Help Me Say This....

Lounge By michellenj Updated 30 Sep 2008 , 10:16pm by michellenj

michellenj Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 6:54pm
post #1 of 13

without sounding like a horrible DIL.

My dh's parents are up from FL for a class reunion and to pack up their house in NJ. We're about 1.5 hours from their house in NJ, and 1.5 hours from their class reunion in Northern Jersey. Today, MIL calls dh and says that they want to come out after the reunion on Sunday night. Then she says they want to spend the night. And bring Aunt G and Uncle B.

1. Uncle B is is very, very loud, usually gets intoxicated, and offends me somehow. I love him to death, but I don't want to deal with that.

2. Aunt G is a clean-a-holic and a total perfectionist, and I know our house is not spotless enough, nor is it the best decorated. We could almost fake it if they weren't staying the night.

3. The kids have colored on the guest bathroom wall with marker, and chapstick in the guest room, and I don't have time to paint them before they come.

4. I don't even have a place for two of them to sleep, other than the sofa.

5. It's a school night and I don't want them to keep dd up all night, and they'll mess up my routine.

PLEASE HELP-I know that you all can find a way for me to tell them no without causing a big problem!

12 replies
TheDomesticDiva Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 7:07pm
post #2 of 13

I'd just be completely honest-- say that things are a bit hectic right now, with school for your children, and that you aren't prepared for more company than the two of them. That if they want to spend more time with Uncle B and Aunt G, that they should just plan to stay the night with them at THEIR house, and you'd completely understand. ...If they still haven't gotten the hint, just be really blunt, and say something like "Well, we invited YOU to our house, not them."

mbelgard Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 7:16pm
post #3 of 13

I'd be honest and say that it isn't the best night for you.

If you want to have just the grandparents let them know that your daughter can only stay up 30 minutes late or whatever.

If you HAVE to have all of them and you don't like the uncle drinking just tell them that there won't be any that night. I have a father and brother with drinking issues. Both because we can't afford to keep them in drink even for one weekend and because we don't want to put up with it the booze gets hidden when they come visit.

WHatever you do don't freak because your house isn't decorated to someone elses standards or that the kids messed up some paint and you haven't had time to fix the problem. THis is your life not some aunt's.

michellenj Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 8:34pm
post #4 of 13

Uncle B is the one who got so drunk at our wedding reception that he got up on stage w/ the band and said dh is gay. icon_eek.gif That went over real well.

Deb_ Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 9:54pm
post #5 of 13

Ugh Inlaws icon_evil.gificon_evil.gif

What does your husband say?

I have to deal with this all the time. My in-laws live in PA, so when they come to RI to see their other family members, they ALWAYS sleep here at my house. Supposedly we're the only ones with a guest room. I do not have a warm and fuzzy relationship with my in-laws at all.

I've been with their son for 26 years, frankly I think they would have been happier if our marriage ended in a divorce, they're just very jealous people.
I host DH's entire family every in-laws always invite people over to my house without telling me. Fortunately, I'm Portuguese, and from a huge family, so I always cook way too much anyway and it hasn't been a problem.

But, they have also told people they can sleep here, without first getting our o.k. I basically have shown them the big sectional sofa in the basement and said "if I knew you were staying I would have had time to make more comfortable arrangements"

Here's how I handle the situation, and I think it really pisses MIL off. I am the PERFECT HOSTESS icon_lol.gificon_evil.gif This goes right up my MIL's A$$.
I will not give her the satisfaction of thinking that she gets to me.

I love my husband more than anything in this world and I'd never want to hurt him. I do it for him and him alone, and believe me he adores me for it. He knows his parents are A$$es....but, they're his parents and it would really hurt him if I told him that they are not welcome here. It's once or twice a year......I can put up with that for a short time.

I would tell your husband that your absolutely fine with his parents spending the night, but they need to make hotel arrangements for the Aunt and Uncle. Let him handle it.

SugarFrosted Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 10:27pm
post #6 of 13

Everyone has embarrassing/annoying/obnoxious family members. I make hotel reservations for all of them. If I left it up to my husband to take care of it, we'd have relatives packed in here like sardines. No thanks!
You don't owe anyone an explanation. Just say "I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for me."

imagine76 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 1:51am
post #7 of 13

ok, i heard this on tv a while back. how 'bout..... "hell to the no!!"

or maybe you should just do what SugarFrosted said. that'd be good.

sweetness_221 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 4:30am
post #8 of 13

This can be a touchy subject because you don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I would simply say that unfortunately you don't have the space to allow the Aunt and Uncle to stay. Also that it is a school night and that it would disrupt your DD's schedule. I would just be as polite as possible, but be upfront. That way it nips it in the bud.

michellenj Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 12:46pm
post #9 of 13

"Hell to the no" you say??? icon_lol.gif

Thank you so much for the advice ladies. I know that whatever my question may be, someone on here has experience and can help me.

It's not like our house isn't clean, but the judgemental "white-glove" treatment really gets to me. I've got plenty of time to make sure that all of my mommy clutter (it is mostly mine) is put away. And I'll probably rent a rug doctor on Friday so that whatever my little darlings spill this week won't be showing on the carpet.

So I'm giving them the option of a hotel room or our basement. We have a futon down there. I'm pretty sure that they will pick the hotel. My MIL knows how I feel about the uncle, so I don't know why she wanted to bring him.

imagine76 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 1:18pm
post #10 of 13

i make everyone take off their glasses when they come in to my house. pretty much everyone in our family wears glasses. works good.

michellenj Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 3:31pm
post #11 of 13

Spraying Febreeze around = cleaning, right? icon_cool.gif

I just wish there was a way that I could get some new furniture out of this deal.

imagine76 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 6:14pm
post #12 of 13

oooooohh, new furniture. it's a dream of mine. i want a dining room set SO bad!

michellenj Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 10:16pm
post #13 of 13

What I would really love is a new kitchen table. And a gorgeous new chandelier and pot rack.

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