Anyone In Law Enforcement Or Have Family (Harrassment)

Lounge By AmandaPanda Updated 2 Oct 2008 , 10:42pm by Dale

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:24pm
post #1 of 131

I have a question because for any of you that might be involved in any way with law enforcement because I am not getting many answers from our police department but for the last week I have had a guy calling my phone from 3 different numbers, all unlisted land lines. He has been calling since last week he won't leave messages but will talk when I answer. First he just talked and said things like "hey sexy" then I went out of town for 4 days and my phone was turned off. within 2 hours of coming back to town yesterday and turning my phone back on he called me saying he had photos of my husband cheating on me and wanted to get together and show them to me. I told him that I was not interested in these photos and he could keep them and not to call me anymore. he would call back and I would either hang up on him or not answer. I asked him if he knew my name and he would not answer but did describe what I looked like. (oh he probably got my number off my car and saw me out and about because I was assistant director of a non profit moms organization and had it advertised on my car but I have taken that info off my car as of this morning). So I have no doubt that he has been me and knows what I look like but I don't know if he has gone as far as to follow me home. this morning he called several more times asking if I was ready to meet him and if I wanted to see the photos again told him no and I would not be meeting him, he called a couple more times and I did not answer, then I went to file a police report but the lady at the front desk basically acted like I was an idiot and gave me the impression that they were not going to do anything about it.

So my question is .... CAN they do anything about it? my cell phone company cannot trace calls they do not offer detailed billing so that is not an option. It worries me that he may know where I live, I have 3 kids and I work at home during the day so I am here alone every day. He has not made any physical threats towards me but he is still crazy as far as I see it if he is going to continue to contact me like this, it has gone past the simple prank call into harrassment.

Thanks
Amanda

130 replies
postcakes Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:36pm
post #2 of 131

You should return to the police station and demand to speak with a supervisor. Case report classification differs from state to state, but the basic classification is "Harassment by Telephone". Begin documenting each and every phone call that you receive from this creep and make a separate, additional report on each occasion. Request that the case be assigned to a follow up detective and he or she should be able to put a "trap" on the phone through your phone company. Good luck with the situation, and obviously do not agree to meet this guy anywhere under any circumstances.

michellenj Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:38pm
post #3 of 131

Do you know this creep? How in the heck did he get your cell number? Do you think he knows your husband?

I'm not in law enforcement, but the first thing I'd do is get a new cell number, then I would head down to the police station and talk to them in person. I've only had to deal with police once, but i got a lot further with them when I showed up at the station.

Good luck. I'd be pretty scared.

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:43pm
post #4 of 131

I do NOT know who it is, my phone number was on the back of my car because of organization I was involved in and I have since taken the number down. I DID go to the police station and file a report in person but did not get to actually speak with an officer just the front desk person. I do not think he knows my husband he probably saw my wedding ring because he described me down to the color of my toenails (maybe he saw me in a parking lot or something I always wear open toe sandals in the summer). Basically I think the creep saw me get into my car or out of my car one day and wrote down my phone number.

ShopGrl1128 Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:44pm
post #5 of 131

OMG! How terrifying!
Please be careful, you donât know what this psycho is capable of.

Why donât you change your phone to not accept blocked numbers? It is relatively easy to do, that way if this person calls again either the phone call wonât go through or he has to un-block his number.

My b/f is lawyer and this is definitely considered harassmentâ¦one of his clients was being charged because he texted some girl and she went to the police.

I canât believe the police doesnât cares
Again, be careful until the police decide to do anything.

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:50pm
post #6 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by CakeGrlPA



Why donât you change your phone to not accept blocked numbers? It is relatively easy to do, that way if this person calls again either the phone call wonât go through or he has to un-block his number.




unfortunately I cannot block numbers. I called my cell phone carrier and because it is cricket (a local unlimited phone service), they do not do detailed billing or offer ANY sort of blocking service they recommend that I change my phone number, I do not want to do that right now I will if I absolutely have to but I am going to see what the police can do first I guess. I also called the local telephone company because they are calling from landlines and they said they could not do anything for me either, so basically the police act like I am an idiot and my cell phone carrier AND the local phone company (AT&T) both tell me they cannot help me either.

postcakes Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:54pm
post #7 of 131

Unfortunately, in law enforcement, as in most things, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Go back to the station and find out what kind of follow up procedure is going to take place if you have already filed the initial case report.

ThatsHowTcakesRolls Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 8:56pm
post #8 of 131

Police CAN and should assist you - I think it's time you become a pest. They are absolutely in the wrong to ignore your complaint of a situation so dangerous. You need to speak to someone in charge - not a front desk clerk.

The advice of documentation was absolutely correct - also, do you have a way to record your calls? If your phone won't do that - do you have speaker phone? You could get a tape recorder and record the conversation while he's on speaker phone. Any sort of evidence you can gather will help with pressing any charges and making sure the harassment stops. Do you have a land line phone in addition to your cell phone? If you do, perhaps you could forward your cell phone to your land line and block the calls that way?

I'm so sorry for you and will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Please be safe and keep your house locked, just in case he did figure out where you live. Your safety must come first. Please keep us updated...

