Upset Over A Wedding Cake

Decorating By deetmar Updated 1 Dec 2008 , 5:00am by deetmar

deetmar Posted 25 Nov 2008 , 11:41pm
post #1 of 19

Last week I got talked into doing a wedding cake with less than 10 days notice. The bride called, I said no, she cried, I gave in. It started out with a three tiered cake with two tiers dummy. She actually wanted 100 cupcakes too, I said no way!

It eneded up 5 tiers, you can see it in my photos. The bride was standing there when we were setting up. We had to haul this cake up a hill, with no lights, in 30 degree temps. I was so hurt that she said nothing, I mean nothing, when the cake was delivered. Not thank you, I hate it, go to hell, NOTHING. I charged her $200, which I really regretted, because it wasn't what she wanted, the cupcake, the dummy , etc. I would have thought that she would have at least said Thank you for taking the time to do this cake that I forgot to order when you said you had three other cakes this week, but did this because I cried. And, I appreciate you hand painting all the gold and silver on the cake because they don't make "gold" or "silver" colors.

I can't tell you how hurt I was. I finally slithered into the grocery store where her Mom worked just to see if anything was said. My husband told me not to do it, your just going to get upset all over again. When I went in, the mother was showing pictures to everybody. My heart was lifted. She hugged me and thanked me.

I told her that I was so worried becaue I hadn't heard a word from her daughter. She said no, that her daughter became an instant mother of five that night, and is having a hard time adjusting. Ok, I have 4 kids, I understand, but I didn't have to do the cake, and I will NEVER give another cake away. Lesson learned.

18 replies
Melvira Posted 25 Nov 2008 , 11:56pm
post #2 of 19

Well, I'm glad that it kind of turned out good in the end. I'm sorry you got kind of suckered into it. Sometimes we kind of have to be mean!

ETA: What's with all the 'kind of's' up there?? Am I in a wishy-washy mood or what? icon_rolleyes.gif

dsimkovic Posted 27 Nov 2008 , 2:02pm
post #3 of 19

I found it in your pics and I think it's gorgeous. I would be floored if you did something that nice for me in such a short amount of time.

I'm glad you found out later that it really was appreciated Sometimes people don't realize how they're being percieved.

It's a beautiful cake. icon_smile.gif

SILVERCAT Posted 27 Nov 2008 , 2:25pm
post #4 of 19

That cake came out BEAUTIFULLY! I am sorry to hear your feelings were hurt but some people dont realize how lucky they are!

dmich Posted 27 Nov 2008 , 2:36pm
post #5 of 19

You did a great job - the cake is beautiful. People are really funny sometimes. I can certainly understand that the bride was feeling overwhelmed by her new family situation, but really. Should that stop her from saying a simple, "Thank you. It's beautiful." At least you got the story from her mom afterwards.

subaru Posted 27 Nov 2008 , 3:32pm
post #6 of 19

WOW!!! The cake is BEAUTIFUL!! Shame on her for not telling you that, no matter how stressed out she was. And yes, you definately undercharged. Way too much work for $200. But I'm guilty of that myself.

kandu001 Posted 29 Nov 2008 , 2:34am
post #7 of 19

Gorgeous cake! Worth way more than $200!!!! She was soooo lucky that you are such a nice person. I will say "Thank You" on her behalf since she did't have the courtesy to do so! Hats off to you!!!

superstar Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 12:29am
post #8 of 19

I commented on your cake in the gallery. It is beautiful, you put a lot of work into that cake, it never ceases to amaze me how some people can be so ignorant, 'thank you' is the least she could have said & I can't belive you only charged her $200.00 WOW.

-K8memphis Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 12:56am
post #9 of 19

I'm sorry you put yourself through that painful introspection. I'm glad you got some relief from the mob.

