Do You Feel Selfish.....

Lounge By KKC Updated 28 Oct 2008 , 3:40pm by KKC

KKC Posted 21 Oct 2008 , 11:48pm
post #1 of 50

When you just want to get away from your family for a few days. I have a 7 year old son who gives me headaches the size of Texas and a husband that gives me double the headache. Don't get me wrong i love them both with everything i have but they seriously work my nerves icon_cry.gif My husband doesn't really know how to be a husband sometimes and my son well he's a whole other story. My family members are taking a trip to Orlando this weekend and my son can't go because he's on punishment and i want to go alone without my dh and son. Does that make me selfish?? My son gives me a hard time to no end. He won't put forth much effort in school, he won't keep his room clean. My husband wants gourmet meals every single day. I would cook and instead of him getting decent portion sizes he piles his plate up so there is no food leftover, which means i have to cook almost every night of the week. If i try to make a meal that is quick fix like spaghetti he just realizes that he doesn't like spaghetti although he's been eating it for years. Then he'll say ok i'll eat it if you make HOMEADE GARLIC ROLLS.... icon_mad.gificon_cry.gificon_mad.gif I asked him to let me get away for the weekend but he feels like this should be a family affair.....i think i'm going to have a nervous breakdown. He puts things where i can't reach them (i'm only 5 feet) and i tell him all the time please don't put things where i can't reach them. Oh and a few weeks ago he threw away 8 pairs of my shoes...my good, expensive shoes that i love love love!!! icon_mad.gif He didn't bother to apologize he just said oh well icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif What am i going to do?! What would you do?

49 replies
pastryjen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 12:15am
post #2 of 50

Go...why should you miss out on a fun time because your son hasn't followed the rules. He's the one who's punished and not you. You going might just give him the kick in the pants that will make him realize how important it is to do his part for the family.

As for DH, make big meals and put 1/2 away before you serve them or make recipes like casseroles so that you make 2 at once but freeze one for another time.

You are also not a restaurant...if DH doesn't like the meal, he can fix himself something else.

I am going to assume that you are a Christian woman. God wouldn't put you through this for no reason. Is your DH Christian, too? Maybe he needs to be reminded of how God expects him to behave.

I wish you all the best as you make your decision.

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 12:24am
post #3 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by pastryjen

Go...why should you miss out on a fun time because your son hasn't followed the rules. He's the one who's punished and not you. You going might just give him the kick in the pants that will make him realize how important it is to do his part for the family.

As for DH, make big meals and put 1/2 away before you serve them or make recipes like casseroles so that you make 2 at once but freeze one for another time.

You are also not a restaurant...if DH doesn't like the meal, he can fix himself something else.

I am going to assume that you are a Christian woman. God wouldn't put you through this for no reason. Is your DH Christian, too? Maybe he needs to be reminded of how God expects him to behave.

I wish you all the best as you make your decision.


Thanks for that...no he's not Christian...he doesn't go to church unless i ask him to go. They make me feel so bad about having some time to myself.

Sugarflowers Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 1:09am
post #4 of 50

I agree with pastryjen. There is nothing wrong with wanting time for yourself and away from the family. Sometimes getting away is the only way to remain sane.

You are not being selfish, you just need a break.

As for the meals, they get what they get. My first husband was similar to yours in wanting fantastic meals every day. We had very little money so I had to be able to do this sort of stuff with cheap ingredients. There were times that I would go see my parents without him. I did take my son, but he was only 2 at the time.

For your son, try working out a contract on chores and behavior. I did this with my kids and it works for a while, then I had to change things once they figured that I got the better end of the deal. icon_twisted.gif I'm good at writing contracts. icon_lol.gif They would help to decide the details of the contracts and then sign and date them.

