How Do You Feel Answering Pm When They Ask Like This??

Decorating By wendy1273 Updated 18 Feb 2010 , 7:01pm by Price

wendy1273 Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:17am
post #1 of 152

I will start by saying that I'm making cakes because I got inspired here and with the help of many wonderful people that helped me when I PM them.
Many people send me messages asking me for help and I honestly love helping anyone the same way many helped me but some times I get some messages asking me for help on some cake and they don't even introduce themselves before asking.
I got one a few days ago and the person wrote please send me the tutorial for so and so cake at this email, thank you. I was shock even so the person said please and thank you. I was surprised because who is she and how do she know if I have a tutorial?
Some members ask me for help and they are been here for a while and have no pics or any posts and I feel a little uncomfortable answering.

I go out of my way sometimes to write instructions and even email pics of the process to some people.

Sorry if I'm wrong, but please tell what are your thoughts about it?

Please understand that I really love helping every time I can.

151 replies
janelwaters Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:55am
post #2 of 152

First of all - SHUT UP! your cakes are amazing!! NOW - send me every tutorial for every cake in your pics! Thanx! JUST KIDDING!!

I think sometimes we get in a hurry and have a little bit of celebrity envy and forget that we know you, but you might not know us! does that make sense??

I know that i have saved some pics in my favorites and have an emotional attachment to these cakes and I really have no idea who most of the creators are. I would hope that people could be a little more polite than that!

pm them back and introduce yourself (without a tutorial) and see what their response is.

Good luck and I'm sorry that you get rude pm's! When i pm you to get your help on the cakes that intend to attempt to copy off your pics I will be sure to be polite (as I usually try to be!)!! haha!!

JanH Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 4:01am
post #3 of 152

At least you received a please and thank you. icon_smile.gif

Sad to say, I've received pm's that are one liners requesting info... and that's it. icon_sad.gif

I respond in kind: if I get a one line request (no salutation, no signature) - I send a one line answer. icon_lol.gif

I enjoy helping my fellow members, my pay-off is the social interaction. If there's no social interaction on the 1st pm, I don't over extend myself because even if I send a wealth of info - I know there'll never be a follow-up pm saying thank you. tapedshut.gif

I really like assisting new bakers or anyone who needs help finding an old thread, etc., but NO ONE likes being used as only a resource - disregarding the usual and customary (proper) social etiquette. (After all, I'm a human being NOT a computer.) icon_rolleyes.gif

JMHO

margaretb Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 6:29am
post #4 of 152

I've asked a couple people for things, but only if I have seen something in the comments where they have said PM me for instructions or whatever. And because I assume everyone is very busy and doesn't know me, I send a one liner saying please send whatever, thank you, Margaret. It never crossed my mind that it would be rude. It was intended to be a polite and SHORT request. I guess I just assume that in those cases the recipient is getting many requests and doesn't want to have to spend a lot of time on each one, and that it would be rude to take up more of their time than necessary.

Just a different perspective.

JanH Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 8:24am
post #5 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by margaretb

I've asked a couple people for things, but only if I have seen something in the comments where they have said PM me for instructions or whatever. And because I assume everyone is very busy and doesn't know me, I send a one liner saying please send whatever, thank you, Margaret. It never crossed my mind that it would be rude. It was intended to be a polite and SHORT request. I guess I just assume that in those cases the recipient is getting many requests and doesn't want to have to spend a lot of time on each one, and that it would be rude to take up more of their time than necessary.

Just a different perspective.




I concede that one line of text is a SHORT message. But please consider another perspective, especially regarding random requests for assistance.

(For example) when we first meet in person, you wouldn't walk up, blurt out your request and immediately walk off (so you wouldn't waste my time).

I feel that cyber communication requires more thought and more explanation because ALL the usual physical cues are missing. The only info I have is that provided by the text.

Also, it takes a lot more time (and effort) for me to compose and type a well written message than it does for me to read a message.

If there is only one line of text, it appears that the sender was more concerned with his/her time (and needs) than the quality of the message I receive.

To me (a one line) text request actually says, "I know you don't know me, I don't want you to know me and I don't want to know you. Just send me what I need!"

