Flattered But Flustered..

Decorating By swtness Updated 4 Feb 2009 , 7:20am by Jorre

swtness Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 5:27am
post #1 of 26

My best friend just asked me to be her maid-of-honor for her wedding next February, and at pretty much the same time inquired if it would be possible for me to do her wedding cake. I appreciate that she has that much confidence in me but I have some reservations...1. I am not a licensed baker ( I don't sell cakes, just make them for family and close friends), 2. I'm in the wedding, and 3. I live out-of-state. She is not planning a big wedding, so my main concern is the not licensed part but I'm not sure how to approach this without some sort of fall-out icon_confused.gif Any opinions or suggestions would be great! Thanksicon_smile.gif

25 replies
prterrell Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 7:16am
post #2 of 26

I have made wedding cakes for two friends and catered the wedding for a third. I also made my aunt's wedding cake. Two of those 3 wedding cakes were out of state. I took the baked cakes and premade icing with me and iced and decorated on-site. For my aunt's wedding, I actually was doing the cake during the ceremony (it was her 3rd wedding). For the other out of state wedding, I did the cake in the morning and was actually the wedding director, so I had a LOT on my plate (was also my 1st wedding cake and 1st and only time directing a wedding).

So...it can be done, but it's a LOT of stress. All of the wedding cakes I have done for friends and family were my gift to th HC, so I didn't have to get involved in how much to charge and all that.

From your post, I'm getting the feeling you don't feel comfortable doing the cake? If you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. You'll have plenty on your plate with being MOH w/o the added stress of the wedding cake, plus you are travelling. Tell your friend you are honored and flattered that she'd like you to do the cake, but that it just won't be possible.

costumeczar Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 1:58pm
post #3 of 26

Have her check to see if an unlicensed baker can bring a cake into the reception facility, and that might put an end to it. I wouldn't do it because being in a wedding is a big time commitment these days anyway, and you're going to have enough to do in the days before the wedding already. Adding baking, decorating and travelling with a cake to the list and you're going to be pulling your hair out if you're not experienced with wedding cakes.

I'd tell her as soon as possible if you're not going to do it. If she's planning on paying you to do it (or not paying you) she'll have to change her plans and book with someone local to her, so let her know as soon as you can. If she's your best friend she should understand that you're not comfortable with it.

AmandaPanda Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:08pm
post #4 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtness

My best friend just asked me to be her maid-of-honor for her wedding next February, and at pretty much the same time inquired if it would be possible for me to do her wedding cake. I appreciate that she has that much confidence in me but I have some reservations...1. I am not a licensed baker ( I don't sell cakes, just make them for family and close friends), 2. I'm in the wedding, and 3. I live out-of-state. She is not planning a big wedding, so my main concern is the not licensed part but I'm not sure how to approach this without some sort of fall-out icon_confused.gif Any opinions or suggestions would be great! Thanksicon_smile.gif




my best friend got married in September of 08, I was her maid of honor and I made her wedding cake. It was also a beach wedding so we had to travel 8 hours to a beach house. If you want to I think it is very possibly. I actually bakes the cakes and ICED before the wedding because we drove down the day before the wedding but most people bake and just bring decorating supplies with us. When I got married 7 years ago my aunt drove in from out of town and made my wedding cake as well. I think that if she is ok with a simple design it will be easier on you. Honestly it wasn't THAT stressful ... but then again we did make EVERYTHING down to the wedding dresses and jewelry that was worn on that day so it only made sense that I made the cake too lol.

As far as not being licensed as long as the facility is ok with it then there should not be a problem. There is no law against making a cake for a friend. Even if it is a wedding cake, the license comes into play when you want to start SELLING cakes for profit.

-K8memphis Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:19pm
post #5 of 26

I mean she's not currently planning a big wedding but what if her guest list grows by 50 or 100? It is a commitment of the heart as well as of your life and so much time. I would not hesitate to excuse myself if I felt the way you seem to feel.

Sure it's doable but you gotta wanna and you don't wanna.

rushing Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:20pm
post #6 of 26

I'm a bridesmaid in my two friends' wedding and they wanted me to do the groom's cake. I would have loved to, but the wedding is in May and I knew I wouldn't be able to help the bride with last minute details, study for finals (their wedding is the weekend before), AND also do end of the year closing preparations for my job (I'm an RA on campus). As much as I wanted to help them out, I had to tell them no.

