what if you get children's services involved anonymously on HIS end.....like that you're concerned for the welfare of the OTHER children in HIS home? Then they might come and ask about your daughter's welfare when she's over there??? Might work!

Oh and also, just wanted to add...what are the chances of you moving out of state?? Are you bound to the state through your visitation, or are you allowed to move?? 9 out of 10 dads won't bother travelling to another state to get their child every other weekend! It's just the way it is, maybe his visitation would become less frequent if that were the case? Or even if it were possible to make it more inconvenient like a 3 or 4 hr. drive from the dad? These could be dumb ideas, just trying to help ya out!

KH-I have a good friend who is in law school, and just finished a family law class. If you take the child outside of state lines w/o permission, you give up custody.

Your idea about CPS about her kids is a good one. Very interesting.

Well, the way I see it is that you've been posting about issues with your ex since 1997 and yet you haven't moved as far away as you can get from him but within state lines.

Hmmm....

Seems kind of like a no-brainer to me. GTF away from him!

Sunflower, I went through the same thing...had to get permission to move from Ohio to New Jersey...........in my case it was easy though, my ex hubby hadn't bothered to see our son is 6 months and the judge was like "Good luck in New Jersey!" lol Actually I think his dad saw him more when we WERE living in NJ...now we're an hour away and you'd think we moved to California. He was all about wanting custody and everything else though when I mentioned I was wanting to move. Don't spill the beans to your ex in any case, things like that are better done as a surprise!

Obviously, I am behind an entire decade....my last post should have said '2007' rather than '1997.'

The point I am making remains the same.

I've been in this situation but on the flip side. My DH's ex-wife's brother came to him and told him to get his kids away from their mother PRONTO! She would feed them bogus meals (dry cereal) every other day, leave them with her alcoholic father while she went clubbing or out on dates with her boyfriend, they were sleeping on matresses that were still covered in the plastic that came from the store (no sheets or covers), leaving in sheer filth and her father (or her) would abuse them and leave bruises.

We told her we knew about all this, talked to her father who admitted to it and let us see their living conditions for ourselves (and even admitted his daughter nor him were fit to take care of them any longer), and gave her the option to give them to us. She refused (it was the only thing she had left to hang over my husband's head). So we contacted CPS. They went out for a visit and sae the living conditions and a fresh pair of bruises on the youngest and told her she had a week to "get it together". Came out again saw another set of fresh bruises and gave her two weeks to move out. We pleaded with the agency to let them live with us but due to the fact that "you are military it could lead to an unstable environment"????? What the?

So they let them stay with mother (the agency said they try to do that since the children thrive better with the mother- HUH? Unless she's neglecting to feed them or bath them or take care of them sure!). So I can understand that agencies don't do anything but collect checks sometimes. That really doesn't stop you from raising all kinds of hell until someone listens to you.

First, like another poster said, go to dad and girlfriend. Tell them your child sharing a bed with them is completely unacceptable and if you find out she's been doing it again you'll call the authorities. Bruises, lice, neglect will be reported- period! Document, videotape, photograph EVERYTHING! I would go a step further and take her to her pediatrician to see if there are any signs of sexual abuse- sorry, but it should be done for her sake.

Next if you report this to an agency and all they do is shrug and brush you off...guess what? The local media would love to get their hands on story of a single mother who's been wronged by a state agency. They can keep your identity annonymous, but it'll definitely get the agency to think twice about giving you the run around, let them know nothing is too drastic to keep your daughter safe. Get a lawyer- it'll be the best $5,000 you've ever spent. Call women's agencies and see if anyone does pro-bono work for women in your situation. Nothing is impossible, so don't get frustrated and don't give up.

This has become my mantra here on CC: YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE!!

What would you tell your child if she came home from her next visit (GOD FORBID) all bruised up and told you she was sexually abused or molested? You wouldn't be able to look her in the eye. Enough is enough...put on your big girl panties (like Debi says) and start acting for her!

You're in my prayers. And more importantly, your daughter is too.

I know I was not on CC when this thread was originally posted, but I came across it and was compelled to read it in its entirety.
I am a teacher (currently at home raising my own children) and know first hand how difficult government agencies are to deal with. I sometimes think they make everything difficult so that it is too much work for most people to follow through. Unfortunately, this is what we as parents/teachers/caregivers are forced to deal with.
I don't know the current status of your situation (OP was almost 6 months ago), but if it has not improved significantly, I would talk with my local police dept. Have them write up a report each and every time your daughter returns home with signs of neglect/abuse.
I know it sounds extreme, but you will need a paper trail and evidence to support your claims. The police are there to help you. You do not need to ask them to press charges, although the police might feel it is necessary and will do so without you, but at least ask them to make reports so that EVERYTHING is documented.
Your daughter will thank you.

Oh - I almost forgot to ask - does your daughter attend daycare or school or anything? If so, ask her other caregivers to also document/ report what they see. There is no such thing as too much evidence.