am i out of place on this? my husband and i have blow ups every so often, where he has pushed me over the edge, or has done something ridiculously out of line...he never apologizes or refuses to admit that he was wrong. i feel like i'm dealing with a 5 yr old when i have to remind him that i deserve an apology...then still don't get one!
well, the crap just hit the fan. we moved a couple of months ago, and before that was a 4 month whirlwind of deciding to buy, 2 weeks of working 16 hr days painting and staging the other house to get it ready for an open house, and then getting into this house and having to unpack the necessary boxes. the two months we've lived here, i've just kind of hit a wall...i'm exhausted and tired of the moving process and just wanted to rest for a bit, and not feel guilty for sitting down and not looking at cardboard for a change. so here i am, sitting in my cake studio, which still isn't unpacked and only has a path going through it.
well, the inlaws are coming in tomorrow, and of course we want the house to be in tip top condition, so this is the last day, and i'm finally diving into the cake studio. almost 3 weeks ago, i noticed that my husband was using all the shelves i'd used previously in my office, and i made sure to tell him that those were mine. he justified his using them by saying he'd buy me more...3 weeks now, no shelves, and here i am at the last hour practically, and badly needing the shelves to get organized in time for the inlaws. i go downstairs to tell my sick husband that i need those two shelves he has, and he's going to have to take his stuff off of them.. he blows up on me, and says it's my fault for procrastinating!!!!! WHAT??? i told him they were mine 3 weeks ago when he was loading them down with his crap. i unloaded one of them while he's standing there screaming, but the other one had collectibles on it. he gets up, does this whole screaming match about how bad he's feeling,a nd how he's not in any shape to go to sams and buy me more shelves, but because i procrastinated and waited until the last minute, he now has to do it, sick and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's such an unbelievable argument that i can't even take it serious!!!!!!!!!!!! i've already taken the limited amount of funds i get each month, and had to replace an 8' table of mine that he decided to use in the garage...why is it fair that i have to use my money to replace things that were already mine?
he absolutely refuses to see the absurdity of this argument, and i know when he comes back, he'll throw the box of shelving stuff at me, make me put it together myself, and still believe that it's all my fault.
am i crazy here?
I know what you mean, my husband won't admit when he's wrong, either. The funny thing is, he says *I'm* the one who can't admit when I'm wrong. Now, I really hate to be wrong, and in all honestly I'm usually right, but if I turn out to be wrong I will admit it, as much as I hate to. What he really means is that I won't be a good little wifey and give in and pretend that he's right and I'm wrong to stroke his fragile male ego
If he's forced to confront the fact he's wrong, he still won't admit it and take responsibility, but will try to turn it around and bring up something I did months or even years ago, that has nothing to do with the current situation. Or, there's the time he said he hadn't done anything with a book I was looking for, and when I eventually found it stuck in a cabinet where HE had put it, he accused me of putting it there to set him up ! Can you believe it? Like I have nothing better to do than to think of things to frame him for? Geez, paranoid much?!?! When he's wrong, it embarrasses him, and that makes him mad at himself, but he takes it out on me. Fortunately it doesn't happen too often, because I do not tolerate it. In our case, I think it's because he has self-esteem issues, and has always felt like he had to compete with me because I have more education.
Anyways, I don't know what to tell you, other than I think most men are like that to some degree or another.
My husband hates to admit that he is wrong also and will act like most guys. He will also bring up stuff that I've done that may be similar or not even close. It doesnt matter. He says that he is always apologizing but saying "my bad" is not an apology to me. Even if he suspects he is wrong sometimes he will act like he knew the whole time.
Your situation sounds like it is more to it than what meets the eye. First of all my husband knows better then to ever yell at me. He tried that when he first got married and told me to shut up and I left his behind. I only went to his mothers house but he got the idea. I but him in his place and told him under no circumstances should he ever believe that he can intimidate be because it just doesnt work. I told him he better not ever yell at me or disrespect me because I choose to be with him and I can unchoose. He never yelled at me again. We do get into arguement where we will yell at each other but he doesnt get up in my face or push it too much. He will just walk away. It sounds like there is so much there and you guys have to first look at that then try to fix the other stuff.
All men procrastinate and most will say they will take care of it and a week later its still not done. First of all it sounds odd that you guys have your finances seperate. Once you seperate your money you are seperate. Like you said why shoud you spend your money? Not most will agree with that but its true and and cause so many other problems. Like you said they were YOUR shelves. Did you remind him that you need the shelves before that day. I know if my husband doesnt get something in like two days I ask him again and then again in a week. Its a pain in the butt because I fell like I shouldnt have to go through all that he is grown. But men have huge egos and it is easily bruised. Next time remind him and then a week before you need it tell him again to please get the shelves. Then if he doesnt get it then get angry and tell him calmly that you need the shelves by the end of the day period. It sounds like you both kind of forgot and put the shelves to the back for a little. And then you realized that he still didnt get it and went on a frenzy. If he was sick could you have gone to buy them and ask him to put them up. I would have asked him for the money, more than I needed and went shopping. Sometimes we have to fix their mess but that's why they need us and we can live without them.
mixinvixen............with all that you guys have been doing because of the move it sounds like you're both just exhausted. You both will probably laugh about the absurdity of this argument later on, but now I'm sure you'd just like to beat him with the new shelf
Don't stress too much about having your new place perfect for your in-laws. I'm sure they will understand since you've only been there a short time.
Oh, and I've yet to meet a man that will admit they're wrong......or say I'm sorry without being asked. It's just not they're nature........but, they can be trained So don't give up hope.
Good luck with your new place, and just enjoy the next couple of days and relax......don't worry the work will wait for you.
mixinvixin -- I'm on your side. You are right! He is wrong! A pox on all husbands who act like jerks.
In my experience most men will say one thing and do another, or never follow through with what they say they will do for you.
For their buddies, yes...but for their wives, not so much.
Your husband is a jerk. My husband never apologizes either, so he's a jerk too.
Do your in-laws really expect to see a perfect house so soon after moving? I hope not. My MIL has a saying "If you came to see me, here I am! If you came to see the house, there's the door." She's not a perfect housekeeper and does not expect anyone else to be.
Im a jerk too!!!!
Not really, but I was just feeling left out.
Im a jerk too!!!!
Not really, but I was just feeling left out.
Now Dale, don't you think you should apologize for that outburst? (said in my best mom-to-naughty-boy voice) :snicker:
Btw, we always like to hear a man's point of view...what do YOU think, Dale?
My MIL has a saying "If you came to see me, here I am! If you came to see the house, there's the door." She's not a perfect housekeeper and does not expect anyone else to be.
That is an awesome saying!
I admit, all those things and more have been said about me at one time or another. I dont watch sports, dont drink much and dont hang out all night with the boys. I rub feet, scratch backs and paint my little girls nails. I am quite the catch despite all my failings (and still the Manly man, no sugar in these pants!!")! I could probably say all the same things about my ex...or similar things. Male or female, we all have our issues. Just remember, the male animal has a brain...it's just wired differently.
[quote="Dale" Just remember, the male animal has a brain...it's just wired differently.[/quote]
All of us ladies know where those brains are located as well
No wonder Im so happy to share my knowledge with anyone who is in need...well, that clears things up!
Sounds like there's a lot of "stupid" in your area
yup....pretty much...but I am a man, so it's genetic...cant help it.