Need Some Help On A Child Issue.

Lounge By Sunflower08 Updated 24 Jul 2009 , 4:15pm by kylekaitlyn

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:25pm
post #1 of 43

Hi everyone..

My daughter goes on visatation with her dad every other weekend. Well recently Dad got another new girlfriend while he's still married. Girlfriend has kids that stay over there when my daughter is there. Problems started happening like she's come home with lice three times, she comes home with bruises, and other marks. She came home sunday night and had a huge carpet burn on her stomach and of course her dad wouldn't tell me what happened. My daughter tells me that one of the kids pulled her across the carpet by her feet. My daughter is 3 and these kids are 8 and 9. Another issue that has surfaced is my daughter hasn't been sleeping in her bed over there she sleeps with her dad and this girlfriend. This is a major issue with me. She doesn't need to be sleeping with them.
I don't know what to do anymore and this is emotional tearing me up cause I don't know what to do to protect my daughter.
Does anyone have any suggestions of what to do?
Thank u!

42 replies
Katie-Bug Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:51pm
post #2 of 43

Hi, I hate that this is happening, esp for your daughter. You said her farther was still married, so your divorce isn't final yet?

I would contact my lawyer, like yesterday!! I would take photos of the bruises and such. I would take a photo with the date an time stamp as I dropped her off and when I picked her up.

I really hope things work out, your family is in my prayers.

Katie-Bug Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:55pm
post #3 of 43

Hi, I hate that this is happening, esp for your daughter. You said her farther was still married, so your divorce isn't final yet?

I would contact my lawyer, like yesterday!! I would take photos of the bruises and such. I would take a photo with the date an time stamp as I dropped her off and when I picked her up.

I really hope things work out, your family is in my prayers.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 3:10pm
post #4 of 43

No we are divorced... He got remarried 6 months after we divorced and she already left him for the same reason I did just hasn't divorced yet. He now has a new girlfriend

summernoelle Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 3:48pm
post #5 of 43

My heart aches for your kids.

Please, PLEASE tell me that this is documented somehow. Every time your children show up with bruises, burns, lice or other signs of neglect, take them to the doctor. Then you can take him to court and get full custody. If the dad is such a low life worm that he is letting your kids be in this situation, you need to stop it.

Your kids sleeping with Dad and the girlfriend is beyond inappropriate, and it needs to STOP NOW. You seriously need to get a lawyer and get your kids out of there before someone molests them. Or otherwise abuses them. I am completely serious. This is a terrible situation.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 3:53pm
post #6 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by summernoelle

My heart aches for your kids.

Please, PLEASE tell me that this is documented somehow. Every time your children show up with bruises, burns, lice or other signs of neglect, take them to the doctor. Then you can take him to court and get full custody. If the dad is such a low life worm that he is letting your kids be in this situation, you need to stop it.

Your kids sleeping with Dad and the girlfriend is beyond inappropriate, and it needs to STOP NOW. You seriously need to get a lawyer and get your kids out of there before someone molests them. Or otherwise abuses them. I am completely serious. This is a terrible situation.




Thank you...
and I have tried the route of a lawyer.. they all tell me it's like $5000 to take him back to court.
This guy gets away with anything and I'm left as the idiot. He attacked me while holding our daughter and the cops wouldn't do anything because there wasn't a witness and his story was different..

MichelleM77 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 5:02pm
post #7 of 43

I would not let her go over there anymore. Let him take you to court and then it's his cost.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm not in your situation so I shouldn't be giving you advice, but that is what I would do. I was a single mother for almost five years and would do whatever it took to protect my son. Luckily my son's father's girlfriend at the time (my husband, we are married now; funny how things change!) hated kids, so he only saw my son at his parents house and no worries there.

I hope everything works out for you.

foxymomma521 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 5:26pm
post #8 of 43

To be honest with you, (even if it will leave you strapped for cash for several months) $5000 is nothing compared to the welfare of your child... I know that sounds harsh, and that it's a lot of money, but I'm not sure you have another option...

michellenj Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 5:43pm
post #9 of 43

I would definitely take pictures every single time, or better yet, video tape the lice/injuries with her describing how she got them, just in case he comes back and says that YOU caused the injuries.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 6:49pm
post #10 of 43

I would love to not let her go over there.. But if I don't let her go they can hold me in contempt of court and I go to jail.

MichelleM77 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 6:53pm
post #11 of 43

Hmph, I didn't think of that. There has got to be a way, but if the only option is to pay $5000 to go back to court, then that's worth the debt to do.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:03pm
post #12 of 43

My county is very male dominant. If you don't have a you know what no one will help you. Ive filed two police reports on him and nothing done. Filed a report with social services and again nothing done..

MichelleM77 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:09pm
post #13 of 43

Well, like they say....you better grow a pair! icon_smile.gif

It's not just your county, it's the world in general. I feel for you. I feel stuck just thinking about what to suggest and you are the one living it. You need to keep bugging the different offices for help (social services, etc.) until you find the one person in the office willing to help you. They are there, they are just hard to find. There is one in every office that has a caring heart. Keep on writing/calling/pleading and eventually you will find them.