The wedding is going to be even more work for you since you are the maid of honor. I would seriously think about telling them no. Plus, worrying about finishing a cake won't leave much room for fun, pre-wedding festivities. =]

AmandaPanda Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:28pm
post #7 of 26

I just wanted to add in there that I agree with K8 .... that if you do not WANT to do it then just tell her kindly that you don't have time and just be honest that you will not be able to travel and make the cake at the same time. Friends should understand whatever your reason is.

__Jamie__ Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:33pm
post #8 of 26

I have a rule to live and die by. Either I am a member of the wedding party, and enjoy the benefits and share the duties, or I am a hired professional for the day, do my job with the cake, and enjoy the festivities with everyone once I'm done.

3GCakes Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:46pm
post #9 of 26

Not sure about anyone else, but I think being a bridesmaid is harder than making a cake. Atleast you get to work alone when making a cake.

If you bowed out of one and chose to the do the other...would she understand? Which would you rather do?

tx_cupcake Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 2:46pm
post #10 of 26

I've never made the cake AND been in the wedding, but I have made the favors (cookies) and been in the wedding. That was soooo not fun!

Now this is just my opinion, but because you were asked to be the Maid of Honor you will have a lot on your plate anyway - everything from planning and paying for the bachelorette party, to making last minute runs to the drugstore for pantyhose!

You want to make sure that you are there for the bride 100%, and if you are feeling rundown (and possibly a little bitter) after doing all of your MoH duties PLUS the cake... well, that just doesn't seem worth it to me.

You want to be as happy for your friend on her wedding day as you can. It's hard to be happy for someone when you're pulling your hair out worrying about wrinkling fondant!

Oh, and prterrell, can you please give me your autograph? I'm assuming that you are some kind of super hero! icon_biggrin.gif

costumeczar Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:11pm
post #11 of 26

I suggested the licensing thing with the facility because there are some places that won't accept food that isn't made by licensed bakers. There are a couple here, and they won't let you bring in any food from unlicensed vendors, family, friends, etc. There's no law against giving a friend a cake, but they might have rules about what can be served out of their facility due to liability.

Just thought it might be worth a shot to put the whole thing to rest, and even if you do decide to do it you should still check. Some places don't mind, but some do.

There was a post on here recently about an unlicensed baker who was turned away by the facility and the bride didn't get a cake at all.

Win Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:22pm
post #12 of 26

Right. If your cake is a gift, then not being licensed isn't an issue --although costumeczar has a good point about checking with the facility first. IF you are giving the cake as a gift, you are not only sucking up the cost of the cake but sucking up the cost of being Maid of Honor which (around my neck of the woods) includes throwing a shower, the dress, shoes, and mental angst. Is she such a good friend that you are willing to sacrifice all that and your nerves as well? Which of the two "jobs" will most preserve your friendship? If you can handle both, go for it. If only one will truly be possible, then don't try to be Wonder Woman. Pick the one that will give you the most satisifaction and then gracefully bow out of the other.

Daisy135 Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:25pm
post #13 of 26

I am making my brother's wedding cake & groom's cake in December. I am in the wedding party, my daughter is the flower girl, and my husband is an usher...plus we have a 1 yr old son in the mix. I am going to be baking and decorating at home b/c I am most comfortable there and then transporting everything 1 1/2 hrs the morning of the wedding (luckily it's a night wedding). Once assembly is done, DD & I will be off to meet up with the wedding party & enjoy the pre-ceremony festivities.

I think that it's possible, but if you don't want to do both, speak up as soon as possible!

Christie

Beckalita Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:32pm
post #14 of 26

The suggestion to check with the facility about unlicensed vendors is a good one. But I still would tell the bride that either I'm the maid of honor or I do your cake, but not both. Yes it can be done, but the stress would make you crazy...

swtness Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:46pm
post #15 of 26

Thanks everyone! I did tell her that she would have to check with her hall before we could even discuss the possibility of me doing the cake, but I think the bigger issue is the fact that I've never done a wedding cake! I have plenty of time to practice, but I would hate to tell her yes and then not deliver the most spectacular cake she could have wanted. I guess it's more a lack of confidence than anything else icon_redface.gif

tx_cupcake Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 4:54pm
post #16 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtness

I would hate to tell her yes and then not deliver the most spectacular cake she could have wanted.