The other thing that I did that worked very well was to make work orders for them. These were forms that I made on the computer and attached to their doors so that they couldn't say they didn't see them. They had priority levels, one very specific chore, with very detailed instructions. There was a expected time of completion and inspection. If this was not done, then they lost a video game or TV time, whatever. If it was important it had a priority 1 and had to be completed very quickly. There were three priority levels. The reason this worked is that they didn't feel like I was bossing them around and they could get to the chore when they were ready. They had previously agreed to the system so they knew what was expected. Sometimes all they wanted was to finish a game or a TV show, so this method let them control a part of their life. This system even had a pay scale for allowance. The more quickly they got it done, the more they got paid. If they went above and beyond (rarely), they got a bonus.

Timers work great for getting kids to do things. I have set a timer and told them that when that went off then they had to complete a specific job. Again, this let them feel that they were not being bossed around. The fighting between us pretty much stopped. They are also better negotiators now. icon_rolleyes.gif

You are not alone in this. There are many of us who have been or are going through the same thing. You do have support here. Let us help you. Go and have fun with your family and let your son and husband see how things are when you are not there. It will be good for all of you.

May God bless you and keep you.

Hugs,

Michele

michellenj Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 1:09am
post #5 of 50

First off, I would head out to the mall and replace my shoes, and NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. If dh complains about the $$ you spent, too bad, it's his fault. (Thank God my husband doesn't mind how many shoes I have.)

Second, I'd tell him to shove the homemade garlic rolls up his a$$. WTH is that all about? Is he 4 years old? What kind of grown man tells his wife the only way he'll eat the spaghetti she prepared is if she makes homemade rolls? I used to prepare 3 meals for dinner every night-one for dh, one for the kids, and one for me (on a diet). I thought that I was going to lose my mind, plus I was spending a fortune on groceries. Finaly, I realized that what I was doing was totally nuts, so now I make dinner, and if someone doesn't like it then they can eat chef boyardee or Burger King. Tonight my dd ate 3 cheese sticks and half a pack of Ritz crackers for dinner. icon_confused.gif

It sounds like you do need some time alone. I don't think it's selfish at all.

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 4:10am
post #6 of 50

Yeah my dh has a bad habit of throwing things away without bothering to ask if it is needed...like today my son's homework was blown onto the floor by the fan and it went under the sofa...dh tossed it right in the trash and i noticed it right before i threw away some food. I was so upset...i mean what is so hard about asking if it belongs to someone or if it is needed before you toss it. You would think he would've learned his lesson when he tossed out my shoes. I swear i ripped him a new one icon_wink.gif

I want to thank you guys for not making me feel like i was selfish and giving me some good advice. I had a previous post about my son not doing to well with his homework and things like that and i got alot of good advice that i listened to and it worked well for me...so i want to thank everyone icon_smile.gif

I try to sit down with my hubby and son and let them know how i'm feeling. I try not to place blame on anyone, i just let them know that some things need to change. I think i'm too young to go thru this type of stress. I'm only 26 and i feel like i have the whole world on my shoulders. So my dh agreed to let me have this weekend to myself, he's going to stay home with our son. I told him that i'm not his superwoman icon_wink.gif I mean i love the fact that he loves my cooking but it comes a time when a girl just wants to fix hamburgers and fries for dinner. I think its partly my fault because when we first moved in together a few years ago, i wanted to try my hand at cooking (i'm a die heart baker) and i realized that i was pretty good at it...so i'd cook him things like Chicken Fried Steak you know stuff that they make in restaurants...I would cook him big meals (which is why he gained about 50lbs) and of course i had to make him dessert. So i do blame myself for starting this but he needs to learn that I am his wife not his personal chef. And my son he's a picky eater...so thats another job for me...my son doesn't eat the food that we eat. He doesn't like any type of meat, and he doesn't eat rice, he doesn't eat cold cereal, he doesn't eat chocolate or any kind of candy. His daily meals consists of:

Breakfasts:
Banana Oatmeal (very hard to find in the stores)
Eggs
Grits
Toast (Butter & Jam CANNOT BE ON THE SAME SIDE WITH EACH OTHER)
Cream of Wheat with no lumps
Croissant Sandwiches with Egg & Cheese only

Lunch:
Bread with melted butter
Grilled Cheese
Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich
Cheese Pizza
Macaroni & Cheese
Mashed Potatoes
Peanut Butter Crackers
Cheez Its
Golden Oreo cookies


