Does It Bother You When....

Lounge By jen1977 Updated 21 Oct 2008 , 8:01pm by jescapades

jen1977 Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 1:28pm
post #1 of 31

other women call you honey or sweetie? Maybe I'm just oversensitive, but it really bothers me. I'm 31, been married 10 years and have two boys ages 8 and 6. I look at LEAST 10 years younger, and don't really sound much older on hte phone either. I feel like when htey use the terms honey or sweetie, they think I'm a teenager and it bothers me. I know, I should probably just get over it, but I'm an adult, and feel like they think I'm not. Am I taking this wrong?

30 replies
tiersfromheaven Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 1:49pm
post #2 of 31

It really has a lot to do with how the person is saying it. The tone used. and also who the the person is. Many people think using these words put other at ease because they convey a "I'm being nice message."

Pookie59 Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:09pm
post #3 of 31

I don't like it either from either sex, but it depends. Some people just talk that way, so I ignore it, but it's too sappy for my liking.

I dealt with a salesman once who used those terms when he talked to me and he sure didn't get my business.

-K8memphis Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:14pm
post #4 of 31

I don't know--you might be--I've always felt the same way you do though. Sometimes it is just an innocent endearment. More often I think it is patronizing--it almost always makes you wonder though.

When a man says it I definitely say, "My name is Kate". And I do it as often as they say it. It usually takes two or three times for it to sink in. Or I'll repeat what they say, "Sweetie?" in a 'you gotta be kidding me' tone of voice.

Now that I am 57--but I look much younger-hahaha--umm, back to reality, I do use the term Munchkin ocaasionally--sweetie I use once in a while but not to patronize.

If I have somone in my midst that I want to patronize then I'm in the wrong y'know? I try to find a different way to handle people who get on my nerves. It's just too obvious if I say honey or sweetie to someone who is a pia. I guess I avoid the word honey altogether because it has that ambiguousness to it.

darandon Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:15pm
post #5 of 31

It depends on how it is being used - If I"m at Waffle House or Walmart, I have no problem with it. If I'm at a bank to get a loan then I have a really big problem with it.
Some people are just raised to use those terms.

jen1977 Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:28pm
post #6 of 31

It doesn't bother me if it's someone I know, or even someone who is much older than I am, but when it's someone around my age/younger/40's, it really does bother me. I was at the pharmacy yesterday dropping of rx's, and the girl at the counter said something like "Have you been here beofre sweetie?". It really burned my rear! She was probably close to my age, and her tone was as if I was younger.. Same thing when I called to reschedule my hair appt this morning...You call us back when you want to reschedule honey, and we'll be sure to work you in. Maybe I'm just hypersensitive this week since a few people have made comments about they can't believe I'm actually married, or can't believe my kids are MY kids!

dailey Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:47pm
post #7 of 31

big pet peeve of mine...being called "honey" by strangers. however, i don't take it as them thinking i'm younger then them. people who used "sweetie" and "honey" say it to EVERYONE. i guess they just think they're being friendly??

7yyrt Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:51pm
post #8 of 31

As I get older, I do object strongly to being called a diminutive, unless it's obvious the person calls everyone that.
The pharmacy would probably bother me, but I'd bet the salon woman uses that term to everyone, she sounds like my daughter who calls everyone 'dear'.

michellenj Posted 7 Oct 2008 , 2:52pm
post #9 of 31

It doesn't bother me at all, but I am from south GA.

imagine76 Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 1:43am
post #10 of 31

yep, it bugs the crap outta me. i bought an outfit the other day and the girl helping me called me "hon" about 15 times. as i was checking out she said "thanks hon" and i was thinking "you're welcome zipper head". she was a stranger and a good 10 years younger than me and i am a grouch (or was that day at least). i think those were the major contributing factors icon_lol.gif

maybe you're right though michelle, i would sound different coming from paula dean rather than a gum smacking 20 year old with blue eyeshadow.

Deb_ Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:01am
post #11 of 31

Wait til you're in your 40's and they start calling you Ma'm (sp?)

My DH knows it bothers me so he'll make a joke out of it with something like "you got ma'med"..........I immediately check my roots when I get home because I figure I must have a lot of gray showing.

