Sick Of Being Sick...venting

Decorating By alvarezmom Updated 5 Jan 2009 , 2:45pm by alvarezmom

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 3:52pm
post #1 of 43

First I hope all of my cake baking-decorating-"brothers and sisters" have a wonderful New Year's!

I have a cake that I have to do over the Holiday and is due on Friday. I found out yesterday that I have a head cold. I tested negative for strep and the flu..however the Dr. said I could still have the flu but wont really know until Friday!

I would not be sick if it wasnt for my selfish SIL! Oh how I dislike her right now!

I should start by saying that I need a friend right now! And where better to go than here?!?!

So in October I agreed to let my SIL (41yrs old) live with us-and her 4yr old son. Against my better judgement...I gave her some ground rules and at first things were okay. I told her I would watch her son for free at nights so she could save and get her life together and she wouldnt have to pay me a dime! All I asked was that she take my three older kids to school and pick them up! I even gave her gas money every week for doing this.

A week before XMAS her son starts having a horrible cough. He ran fever, and even got pink eye. I told her she had to take him to the Dr. She did and said the Dr told her it was allergies. Okay, I believed it until my daughter started coughing and ran a fever. I gave her medicine--but no luck. I had to take her to the emergency room last Friday-out $150 cp-pay all to sit in the ER for 4 hrs. They never called her back to see a Dr. I finally left around 4am and took her to the after hours clinic at her reg. Dr's office...she has a slight case of bronchitis (sp). WHAT?! She has never had this! Dr asked if she had been around any one with a cold? NO! ---WAIT A MINUTE---! Nephew had been coughing! I bet that is what he has! Dr said DD has a bad ear infection..come to find out there is a bad case of pink eye and ear infection going around!

I confronted SIL and she denied it! She starts yelling at me and telling me I have no right telling her anything! The hell I dont! I told her she had to leave and take all of her things with her. I felt bad because of nephew but I have to think about my daughter! After all of that I find out from my other SIL that nephew really did have bronchitis but SIL didnt get him the medicine because medicad didnt cover it and she would have to pay for the meds! OMG! I was HOT! Then only a couple of hours later I find out SIL calls my step children's uncle and tells him I am a horrible mother! My husband and I have custody of two of his chilldren from a previous relationship. SIL tells uncle that I am a crappy mother and she has "dirt" on me! I feel like calling her and cusing her out! That's wrong I know, but I am really hurt and feel like I have to defend myself.

42 replies
Doug Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 4:03pm
post #2 of 43

and you have dirt on her too! -- knows needs meds and refuses to buy???? services might be interested in hearing that one!

focus on your daughter and your health for now...all those visions of "cakes" you'll be making in the new year.

amazinggracecakedesigns Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 4:28pm
post #3 of 43

I understand completely!! We have a small child care business along with our bakery and every time one of the kids get sick, the mom always says that it is allergies even when they are running a fever. I'm not a doctor but I never heard of running a fever with allergies. Not long after, our kids always end up sick. Sometimes you wish people would just be honest!

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 4:44pm
post #4 of 43

You know..deep down I knew it wasnt allergies, but I didnt press the matter. I had been telling SIL since Thanksgiving he needed to see a Dr. for another matter but she hadnt taken him.

Doug-my husband is on the same page as you! He thought the same thing. He told me not to worry about it. She is just mad because I wouldnt pay for her any more. I would have been more than happy to buy his medicines if it ment him getting better.

Stacy-When my daughter's sinus' act up she will run a fever maybe the first day, but Motrin always takes care of it. My nephew's fever was on and off. He was coughing really badly-and SIl kept on dopping him up with allergy medicines. Did nothing for his cough but did knock him out for hours. I kinda felt like she was giving him the meds so she wouldnt have to deal with him. But that is my HO.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 4:55pm
post #5 of 43

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I have also opened my home to my in-laws and my husband actually kicked out his brother because he cursed at me on Thanksgiving. He got off easy because my DH is known by many of our family members as "Tita's pitbull", he doesn't take too kindly to ANYONE disrespecting me, but that's neither here nor there.

