: yes they CAN try to measure up. I mean, rather than "admit defeat" any one of them could do a little research and come up with something spectacular. I am known as "the baker" amongst my friends (I am NOT a professional) but a gal who cooks everything from the box won the dessert competition at a friendly party, with a simply kahlua-soaked cake. I was shocked, my recipe was a shoo in! But she came up with something better, bless her heart.

I wish there was a little leeway to compromise...some way that your coworkers could enjoy the fun of the competition without feeling that your talents sort of made the whole contest a moot point. It surely would be preferable if they could just enjoy all of the goodies.

indydebi Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:50am
post #7 of 47

If you wanted to keep the peace in the office, why not volunteer to be a judge in these competitions instead of an entrant?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curtsmin24

.... and I would try not to show my talent so much because I didn't want her to feel bad.



I'm gonna come down to florida and smack the snot outta you! This is just like girl in high school pretending to be dumb so she wouldn't be smarter than the boys so the boys would ask her out.

We've come a long way, baby ... please don't take us backwards with mentalities like this one! icon_biggrin.gif

When you're good at something, don't hold it back. Excel with those talents you were born with!

"Those who have it, flaunt it. And those who don't have it, b*itch about those of us who do!" icon_biggrin.gif (quote attributed to indydebi 30+ years ago!!)

Melvira Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:56am
post #8 of 47

Ok, I swear this just came up for me last week! I am a SAHM though... it was my husband's office. They sent out a notice about a dessert contest and there will be a prize... AND I WAS EXCLUDED BY NAME. icon_eek.gificon_evil.gif That was a load of BS. Well, it turned out that my hubs didn't get the whole story before he got the email, so he told me what it said before his boss came and clarified to him. It turns out that their intention was to have me judge it, which I have since agreed to do, and they were supposed to approach him about that BEFORE the general memo went out. Anyway, although I do understand where they're coming from (who wants Michael Phelps competing in the swim competition at the local Y, right?) they could've handled it much better by saying that no SPOUSES were allowed to enter... that the employee had to be the one to make the dish. Anyway, I talked it over and have decided to talk smack about their cooking to my mom on the drive home just to make me feel better! Hehehe... I'm kidding. These are very nice people and I like them. I was just informed poorly about this. Had it been handled the way they intended (If hubby's boss hadn't dropped the ball) I'd have not been offended at all.

Melvira Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:59am
post #9 of 47

Oh, and I'm not lying to myself about WHY they wanted me to judge... it was to keep me out of the competition of course, but still... kind of flattering.

And if I worked in an office with Aine2 I'd be so busy wetting myself with joy and writing down everything she did... I wouldn't have time to enter the office bake off! Hehehe.

-Tubbs Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 1:13am
post #10 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melvira

And if I worked in an office with Aine2 I'd be so busy wetting myself with joy and writing down everything she did...



I'm sure her photocopying skills are second to none! icon_lol.gif

lostincake Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 6:37am
post #11 of 47

If this is an office competition and you work in the office, then you should have the right to compete without being made to feel bad about entering. I'm sure it was set up in the spirit of fun and to promote employee morale (or else why would they do it at all?) so why all the negativity?

IMO, if you work in this office the same as everyone else competing and you happen to have an interest in cake decorating & desserts then excluding you from competing is no different than excluding someone from say a "fun" office talent competition or singing competition just because they happen to play in a band on the side.

Most likely, you became so skilled at desserts because you spent your own free time practicing and perfecting your skill. Why shoudn't you be allowed to participate? I'm sure they don't have only dessert contests exclusively, so there would be opportunity for others to win other competitions that they have a gift for or a talent in.

In the office I used to work in, they had contests for best short stories all the time. Everyone was allowed to enter even though obviously there would be some that are more gifted in this area than others. We also had talent shows where there was a prize for the best act and singing competitions for best singers.

The point of all these competitions was to promote employee morale. Those who choose to see it as anything other than that (and thus behave negatively) are missing the point entirely and being IMO "petty".

Curtsmin24 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 8:52am
post #12 of 47
Quote:
Quote:

I'm gonna come down to florida and smack the snot outta you! This is just like girl in high school pretending to be dumb so she wouldn't be smarter than the boys so the boys would ask her out.

We've come a long way, baby ... please don't take us backwards with mentalities like this one!

When you're good at something, don't hold it back. Excel with those talents you were born with!

"Those who have it, flaunt it. And those who don't have it, b*itch about those of us who do!" (quote attributed to indydebi 30+ years ago!!)