Dinner:
Mac & Cheese
Cream of Wheat
Banana Oatmeal
Ramen Noodles
Green Beans
Corn
Corn bread or Dinner Rolls
Spaghetti without the meat
French Fries
Hot dog (no actual hot dog, just the bread and ketchup)

This is what i have to go thru daily...it takes him a while to figure out what he wants to eat at that very moment icon_cry.gif I know i'm rambling but if i don't let it out my head will explode icon_redface.gif

Sugarflowers Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 4:24am
post #7 of 50

This will be tough but it will pay off in the long run. When it is meal time your son should have the option of eating what you made or nothing. Going to bed hungry won't hurt him and when he gets hungry enough he will eat. My grand daughter tries to pull this every time I see her but she can't have anything else until she eats what she has been given. It's a battle at first. Be tough and in charge. My grand daughter gets mad at me but we both survive it.

HTH

Michele

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 4:32am
post #8 of 50

I honestly don't understand why he doesn't eat this type of food. I took him to the doctors and they all say the same thing...give him what he wants & likes to eat. My son is 7 years old and still eats baby food..the cereal and the jar food. he loves it. And the doctors told me to give it to him if thats what he likes. I also give him Pediasure or Nutripals because I know he's not getting all of his nutrients. I don't know about making him go to bed hungry...i'd feel so bad because i know i had to go to bed hungry when i was a child..not because of me being a picky eater but because we didn't have food (my mom was a workaholic and my dad was a deadbeat) and that caused my weight to go up and down for many years. And i always promised myself that i would never let my child go without a meal. I know i need to toughen up!

TexasSugar Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 4:48am
post #9 of 50

Maybe I would be a mean mom, but I wouldn't be asking my child every meal what he wanted to eat. He'd get what I fixed and eat it or not. There is one thing in not like something here or there, but he isn't eating the other things because you don't make him. He's got that figured out. Momma will give me what I want, how I want, when I want it.

I'd have a hard time cooking for a picky eater because I grew up having to try everything. If it was on the dinner table we had to have atleast a spoon of it. Of course this has lead me to trying alot of differnet foods in my life time. But I would have a hard time cooking one thing for me and something else for another person. I can see doing it on occasions, but not ever night.

Try an experiement with him. For a week or two feed him things outside of his 'comfort' foods. Don't give in. Chances are he will try other foods. There will be some kicking and screaming and maybe a hungry belly, but it won't kill him. If he gets hungry enough he will eat what you feed him.

Mike1394 Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 9:18am
post #10 of 50

Sorry, but what the hell do you mean my son won't eat the foods we eat? I never understood this. He's seven, he's not old enough to put a demand on anything other than a pet turtle. Let him starve, he'll eat. If you are making two meals no wonder. Do you work outside the house?

Mike

jen1977 Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 12:34pm
post #11 of 50

I have a picky eater who jus tturned 8. What I've learned is that he's a picky eater because we allowed him to be a picky eater. We stopped catering to him, and he eats much better. Let him go to bed hungry...he won't die, and eventually he'll eat what you give him. I let my son decide what he eats for breakfast, and that's it. We have a one bite rule in out house, and you have to take at least 1 bite of everything that's made. His picky eating is a way to control you...DON'T let him do it! He's your child, not your parent. Make dinner and tell him that's what he gets or he'll go hungry. Wrap his plate in palstic wrap and tell him when he's hungry he can eat his dinner! If he doesn't eat it, then he gets to wait til breakfast! If I make something that I KNOW Jordan doesn't like, he gets to make himself a cheese sandwich or pb sandwich, but that doesn't happen very often. There's no way I would only feed him those foods, and I actually may avoid most of them for a while to let him know your serious. If you let him control you thru food at age 7, imagine how he'll be doing it when he's a teenager!

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 12:40pm
post #12 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike1394

Sorry, but what the hell do you mean my son won't eat the foods we eat? I never understood this. He's seven, he's not old enough to put a demand on anything other than a pet turtle. Let him starve, he'll eat. If you are making two meals no wonder. Do you work outside the house?