I was having a hard time getting child support for a long time, then he went into the army and I thought all would be well....too bad the army said my Ohio child support papers weren't "real" ma'am and wouldn't honor them ma'am since they weren't familiar with my state's forms, ma'am. Huh? Stop callin me ma'am and get to work on my paperwork! LOL! Thank goodness that is all over, but it's rediculous the way they treat parents just trying to take care of their kids.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:17pm
post #14 of 43

No kidding it ridiculous..!! Us good parents shouldn't have to worry about things like this but we do cause of some idiots that don't want to do a good job and help those truely in need. Instead they give all the free legal to people that go and commit murders and god only knows what else...

MichelleM77 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:30pm
post #15 of 43

Ugh, don't get me started! Do you know how much money we spend on appeals for murderers on death row? Rediculous.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:31pm
post #16 of 43

Oh I know!

dellboi2u Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 10:25pm
post #17 of 43

First of all... I am so sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through this... It breaks my heart! I would suggest going to Child Protective Services. I have had to go to them in the past for my children and they are more than helpful. They help you get laywers that are paid by the state as well. I would suggest documenting EVERYTHING!!!! For REAL... EVERYTHING! You WILL need proof! My prayers go out to you.

KatieTaylor77 Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 10:53pm
post #18 of 43

I don't know about in your area, but here I have heard of court appointed advocates who work strictly in the best interests of the child. Their job is to evaluate the childs situation and decide what is best, then to make recommendations to the court. This is a free service paid for with our tax dollars, perhaps you have something like it in your area?

A lot of times you can contact a legal aid office and they will be able to steer you in the right direction. $5000 isn't easy to come by, not matter how much you would love to put it to good use on your daughters behalf.

Good luck!

summernoelle Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 10:59pm
post #19 of 43

I went through your old posts, and found several other threads where you posted concern about child abuse from your ex, as well as a time where he assaulted you. I do not mean to be cruel, but when is enough going to be enough? Several of us have given you advice, and you have shot it all down, saying it is too expensive, etc. I understand about money, but your child's welfare is dependent on you-get a credit card or a loan and protect her! She needs you to keep her safe, and you need to do it, even if it means debt. You can work off $5000 in six months by having an extra job somewhere. But you need to take this man to court....yesterday.
At some point, you have to put a stop to this. What your ex is doing to your daughter is neglect (the forced wearing, yet unchanged, diapers while potty trained, the lice), and I fear that it is turning into abuse (bruises, rug burns on stomach). Your daughter is sleeping in the same bed as two unmarried adults that are in a sexual relationship-what do you think goes on while she is sleeping there? Honestly?
This is your child, and you need to do everything you can to protect her, period. I don't intend to be mean to you, because I know that this is really, really hard. And I don't mean it to come off as judgmental, because I am actually trying to support you in this. I also think that you are scared of this man, and what he might do if you fought him. But the only thing here that is really important is that your daughter is protected. The only thing that stands between evil and your daughter is you. I'm sure that sounds harsh, but I would rip the throat out of anyone who treated my kids that way, afraid for myself or not.

KatieKake Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 11:47pm
post #20 of 43

Call the Legal Aid office in your city, ask them what can be done about the situation, if they aren't any help call the child protective services, child welfare, call and call until you find someone that can and will help you. Every one has told you to document what has been happening, and you must do that, if you have a tape recorder, have your daughter tape what has happened to her when she visits her father. Make sure that you record the date that she is doing the recording. Take pictures and make sure they have a date stamp on them. If you don't have a camera, buy one, there are some inexpensive ones out there.

The money is hard to come by, but the damage to your daughter, is something that you will never forgive yourself for if you don't put a stop to it. Twenty years from now you do not want her to say, "but Mom you didn't do anything to stop Dad from doing that. Help her now, and help your self.

Sunflower08 Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 4:08am
post #21 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by summernoelle

I went through your old posts, and found several other threads where you posted concern about child abuse from your ex, as well as a time where he assaulted you. I do not mean to be cruel, but when is enough going to be enough? Several of us have given you advice, and you have shot it all down, saying it is too expensive, etc. I understand about money, but your child's welfare is dependent on you-get a credit card or a loan and protect her! She needs you to keep her safe, and you need to do it, even if it means debt. You can work off $5000 in six months by having an extra job somewhere. But you need to take this man to court....yesterday.
At some point, you have to put a stop to this. What your ex is doing to your daughter is neglect (the forced wearing, yet unchanged, diapers while potty trained, the lice), and I fear that it is turning into abuse (bruises, rug burns on stomach). Your daughter is sleeping in the same bed as two unmarried adults that are in a sexual relationship-what do you think goes on while she is sleeping there? Honestly?
This is your child, and you need to do everything you can to protect her, period. I don't intend to be mean to you, because I know that this is really, really hard. And I don't mean it to come off as judgmental, because I am actually trying to support you in this. I also think that you are scared of this man, and what he might do if you fought him. But the only thing here that is really important is that your daughter is protected. The only thing that stands between evil and your daughter is you. I'm sure that sounds harsh, but I would rip the throat out of anyone who treated my kids that way, afraid for myself or not.




