Do You Believe This???? Longish Story But I Need To Vent.

Lounge By kimmypooh79 Updated 29 Oct 2008 , 10:31pm by kimmypooh79

kimmypooh79 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 6:42am
post #1 of 39

So my DH comes from a family of medical doctors, lawyers, and college professors. His family looks down on me b/c I never graduated HS but I did get my GED last year. I stay at home and my DH is a teacher. His family is also....pretty......I am overweight and average looking. Anyway, his cousin is getting married on Saturday and we weren't invited. We know that it going to be a very expensive event and that there are going to be tons of ppl there. My FIL stuck his foot in his mouth about it then tried to back up a bit like he didn't know what was going on. We were told that the cousins are not invited. There are only 3 cousins to speak of in my dh's family. I think they are embarrassed by us because we don't live the lifestyle that they do or maybe they are just embarrassed by me. I'm very hurt by this and I don't know what to think. They spend 6 figures on these events and when we got married we spent a few thousand. Certain members snubbed me at our wedding. I don't know if I should send a gift I can't afford or forget about them completely. I'm confused about the matter since they didn't even have the decency to tell us themselves. Any advice would be appreciated. icon_cry.gif The funny thing is that DH couldn't care less.

38 replies
peg818 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 8:46am
post #2 of 39

Hell, if you didn't get invited, you certainly don't send a gift!!! If you have the desire to buy a gift, buy one for yourself or your husband.

Sorry, but families can suck at times.

Kiddiekakes Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 12:19pm
post #3 of 39

Well that's just plain rude.....Who needs to go anyway!!!Don't send a gift!!

trishalynn0708 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 2:20pm
post #4 of 39

You know what. Just think of it this way, you have a loving family and who needs those people who think they are better than you because they have money? I have family I don't even talk to because they act this way. It is sad that it has to be this way but no one is better than anyone else. Also think, I bet your wedding was better than theirs is going to be! Their is going to uptight and boring and a stressful event with all of that money in the wedding and if yours was a low key wedding you had people their who loves you and wanted to be their. Not because they wanted to make an appearence!..

Sorry, can you tell I get a little peeved about family? LOL!

jammjenks Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 2:27pm
post #5 of 39

No gift. Period.

BTW-if that's you in your avatar then you are wrong. You are beautiful, not average and you certainly do NOT look overweight to me. Who cares what they think! DH has it right. He obviously knows what he's talking about....he picked you, right!

michellenj Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 2:33pm
post #6 of 39

Weddings can bring out the worst in people. I think that you should just let it go. Don't send a gift, just ignore it altogether. Life is too short to worry about a-holes.

-K8memphis Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 2:38pm
post #7 of 39

That would sting but try to think of it this way--they are giving you a much more comfortable day than to endure attending this affair with unpleasant people. Being patronized always sucks though. Geez hope none of the other cousins really get invited and if they do hope you never find out. It's stupid to spend a jillion dollars and stiff 'the three cousins'.

You are awesome. You are cool. You are not average looking or average in any other way. You are my CakeBuddy and You Rock.

I'm gonna say one more thing, Mother-hen-ishly. Consider being careful of your self-talk. Tell yourself how great you are seriously--'cause as you've just related, nobody else will do it for you. And what we say to ourselves, we believe. So you do have to come to grips about your feelings concerning this event but be nice to Kimmypoo.

(((giant hug)))

adonisthegreek1 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 3:15pm
post #8 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by jammjenks

No gift. Period.

BTW-if that's you in your avatar then you are wrong. You are beautiful, not average and you certainly do NOT look overweight to me. Who cares what they think! DH has it right. He obviously knows what he's talking about....he picked you, right!




That's a movie poster in her avatar, however, Kimmypooh79, you need some self esteem. If you think you are overweight and don't look good, that's the way that others will perceive you. You can work on your weight and change up your style a bit. You have to project confidence.

If your DH doesn't care about the wedding or being around his snobbish family, why should you? You can't make someone like you, so move on with what makes you and hubby happy. If you don't, I guarantee you, you will be miserable the rest of your life.

kimmypooh79 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 5:05pm
post #9 of 39

Shoot...I wish that was me in the avatar!!! I think it's settled...no gift.

Auryn Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 5:19pm
post #10 of 39

definitely no gift
and just cause their 'family' doesnt mean you have to be nice to them when they are big jerks to you

indydebi Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 5:57pm
post #11 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

I'm gonna say one more thing, Mother-hen-ishly. Consider being careful of your self-talk. Tell yourself how great you are seriously--'cause as you've just related, nobody else will do it for you. And what we say to ourselves, we believe.