It was at a culinary school, and it sucked big time. I made a wedding cake and let my partner design it because I didn't want it to be over the top. This lady was in charge of my grade and I had talked to all of the school officials about the situation and they didn't do anything about it. I felt like I was going through bootcamp all over again ( drill sargeant hanging over my shoulder and all up in my ear). We did a christmas buffet and I did a gumpaste display and everyone loved it. (I flaunted it very well, I might say) She was trying to nitpick at everything!!! I felt like I was being critiqued by kerry vincent at a cake competition) It was school and it was supposed to be fun but I was stressed out. I needed to be slapped!!
Btw, if you come to Florida, i'm taking you to bush gardens!! I need a travel buddy for when hubby goes to Iraq in May!!! icon_wink.gif

Brontecakes Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 9:38am
post #13 of 47

Don't you dare stop entering these competitions.
My mother has won the sponge cake making competition at our local show almost every year for about the last 39 years. She is in her mid 70s and a friend of hers is nearly 80. The friend has been trying to beat my mother for all those years. It must have been very discouraging for her but 2 years ago she finally did it. She won. And then they both retired from that section. Mum had always said she would quit when she got beaten and her friend wanted to go out a winner!

My friend and I decided last year that finally we might have a chance to win. Our entries went up to the judge and she decided that neither were good enough for 1st so she awarded us equal second!!! Even when my Mum wasn't competing I still couldn't beat her. LOL

The point I am trying to make is that someone is always going to be better than you at something, its up to you to strive to become as good (if not better) than them. You are only as good as your competition! And by the sound of it you are pretty good competition.....they should be striving to become as good (or better) than you rather than sniping about your skills! icon_smile.gif

julzs71 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 11:09am
post #14 of 47
Quote:
Quote:


It was at a culinary school, and it sucked big time. I made a wedding cake and let my partner design it because I didn't want it to be over the top. This lady was in charge of my grade and I had talked to all of the school officials about the situation and they didn't do anything about it. I felt like I was going through bootcamp all over again ( drill sargeant hanging over my shoulder and all up in my ear). We did a christmas buffet and I did a gumpaste display and everyone loved it. (I flaunted it very well, I might say) She was trying to nitpick at everything!!! I felt like I was being critiqued by kerry vincent at a cake competition) It was school and it was supposed to be fun but I was stressed out. I needed to be slapped!!
Btw, if you come to Florida, i'm taking you to bush gardens!! I need a travel buddy for when hubby goes to Iraq in May!!! icon_wink.gif



Are you stationed at MacDill? I love it in Tampa. My husband will be with your husband in Iraq. He leaves for a year in April.

Jocmom Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 11:51am
post #15 of 47

Girl - you just keep on baking your little heart out! It's not much of a "competition" if only the inept people enter - and where are you going to find people to judge THAT competition?

tonicake Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:21pm
post #16 of 47

Congratulations on your win(s).

If it were me (your co-worker), I'd look at you as a great opportunity to try to win! I love a good challenge, not to mention I like to win. Competition pushes me to do better. However, some people do not know how to deal with real competition. There are so many people here that blow me out of the water when it comes to decorating, but that isn't going to stop me!

You go on and keep winning any chance you get!

Toni

CakeDiva70 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:38pm
post #17 of 47

Thanks everyone for your replies.. I have gotten some good insight here. What I would like to say is that there are other competitions that go on in our office that I do not participate in, because I dont have the talent. Since I recognize that isnt my cup of tea, I dont bother entering into those contests. To these women, I may be a professional. Against my CC Family, I am not. I dont know how to stack cakes, never worked with fondantthe list can go on and on about what I dont know how to do. However, I feel I am good at what I can do. I have spent long hours in the wee hours of the morning and all day on weekends researching and perfecting this. Now I feel I do have natural talent, but with anything, it has gotten better through hard work and practice. So I feel that I am an employee who happens to have talent in the baking competition and want to enter. There were 3 categories, so there were 3 opportunities to win..No one person walked away as the grand prizewinner. In the email that was sent out it said we are looking for the BEST of the BEST. To me, that means bring your A-game. I guess what I am saying is that I want to participate in something in the office too..this just happens to be something I know a little something about.I hope this makes sense..

notjustcake Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:56pm
post #18 of 47

If these women have children I wonder what they are teaching them about losing, how pathetic, good job on your wins!

notjustcake Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 12:58pm
post #19 of 47

If I might add, there was a mom in the PTA going around making comments on how my cakes tasted while they were donated instead of being thankful she felt the need to critize, anyhow guess what 2 years later I'm still baking and she eventually wore her welcome thin just like I knew a person like her would so I win icon_smile.gif

Melnick Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 1:20pm
post #20 of 47

You know sweetie - what you just said makes total sense. You did work hard to develop this talent. I believe that everyone should be given the opportunity to demonstrate the area they excel in without others devaluing it. You did put the effort in and if that other person is jealous, they can put the effort in too. I would be surprised if they had spent the hours you have. Some people have a jealous streak that just can't be tamed and all you can do is be glad that you don't have to walk around being constantly consumed by that gross feeling like they do.

Keep entering and if anything, when they say something mean, don't react - talk as if there was no sting in it. In fact, if it were me, I'd try to laugh when they say I shouldn't be allowed to enter and say something along the lines of "I know how you feel - I feel the same way when I see that awesome talent of .... when they enter the .... competition. But then I remind myself how hard they worked to get that talent and I realise I don't want to spend the time developing my skill, so kudos to them. By the way, if you're really interested in all things cake, why don't you check out Cake Central......" It is a way of being light and getting your point across without the confrontation. That or just laugh lightly and act as if she's given you a compliment (it will confuse her)!