All I wanted to add is that, as Doug said, you get yourself and your baby better. Don't concern yourself with rumors and gossip from your SIL. I can understand getting defensive when it comes to your step-children because the ex is always trying to find a reason to justify taking them back or away (I got an ex in the picture too as well as 3 step-children). You know you're a good mother and so do the people in your life, so she can say whatever she wants- her opinion of you is not only irrelevant, but unimportant.

I do want to encourage you to have a wee bit (not an exaggerated amount) of compassion for her situation. It's already obvious you recognize that she needed a stepping stone to get her life back on track, so you've been more compassionate than most people (more than the rest of her famly). But a lot of times if people haven't been in a situation where they had no money, they do the craziest things- ie, not buying meds for your child. Now, if she's out buying clothes and going to club disregard everything I'm saying, but if she's truly desperate for money, tell your DH to refer her to a charitable organization that will help her cover meds for the baby or call the pharmaceutical company and ask if they have programs that help with that stuff. I know she probably wouldn't take any advice from you, but it is important that she knows she has help, some people become really depressed and desperate around this time of year and it would be horrible for her to lose hope.
All in all know you did the right thing in defending your child and the rules of your home. You're the only queen in that place so you set the tone!

CakeMommyTX Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:02pm
post #6 of 43

I would sell my wedding ring if I had to just to get medicine for my children, they come first , period!
Bronchitis is serious, I have suffered from chronic bronchitis and asthma my entire life , I have been hospitalized with only 20% of my lungs operating and 78 o2 count, its not something to dismiss, it can turn ugly fast! If the child still needs medicine I would take it upon yourself to get him the help he needs, even if it means calling CPS, its not the childs fault his mother could care less. And I know what it's like to be broke and have a sick kid but like I said before the children come first!
And as for the meds to dope him, I bet you're right, I have a "friend" who gives her daughter Benedryl every night so she will sleep, its wrong and possibly damaging to the child in the long run.

Sorry you got sick as well, try to get better and I wish you a Happy New Year.

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:11pm
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Tita9499-Oh my I did want to help her and I did try and have some compassion for her. I had my oldest when I was still in HS and I know what it is like to struggle and have no means. That is why I tried to help her, again! Yes this is the 2nd time I have been railroaded by her. She has been a problem for me since the day I met my husband. But I still try to help her and forgive because she is my husband's sister.

I just couldnt take her lying and causing my child to become sick because she has no regard to her son's needs. I have looked into many programs for her. There is one in another town about 10 minutes away from us. It is at a church and they have a program where they will help you with food, shelter, clothes...what ever! They help you. They even have apartments/duplex on church grounds (that are really nice), but you have to be inside your home by 8:00pm and she refused to go because her son stayed up past that time. I re-did her resume, and sent it off for her. I brought home applications....I just didnt know what to do for her anymore. She gets CS from her son's father. I have no idea what she would use it on! I never once made her pay for bills or anything. I even gave her money to take my kids to school!

Now she wouldnt go out to clubs but she would leave in the middle of the night to see some guy. I think we both know what she was doing. She would even tell my 15 and 11 yr olds that they were "using" each other! I'm sorry but I dont want my girls knowing that or even thinking that kind of behavior is right.

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:16pm
post #8 of 43

Yourstruly-I'd be pawning everything I owned to get my kids medicines. I would call family and ask to borrow money. I would have bought his medicines if I would have known. She kept on telling me even after I confronted her that is was allergies. I told her "It cant be because the medicines your giving him arent helping him". The entire time we were talking he was coughing up a storm.

It makes me mad because I know in the long run he will suffer from having been given medicine that he never needed just so "mom" could sleep at night. Sooner or later I hope she learns what a "MOM" really means!

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:20pm
post #9 of 43

EWW! That's just senseless to tell children that stuff (especially teens).

My friend Bridgette said it best when my father and I had a falling out, "Some people in your family are best loved from afar". It seems like you've been more than a saint to that woman and if all she does is cause you stress, it's better to see her (and maybe even speak to her) at family gatherings and even then use your best judgment. I for one know Hispanic families can be volatile when people who don't like eachother get too close.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:24pm
post #10 of 43
Originally Posted by alvarezmom

I would have bought his medicines if I would have known. She kept on telling me even after I confronted her that is was allergies. I told her "It cant be because the medicines your giving him arent helping him". The entire time we were talking he was coughing up a storm.