AMEN! As I tell my (overweight) teenage daughter, "We may be fat ... but we are GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I feel sorry for those hoity-toity relatives of yours. My favorite aunt/uncle/cousins were dirt poor and raised 5 kids. Aunt/Uncle were both Quaker ministers so you can imagine they lived on less than nothing. But they were THE most sharing, caring people in the world, always had room at their house for one or two more and we were always doing sleepovers with them. I cant' imagine a family event without them being there.

My other aunt, who was more like a gramma to me, said something one day that I have carried with me since I was 13: "I don't have much but I'll share what I've got."

I think it's this statement that gave me my "give back" philosophy. It's why I pick one couple a year and do their wedding for free. It's why I donate lots of cakes to local events and organizations.

For whatever reason, they obviously know they are treating people wrong ... otherwise FIL wouldn't have felt "guilty" about letting the cat out of the bag.

These folks are doing you a favor. And no, no gift. If your company isn't good enough for them, then neither is your money.

Pookie59 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 6:11pm
post #12 of 39

Count your non-invite as a huge blessing. No gift to buy, no snobbish relatives to endure.

Having money does NOT mean you have any class.

indydebi Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 6:27pm
post #13 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookie59

Having money does NOT mean you have any class.



I've taught my kids ... "Manners don't cost nuthin'!"

marknelliesmum Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 7:20pm
post #14 of 39

By the sounds of things you could starve yourself to be stick thin, have surgery to become gorgeous ( bet you're lovely anyway thumbs_up.gif ) and put yourself through college and they still would look down their noses - you can't fix the problem because the problem is theirs icon_evil.gif ignorant sods! Some people may have lots but all too often they sadly have no class, which, you my friend have by the bucket load. As for your dh not being bothered, why should he be ? He has a beautiful wife ( inside and out), a happy home and marriage - how many of his well off relatives can claim the same? Probably none and that's why they are down on you coz you guys have what their money and brains can't buy. Chin up and hold your head high...it's not what you have that matters it's what you do with what you have that counts. The only people you should let bother you or influence you are the ones you love dearly and respect totally - if they have reason to be on your case it's usually for a very good reason based on the fact they adore you and want what's best for you, but the rest...well sod 'em thumbs_up.gif

kimmypooh79 Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 8:40pm
post #15 of 39

You guys are great and I really appreciate your support. You made a lot of good points that never really occurred to me and made me look at things in a different way. I've been nothing but nice to them, if they can't accept me then tough cakeballs!!! And you're right, they are stuffed shirts that can't have fun and I'd be wishing I were somewhere else if we had been invited. It just ticks me off when people treat anybody like that....not just family. Karma....karma....karma icon_twisted.gif

Deb_ Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 8:55pm
post #16 of 39

If I were you Kim, I'd be happy that I didn't get invited to this Wedding. I can't think of anything worse than spending the afternoon with a bunch of over educated, under mannered clods! Anyone that measures a person's worth by their level of education and how much money they have in the bank, doesn't deserve to be graced with your company.

I've met many highly educated people that don't have an ounce of common decency. I wouldn't trade my life with any of them. If money is what makes them happy, than I'm very sad for them. They'll never know what true happiness is.

I think your husband's take on this situation is right on. Let them all go to he_ _! You have more class, beauty, and sense than the lot of them, they deserve each other!

And............please do not send any gift, you and your hubby should get dressed up that day and go out for a nice dinner!

mocakes Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 9:09pm
post #17 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly27

And............please do not send any gift, you and your hubby should get dressed up that day and go out for a nice dinner!




dkelly27 just beat me to it!!! That's EXACTLY what I was going to say!!

Have a wonderful evening out...just the two of you! I bet you'll have WAY more fun!!

thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 9:27pm
post #18 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by marksmum

By the sounds of things you could starve yourself to be stick thin, have surgery to become gorgeous ( bet you're lovely anyway thumbs_up.gif ) and put yourself through college and they still would look down their noses - you can't fix the problem because the problem is theirs icon_evil.gif ignorant sods! Some people may have lots but all too often they sadly have no class, which, you my friend have by the bucket load. As for your dh not being bothered, why should he be ? He has a beautiful wife ( inside and out), a happy home and marriage - how many of his well off relatives can claim the same? Probably none and that's why they are down on you coz you guys have what their money and brains can't buy. Chin up and hold your head high...it's not what you have that matters it's what you do with what you have that counts. The only people you should let bother you or influence you are the ones you love dearly and respect totally - if they have reason to be on your case it's usually for a very good reason based on the fact they adore you and want what's best for you, but the rest...well sod 'em thumbs_up.gif




Ab-so-Freakin'-lutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfectly said!! thumbs_up.gif

sueco Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 9:32pm
post #19 of 39

What is that saying? You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't pick your relatives. Seems to me that you're the one who is getting a gift - you don't have to go!