Mike


Yeah, i have a shop that i bake out of 6 days a week....He doesn't like those type of foods. Trust me we have tried since he was a baby to get him to eat meat and rice...all he did was vomit the food right back up. We've been trying for years to get him to eat the things that we eat but no matter what we do it doesn't work. This has been going on since he was a year old when we started him on table foods. Even if i try to let him go without food my husband gets on my case so bad. About a year ago we tried to give him shrimp..he ate it but as soon as it was down it came right back up. He's also tried chicken and that didn't work too well either. I don't cook two seperate meals every day...what i would do is if i'm making a big dinner i'd cook a dish that he especially likes (mac & cheese or mashed potatoes) that way everyone can enjoy it. I buy him alot of the Easy Mac & Cheese or the frozen ones that way he can fix it himself. For the past few weeks i have been showing him how to prepare his own food if its microwavable. The only thing i can really say that i cook on the stove top for him is breakfast and that mostly on weekends.

TexasSugar...i'm a picky eater and i always have been...see some of the things my son eat i don't eat..like eggs and grits and oatmeal...ugh! Whenever i'd go to my grandmother's house she use to force me to eat what she cooked and if i didn't like it well i didn't eat it. Now as an adult if it sounds good to me i'll try it. My family often laughs at me because they say i'd try any food.

I hear what you all are saying...let him starve....I'll try i know it'll be hard but the thing is we live next door to my aunt..my uncle lives across the street....my mom lives around the corner..and my grandmother lives 2 blocks away...all he has to do is tell them that he's hungry and they'll see to it that he eats (whatever he wants to eat).

indydebi Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 1:06pm
post #13 of 50

I am not a restaurant ... you do not get to place your order for "whatever you want" for dinner that night. If that's how you want to eat, just give me 10 minutes to fix my make-up so you can take me to a restaurant, where they make food to order every dang day!

Hubby asked what's for dinner one night. I told him. He whined "Oh I didnt' want THAT!" I said in the sarcastic voice that I mastered YEARS ago, "Oh, I'm sorry .... what were YOU planning to cook for dinner tonight?"

I grew up the oldest of 6 kids. If you think my mom was going to make 6 different meals a night, you are really crazy! We learned to like what she made (and she wasn't a good cook!) or eat nothing.

I believe that kids learn to be picky eaters because adults allow them to be. All they have to do is whine about how they don't li-i-i-i-ke it! and mom will tell them "ok little darling! don't cry! Here ... have 4 Hersehy bars for dinner if that's what you want."

I believe we teach our children what to like and not like ... what to eat and not eat. My 2 grandchildren will eat anything because they were taught at a very early age to explore new foods. It's pretty cool to watch a 3 year old eat Chinese .... with chopsticks! icon_biggrin.gif

I do understand that there are some foods that kids legitimately don't like. All of us have foods we dont' like. In those RARE cases, I will open a can of soup for them (like my chili .... when the kids were little, they couldn't eat my fire-engine chili, so I'd open a can of veg soup for them.)

If he was 3 or 4, I'd say he was going thru a phase. But he's 7. He knows what he's doing. He needs to be taught how to eat proper food ... he needs to learn this so he can function in "the outside world" where his friends' moms won't make him baby food and special cereal when he does an overnight. He needs to learn to eat what's put in front of him so he won't end up a rude and obnoxious child who goes with you to a friends house for dinner and loudly proclaims "I dont LIKE that!", throwing a fit because there's no special food for him.

Mike1394 Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 1:12pm
post #14 of 50

No wonder your tired, and need a break. Good luck LOLOL

Mike

Pookie59 Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 2:05pm
post #15 of 50

I read your post and wondered why you hadn't already run away from home!

No, do not let your selfish husband and child make you feel guilty about having a little "me time". If you don't look out for yourself, no one else will.

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 5:52pm
post #16 of 50

I've been talking to dh about our son's eating habit...do u know he had the nerve to say that he'll fix whatever my son wants to eat...are u kidding me!!! Whenever my son wakes him up and tells him he's hungry he'd say go tell your mom icon_mad.gif I feel like whoever the first person he asks to feed him should feed him.