No I don't take offense to this I know what you are saying. I have went to Child services with all my documentation and all my pictures and they did nothing. They told me well this sounds more like a fight againist him we aren't getting involved you need to get a lawyer and go back to court. I have talked to a lawyer and the only thing he tells me is yes we can go back to court but its doesn't promise anything happening if the judge will even see the case. Please don't look at this like I haven't done anything. And I am not afraid of this man at all. I used to be yes but not anymore.

I guess I was looking for someone that might have gone through my situation and had some advice.

tjrobin31 Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 6:03am
post #22 of 43

i'm not familiar with your area, but , do they have capsea, there, most people think that this is only for women who are being abused by their spouses etc, but they also work with children in these types of situations
they are very helpful and can help you to figure out what to do next and how to go about it
it's something to look into,if you haven't already.
good luck with everything and am hoping all turns out well

butternut Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 6:30pm
post #23 of 43

Candi; I have discussed this with my husband and we would like to offer some advice. First let me say that my husband is retired law enforcement and for the last 13 years we have been operating a private investigations company, dealing in this type of matter.
Child custody and visitation is a serious matter, not only to the parents involved but to the court. The parents and the court do look at the same matter but with different colored glasses. The parents have beliefs and assumptions; the court wants proof.
A parent should never go into a custody or visitation matter without legal representation, that is number one! And any good lawyer will not take the case to court without the proof. Although your observations and pictures can be used, the courts most often want to hear from someone not emotionally invovled; someone who can observe, document and testify to the FACTS.
Here are the facts that as private investigators, we would be attempting to gather in such a case: what happened to his most current marriage (why are they divorcing: physical abuse, drugs, drinking, extramarital affair etc); who is the female he is now living with; what is her background (criminal offenses, civil problems, divorced and why); is your ex husband conducting this extramarital affair while in the presence of your child; how is your child treated while in her father's presence. Any negative information in one or more of these categories will assist you in showing the court that your child is not safe while in his presence.
I know that you said you have talked to a lawyer and he has told you his fee. I'm sure that there are other lawyers in the area whose fees are less. Shop around and do the same in choosing a private investigator. In your case I would recommend a private investigator with prior law enforcement experience.
I know that money is an issue however your options are limited: find the money and get your daughter protected or hope for the best. I don't mean to sound so matter of fact, but that is just how it is.

summernoelle Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:32pm
post #24 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by butternut


I know that money is an issue however your options are limited: find the money and get your daughter protected or hope for the best. I don't mean to sound so matter of fact, but that is just how it is.




EXACTLY. This is why this thread frustrates me so much. The OP has posted over and over again in other threads about abuse and neglect from her ex. (Here are two of them http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=519243&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=0
http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=597988&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=0)
Yet she does not take him to court. She complains to us about him, and then refuses the advice she is given. She wants to commiserate (understandable) but does not seem willing to act. icon_cry.gif

Sunflower08 Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:37pm
post #25 of 43

Ok I wasn't asking for the harsh comments you are throwing at me. I'm sorry I asked for advice..

summernoelle Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:41pm
post #26 of 43

It isn't about you, Candi. Or your hurt feelings. It's about the welfare of an innocent child.

Karema Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:46pm
post #27 of 43

I read your op several times and there is nothing about you talking to the father and his girlfriend. You did mentioned that you asked him what happened and he wouldnt tell you. So I would tell him that she cant come back over until we have a meeting. Meet with him and the girlfriend and express your concerns. Then demand that you daughter have a bed of her own and that she doesnt come home with bruises. It sounds to me that the womans children are playing rough and your daughter is too young. Call child protective services everyday if you have too. It all depends on what length you are willing to go to to protect your daughter. Are you willing to move? Are you willing to hide your daughter from him and go to jail? Are you willing to just pay the money and go to court. The point is, is that you have to act. Period. If you keep complaining about it and just asking for advice that is not going to keep your daughter safe. I hate to get into things with parents because its a bunch of he said she said then the women wants advice and want people around her to be understanding then all of a sudden she does nothing. No one else can protect your daughter but you and you have to do just that. At all means necessary. Now do it! Good luck

Sunflower08 Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:52pm
post #28 of 43

Thank you Karema...

Karema Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:55pm
post #29 of 43

You're quite welcome. And dont forget to fight like hell!

Sunflower08 Posted 5 Feb 2009 , 8:56pm
post #30 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by summernoelle

It isn't about you, Candi. Or your hurt feelings. It's about the welfare of an innocent child.




I know this! Going to the police, going to children services, filing abuse and neglect and nothing is done.
Don't tell me I'm not doing anything to protect my child. I'm working two jobs and going to school full time and a single mother. Trying to better my childs life and mine. Don't tell me I don't do anything for her.

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