So, my son got in trouble the other day at school and I got a call from the principle. He was definitely in the wrong and is in trouble at school. He has had an increasing amount of problems at school for his crazy/funny behavior and it is usually right after he and his brother fight about something. His big brother has been pretty mean lately. Not unlike most big brothers, but too much for me. Since the day started out with a fight I forced the oldest to tell me what happened and he admited to everything he had said and done, even though I only saw one instance and his brother had told me nothing.

For punishment, each child got to open a Christmas Gift and will be returning them to the store. It is a little harsh, but it had to be done. I can't threaten and not go through with it. They are trying hard to change my mind, but I told them they will have to live with this punishment and learn from it. There were many tears that night, but I know they are both better than they have been lately.

Sometimes kids just don't get it, and they don't believe it when they are told they will be punished...I don't think your punishment is harsh at all, they have to learn and it will be a whole lot better for them and for you if they learn now!

I am proud of you for taking this stand and sticking to your word. I have a niece who is now 22, still getting into/causing trouble at home and still does NOT believe it when she is given punishment (of course that is mostly her mom's fault for not sticking to her word) so she simply ignores it and repeats the whole thing on a regular basis.

Stay with your kids, they will be a whole lot better in the long run!

i say good for you and your kids
if more parents actually acted like parents and stuck to punishing their kids when they deserve it, this would be a much better world.

I don't think it was too harsh.

Your being a good mom, keep it up

I think the punishment is appropriate.

Btw, too harsh would have been making them open ALL their presents and returning them.

Awesome punishment. I plan to use that little gem myself, if I have to.

I have found that I can scream, yell, cry, put them in the corner, put them in their room-whatever. They don't really mind too much. But take away a present or toy-THAT hurts them.

Harsh is if don't get anything. Which a lot of kids this Xmas will be getting.

Mike

I am all for tough love. It's the only way they will ever get it. You are being a parent and you should never, ever be sorry for that.
Now, there was one instance that my oldest got in trouble at school and ended up with a write-up and in-school suspension. I took away all the video games, tv, movies, music, friends and even his toys and made him earn them all back one at a time.
He has not ever repeated his behavior and is so much more respectful and thankful for what he has.
Tough punishment, I know, and I am not saying it was at all easy to do, taking things away from your kids is never easy, but looking back, it was all worth it.

Good for you! Was it at least a little present? I have problems with my kids because my husband babies them and is too lazy to get off his butt and DO something, or just wants to shut them up and gives in to their whining. So then they try to pull that crap with me, an end up in huge trouble. I keep telling him he is just making things so much worse for all of us, but he can't get it thru his thick head. I don't really like kids having videogames, but I finally let my daughter have a Nintendo DS just so I'd have something to take away from her that she would care about!

Th punishment has to fit the crime. I think you did great.

My late mother in-law used to say "Better you cry then I cry".

I was never in favor of video games. My DS has the Wii, Ipod, DS, friends and TV shows that he loves to watch and DVR. I love them now. I take everything away and I don't tell my DS. I just wait for him to notice and then I break it down to him.

I find the more toys he has the better he will behave. I take everything away and write it done when he gets his stuff back.

My DS got into trouble last year in school. He's 8 yrs old now and man ole man did he not like the punishment and never did it again. I won't go into details about how bad the punisment was. I am to lazy to write it all down. The suprising thing is he's a great kid and the teacher was shocked that he participated in the trouble.

Great Job on finding out what the trouble was and acting on it. You were not harsh. A friend of mine was so mad at her son that she took everything out of his room except for his bed and even took the door off the frame so that he would have no privacy. He had no electronics either. This kid was in High School and he slept through all of his classes because he stayed up all night on his computer, phone, games, etc. He would eventually get back items when his F's became A's.

I have an 11 and 4 (Today he's 5!!)year old boys. They can fight with the best of them! I get so sick of listening to them.

Well, we were in the car a couple of weeks ago and the 5yr old was asking me why we picked him to be in our family and if we picked Alex to be in our family. I told him no, we just lucked out and got two great boys.
He proceeds to tell me that he doesn't want Alex in our family anymore because he's mean to me. He plays mean jokes on me all the time and says mean things to me.

I tell him he doesn't mean that, he loves him Very seriously, he says no, he wants him gone.

It breaks my heart to listen to this. I think about it for a couple of days and then the oldest is being down right nasty to him. So I sit Alex down and tells him what Max has said about him and how he no longer wants to be his brother. Alex sat there with tears in his eyes as he listened to me.