Well i'm glad i have you guys to talk to...so i'm going to start packing for my trip make appointments for a mani & pedi and momma is checking out on Friday and won't be back to Sunday night icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Ooohh i might even make an appointment to get a massage & facial icon_wink.gif

mixinvixen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 6:15pm
post #17 of 50

YOU GO GIRL....SERIOUSLY.... GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

we have a "polite bite" rule in our house...you try at least one bite to be polite to the cook. my almost 5 year old plays that game with me all the time "i don't like that", but when i insist on the polite bite, she sheepishly admits that she likes the taste!

i make one meal, including a side dish that i know she loves. the deal, though, is that she gets only one spoonful of her favorite...in order to get more, she has to eat the meat that's on her plate.

if she doesn't want any of what i put on the table, she knows what to do...i made the rule that there is yogurt and applesauce in the fridge at all times...if she doesn't eat what i made, those are her only two choices...and certainly no treat afterwards.

as for the husband, honestly, he sounds like a real butthead. who throws your shoes away that you obviously love without consulting first?

i would promptly have:

1) found 8 of his favorite pairs of shoes and only thrown one of each pair away OR

2) walked into his closet and cut the bottom off 8 of his ties OR

3)cut the arms off 8 of his favorite shirts OR

4) rub pepper into his pillow and then put the pillowcase back on.

childish, maybe, but fair...oh yeah!!

THEN SAY "OH WELL"

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 6:22pm
post #18 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by mixinvixen

YOU GO GIRL....SERIOUSLY.... GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

we have a "polite bite" rule in our house...you try at least one bite to be polite to the cook. my almost 5 year old plays that game with me all the time "i don't like that", but when i insist on the polite bite, she sheepishly admits that she likes the taste!

i make one meal, including a side dish that i know she loves. the deal, though, is that she gets only one spoonful of her favorite...in order to get more, she has to eat the meat that's on her plate.

if she doesn't want any of what i put on the table, she knows what to do...i made the rule that there is yogurt and applesauce in the fridge at all times...if she doesn't eat what i made, those are her only two choices...and certainly no treat afterwards.

as for the husband, honestly, he sounds like a real butthead. who throws your shoes away that you obviously love without consulting first?

i would promptly have:

1) found 8 of his favorite pairs of shoes and only thrown one of each pair away OR

2) walked into his closet and cut the bottom off 8 of his ties OR

3)cut the arms off 8 of his favorite shirts OR

4) rub pepper into his pillow and then put the pillowcase back on.

childish, maybe, but fair...oh yeah!!

THEN SAY "OH WELL"


Girl you are hilarious....I would say he made it up to me by taking me to buy 6 pairs of shoes but he made me use my own money so he gets no credit for being considerate. But when i found out he threw out my shoes i lost it i took all of his clothes and tossed them around the room and his most prized possessions are his Michael Jordan shoe collection (worth lots of money) i left everything laying around the room and i left to go to work. At the time it helped me a little but it really didn't do anything in the end. I use to be a mean person now i'm getting soft lol!!!

mixinvixen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 6:29pm
post #19 of 50

seriously??? that's your version of him making it up to you...YOU PAYING FOR 6 MORE SHOES?

let me get this straight...you lost 8 pairs to his ignorance, and then had to spend YOUR money to only replace 6 pairs while he stood by and critiqued them or rolled his eyes trying to get you to hurry up (if he's like my husband?)?????????

i swear to you, i would walk straight to his closet right now, pick up about 3 of his favorite pairs of the michael jordans and stick them in the washing machine...AND THEN THE DRYER. next time he puts his big fat foot in there and it doesn't fit, you could just say oh, well, and feign ignorance of how they got that way!!!!!!!!!!

i would never recommend something i wouldn't do myself.