See, me, I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with anything else. I just like to get the he77 out of there and be glad I did a good job. You did a good job right? You did get some money right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just editorializing about all the need for affirmation--I'm just doing it in your post--don't take it super personal or anything--I'm mouth running. I like affirmation to a point. I cannot control it so meh on it. I do not like rock star affirmation that gets on my nerves.

My sis-in-law got maried (to my brother bless her heart) 31 years ago. When that subject comes up, without fail people are still bragging on the cake. No thank you, I don't need anymore affirmation.

I don't know. It's a service provided for a price. Thank yous are nice much preferred over getting called out on your name but when it's a business deal the cake ain't that important when people are busy getting married don't you think?

To me it is about the caker doing a gut wrenching service and producing a sweet baby that is fixing to get carved up and devoured I check my ego at the door when I deliver a cake. It's somebody else's party and I was blessed to get to be an integral and important part. But I play my part and I leave. I don't look for self gratification other than the swell in the bank account.

It's just easier yes?

Honestly though, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings and I apologize in advance if that happened I totally do not mean to I'm just puzzled at the great need/desire for it mentioned in many posts not just yours.

terrier Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 1:12am
post #10 of 19

k8memphis... you're right!
Sometimes I will be at the party that I have made a cake for and they want me to cut it because they are afraid that I will be upset or mad...I am like it's your cake as soon as I drop something off I do not care if they use their hands and pull pieces off...
like you say money in the bank and see you in a few months...
Thank you come again!

apetricek Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 1:17am
post #11 of 19

I on the other hand, don't really agree with the above post. I too feel like I put a TON of blood, sweat, and tears into a cake....granted I am getting paid for it, but a simple Thank you, or some comment for gods sakes isn't asking TOO MUCH!!! I always say thank you to someone when I am paying for a product...that is just good manners. I guess not everyone says thank you to the waitress that brings their dinner to them, you are paying for that right? But I always thank them, even though ultimately they didn't even make it, or put all what us cake people do into our work! So we are supposed to accept people not being appreciative over our products..I think NOT!!! I have a great deal of customers that are very well off...and their reactions are sometimes not what I always expect, or lack there of. I also have come to terms that they pay and buy pretty much everything, so they expect it to be nice, since they are paying for it. I am not jumping on your comments, please don't think I am personally attacking your comments, that is not the intent..just giving my 2 cents on it. I know I have posted venting posts about this same topic in the past.... I don't feel that they should fall to the floor, praise me, and kiss my feet while they are at it. But I do feel that a simple thank you or some reaction would be the least they could do, whether they are paying for it or not. Especially with the circumstance that revolved around this wedding cake. She should have made a comment, especially since you went out of your way. On a side note...if she was SO stressed about her upcoming "family situation", that she couldn't even say a simple thank you then why in he** is she getting married? I sometimes will not understand people?

FullHouse Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 1:41am
post #12 of 19

I agree that she should have thanked you, if she was standing right there, it's only two words. Especially considering that you did a fabulous job for a great price on last minute notice. Wow, I can't believe you only charged her $200 for that cake.

Superstar2 Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 2:06am
post #13 of 19

People, it's just called good manners to say"thank you". No matter the short notice, effort or cost of the cake. I feel the bride should have at least said,Thank you after all she did say PLEASE with the added touch of tears. Deetmar you did an outstanding job and the mother did show gratitude. Your are obviously the better person.

__Jamie__ Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 2:22am
post #14 of 19

Yeah, I'd be a little miffed too. But in the bride's defense, everything about that day was business, except her in her fairy tale dress waiting on her prince. And so it should be. Everyone else was bragging on it, and you knew it was great and you got money for creating a piece of art that never again will be duplicated. Cheers to that, lady!

terrier Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 2:40am
post #15 of 19

Thank you seems to be hard for some to say!

I too always say "Thank you" to whomever that is what I was taught.. but some people are not that way.

Cake making is a business and the people you do business for are not always the nicest so you pick your battles... We are not in the "good manners" business... Cakes be where it is at!