As far as honey or sweetie.....it really bothers me when a complete stranger calls me that. Another thing that bothers me is when I hand my checkcard over to pay at a store and the 17yr old gum chewing clerk hands it back to me and says "Thanks Debra, have a good one". I really want to smack the clerks that do that, who gave them permission to call us by our name in front of a line of people?

barbaranoel Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:15am
post #12 of 31

As far as honey or sweetie.....it really bothers me when a complete stranger calls me that. Another thing that bothers me is when I hand my checkcard over to pay at a store and the 17yr old gum chewing clerk hands it back to me and says "Thanks Debra, have a good one". I really want to smack the clerks that do that, who gave them permission to call us by our name in front of a line of people?[/quote]

In alot of stores they encourage us to learn names and call people by names. It personalizes (so they say) the shopping experience.

indydebi Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 2:22am
post #13 of 31

Agree with who is saying it and how it's said. Usually I'm not offended. I'm with darandon's opinion on this one.

However........ icon_twisted.gif (oh come on! You KNEW I'd venture off on this one, didn't ya?)

Before I go further, let me say that I LIKE getting older. I look FORWARD to my 50th birthday next January. 40 was Fabulous and 50 will be even better!! I am NOT complimented to be asked for my ID. I do NOT find it complimentary for someone to think I look like an air-headed 16 year old! I stopped coloring my hair because I LIKE the gray look ... I use it as a marketing tool.

I am an almost-50 year old grandmother! I find it disrespectful for people to assume that "all women" are shallow and get all giggly when others "pretend" to think they are younger than their well-earned years!

That said, I firmly put a guy in his place once. I was paying inside a gas station and he called me "young lady". I smiled very sweetly (in that look that my husband says really means someone is about to die!) and said in a firm, loud voice, "Every woman knows that when people start calling her "young lady", that she has officially become "old" and to be called "young lady" is very patronizing and insulting." (smile sweetly .... and non-verbally remind him that if he does it again, he will die). He kinda laughed (the nervous kind) and said, "Ohhhhhh-Kay, then!"

And he's never called me "young lady" again.

margaretb Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 7:50am
post #14 of 31

I don't like being called "hon" because I don't like that word. Like "purse" -- just don't like the word. But by and large, it doesn't really bother me. I am in my mid-approaching-late 30's, and I think it is funny when I get called ma'am. People around here don't usually call people honey or sweetie, so when it happens, it is kind of a novelty. I would be ticked off if I thought someone was deliberately patronizing me, but usually if someone calls me honey, they are calling everyone honey.

beemarie88 Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 7:00pm
post #15 of 31

That bothers me too. There is this man that I work with at my part time job and he never calls me by my name (I wear a name tag) its always babe honey sweetie and now (this pi**es me off) WOMAN!!! Show a little respect call me by my real name! icon_mad.gif

tracycakes Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 7:58pm
post #16 of 31

In the south, everyone is 'dear', 'hon', or 'sweetie', especially if you go into a diner or any restaurant where older ladies are working. I take no offense because it's just a southern thing - part of that "southern hospitality" thing. icon_lol.gif

margaretb Posted 8 Oct 2008 , 9:21pm
post #17 of 31

Ooohhhh -- forgot about woman. HATE THAT. My husband does it. I don't know if he thinks he is being real macho or if he just likes to piss me off, but he will sometimes call me "WOMAN" and I think it is just like calling a dog. Doesn't help that another of his annoying habits is that instead of saying, come here please, or I need to see you, he just says, "come" -- again -- sounds like calling a dog. And what really ticks me off is that calling him "MAN" just sounds jokey, so there isn't anything I can call him back to show him how annoying it is (and YES, I have told him I HATE HATE HATE it).

7yyrt Posted 9 Oct 2008 , 12:51am
post #18 of 31

Do not answer when he calls you a name you don't like (or treats you like a dog with 'come'). When he asks why, tell him your name is not____. He should get the idea quite fast.

margaretb Posted 9 Oct 2008 , 5:02am
post #19 of 31

I do ignore him or tell him not to call me that, but he has not gotten the idea. Which leads me to believe he does it just to be provoking.

jescapades Posted 17 Oct 2008 , 12:24am
post #20 of 31

my mom absolutely hates is when she's called hunny or hun at a restaurant or diner. i don't mind it. in my circle of friends, hun is a term of endearment.

i do, however, hate getting ma'amed. one time i was in a restaurant and was called 'miss' i liked that much better.

when i worked in retail, we were actually trained to call people by their names (last names) if they paid by credit card, check, etc. you were supposed to say, 'thank you, mr/ms <name>. have a good day.'