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 7:35pm
post #20 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by mixinvixen

seriously??? that's your version of him making it up to you...YOU PAYING FOR 6 MORE SHOES?

let me get this straight...you lost 8 pairs to his ignorance, and then had to spend YOUR money to only replace 6 pairs while he stood by and critiqued them or rolled his eyes trying to get you to hurry up (if he's like my husband?)?????????

i swear to you, i would walk straight to his closet right now, pick up about 3 of his favorite pairs of the michael jordans and stick them in the washing machine...AND THEN THE DRYER. next time he puts his big fat foot in there and it doesn't fit, you could just say oh, well, and feign ignorance of how they got that way!!!!!!!!!!

i would never recommend something i wouldn't do myself.


Seriously girl you got me in tears over here...your a riot! I thought the same thing when i had to pull out my money. Every time i asked his opinion on the shoes it was either those are too high (i love stilettos) or i don't like the color..so of course i went with what he didn't like. We were in the store for about an hour and a half before i actually purchased anything lol...He said he would make it up to me but i know if i don't remind him it won't happen.....

mixinvixen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 7:45pm
post #21 of 50

i'm quite passive, but when crossed, also quite vengeful. glad i could give you some ideas.

we just purchased a beautiful home in a great neighborhood i've always dreamed of living in...we've been here 3 months now, and my cake studio is still full of boxes, yet the very first thing i set up when we moved in was my closet with the shelves full of my beautiful stilettos and heels...CAUSE I LOVE HOW PRETTY THEY ARE. i also must admit that i very seldom am able to wear those pretties because i've had foot surgery on both feet, so i can only wear them when i'll be sitting the majority of the time...guess i could always start wearing them while in my fleece pj's and surfing cc!!!!!!!!!!

i really hope you enjoy your trip away...relax, rejuvanate, revitalize. come back a new woman!!!!!!!!

mixinvixen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 7:52pm
post #22 of 50

ps...i know i need help, i admit it, so nobody bash me during my fragile confession...ok?

when my little one was born, i decided to dress her up like a little diva. here i would be in mommy sweatpants and spit up on my shoulder, going out with this little baby girl, dressed to the nines!! i'm sure we were looked at a little strangely more than once!

ANYWAY...last summer i decided to have a yard sale so i went up into the attic to go through the clothes and shoes i had purchased and saved from her first 3 1/2 years. in my defense, i state in advance: most of her clothes AND SHOES came from an awesome consignment shop nearby where i can get stuff for $2 and $3 dollars...when i started counting her shoes she had outgrown, from tiny little baby shoes to size 6 toddler...THERE WERE 113 PAIRS icon_redface.gif ...and i was only able to let go of 10 pairs for the yardsale icon_redface.gif ...the rest went back into the attic, and was eventually moved to our new house.

please pray. icon_lol.gificon_redface.gif

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 8:12pm
post #23 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by mixinvixen

ps...i know i need help, i admit it, so nobody bash me during my fragile confession...ok?

when my little one was born, i decided to dress her up like a little diva. here i would be in mommy sweatpants and spit up on my shoulder, going out with this little baby girl, dressed to the nines!! i'm sure we were looked at a little strangely more than once!

ANYWAY...last summer i decided to have a yard sale so i went up into the attic to go through the clothes and shoes i had purchased and saved from her first 3 1/2 years. in my defense, i state in advance: most of her clothes AND SHOES came from an awesome consignment shop nearby where i can get stuff for $2 and $3 dollars...when i started counting her shoes she had outgrown, from tiny little baby shoes to size 6 toddler...THERE WERE 113 PAIRS icon_redface.gif ...and i was only able to let go of 10 pairs for the yardsale icon_redface.gif ...the rest went back into the attic, and was eventually moved to our new house.