Deb_ Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 1:21pm
post #21 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by notjustcake

If these women have children I wonder what they are teaching them about losing, how pathetic, good job on your wins!




Exactly what I was thinking...........it's their kind of thought process that has lead to EVERY team receiving trophies now at these sports banquets. We've been to some in the past when our kids were little, where teams hadn't won a single game, but all the kids got a trophy for coming in 14th or some stupid thing like that. God forbid their child doesn't receive something that everyone else received. What happened to just rewarding 1st, 2nd, & 3rd place trophies? icon_confused.gif They're setting these kids up for some big disappointments in their adult lives.


Jealousy sucks plain and simple. Everyone is unique in their talents and it's a shame some people, especially woman, can't just be pleased for their peers. I really hate insecurity.

CakeDiva70 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 1:50pm
post #22 of 47

Oh, I forgot to add an important fact. Just that morning I was talking to another co-worker, and she was saying she did not enter this year. She said she won the last 2 years, and the women were giving her grief about it. They told her it wasnt fair for her to keep winning. She is not considered a professional at all. I told her that she still should have entered, because this is what a competition is. You compete for the award. With that being said, these are women who dont like to lose. To me, they just want to win and dont care that they obviously dont measure up to the BEST!!!

indydebi Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 2:10pm
post #23 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrpierce70

Oh, I forgot to add an important fact. Just that morning I was talking to another co-worker, and she was saying she did not enter this year. She said she won the last 2 years, and the women were giving her grief about it. They told her it wasnt fair for her to keep winning. She is not considered a professional at all. I told her that she still should have entered, because this is what a competition is. You compete for the award. With that being said, these are women who dont like to lose. To me, they just want to win and dont care that they obviously dont measure up to the BEST!!!




Oh my gosh, Political Correctness has infiltrated! "it's not FA-A-A-A-I-R that one person wins all the time! whine! whine! whine!" So the answer is to lower the bar, dumb down america, instead of being inspired to work harder.

I used to be on a scholarship award committee and there was one kid who was excelling at everything. One person in the group suggested that we not give him this one scholarship because "...then he's pretty much taking all of them." I said, "That's the reward you get for working hard and achieving. That's the standard we need to set for everyone else." I wouldn't give in. (imagine that, huh?) icon_rolleyes.gif

-Tubbs Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 2:18pm
post #24 of 47

It doesn't do kids any favours - this whole 'this is North America so everyone gets a medal' thing drives me crazy.

I did an Iron Chef challenge with my Pathfinder group (12-14 yo girls) a few nights ago (at my house argggh). They did a great job on their main dishes and desserts, and then the three of us leaders judged it. We took this very seriously, and gave points where we felt they'd done well, and deducted them where they'd missed things. Anyway, the scores were close, but one team won, one came second and SHOCK one came LAST. The kids were so surprised that it wasn't a 'tie'!!

JR - you keep entering competitions, and be proud if you're the best, and be gracious if you don't win!

summernoelle Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 2:18pm
post #25 of 47

I am super duper nice to them. Be their friend, even if you don't want to be.
Keep your friends close and...the jealous cake ladies closer. icon_biggrin.gif

cakesdivine Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 3:05pm
post #26 of 47

I obviously don't handle them well at all...icon_sad.gif But it is easy to be on the outside of it, and tell you to NOT let it get to you, and just do what you know is right for you.

Eventhough you do this as a biz, it is obviously not your main source of income, so technically it is a hobby that you turned into a biz, right? Hey, they could do the same thing too if they like to bake or make desserts. I know plenty of hobby bakers/dessert makers that have a day job, and are simply fantastic at caking! Why should anyone be penalized for having an avid interest in something? Especially if there is going to be an office competition. Maybe next time it will be a dance competition, or a scrapbooking competition, so what if Suzie dances as her hobby, and Mary's hobby is scrapbooking...they should still be able to compete too! IMHOicon_smile.gif

cakelady15 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 3:58pm
post #27 of 47

I have a line that I have used since high school reserved especially for people that act like that. Feel free to use it if you like:

"It's ok to be jealous!" (said with a smirk and a head roll icon_lol.gif )

kelleym Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 4:05pm
post #28 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melvira

Ok, I swear this just came up for me last week! I am a SAHM though... it was my husband's office. They sent out a notice about a dessert contest and there will be a prize... AND I WAS EXCLUDED BY NAME. icon_eek.gificon_evil.gif




OMG, this HAPPENED TO ME at my husband's last job! They sent out an email announcing a dessert "contest", and at the bottom it said: "Jon Masters is automatically disqualified and may not enter." LOL. I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended, but I settled on flattered. It's pretty funny, actually. icon_lol.gif

rockysmommy Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 4:07pm
post #29 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

congrats on your win!!

Here's how I deal with those people: "Who cares? Who's next!"




LOL!!!! LOVE IT!!!

2508s42 Posted 13 Feb 2009 , 4:14pm
post #30 of 47

I just have to say...where do you all work? At my job, we have to do work not contests. I think I am in the wrong profession!!!!!!

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