JodieF Posted 17 Oct 2008 , 1:48am
post #21 of 31

I agree...tone counts, but the vast majority aren't trying to offend in any way. It's just not worth worrying about.
I had to laugh today. I work in an elementary school and work with all 376 kids. There is NO way I can remember all their names (funny thing, I remember all the names of the kids who make me NUTS! *lol*). Anyway, so I'll call them sweetie or punkin and they like it. So today, a little girl, kindergarten, obviously couldn't remember my last name. It's a LOOONNNGGGG name and hard for the little ones to wrap their mouths around, so anyway, she raised her hand and said "Mrs. Sweetie, I need help!"
It just tickled me so much!

redhare Posted 17 Oct 2008 , 2:32am
post #22 of 31

OK wow ALL of you would HATE ME!
I am 28 and I say Ma'am to EVERYONE female I don't care if you are 5 years old or are 100 years old if I'm talking to you, then you will be called a ma'am that is just plain respect period. And in my opinion more people should say ma'am and sir more often. I say sweetie, hun, honey shoot I'm sure there would be a thousand more things on my list of regular vocabulary words that y'all would hate (w/ y'all probably being one of them). But I am a southern girl thru and thru and well that is just how things are. I do not do it out of disrespect in fact it is out of RESPECT that I say those things.... So I suppose I should apologize now for all of us southern girls out there now LOL... b/c I doubt it's going to change I know I would have a very hard time getting thru my day w/o saying hun/honey/sweetie all day long

TheCakeGirl87 Posted 19 Oct 2008 , 5:01am
post #23 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by jen1977

other women call you honey or sweetie? Maybe I'm just oversensitive, but it really bothers me. I'm 31, been married 10 years and have two boys ages 8 and 6. I look at LEAST 10 years younger, and don't really sound much older on hte phone either. I feel like when htey use the terms honey or sweetie, they think I'm a teenager and it bothers me. I know, I should probably just get over it, but I'm an adult, and feel like they think I'm not. Am I taking this wrong?




I understand completely! I am in the process of changing schools and when to my local community college and the lady came up to me and said "sweetie can i help you with something"? I told her that I was told to come and give my transcripts to admissions. She stared at me blankly and said, you are going to be a student here? how old are you? i replied yes i am going to be a student here, and just out of curiosity how old do you think i am? she said "15" I said no sorry i am 21 .... that just made me so mad!

melissablack Posted 20 Oct 2008 , 5:51am
post #24 of 31

I actually love it when someone calls me sweetie/dear/hon/baby...whatever...maybe I am just starved for affection!! ha ha. I don't think people do it to be condescending, it's just their personality to talk to people like that.

pastryjen Posted 20 Oct 2008 , 12:47pm
post #25 of 31

I hate being ma'amed or called Mrs. XXX. I'm 34 (probably look it or older!) but feel like I'm in my early 20's and expect to be called by my first name. All my kids friends call me by my first name.

The honeys/dears/sweeties are fine when coming from Grandma and Grandpa types. It's almost like a little hug to me!

indydebi Posted 20 Oct 2008 , 12:57pm
post #26 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by pastryjen

I hate being ma'amed or called Mrs. XXX.




Ma'am doesn't bother me, but if I'm referred to as Mrs. PHIL Brim, that absolutely throws me into b*tch-mode!!! I have my own first name, thank you. I am not a possession of my husband's .... I have my own identity.

Ever watch reruns of I Love Lucy and notice how they always introduce themselves as "Mrs. Fred Mertz" and "Mrs. Ricky Ricardo"? Even when they are introducing themselves, for some reason, they couldn't give someone their OWN name. Blows me away everytime I see it.

punkinpie Posted 20 Oct 2008 , 8:05pm
post #27 of 31

People who are sincere - I don't mind at all.

We are currently selling our house and the office admin calls me sweetie and hon. One day I counted how many times she used either of them in a 3 minute call about some paperwork - 13 times. It really grates on my nerves. I have never met this woman either.

imagine76 Posted 21 Oct 2008 , 5:25pm
post #28 of 31

oh! i have an exception! my uncle tom calls me cupcake. not many people could do that. especially since i don't look like someone who would be called cupcake! he's my favorite uncle and i adore him. it's a term of endearment. i call my students turkey a lot of the time!

redhare Posted 21 Oct 2008 , 6:36pm
post #29 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagine76

oh! i have an exception! my uncle tom calls me cupcake. not many people could do that. especially since i don't look like someone who would be called cupcake! he's my favorite uncle and i adore him. it's a term of endearment. i call my students turkey a lot of the time!




That's funny b/c my daughters nickname is Turkey.

jen1977 Posted 21 Oct 2008 , 7:00pm
post #30 of 31

I think it's funny how it bothers some, others don't mind. I totally grates my nerves though!

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