please pray. icon_lol.gificon_redface.gif


Girl....113 pairs??? icon_surprised.gif Wow i thought i was bad...thats why my hubby hates when i have too much time on my hands because i would high-tail it to the store and spend spend spend icon_wink.gif The other day i went into Burlington Coat Factory to see if they had their new shipment in (i was suppose to shop for me) but i ended up upstairs in the kids department for my son and next thing i know i have almost $200.00 in clothes for my son and nothing for me....and then i go to their handbag sections and thats another $200.00 that i spent. tapedshut.gificon_redface.gif It felt so good until i got home and my husband looked at me like i was crazy. I couldn't help myself i had to have those handbags and my son needed those clothes. My hubby asked why would i buy him those clothes if he wears uniforms to school icon_confused.gif Duh he needs those clothes for the winter and he'd wear them on the weekends when we have an outing...I mean what does he expect my son to wear his uniform on the weekends icon_wink.gif

mixinvixen Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 8:26pm
post #24 of 50

she always got so many smiles when people would see her out with her little perfectly matched bows, outfits and shoes...i certainly wouldn't have had the money to do it if they weren't so cheap in the first place..honestly, when it finally is time to sell them all, i'll probably actually be able to make a profit on them. that will be one HUGE YARD SALE!!!!!!


i am the biggest bargain shopper and very seldom buy things for myself...i love to buy for others. however, when i do finally need a new shirt, i head to sams or costco, tj max or marshalls. i'm probably one of the few women who buys their panties and bras in bulk from sams...gee, i feel so romantic!!!!!!!! icon_redface.gificon_lol.gificon_rolleyes.gif

Sugarflowers Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 9:19pm
post #25 of 50

This may seem out of line, but after reading all of this, I really believe that professional help is needed. It appears that there is a lot of fighting, a lot of disrespect, and revenge. This can't possibly make for a happy life. A lot of money is being spent and then lost when things are thrown away.

It's possible that the issues with the son stem from the dissension between the parents. Maybe I am only reading a small part of this, but it really appears to be a chaotic household. The family around is not helping. You are up against a huge wall and the longer the fighting and back biting continue, the more your son will suffer.

I understand your weariness with the situation, but some big changes need to be made to improve all of your lives.

JMHO

Michele

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 9:43pm
post #26 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugarflowers

This may seem out of line, but after reading all of this, I really believe that professional help is needed. It appears that there is a lot of fighting, a lot of disrespect, and revenge. This can't possibly make for a happy life. A lot of money is being spent and then lost when things are thrown away.

It's possible that the issues with the son stem from the dissension between the parents. Maybe I am only reading a small part of this, but it really appears to be a chaotic household. The family around is not helping. You are up against a huge wall and the longer the fighting and back biting continue, the more your son will suffer.

I understand your weariness with the situation, but some big changes need to be made to improve all of your lives.

JMHO

Michele


There is no fighting...especially in front of my son. When we have disagreements my son is no where around. I admit that i was upset when he threw away my shoes (he said it was a mistake) but didn't really offer an apology. And of course to make myself feel better i took his clothes and shoes and toss them around the house..they were not thrown in the trash. I respect your opinion but its just that "your opinion" its not a fact. My son does not eat what we eat because he's a picky eater and we do not force him to eat the things that we eat. He's a well adjusted child who ocassionally have problems like every other child. If we need time to ourselves we'll send my son to his aunts or grandparents house and we discuss our problems and make a pact to find other ways to deal with it. So by no means is there any fighting in front of our son, and he's not witnessed to any chaos, of course we have different ways of parenting but if the other has a problem with it we'd sit down and discuss what we need to do to change it.

Sugarflowers Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 9:54pm
post #27 of 50

I really did not mean to upset you. I apologize for that. He may be seeing or hearing more than you think.

I do understand picky eaters because I am one myself. There are many, many things I didn't like as a child, but I either at what Mom made while it was hot or when it was cold. I was only required to eat at least a bite of everything, but there were times when it would take me well over an hour to eat. I am still a very picky eater and I have kids and a grand daughter who is picky. The motto my husband came up with for their pickiness was "You get what you get at Daddy's today". icon_smile.gif It worked.

Good luck with all of this and have a good trip.

Michele

SheepThrills Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 10:32pm
post #28 of 50

Okay, butting in here, but picky eating is usually a method of being able to control something in one's life. Since you let your son eat what ever he wants just because he will eat it, then why not be picky? I'm sorry, the doctors are wrong. Letting him eat what ever he wants just so that he will eat something is not right. When he gets hungry enough he WILL eat whatever is offered.