No pressure or anything... icon_confused.gif

Beckalita Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 6:28pm
post #17 of 26

Even more reason to tell her no on the cake.....

costumeczar Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 8:38pm
post #18 of 26

No kidding!

swtness Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 11:28pm
post #19 of 26

Thanks everyone for listening and the advice..I'm just going to tell her that I would rather focus my energy on her and my job as the maid of honor, and that I'm not quite confident enough to tackle both-hopefully she will understand-plus I could always do the shower cake (much more my speed)

indydebi Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 11:47pm
post #20 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Win

Right. If your cake is a gift, then not being licensed isn't an issue .....




Not true. In my internet travels, checking out facilities and catering websites, I have seen many facilities post on their website that unlicensed food is not permitted to be brought in, and it doesn't matter if it's paid for or gifted. A fellow CC'er made arrangements to use my kitchen for a groom's cake because the hotel forbid any food to be brought in that wasn't prepared in a licensed kitchen.

Many of us have an exclusivity clause in our contract due to liablity issues and it has nothing to do with whether aunt sally gets paid for the cake or not.

Bonnell Posted 3 Feb 2009 , 11:52pm
post #21 of 26

Swtness, I feel your pain! My recently engaged daughter and her fiance are begging me to make their wedding cake and I have been trying to convince them that it would be entirely to much stress to be MOTB and the cake decorator also.

tx_cupcake Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 1:45am
post #22 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtness

I'm just going to tell her that I would rather focus my energy on her and my job as the maid of honor, and that I'm not quite confident enough to tackle both-hopefully she will understand




Hooray for cake balls!!! icon_lol.gif

I'm sure your shower cake will be wonderful!

sweetideas Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:06am
post #23 of 26

Your cakes look fantastic, but I have to agree with the stress level thing. MOH is very time consuming and if you add a first time wedding cake on top of it, then your stress level could be awful. Indydeb has some good advice, although when i got married, I never had anyone mention an exclusivity clause here in MI. But that was almost 5 years ago. It's good to check into it.

wily_kitt Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:14am
post #24 of 26

I have done 2 wedding cakes, one for my baby sister and one for my sister in law. My sister in laws cake was a breeze cause I was only in charge of the cake. My little sisters cake was a whole other ball of wax! I was in the wedding party, my DH was the MC and she INSISTED that my kids attended the affiar. Because the make up and hair and such was being started at 9:00 am that ment that I was at the hall setting up the cake very early, this made a very long day.

I have now been asked by a very good friend to do the same thing, in the wedding, cake, DH in wedding party, kids there PLUS help with food in a location 2 hours from my home. I will NEVER do this again, I can do food, or wedding party, not both.

Cakeonista Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 2:15am
post #25 of 26

swtness if its a lack of confidence you are having......................make your dear best friend her wedding cake, as long as its ok with the venue of course. your cakes are awesome and like i said if thats the problem you should not be concerned. if you feel you will miss out on the fun........thats another matter entirely. good luck in whichever way you go.

Jorre Posted 4 Feb 2009 , 7:20am
post #26 of 26

I made the wedding cake and the groom's cake for my sister's wedding plus both of my girls were in the wedding party.

It was INSANITY! We could only enter the reception hall 1 hour before the ceremony, so I was trying to assemble the wedding cake, wrangle 2 lil girls, not strangle the onlookers who wanted to ask a billion questions and I had the MIL-to-be harrassing me because my girls and I were still attired in jeans, she had this insane notion the girls should have made the 2hr drive IN their poofy flower girl dresses.

Aunt of the groom finally dressed my girls while I finished off the wedding cake and my mother finished the setup of the groom's cake. I had 2 minutes to get my dress on and make it to the front row, so I could ensure the flower girls made it down the aisle.

It gone done and everything looked great, but I can't say I would ever consider doing that again.

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