JMHO

bashini Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 9:20am
post #6 of 152

I haven't had any requests like that,but I must say that sometimes people don't even say "Thank You" ones they get what they wanted. That is really upsets me. icon_sad.gif

I don't like people being rude to me, because I'm not a person like that. icon_smile.gif

justducky Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 11:34am
post #7 of 152

I would be in the short and sweet camp. But ater reading the perspectve from the receipients, I realize how that comes off in cyber world. Thanks!

lardbutt Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 12:35pm
post #8 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanH

(After all, I'm a human being NOT a computer.) icon_rolleyes.gif

JMHO




Well.....in all fairness......you DO seem like a computer data base! In a good way of course! icon_lol.gif

DianeLM Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 1:58pm
post #9 of 152

I'm so glad you brought this up. I've been silently agonizing over this for quite some time. It doesn't just happen here on CC, but also on my Webshots page.

Sometimes I'll get a please and thank you request for instructions, send the instructions, then never hear from the requestor again. When I don't get a 'thank you' I feel taken advantage of. Like JanH said, I'm not a computer. I'm not a tutorial machine.

For some reason, I get tons of requests for instructions for my dirt bike cake. The last few people I sent the instructions to (in 3 different continents!) never acknowledged my effort.

Since then, I've just been ignoring future requests. I don't know how to say, "Due to the rudeness of your fellow man, I'm not sending out any more instructions." What I'd REALLY like to say is, "I'd be delighted to send you the instructions upon receipt of the $50.00 tutorial purchase price."

I was feeling charitable the other day when I received a request from someone I don't know to 'walk her through' a certain cake. I emailed her to ask her what her skill level was and never heard back. Now I know how valuable she thinks my time is.

It's really insulting to get what amounts to a DEMAND for the instructions for something I've worked hard to accomplish, with no acknowlegment.

Unfortunately, people with bad manners don't recognize themselves. I don't expect those people to change. But, I appreciate the opportunity to get this off my chest.

Melvira Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:20pm
post #10 of 152

JanH, you and I were cut from the same cloth apparently!!

If I get a pleasant email beign friendly and asking questions, I will write back with as much information as humanly possible! Anyone who's asked me a question in that way will confirm that one! thumbs_up.gif However, if I get one of those clipped requests, they get the same in return. For example, I am always getting questions about malted cake... a friendly request will get instructions on how I make it. A short clipped request gets "Add some malt powder." I'm not being rude, I'm just trying not to take up their time with my usual chattiness and pleasantries.

One thing I have a hard time with is those for whom English is not their first language. I am pretty sure they are usually NOT being rude, but sometimes it's hard to tell. I have actually gotten this before: "You give to me instructions for this now." That was it. The whole message. icon_confused.gif

Anyway... it's harder for me to be clipped than to be bubbly and friendly because that's just who I am! thumbs_up.gif

Melvira Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:23pm
post #11 of 152

Oh, the other thing that bugs me is when someone 'demands' (and I mean demand!) "complete instructions with all recipes used". I don't just hand out my business recipes, and I don't have instructions typed out. I do these things as I go, and keep them in my brain. If someone is sweet and friendly I will type them out for them though without the least hesitation.

adonisthegreek1 Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:30pm
post #12 of 152

I'm not the best decorator yet, but I have gotten quite a few recipe requests for candies and other things. Sometimes they say please and thank you and sometimes they don't. If it's a recipe that I don't mind sharing then I send it. The nicer they are the quicker I send the info.

When I request something from someone, I always thank them in advance for reading and responding to my email. I figure that covers a separate email thank you. At least, I thought it did.

vicmic Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:34pm
post #13 of 152

Wow, thinking you guys will get lots of response on this, some good, some not so good.
Anywho, I will now send more when requesting info and I do respond when receiving help and can't imagine someone wouldn't.
However, if one is asked for advice and not in a fashion they expect, one should at least acknowledge the receipt of request. Even if I request info, I was thinking short to the point not being a pain, and it doesn't meet the proper standards, let me know. I have requested help and gotten no reply. Did I offend someone, did they not get my request, do I bother them with a second request? Know what I mean. So, as you can see, I can be a chatty patty so I have no qualms with lengthy request. I just hope the recipient of my next request is as happy as you to get a happy, how are you, my back is out again, (just kidding) PM.
Thanks for listening, Vicki

moxey2000 Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:36pm
post #14 of 152

I think we need to remember there are people on CC from all the world and sometimes what they say must be translated. For people whom english is not their native language sometimes that translation can sound rather odd. I try to subscribe to the theory that people's intentions are good and not get offended easily. It's hard enough to translate to english, then doing it online is even more difficult.

koralkat Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:43pm
post #15 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by margaretb

I've asked a couple people for things, but only if I have seen something in the comments where they have said PM me for instructions or whatever. And because I assume everyone is very busy and doesn't know me, I send a one liner saying please send whatever, thank you, Margaret. It never crossed my mind that it would be rude. It was intended to be a polite and SHORT request. I guess I just assume that in those cases the recipient is getting many requests and doesn't want to have to spend a lot of time on each one, and that it would be rude to take up more of their time than necessary.