We have all I am sure at some point not say something whether it be a thank you or a please.

Please do not take this as being condescending.

Thank you! JMAP

A

flowers40 Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 3:14am
post #16 of 19

I think that for most of us, decorating cake is our art form. It is how we express our innermost self. It's like pealing back the layers of our inner self and taking a good look. My cakes represent me, therefore, if I do you a favor I damn well expect to at the very least get a thank you. When I do a cake for a complete stranger and charge him/her the price my time and effort is truely worth on top of the cost of making the cake, then I probably figure I should thank him or her, because they would be paying a pretty penny! Which by the way has yet to happen. Most of the time, I do cakes for people at close to cost, and I'm not even getting paid close to what my time is worth. So, I'm giving them not only a cake, but my time with my family I could have had, instead of spending time on their cake! Therefore, I obviously do it for self gratification, why else would I take time from my life to do something so personal for someone else! And besides all that Thank You is just one word away from NO, which is probably what you should have stuck to!

terrier Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 5:01am
post #17 of 19

We do it because we love it! I mean I love my family more that is why I am a midnight baker icon_smile.gif

-K8memphis Posted 30 Nov 2008 , 10:13pm
post #18 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by deetmar

Last week I got talked into doing a wedding cake with less than 10 days notice. The bride called, I said no, she cried, I gave in. It started out with a three tiered cake with two tiers dummy. She actually wanted 100 cupcakes too, I said no way!

It eneded up 5 tiers, you can see it in my photos. The bride was standing there when we were setting up. We had to haul this cake up a hill, with no lights, in 30 degree temps. I was so hurt that she said nothing, I mean nothing, when the cake was delivered. Not thank you, I hate it, go to hell, NOTHING. I charged her $200, which I really regretted, because it wasn't what she wanted, the cupcake, the dummy , etc. I would have thought that she would have at least said Thank you for taking the time to do this cake that I forgot to order when you said you had three other cakes this week, but did this because I cried. And, I appreciate you hand painting all the gold and silver on the cake because they don't make "gold" or "silver" colors.

I can't tell you how hurt I was. I finally slithered into the grocery store where her Mom worked just to see if anything was said. My husband told me not to do it, your just going to get upset all over again. When I went in, the mother was showing pictures to everybody. My heart was lifted. She hugged me and thanked me.

I told her that I was so worried becaue I hadn't heard a word from her daughter. She said no, that her daughter became an instant mother of five that night, and is having a hard time adjusting. Ok, I have 4 kids, I understand, but I didn't have to do the cake, and I will NEVER give another cake away. Lesson learned.




But this is my point--the bride chickie was busy getting married and getting on with her life. Five kids, planned a wedding, cried to get her cake. You really think she's in any reasonable emotional shape to play benevolent hostess? Obviously she's zonker overwhelmed. I just cannot see getting bent out of shape because she then overlooked stroking the paid help's ego.

I mean why were you so worried? How could you get hurt over that?Don't you know you did a good job? Honestly, I don't get it.

You're not giving away another cake because the chick didn't say thanks? Well she did you the biggest favor on the planet and you need to thank her.

Weddings are about the bride not the caker.

She's prolly on a just got married thread somewhere going, I can't believe that caker passed by me and didn't say, Have a nice day--what with all the pressure I'm under etc...she knows I was breaking down on the phone with her and that was days before the wedding I'm even more wound up now...

Generally, ladies are brides for one day of thier lives or one day a few times over in their lives. The pressure can be and is overwhelming. People coming from all over the country--family that hopefully will coexist for a few moments without fighting. She's gonna be a Mom to five kidlettes eeghads.

Just think about planning a gathering at your house for 20 people. It's excruciating work. Now she's got a shindig for hundreds of folks--I truly feel from the bottom of my gizzard you should give her a big big break on her sin of omission.

deetmar Posted 1 Dec 2008 , 5:00am
post #19 of 19

Thank you.

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