Need Advice Re: Condolences

Lounge By mlynnb Updated 15 Oct 2008 , 2:14am by indydebi

mlynnb Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 1:27pm
post #1 of 10

Hi everyone....I don't post much, but I have a situation I would like to ask some advice on.
About a month ago, a young mother from our small town (around 1500) lost her 3 year old daughter from a seizure----actually, they weren't even aware there was a medical problem. It was oviously a shock and devastating to the family. The mom was 7 months pregnant at the time. This past Tuesday, she went to the doctor for a pre-natal checkup and found out the umbilical cord had wrapped round the baby's neck and he had died.
I don't directly know the mother, but being in such a small town, know of her. Here is my question...I would love to do something for her, but am not sure of the etiquette since she doesn't know me. Would a condolence card with a gift card in it be ok? I would actually like to give them money, as I'm sure they have considerable bills, both medical and from the funeral(s), but I don't know if that would be in poor taste.
My heart absolutely breaks for this mom, and I can't even imagine if something like this ever happened to my family--my kids are my entire world!
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks, Margo

9 replies
TheCakerator Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:20pm
post #2 of 10

what a terrible situation ... I guess no one would really know how to handle that, but I think a card with a gift of money would be a nice gesture. You could even write something like, I know it isn't much, but whatever you may need this for I hope it helps in whatever way it can .. or something to that effect .. I am sure right now they are to devastated to be thinking what was done in proper etiquette, know what I mean?

KASCARLETT Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:22pm
post #3 of 10

How terrible for that family! Losing 2 children in about a month's time! God bless them!! My heart breaks for them also and they are in my prayers.

I think a sympathy/condolence card would be very nice. And I think that some money would be a very kind gesture also. A lot of words are not needed. Just mention that you wish for this money to help where needed.

I think that's so much what this world is lacking today. People seem to think that just because you don't know someone personally that you aren't supposed to care. You will be sure to receive a blessing from your compassion.

dinas27 Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:35pm
post #4 of 10

how heartbreaking, if it was me I would probably do it anonymously, at least the money part. Your words will come from the heart when you start to write, just try sitting down and writing on a blank piece of paper then transfer to the card.

Here are a few simple guidelines I found.

margaretb Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 3:45pm
post #5 of 10

You can also check with their funeral home. Here, at least, you can send cards or memorial donations to the funeral home and they pass the cards on to the family, and the forward donations to the charity and give the family a list of who made memorial donations. I am sure they would also forward an anonymous donation to the family, should you choose to do that.

I think your idea is kind and thoughtful.

ccr03 Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 4:10pm
post #6 of 10

I'll keep this family in my prayers.

I think checking with the funeral home or even close friends of the family is a good idea.

mlynnb Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 5:46pm
post #7 of 10

dinas27 said:


how heartbreaking, if it was me I would probably do it anonymously, at least the money part.

I love the idea of doing this anonymously...I'll probably ask one of my girlfriends who does know her to help me with this, thanks for the thought.

The Cakerator said:


I am sure right now they are to devastated to be thinking what was done in proper etiquette, know what I mean?

I do know what you's just that this is a very tight-knit community and I am an 'outsider'--that is to say I'm not from here and I absolutely don't want to anyone to feel as though I'm intruding on something private. I guess you're right though, when my mom passed away 4 years ago, I was overwhelmed at the cards and well-wishes I received from people I barely knew!

Thank everyone!

Sunflower08 Posted 10 Oct 2008 , 2:28pm
post #8 of 10

Ok this was a shock to see this on CC. I'm also from this community that this happened in.
I don't know the family either but as a mother of a three year old little girl myself all I could do was cry when I heard what had happened ..
I think it's wonderful what you are wanting to do.

On another note I like how you put your an "outsider" of the community.. I am as well. I'm not from here either and I feel the same way!

tchrmom Posted 15 Oct 2008 , 1:36am
post #9 of 10

I liked the Cakerator's ideas. They will be able to use the money, I am sure. I cannot imagine what they are going through.

indydebi Posted 15 Oct 2008 , 2:14am
post #10 of 10

Are they affiliated with a church? If so, you could contact her minister/priest/rabbi and see how you could help.

When I was 16, I had a baby brother who died at 4 months old and he never came home from the special care nursery. People we didn't know sent condolences, food, etc. I cannot describe how incredible the feeling is to receive so much sympathy from people we didn't even know.

Whether you do it anonymously or sign your name, I'm sure it will be received with heartfelt thanks and appreciation.

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