Just a different perspective.



That would be me also!! Thanks for posting and I will keep this in mind next time! thumbs_up.gificon_lol.gif

Melvira Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:51pm
post #16 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxey2000

I think we need to remember there are people on CC from all the world and sometimes what they say must be translated. For people whom english is not their native language sometimes that translation can sound rather odd. I try to subscribe to the theory that people's intentions are good and not get offended easily. It's hard enough to translate to english, then doing it online is even more difficult.




I agree, which is why I mentioned that. I know they aren't trying to be rude, they may just not speak English well, or at all. But that doesn't cover those who don't say thank you afterward. Different boat all together.

And vicmic, even if someone is short, I ALWAYS reply to every message I get, so if someone doesn't reply to you, I can't say if it's your message they didn't like, or they didn't get it, or they're simply THAT busy. It's hard to say. I'd hate to jump to conclusions on that one. And if you ever feel like whining about your back, just PM me! Hehehe.

smbegg Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:55pm
post #17 of 152

Just one thing to remember: Not all the people on here speak english so there may be somethings lost in translation.

Now I realize not everyone, but some! I have trouble at work all the time with foreign nationals who send one liners because they do not know exactly what to say in english. They may assume things.

On the other hand, I do try to personally ask for help when needed. But I do get frustrated when people do not respond to PM's. Don't help if you don't want to, but just let me know!

Stephanie

bobwonderbuns Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 2:58pm
post #18 of 152

Outside of blatent rudeness which I will not tolerate (and thankfully has only happened once on CC in a PM), I don't let others dictate how I respond to them. I try to be nice to everyone and let my light shine. Some appreciate it, some don't, but in the end I account for my actions/reactions. For me it's just easier that way! icon_biggrin.gif

GeminiRJ Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:15pm
post #19 of 152

[quote="Melvira"] For example, I am always getting questions about malted cake... a friendly request will get instructions on how I make it. /quote]

Okay, this got my attention! Malted cake sounds wonderful. I'd love to get the info on this, and I will grovel shamelessly to get it!

weirkd Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:16pm
post #20 of 152

I dont think I ever really introduce myself if Im asking for a tutorial. I will say thank you and I might try to get to know the person a little.
But I dont think they were trying to be rude. I think they just wanted to let you know they wanted it without having to type a letter.
Now what IS rude is when someone out of the blue asks you for something or where you bought something (this was a recent PM) and you tell them and then they dont have the decency to say thank you back!

summernoelle Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:16pm
post #21 of 152

I get tons of requests for my fondant animals and I tell you that 90% of the people don't say please, or thank you. Just "Send the instructions for your animals to XXXX" I've stopped responding to people who don't ask me nicely.
It's so annoying! I also get annoyed when I really go out of my way to help someone with something, and they don't even send a thank you reply. Sometimes it makes me not want to respond at all!

MacsMom Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:19pm
post #22 of 152

I always reply, too. I don't think it's anyone's intention to be rude when they want help with something, but perhaps they weren't raised with the same social manners I was.

I reply with the general niceities and hope they pick up the hint.

I cannnot stand, however, when I get a msg or an e-mail as if they are texting maniacs. No capitalizations, punctuation, and so many abbreviations that I can't make out what in the world they are asking!

One more pet-peeve: When I don't get a PM back with those two important words, "Thank you".

I have learned 98% of what I know from CC and the fabulous members here, so I will always return the favor icon_wink.gif

Honeychild Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:20pm
post #23 of 152

Most of the time I make a comment about a cake just for the sake of commenting because the cake is so beautiful. Sometimes I will pose a question about a 'how to technique' within the comment. To be honest, most members don't acknowledge my question. Oh well, I'll figure it out somehow. It just feels good when people do acknowledge you though...

leah_s Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:23pm
post #24 of 152

As you can imagine, I get a lot of requests via PM and email. Generally everyone is quite pleasant and I also get a lot of thank yous.