The tension between you and your husband is probably very noticeable to your son. You may not fight in front of him, he sees and hears what is happening. If you are fighting over shoes and clothes, he sees it, or hears it.

You also mentioned that your family living nearby will give him whatever he wants to eat. How is this helping? Honestly, it does appear that there is a lot of selfishness in this family. There's nothing wrong with wanting a break, we all need that from time to time.

No one wants to hear your son be upset about food so he is pacified. Has anyone tried to talk with him to see what is going on in his mind? He's seven. He needs to be heard and he needs to learn to live in the real world. He can't live on ketchup forever.

Now, I know you're mad. Take a look inside to see if it is justified. Also, since you are a Christian, ask God if this is how he wants things to be done. Prayer works wonders.

Before you ask who is the person to say all of this, remember that you asked for opinions. This just happens to be my opinion.

KKC Posted 22 Oct 2008 , 10:42pm
post #29 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugarflowers

I really did not mean to upset you. I apologize for that. He may be seeing or hearing more than you think.

I do understand picky eaters because I am one myself. There are many, many things I didn't like as a child, but I either at what Mom made while it was hot or when it was cold. I was only required to eat at least a bite of everything, but there were times when it would take me well over an hour to eat. I am still a very picky eater and I have kids and a grand daughter who is picky. The motto my husband came up with for their pickiness was "You get what you get at Daddy's today". icon_smile.gif It worked.

Good luck with all of this and have a good trip.

Michele


I'm not upset and thanks for apologizing...but honestly we hold our arguements until he's not around. If its something really bothering us and we can't hold it in any longer we'd send him next door to my aunts house and make sure he's inside the house before we start. Its hard to do especially if its just dying to come out. But when we first had our son we decided that any arguments we had would not be in front of him and we would not bring him into any of the drama. We don't raise our voices at each other I talk thru clenched teeth but my dh won't ever raise his voice. But what we are working on trying to do is walk away from the arguement and then once we are calm one of us would go to the other and ask if we're ready to talk to each other in a civilized manner and if the other has not calmed down enough then we just wait it out. We've been doing that the past few times we had a disagreement and it has actually helped. And we always promise each other that we will not go to bed angry at each other and we will never let the other leave or go to sleep without saying 'I Love You' and a kiss. Thats how WE work out our issues and trust me if i feel like its more than i can bare then i would go to my pastor and ask for help...we never get our family members involved in any of our disagreements. Right now we're young, we had a baby at a young age but we're learning how to be responsible adults, spouses and parents. We know that its not going to be all roses all the time.

Him wanting a gourmet meal all the time and my son being a picky eater does not mean that there are problems in our home it just means that we're a family that has our share of ups and downs. i ask God to give me strength every single time and he does....i've been talking to my dh the past few hours and he says that he doesn't mind if i go out of town..now he sees that i've been stressing alot and he doesn't want me to be stressed out. He actually reserved me a hotel in orlando that has a jacuzzi tub inside my room so that i can relax, so he's not so bad all the time he just needs a little reminder that he doesn't appreciate me enough.

cmp24 Posted 24 Oct 2008 , 5:48am
post #30 of 50

Ok, I'm gong to go there on this thread! I love some of your ideas, "the polite bite" Thats a RULE in my house also!!!! My kids hated tater tot casserole, until they tried it at my sisters house. My youngest son could not stand tomato soup, until he tried it one day with grill cheese sand... he can eat the whole pot now, and 2 GC sands... All three of my kids hated carrots until i added a tad bit of sugar to them......I can't cook enough now.


As for the husband throwing away the shoes...............can you say........Charge it please!

As for the going away w/out DH, and son............GO BABY GO........don't look back. I have kids during the school year........the summer.......oh hellllllllllo no, there going with daddy. Am I selfish...I don't think so. Mom need a break too. You deserve it.

As for DH....tell him if he wants homemade rolls......then he better put an apron on and get in the kitchen.

JMO

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