Ever since then he has been much nicer to his brother. Oh, don't get me wrong, they still fight but there's not that much nastiness involved.

I felt bad telling him that, but I think he needed to see how he was being thought of by his brother.

Sometimes we have to be harsh to get across. They just don't seem to listen otherwise.

Barb

Barb, I can totally relate. I have a 5 yo boy and 13 yo girl. My daughter so mean and nasty to her brother, and does nothing but cause trouble. THe second I walk out of the room, it starts. A couple of weeks ago my son packed a bag and said he was going to go live with his grandparents to get away from her. Then on the rare occasion she says something nice or wants to hug him, she gets mad because he pushes her away or says something smart back to her. I told her she can't expect him to believe she is sincere when she is so mean to him the other 90% of the time. No matter what we say or do to her, it doesn't make any impact.

My son lost Christmas and his birthday 2 years in a row due to bad behavior. Can't say it helped any, made him more resentful towards us, especially me.

My son lost Christmas and his birthday 2 years in a row due to bad behavior. Can't say it helped any, made him more resentful towards us, especially me.

Sounds harsh but realistically I think it is very appropriate. Good job on being a coconut (hard on the out and soft inside!!)

Usually I give my kids a warning first, then if the bad behavior continues I follow through with my threat. My 6 and 8 year olds love each other to death one second and fight to the death the next second. I always give them one warning so they have a chance to straighten up. Thanks for being a proactive parent. Our society will be much better if more parents were.

YAY!!! I am SO glad you followed thru! I do that with my kiddos too. I get tired of riding them to get all of their toys put away. I warn them once then into the give way bin it goes! Haven;t had much in there in a long time....


YAY REAL PARENTS!!!

I love knowing about how different families handle situations because it makes me reflect on our own family, what lessons I take away from the other family's story and how I can bring that into our own family.

Your story reminds me of how I used to be unable to withold anything from my boys. In the heat of the moment I'd say, "no party" or "no gift" or whatever. Then when I cooled down I'd feel guilty and let him have it anyway. As I got older and wiser, I realised that my wishy-washiness wasn't helping and was also a bad example. I'm glad I've grown a backbone since. Now I've learned 1) never to make promises or discuss issues when I'm emotionally charged 2) never to make threats I can't follow through

In our family we have learned to talk about the consequences of our behavior. It's not about being punitive but getting the boys to take responsibility for the outcome of their behavior. For instance when I found out my 2nd son ditched the middle school drama production, my gut instinct was to yell "you're grounded forever; give me your cellphone and no computer!" I bit my tongue and together DH, my son and I worked out that the natural consequence was my son could not join the drama camp he had been so looking forward to, he had to apologize to the teacher in charge and he had to offer to help out in the production in some other way. We're constantly evolving and growing as parents and as a family but I must say, I'm rather happy with where we're at right now.

I found a very good punishment for my 6 year old. He did something he's been getting in trouble for a couple days ago so he hasn't been allowed to care for his snake and even on feeding day he couldn't help.

You wouldn't believe how upset that child was over something like not being allowed to fill a water dish.

My oldest was very happy to do all this stuff instead since it isn't his pet so he doesn't normally get to do this stuff. He's never been able to take care of the mouse part.

I seriously think that next time he's in trouble I won't let him clean the tank.

Mbelgard; I just used that same type punishment with my six year old a few weeks ago. She pitched a two year old temper tantrum in church, which she NEVER has done before and really, became out of control. By the time we got home I was physically shaking, and certain I could seriously injure her!!!

So, I decided the best and most effective punishment was to tell her she wasn't allowed to even TOUCH our dog, Bella, whom she adores (but only for one day). She was devastated, to say the least. When I knew for sure the punishment was effective was when Bella jumped up behind us on the loveseat, laid her head on my shoulder, and Callyssa said, "Bella probably thinks SHE'S in trouble since I can't pet her, and it's not her fault. She didn't do anything wrong, I did........"

To the OP, I think the punishment is appropriate and not over the top. Now, if they completely lost Christmas, well, I can see where that could do some serious damage. However, if they lost it one present at a time until they were gone, that's a different story. It's also a really good opportunity to teach them what Christmas is supposed to be about, which isn't presents anyway. Well, you know what I mean......maybe.....Okay, I better just stop here and tell you not to worry! You're doing your kids a favor by teaching them actions have consequences! Now, to see if you really can follow through hehe!!!