It makes me mad because I know in the long run he will suffer from having been given medicine that he never needed just so "mom" could sleep at night. Sooner or later I hope she learns what a "MOM" really means!

THAT'S THE POINT!! If you would have only known would you have bought the meds yourself? You said you would and that's the important thing. I guess the point I wanted to make (but didn't want to offend anyone in doing so) was that too often people are quick to pass judgement on others, "Oh, she's a bad mother because she didn't do this or she did that" but when you ask the person making judgments, "Hey! Would you pay for the child's meds?" They look at you like your crazy-"It's not my child".
So, you can rest easy knowing that you're not only a good mother to your children, but you'd be a good mother to her child as well. Let that stuff go, and let her drama go with it.

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:33pm
post #11 of 43

I totally agree....she is one to cast the first stone but dont you dare do it to her! This is why I hate, yes HATE, going to my husbands side of the family for Holidays. Most of them know how to act but the others will get drunk and then start fighting with each other...then the next weekend are back together doing the samething. Makes no sense to me!

My head is killing me right now. My little girl has one more day of meds, and then its back to the Dr to make sure she is 100%

The last I heard of SIL she was in another town about 20 minutes away staying at her friends house. I sure wish she would get her act together.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:36pm
post #12 of 43

Yep, sounds about right. It's that reason I don't like going to my side of the family. They are straight-up ghetto Nuyoricans and they always have to have liquor to have good time. On the other hand, my DH's family in Puerto Rico (who most New Yorkers would consider country bumbkins) are so civilized they make me feel self-concious, but they know how to act.

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:47pm
post #13 of 43

My husband's side looks decent..that is until there on the 4th case of beer and running low...then the GHETTO side comes out. It's embarrassing really when ppl know to stay away because their attitudes are foul when they drink.

My daughter had a party on the 15th and a friend of mine made a comment about SIL and how she was treating her son...I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there forever! SIL told nephew that the games were broken so he couldnt play! We had her party at GattiLand and there is a HUGE arcade. I couldnt believe she told him that. I didnt find that out until later. My older daughter came and told me.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:51pm
post #14 of 43

That's so sad! Pray for them, that's all I can do for our family.

indydebi Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:54pm
post #15 of 43

And the interesting part is that most doctor's offices and hospitals are very easy to work with on the payment issue, if you talk to them up front and make arrangements. I've been in that position and since I never wanted to be in the "you owe us too much money so we can't see your child" position, I worked diligently with my doctor's office on payments. My daughter worked in doctors' offices as the collection person .... calling accounts to make payment arrangements ... and she told me that as long as the person committed to SOMETHING, she would work with them. She had one person who could only pay $5/week, but that $5 came in like clockwork.

And one of my sisters was on medicaid for awhile after her divorce and her kids always had EVERYTHING paid for, medically speaking. So I have doubts about "they won't pay for it" .... especially if she wont' even take him to the doctor to find out what he needs!!

mpaigew Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 5:55pm
post #16 of 43

I completely feel you! I have a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old, and they both have cough varient asthma. Whenever they are exposed to any type of cold, it flares their asthma up like you wouldn't believe. In the last few months, both of my girls had close calls with almost having to be admitted to the hospital. Germs are everywhere, but it is frustrating when you KNOW that other parents aren't properly treating their sick child, or even teaching them basic hygiene. I get your SIL's point that medicine is expensive (my older daughter's one inhaler is $50, WITH insurance!) but if your child needs medicine, there is NO, NO, NO excuse not to get it for him or her. It is parents like your SIL that help contribute to my girl's asthma flare ups that I try so HARD to prevent!!!!!

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:09pm
post #17 of 43

Indy-The medicine that I had to get for my daughter was to help treat the bronchitis and also bacterial infections-since she had a bad ear ache. The insurance covered most. I believe it was orig. $43 and my co-pay was only $15.

