After 13 Years I Just Can't Take Anymore! Advice?

Lounge By alracntna Updated 2 Oct 2008 , 9:20pm by sweettoothmom

alracntna Posted 26 Sep 2008 , 1:26pm
post #1 of 13

I have been married for almost 11 years. my brother-in-law was married four years before my DH and I got married. his wife has never liked me. she has talked bad about me since day one. when i got pregnant with my son she told everyone the baby was not my DH's. she pretended to be my friend when i was pregnant with my daughter and she offered to give my baby shower. so that there was no turmoil in the family i let her. well no one showed up. come to find out she didn't mail off my invitations. all of this was petty till she stopped inviting my kids to her kids birthday parties. then her and my brother-in-law got divorced and she got worse. i have not spoken to her or about her in almost 3 years now and she continues to talk bad about me and now she is telling as many people as she can (we live in a small town) not to buy cakes from me. everyone keeps telling me to just ignore it. well i have ignored it for 13 years and it is getting worse. is there nothing i can do short of physically hurting her? i want to be childish and pull her hair out! but i know i am an adult now and i have to handle it like a devious woman...lol what can i do?

12 replies
michellenj Posted 26 Sep 2008 , 1:29pm
post #2 of 13

Well obviously, you are dealing with a crazy person. Who goes to the trouble of throwing a "fake" baby shower just to humiliate someone? There is nothing that you can do, just hold your head high and be the better person. Maybe she will give up.

Pookie59 Posted 26 Sep 2008 , 3:12pm
post #3 of 13

I suppose you see a lawyer about it if she's spreading lies and damaging your reputation and business.

I really believe that what comes around goes around. People like that eventually get their due and it isn't pretty. More than once I've seen evil people reap what they sow. It's just a matter of time.

Callyssa Posted 26 Sep 2008 , 3:25pm
post #4 of 13

It's called "Defamation of Character". If you just tell her you've had enough, you've spoken with a lawyer who has encouraged you to take her to court and you will proceed to do that should you hear one more negative thing, that SHOULD be enough to scare her. If not, you might actually have to speak to someone and sue her. I know it can be done, my dad had to do that and he won his case. Good luck.

alracntna Posted 26 Sep 2008 , 4:42pm
post #5 of 13

thank you all for the advice. this is something i did not think about. i could just give her a little scare and see if she stops. i really don't know what else to do. we have even gone as far as my DH not speaking to his brother just to stay away from her. (they are divorced but still together) we don't see their kids and they don't see ours. at holidays we go to see the grandparents in shifts just because i don't want her negativity around my children. i really just want her out of my life completely but i don't think that will ever happen. i am going to do this. give her a scare and see if it stops. thanks again!

ElinJ Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 10:09pm
post #6 of 13

Goodness me.. Looks like she's incredibly jealous of your life to go to such great lengths to try and ruin it.. I don't understand people this.

I tot.ally agree in taking further action against her, because people like this should not get away with behaving in such an awful way.

Have you ever confronted her about this?

indydebi Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 11:11pm
post #7 of 13

These kind of people are bullies ... and they react the same way. Meaning they are mostly all bluff and once you call their bluff, they tend to back down.

I had a similar confrontation with such a person. Laid it out and concluded with "If you think you're going to continue this battle with me, let me assure you that you are WAY out of your league!" Every lie, every story, every rumor, gets confronted with names and dates of who told me and when. She didn't stop altogether, but she knows I am not a doormat and she pretty much stays out of my way now.

Bullies are all "bull". Call her bluff face to face.

But then .... that's what *I* would do! icon_rolleyes.gif

Another person (sister of my ex-husband) tried some bullsh** right after me and current hubby were married. A nice letter from our attorney citing Indiana State Law on harassment laws shut her up in one day!

Amia Posted 27 Sep 2008 , 11:17pm
post #8 of 13

I bet chutzpah would be more than glad to slap her up for you. icon_wink.gificon_lol.gif

jescapades Posted 28 Sep 2008 , 12:06am
post #9 of 13

carla, send her to me! i am so fired up about something right now, i could smack her so hard, her momma would feel it! no one should EVER do that to another person and it makes me ill just thinking about it.

she needs to grow up or shut up!

kellertur Posted 29 Sep 2008 , 3:27am
post #10 of 13

I agree that this is should be extinguished as soon as possible. I can sort of relate...(sorry if I'm making this about me)
About 5 or so yrs ago someone got "offended" when I showed an interest in learning cake decorating. (Going from art to cake decorating isn't exactly a quantum leap, you know?) Anyway, they told people in our workplace that I was a "single white female" (like the movie)... maybe she needed to be the only one, etc... This stung like hell so I didn't decorate again for 3 yrs.
My point~ I worry about this person trash talking me and my business every once in a while, but if this ever does happen to me and I find out I won't hesitate to talk to my FIL who happens to be a lawyer and a judge. Just because someone has a problem with someone else, doesn't give them the right to spread rumors.

sorry, this was my lame attempt at empathy... You shouldn't have to live with that.
Good luck.

adonisthegreek1 Posted 30 Sep 2008 , 4:36pm
post #11 of 13

My initial thought was that she wants your husband. I think she is just plain jealous. I had a similar situation once. I was much younger and not so calm as I am now. I got the person off to herself, confronted her and let her know that if she tried that BS once again that I'd kick her a-- all over town. Needless to say, it stopped immediately. I prefer to be ladylike, but sometimes you "just gotta act a fool."

Dale Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 6:21pm
post #12 of 13

Sometimes you just have to tell people to piss off...I do it frequently and it makes me pretty happy. That or you could just say the heck with it and poison her.

sweettoothmom Posted 2 Oct 2008 , 9:20pm
post #13 of 13

Oh this woman and her kind must be an epidemic in todays society!!!!

This is definately slander and liable can be pursued as well as defemation of character. I think you would be happy to ask an attorney to draft a letter to her instructing her she needs to cease her behavior immediately.
The price of the letter might be the best thing you have bought since you bought your favorite purse or pair of shoes. You could probably send her a certified letter that you wrote stating if the talk doesnt stop you will be contacting an attorney. It might make her stop but I think she will use the letter as ammo against you in further family debates. So this might backfire. Go with the attorney. Or perhaps you could just keep your nose clean watch your back and let her run herslef into the ground.

And if your legite in making cakes you can right it off the letter as a legal expense on your taxes. Out with the trash i say.

Plus just so ya know people who are like her have a rep. You arent the first who she has treated this way and for sure you wont be the last. She will shift her evil gaze elsewhere after hearing from you. And most people who know her will know her rep and take whatever she says with that in mind. THe best thing to do is to make sure you are in the public eye all the time and in the best light possible. It will squash all those lies she is telling for sure!
hey now. uh huh. its all good oh yeah!!!! thumbs_up.gif

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