Why Is It When I Do It .....?

Lounge By ElectricCook Updated 9 Feb 2009 , 1:39pm by Deb_

ElectricCook Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 10:48pm
post #1 of 13

Why is it whenever I do something in my home I do it alone no ?? asked. When my DH has to do anything it becomes a tag team event. The man is 48 ysr old and can't seem to do anything that I can do by myself. I know the deal.

I had a co-worker tell me that he didn't do anything in his house to help his wife. Whenever he does do something he makes a big mess of it or bugs his wife so bad that she does it herself. Note to self... this is not a good idea if this is wife #3. Guess what, he came home from work one day and she took everything and went back to Norway. She just left the dogs and their leashes.

My DH was told this little tid bit about 15 yrs ago and is still trying to firgure out how to use it. Sunday is his night to make dinner and the tag team events starts. I left my house so I wouldn't be involved. I come home with our DS (8yrs old) and so it begins.

DH: What kind of food does he like. Me: I don't know ask him.

DH: What should I give him to drink. Me: I don't know ask him.

DH: What do you want me to make. Me: I don't know, what did you plan to make?

DH: This is too complicated for me. Me: Really, does this mean you don't want to make dinner anymore? I see wher this is going..

DH: No comment. Me: When are you going to start making dinner. DS has to take a shower tonight.

DH: Oh, I'll give to him. Me: knowing where this is going. I say great right after you finish cleaning the kitchen you can do it.

DH: Oh, can't you do it. Me: Sure I'll give a shower. What DH meant was clean the kitchen. I saw that one coming.

And so it begins. I also remind him that co-workers 3rd wife left him beause he pulled this same kind of crap and more.

Why does everything become difficult when they have to do it and so easy for you to do everyday without any guidance??

After 20 yrs this crap is getting old fast.

Oh by the way it is 5:46 PM and dinner is still not started yet.

12 replies
chutzpah Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 10:54pm
post #2 of 13

Sorry, hunny, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the only person to blame is yourself. Ya know... you could have nipped this in the bud 20 years ago. By not doing so you have allowed yourself to be his doormat.

ElectricCook Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 11:20pm
post #3 of 13


I new you were going to say that. He's been trying for 20 yrs and I think he thinks that I will wear thin. I don't give in though. I just let roll off my back.

chutzpah Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 11:23pm
post #4 of 13

Ya want me to swing by my way home from work tomorrow and slap him up good for you?

ElectricCook Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 11:33pm
post #5 of 13


Yes could you please. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

indydebi Posted 8 Feb 2009 , 11:48pm
post #6 of 13

Oh I luv this topic! They can't help it .... they're men! icon_lol.gif Do you not find it amazing that at home, when confronted with something they've never done before (like changing a diaper or throwing a beer can IN THE TRASH CAN!), their "defense" is ".....I can't do that ... I've never done it before!" But at work, if their boss asks them to do something they've never done before, they jump on it like flies on a garbage truck to show how smart they are!

Most of our conversations are over what to have for dinner. Some of my favorites are:

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Him: Whatever you feel like making.
Me: I don't feel like making anything, so I guess that means we're having nothing. (Pssst! And that's what we have! I'll make me a sandwich or a bowl of cereal ... everyone else is on their own!)


Him: What's for dinner.
Me: (I tell him what I'm going to make)
Him: (in a whiny voice) Oh I dont' want THAT!
Me: I'm sorry ... what were YOU planning on making?

Another one that irks me is yes, he WILL change the trash can liner, but he sits the full one in the kitchen, where it sits for days! Or he'll sit it in the hallway on the way to the garage, where it sits for days! I came home one day and there were FOUR BAGS OF TRASH sitting in my hallway! So I put them all in the laundry room, next to the garage door, where he'd literally have to trip over them, assuming he could even get inside the door!

Him: What the hel* are these doing here?!
Me: (in the sweetest voice you EVER heard!) Well, you had them in the hall to take them out to the garage and evidently they were too far away for you to remember. So I put them closer to the door for you to help you remember! (smile sweetly in my best Scartlett O'Hara look)
Him: If you brought 'em this far, you could have put them in the garage.
Me: So could you.
Him: You just did this to "teach me a lesson".
Me: Whatever works!
(Pssst! I don't have trash bags in my hallway anymore!)

ElectricCook Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 12:07am
post #7 of 13

LOL Debi.

As I have posted before, I don't do his laundry anymore. I don't replace the bathroom towels when I wash them either, his special soap when he runs out or his bus tickets. I could on and on but that would just show that I can't take it any more. There have been many a time when he has complained about something that I forgot to do. My comment is always why didn't you do it? You live here too.

I have a little hope for my DS. I plan to tell his wife when he gets married that I did the best I could.

On the other hand, when my DH lived at home with his parents he did a lot more than he does now. Chutzpah is right I made this monster and now is the time for me to fix it or stop complaining about it.

Hot dog the garbage just went out the door with my DH holding it. Wow Debi that trick of your works.

indydebi Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 12:20am
post #8 of 13
Originally Posted by ElectricCook

I don't replace ...... his special soap when he runs out

Oh! Oh! Oh! It's freakin' AMAZING that when he's at the grocery, he knows that the refrigerator's supply of beer is low or non-existent, but when his head is inside the refrigerator, he somehow misses the fact that there is no soda or waters in there. So daughter and I end up with nothing in the house to drink.

BLinders. They walk around with freakin' blinders on.

CakesByJen2 Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 12:38am
post #9 of 13

I know what you mean, and I get so sick of it! They think if they act so incompetent that we'll give up and just do it ourselves. They should realize that almost all women are onto this little trick of theirs, yet sor some reason, they still think it will work. Maybe it works just often enough that they keep trying it....