I've been told the same thing. My kids have been seeing the same Dr for years now and they have always worked with me. Some times I have gone in and didnt have the full $25 co-pay and they end up billing me.

I honeslty dont know what meds were prescribed to nephew, but SIL had about $200 from CS that she had just gotten. I did believe her when she said it was allergies the medicad wouldnt pay for brand name medicine---but after all of this who knows!

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:14pm
post #18 of 43

mpaigew-My 5yr old the one who got sick has terrible allergies and sinus'. She is always on some sort of medicine to help her. i would say I am at the Dr's office every other month because she has a sinus infection. She is constantly on amoxicillin for the sinus infections. She now has gotten quite a few pink eye because of them and her ears have taken a beating this past year.

It is frustrating when you try to prevent your child from getting sick and giving them medicine to make them well all to have some idiot parent do the opposite!

It is a scary thing not knowing if your child will have to be put into the hospital. I havent had to deal with that in a while but when I did it was very scary.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:31pm
post #19 of 43

That's bull.

I wonder what she would do in my position. It's long brace yourselves.

We moved here from Germany and my daughter had a severe asthma attack in February. We had no idea she was having an attack, because she was never diagnosed with asthma nor had she ever had an attack like that before (or any attack at all for that matter). Long story short, my 2 year old (at the time) daughter almost died because she just wasn't getting any air. The ER doctor said if we'd waited even 5 minutes longer we would've lost her. They almost intubated her (shoved a beathing tube down her throat), but she voluntarily took the nebulizer and she began to breath a little easier. She was admitted into the PICU and she responded very well to all the treatments. She was diagnosed with asthma and Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) which means every time she gets a cold, she's going to have trouble breathing.

Fast forward to this month. My daughter was Rx'd: Singulair ($100 per 30 pills), Pulmicort and Xophenex (god only knows). She has to take the Pulmicort and Singulair every day if she's having a hard time breathing then the Xophenex. We have military insurance which means the most our co-pays (if we have one) is is about 9 bucks. We grateful even if that means my DH has to go to war so we have it (one of the perks and downsides of the job- huh?). Anyway, my daughter still is having trouble breathing so we go back to the dr who refers us to an allergist. GUESS WHAT? My daughter is allergic to dogs and cats, but not only allergic on a scale that tops out at 10 (highly allergic) and bottoms at 0 (not allergic) she responds a 27 to dogs and 7 to cats. Guess what we have? Yep, 2 dogs. One dog we've had since before we got married (more than 10 years). She's had these dogs around her since before she was conceived! So now they add to her meds: Zyrtec, Cetaphil soap, Eucerin lotion and some other topical medical cream- of your counting that's 7 different Rx's for just 1 child. Now I know there are plenty of parents that only wish their child needed 7 meds, but on 1 income things aren't cheap.

Add to all of that the fact that we now have to get rid of our pets that our babies have grown up with and we have raised since puppies. Some of my family (ignorant fools) have actually told me that my dogs shouldn't have to leave because "they were there first" that's a quote! My thing is, I can get another pet, I won't be able to replace my daughter!

mpaigew Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:34pm
post #20 of 43

alvarezmom- Yeah, with my two girls, we are constantly at the dr! I had to get prescriptions last night, and about DIED when the copay came to $100 for their three monthly prescriptions (our insurance plan just changed...blah, blah, blah!!!) My younger dd also has to be on a daily nebulizer treatment now, too. And now on top of everything, I just found out last week that my older dd has sleep apnea from her tonsils being so stinking huge! It never ends.

It is really frustrating. I teach my kids the importance of washing their hands several times a day because they are so susceptible to germs....I even tried to send in anti-bacterial hand gel with my older daughter to school, not realizing that she can't have it in class because it contains alcohol. Doh!

I hope your dd feels better, and the situation with your SIL improves. =)

indydebi Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:37pm
post #21 of 43
Originally Posted by Tita9499

Some of my family (ignorant fools) have actually told me that my dogs shouldn't have to leave because "they were there first" that's a quote!