ElectricCook Posted 28 Oct 2008 , 10:02pm
post #20 of 39

Kim

Just be happy they are your relatives who your had no choice in chosing and not your friends. Enjoy your day not going to the wedding. If you really feel the need or guilt to send a gift, take the money and watch it burn. You will get more enjoyment and even a sincere thank you from the burnt money than from the relatives you didn't get to chose.

Just remember you have family here at CC.

michellenj Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 12:03am
post #21 of 39

I said earlier not to send a gift, but it might be a bigger kick in their a$$ if you sent them a gift with a card and beautiful note. Make 'em feel like a piece of garbage that they shunned you, yet you still had enough class to wish them well.

pastryjen Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 12:36am
post #22 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

I said earlier not to send a gift, but it might be a bigger kick in their a$$ if you sent them a gift with a card and beautiful note. Make 'em feel like a piece of garbage that they shunned you, yet you still had enough class to wish them well.




Chances are they probably wouldn't think of feeling like garbage!

indydebi Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 12:53am
post #23 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by pastryjen

Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

I said earlier not to send a gift, but it might be a bigger kick in their a$$ if you sent them a gift with a card and beautiful note. Make 'em feel like a piece of garbage that they shunned you, yet you still had enough class to wish them well.



Chances are they probably wouldn't think of feeling like garbage!


And whatever you sent wouldnt' be "good enough" for 'em anyway.

mixinvixen Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 1:00am
post #24 of 39

listen to me:

in april, we went to my husband's cousin's daughter (get that?) wedding in coral gables, florida. the cousin is a judge, her husband is an environmental lawyer, and both daughters are already out of law school. this wedding was for the firstborn, and totaled over $250,000, yet the youngest daughter SPIT INTO THE DRINK OF ONE OF THE GUESTS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RECEPTION, after she got drunk.

i say all this to let you know: money doesn't buy class.

michellenj Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 1:03am
post #25 of 39

I had to put a bride to bed (alone) during her reception b/c she got so drunk. They didn't even get to cut the cake!

kimmypooh79 Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 1:29am
post #26 of 39

UPDATE-I found out for sure tonight that DHs cousins WERE invited.....so it was just us that was left out. I am going to send them a card.....I don't know what it will say yet icon_twisted.gificon_evil.gificon_twisted.gif but I'll take the high road.....maybe. I'd like to know who is making their cake though icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif the wedding is at The Breakers in Palm Beach on Saturday....LOL....CALLING ALL CAKE DECORATORS!!!! LOL
Nah....not worth my time. I have more than they do in everything that matters and it didn't cost a thing. icon_smile.gif

KKC Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 1:59am
post #27 of 39

Kimmypooh...i too am overweight, my weight has always been up and down but i gained weight after i had my son. But the thing that i learned a long time ago is that because i am overweight doesn't mean i have to act like it. I shop for only the prettiest plus size clothing and the highest stiletto, i try to keep my hair done and nails, make-up all the good stuff. I think of myself as average looking once i go to bed but when i wake up in the morning, honey you would think i was a movie star icon_wink.gif I use to have low self esteem but then i got over it because not only do i tell myself i'm beautiful...i have a husband and son who tells me all the time. thumbs_up.gif

I say screw the family and surround yourself with positive people who love and care about you. There is this saying that I love to say to people who give me their behinds to kiss..."Be careful whose toes you step on, because they may be connected to the a$$ you have to kiss one day"
icon_wink.gificon_lol.gif

mixinvixen Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 2:40am
post #28 of 39

i think i will never forget, a few years ago, when i realized that i was the only one purposely not invited to another neighbor's baby shower. i happened to go to another neighbors house, and there on her refrigerator was a little calendar with this specific date marked saying "becky's baby shower". it was ony 2 days away or something, so i knew i hadn't been invited. then my next door neighbor and best friend of the pregnant chick had the nerve to call and ask if they could use our costco card to buy some "groceries". then the morning of the party, she called to see if my husband, who works for a paper company, had any samples of small punch cups she could have!!!!!!!!! i thought "are your freaking kidding me??????" they never did admit to me what was going on, but i let them know i knew by calling over to the neighbor and saying "well, just give so and so the message that i called and she's more than welcome to use my costco card to buy those supplies for becki's shower...if we'd known about the party, todd could have ordered you some punch cups".

when i'm wronged like and it's obvious that someone thinks they have something over on me, i let them know that the joke is on them.

kimmypooh79 Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 3:01am
post #29 of 39

My former supervisor used to tell me "Thin is in but fat is where it's at!" Oh how I need to get back there.

jammjenks Posted 29 Oct 2008 , 11:46am
post #30 of 39

The more I think about it, I think maybe you should send a card.....A $5 GIFT CARD TO THE DOLLAR TREE! Wouldn't that be funny!?

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