What I find perplexing is people who write me wanting to know where to find an ingredient/tool/etc in their town. How would I know that?

KathysCC Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:25pm
post #25 of 152

Well...after I pick myself up off the floor because I can't believe someone would want instructions on how to make my cakes.... icon_surprised.gif

I realize that a lot of the requests that seem short are non-English speaking members or even English speaking ones to whom writing does not come easy. I also respond in the way I am written to. I'll write you a book if you send me a sweet request....especially if you praise my cake. That gets you big brownie points!!! icon_lol.gif A short request gets a short answer.

Just be thankful the request isn't for favors, like please buy me something that I can't get where I live and mail it to me and I will pay you. Those scare me! icon_eek.gif

chefjulie Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:34pm
post #26 of 152

KathysCC- you can send me instructions for any and all of your cakes ANY DAY!!! I just looked through your photos and they are ADORABLE!!!!!

Okay, this is NOT defending the people who dont say "thank you" afterward, BUT sometimes life just happens and you may forget to respond. I always try to respond with at least a quick "Thanks" but with two kids, a hubby in Iraq, and a business my mind sometimes goes to mush. I was SO EMBARRASSED today to realize that I had never responded to my last 2 PMs. We had Hurricane Ike blow through and it took my mind off of everything that wasnt right in front of me. I immediately responded to both after I realized my error, but I was SO ashamed of myself for forgetting to thank to CCers for going out of their ways to be generous.

MacsMom Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:37pm
post #27 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeychild

Most of the time I make a comment about a cake just for the sake of commenting because the cake is so beautiful. Sometimes I will pose a question about a 'how to technique' within the comment. To be honest, most members don't acknowledge my question. Oh well, I'll figure it out somehow. It just feels good when people do acknowledge you though...




I don't always get a notice when someone leaves a comment on my cakes (due to some sort of computer-related issue). When I happen to see a question in my photos I used to reply in the comment field rather than PM, but I have learned to also start sending a back-up PM.

If you really want a question answered, it's better to send a PM than leave it in the comment field in case it goes unseen.

Only once have I not received a reply when I've PM'd someone--and I'm pretty sure it was because the member doesn't speak English icon_redface.gif

addietx Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:45pm
post #28 of 152

I appreciate all of you so much because I am guilty of asking for a lot of help. I know that so many of you are tremendously busy but take your time to help others like me. Please accept my apology if I have come across rude at times by being short. If I have forgotten to thank you in a return email please forgive me. CC members are the most talented and helpful. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.
Addie

BCJean Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:50pm
post #29 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by margaretb

I've asked a couple people for things, but only if I have seen something in the comments where they have said PM me for instructions or whatever. And because I assume everyone is very busy and doesn't know me, I send a one liner saying please send whatever, thank you, Margaret. It never crossed my mind that it would be rude. It was intended to be a polite and SHORT request. I guess I just assume that in those cases the recipient is getting many requests and doesn't want to have to spend a lot of time on each one, and that it would be rude to take up more of their time than necessary.

Just a different perspective.




You can pm me that way anytime. I agree completely. I don't like meaningless conversation, for the sake of being polite. It is like we are all in a big discussion room here and if someone wants info you just say, "oh, could you tell me how you did that". I wouldn't say, "you are such an awesome decorator, I have seen and admired your work and would love it if you could explain to me how to do that."

I for one hate when I get a phone call and they start out, how are you today? Is everything going okay with you? Would you donate some money to me?. Don't try to be my friend, only to get what you want.

I love pm's or comments about my cakes but if they want to know how something is done, they can just ask me, "wow, how did you do that?"

Sometimes people say, if you would like the recipe or instructions, pm me. I feel, all that needs to be said is, I would love the recipe or instructions, thank you.

........and that is my 2¢

moxey2000 Posted 18 Sep 2008 , 3:56pm
post #30 of 152

For a variety of reasons English is a difficult language to learn when it is not ones native language. I used to work for a company that shipped goods all over the world. We would get faxes that were obviously translated with a book or computer program and they were translated literally. My very favorite line...."thanking you very much for producing". My husband and I still say "thanking you very much". BTW most of our foreign customers were very, very courteous and it was obviously important to them that they translate it that way thumbs_up.gif .

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%