And they expect you to get rid of your kid instead? icon_eek.gif

I was raised to never ... NEVER .... mistreat an animal (she didnt' mind beating her kids but god save you if you hit one of her dogs!) however, putting a animal over your kid just ticks me off! icon_mad.gif

A friend has a saying about the extreme-animal folks: They will walk past 10 starving men to feed a mangy dog.

CakeMommyTX Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:38pm
post #22 of 43
Originally Posted by indydebi

And one of my sisters was on medicaid for awhile after her divorce and her kids always had EVERYTHING paid for, medically speaking. So I have doubts about "they won't pay for it" .... especially if she wont' even take him to the doctor to find out what he needs!!

I agree, I had my first child on medicaid (my husbands job did not offer ins. ) but the dr's know this and they will write rx for meds that medicaid will cover, I had to switch to a generic inhaler while pregnant so that medicaid would cover it. And if the dr does'nt know the pharmacist will look it up and call the dr and have the rx changed.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:42pm
post #23 of 43

Debi: It was my mother's sister and I swear I had to put the phone down and breath in and out a few times before I could continue. I asked her if she was joking and she said she was "dead serious". I almost cursed her out (and I haven't cursed in more than 12 years!). I couldn't believe this woman was telling the mother of this child that it was okay to let my baby suffer and not breathe correctly so that SHE could visit the dogs whenever she came to visit us (which by the way she hasn't visited us in over 8 years).

I'm telling you some people shouldn't be allowed to talk. That happened weeks ago and I haven't spoken to her since and have no desire to actually. I told you I have some ignorant family members.

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:44pm
post #24 of 43

But either way I feel like crap. If I don't get rid of the dogs (not an option- they're out) I'm a bad mother. If I get rid of them, I'm a bad pet owner. I can't win, my kids are so upset that their doggies are gone, but I can't tell my daughter that it's because of her asthma/allergy because I don't want her to feel bad (like its her fault).

indydebi Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:45pm
post #25 of 43

Ah, Tita, looks like most of us have a few Jerry Springer family members in our family tree!

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:47pm
post #26 of 43

JERRY JERRY JERRY! All I need is an Aunt Lester and I'm set

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:58pm
post #27 of 43

I was allergic to cats and dogs as a child but it was something that I grew out of. I have heard that you can develop over a preiod of time an allergic to certain things. i personally have never met any one who this has happened to. My baby is so sensitive! My daughter has been prescribed Zyrtec, Claritin, Clarinex. All do nothing for her now. We have a nebulizer for her that she needed when she was younger. I had medicaid when my husband lost his job, and the Dr. already knew which meds were covered and which ones werent!

She even told me the Dr told her to give him hot tea to help his throat.....No Dr has ever told me that, and my child practicly lives at the Dr's office.

OMG TITA-I def. would have lost it! The nerve of some ppl.

moxey2000 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 6:59pm
post #28 of 43

When my oldest son was just 18 mos old he almost died from a sudden asthma attack. He'd had some allergy symptoms prior to that, but nothing that serious. All of a sudden he had to have daily breathing treatments and medicine. He was tested for allergies and allergic to everything. His father knew this, but got his live-in girlfriend a cat anyway! It didn't matter enough to him cause it was me that ended up doing all the treatment when I got him back every other weekend. Fortunately he outgrew the asthma and the allergy shots we did for 3 years really helped. He rarely has even allergy symptoms now and he's 19 yrs old. One of the best meds we ever used was Flonase. It really changed his life.

BTW Medicaid pays for just about any and all meds for children and doctors will write Rx with that in mind. I think the SIL is a user and doesn't value her children very much.

alvarezmom Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 7:03pm
post #29 of 43

Oh yes Flonase is another one I have for her! Geez, how all the medicines slip my mind. I swear I have my own Pharmacy at home! LOL

It just amazes me how some parents put their own needs before their children's! With that said you are right on moxey2000! I have come over this past week to really see SIL for who she really is! A USER!!!!

Tita9499 Posted 31 Dec 2008 , 7:20pm
post #30 of 43

My dr recommended the allergy shots. He said she'd do it once a week every week for 3 years- problem is, we're going to change duty stations in two years. Also, I'm nervous about doing them right now because she's still a little young to tell me if she can't breathe and the allergist said 2 people die every year from allergy shots.

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