I get so angry about how little my husband does anymore. He used to do his share, but over the years he has gradully developed the idea that since he works, he is too tired to do anything else. He claims he doesn't expect me to do it, but who in the hell does he think is going to do it?? Magic fairies?? I get so tired of his childish excuses: "I don't know", "I forgot", or his favorite, "I wasn't thinking". I hear that one at least 3-4 times a week. I asked him why he doesn't think his family is worthy of him engaging his brain and thinking when he's at home. I know he cannot be as stupid and incompetent at work as he is a home, or he wouldn't be able to hold a job, much less get promotions and bonuses. So to me, that just shows that his family just isn't a priority. Of course he denies all this, but I say actions speak louder than words....

I'm afraid I don't have any advice..

indydebi Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 1:12am
post #10 of 13

Oh the timing on this thread is crazy! I just finished a 3-day catering, as many of you know from other threads. I get up at 4:30 am. and don't get home until close to 7:30 or 8:00. Three days.

Today, I walk into the kitchen and I find a dish with mold on it sitting by the sink! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said, "I've been working for 3 days straight ...you'd think somebody around here could figure out how to load a stinkin' dishwasher while I'm gone!" Holy crap, it's not like they have to actually wash them by hand anymore.

One day he made himself some eggs for breakfast and threw the shells in the garbage disposal side of the sink. He didn't run the garbage disposal ... he just threw the shells in the sink. I put my stubborn hat on and waited to see how long they would lay there. After three days, I loudy b*tched about it ".....is there some REASON you can't either throw these in the trash instead of the sink, or can you at least hit the freakin' button to send 'em down the garbage?????!!! Oh but that's ok ... MOM will take care of it ... as usual!!!! icon_mad.gif "

Thank god I was born a woman .... I'd hate to walk around as helpless as a lot of men are!

Deb_ Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 4:42am
post #11 of 13

You ladies will all be a lot happier when you realize that men will NEVER think like we do. They are just different creatures, wired completely opposite of us.

You need to pick your battles, because while your stewing about him not taking out the trash, or not making dinner and smoke is coming out your ears, he's scratching his you know whats enjoying the current game on the tube.

This crap you all mentioned is just not important to them, they really could not care one little bit, and they never will care. The more you bitch at them, the more they block you out.

I've been with my husband since I was sixteen, 30 yrs this yr. If I let every little thing he did or didn't do bother me to the point of screaming or playing stupid games, we'd have been divorced years ago. You'll probably think I'm lying when I tell you we don't argue about this dumb stuff, but we don't.

I'm pretty sure there's some stuff that I do or don't do that gets under his skin too, hey I'm far from perfect. Maybe that's why we're so compatible. LOL!

Now that our kids are both away at college, it's just the 2 of us......these are the years we've been waiting for. I certainly haven't invested 30 yrs in a relationship to let a few toast crumbs or toenails on the floor icon_eek.gif come between us.

To the OP, you need to look at your lives together and decide if it's really his not making dinner tonight that's bothering you. Is this the final straw? 20 yrs is a long time to just throw away or give up on. You guys need to sit down alone and really talk about this stuff. Let him know what's bothering you and talk about what you both can do to fix it.

The things you mentioned seem pretty trivial, but if they're bothering you or putting a distance in your relationship, you need to address them. Unless there's physical abuse, addiction, or infidelity I say, always give your relationship a chance if you still love and respect each other.

Good luck, I hope you guys work it out.

CakesByJen2 Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 1:08pm
post #12 of 13

You ladies will all be a lot happier when you realize that men will NEVER think like we do. They are just different creatures, wired completely opposite of us.

Ugh, I get tired of hearing this excuse, and I refuse to buy into it. Yes, men and women may think and react to things a little differently, but why should that absolve them of taking equal responsibility as a partner, parent, and roommate, and showing common courtesy to those they live with?? Men pull this crap because our society had perpetuated this myth that they simply *can't* do any better because they're men, and we women should be greatful for whatever crumb of attention and help we get from them. Yes, men and women might approach things differently, but why does that mean we are expected to work outside the home, as well as manage the home, take care of the kids, keep up with everyone's schedule, run the errands, make dinner, ....while they only go to work and spend the rest of the time scratching their whatevers in frontof the TV??

dkelly, I think it's great you have such a good and happy marriage, and I know there is definitely something to be said for picking your battles and letting some things slide. But I don't think many of us are talking about just a couple of annoying habits, but being burdened with the majority of the resposibility for managing the household and children.

Deb_ Posted 9 Feb 2009 , 1:39pm
post #13 of 13
Originally Posted by chutzpah

Sorry, hunny, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the only person to blame is yourself. Ya know... you could have nipped this in the bud 20 years ago. By not doing so you have allowed yourself to be his doormat.

Have to use Chutzpah's quote and agree with her 100%. You guys have given your DH's the tools they've needed to continue doing nothing. Those tools are, YOU will eventually do what they don't, because if you don't....... nobody will.

All I'm trying to say is, if you keep allowing these issues to come between you, your relationship will suffer.

I'm sorry I don't agree with you about the reasons men do and don't do things like women. The only men I've ever met that really cared about keeping the house "spic and span", and all the other things that are important to us...............are gay. (at least 90% of them anyway)

Yes I have a happy solid relationship with my DH, but it didn't happen because he cooks, cleans and does the yard work.

It's taken years of hard work to make our relationship solid. Most importantly, we respect each other and what each of us brings to our relationship. Without respect, a marriage or any relationship will crumble. Love is very important, but if you don't "like" each other anymore, that's a red flag.

I guess we could blame it on woman's fight for equality........someone has to pick up the slack, unfortunately it's usually the woman. icon_rolleyes.gif

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