Tammi

flayvurdfun Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:02pm
post #9 of 131

First off I'm sorry this is happening to you, and even more sorry that the police cant help. They usually can't until there are threats involved etc. I also probably know what I am going to say won't be very helpful either...I've been where you're and nothing told to me helped me the way I was hoping, but here is what we did. We called our cell phone company and changed our number to an "unlisted" type number. No call forwarding, no message telling new number etc. There wasn't any charge for it due to harrassment, but usually only once unless it's been proven etc.We also went as far as changing our home phone just in case. Told them what was going on and the fact that we "thought we understood her saying she had our number at home", that if my husband didn't contact her she would contact me and tell me whatever she wanted to say. I don't worry about him at all. Now since I am home every day too, I work midnight shift, I made sure I had my doors and windows locked, and we got an inexpensive home security system for the house. It's not much but it was something, and things have stopped for now. It's been months.
What I understand is every state has it's laws about harrassment, some will put tracer on phones, but not necessarily on cell phones. I also know by calling lots of cell phone companies that they do usually have a way of telling when and where a call came in, even if they first say they don't. I know it will be useless if he already knows where you live, but vary your routes when you go places and especially when you go home. I also went as far as giving a picture of the only people permitted to pick up my boys from school. I also gave the pics to the bus drivers and told them if one of us aren't at the bus stop to pick them up NOT to let them off, just take them back to the school and they would call us to come pick up. Our schools and buses support everything like that.
A friend of mine had a stalker, and the police told her everything I've already told you, but also for her to go a bit further for her to bring hats etc to make her look different going in and out of work and in some cases just regular buildings. She onlly had to do it for about a month and the person lost interest, or couldn't track her.
Again I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and you're going through the "no one is helping" thing. Good luck

johnson6ofus Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:04pm
post #10 of 131

Go to radio shack and get one of those voice changer things- they are $10-$50. Search "voice changer". You talk through it and your voice can be "male". Only answer your phone with that on. I bet you get rid of the creep fast.

Stay calm, but be careful. He will call because he knows he "gets your goat". No reaction- calls stop (I hope).

marknelliesmum Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:08pm
post #11 of 131

Oh poor you!
I can understand some weirdo using a company no. from a car ad but to be able to describe you is a bit too close for comfort. My dh is a cop but our laws are different over here but this would be taken very seriously indeed. I agree with a previous poster - demand to speak to a senior officer. Not to put the frighteners on you but if you are alone each day or with the kids and this guy knows that...how much more serious do the cops want this to get before they treat it with the respect it deserves? icon_eek.gif If you still get nowhere I'd go see my local political figure ( again I know things are different over here) and get them to put pressure on the cops. Does he ever call when your dh is at home?
Stay safe!

summernoelle Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:20pm
post #12 of 131

This is pretty serious.
I worked with a woman several years ago who had a stalker. It was a guy she briefly dated, and who went nuts on her. He would follow her around town, call her at all hours of the night, threaten her. I knew about it because he showed up at work one day to see her, and it scared her to death. One night her dogs were barking and he was in her backyard. He went up to her porch and was trying to rip off her screen door when the police showed up.
Guess what the police did? Nothing! She couldn't even get a restraining order because he hadn't attempted to hurt HER. Yes he damaged her property, yes he was following her around town, but the police acted like she was a big baby because he hadn't attempted to physically harm her. Idiots.
First, you need to change your number. He will call and get a dial tone, and hopefully get the message. Second, I think you need to go to the police, be strong, and say that you need them to be aware of this situation.
The whole thing about how he even knew what color your toenails were really creeps me out. Please be careful!

pkinkema Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:22pm
post #13 of 131

I always heard for harassing calls, keep a whistle by the phone and let them have it.

You do indeed need to report to the police, but in the meantime, let the guy know you're not putting up with his @#$%.

DesignsByMandie Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:24pm
post #14 of 131

Hmm....I would bug them until they do something about it. I have been in your situation...And he knew my name because he harassed me at work. And I answered the phone with me name. I called and they just said the hit *69 or *67 to trace the number...Well i had to dial 9 to get out of the office on a call and it did not work. And I am sure you have already tried. And if it is a blocked number it will do no good. I was told because I wasn't 18 they could not "look" into...Which I now know is CRAP!!! All I can say is bug them until they want to help to get you out of their hair!! I am soo sorry...I know how it feels. Keep your chin up and someone will be willing to help eventually. You just have to find that ONE that has a big enough heart!!!! Good luck and let us know how it turns out~Mandie~

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:26pm
post #15 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by marksmum

Does he ever call when your dh is at home?
Stay safe!




come to think of it, no he has not called when DH is home. In fact yesterday at night when he called it was less than 10 minutes after I left the house to go get my little girl from gymnastics .... however he was calling from a landline so I am not sure how he would have known I had just left or if it was coincidence, he also said he had been trying to reach me (I was out of town for 4 days and my phone went straight to voicemail during those times) so I think it was maybe just coincidence.

I did not freak out when he calls, I did not get irate or nervous sounding in fact I tried to treat it like it didn't bother me telling him "good for you glad you are enjoying whatever photos you have" things like that before telling not to call again hoping to make it sound like I am totally uninterested in anything he has to say and he is not getting to me, I don't want to yell at him or cuss him it will only get a rise out of him and make him call more. I think his daytime calls might be from his place of employment because both the numbers were fax numbers and unlisted the only night time call I received from him was a number registered to small city next to this city it was also unregistered however it was not a fax, a friend called that number back and a girl answered the phone. I would really like to know if he is using his place of employment to harrass me.






I want to thank everyone for their advice. it is definitely nerve wracking. I have been making sure my deadbolt is locked and the safty latch is pulled, I think I am going to purchase a phone recorder tomorrow just so I can have these conversations logged. I really want to know what else he knows about me but i don't want to give him the satisfaction of talking back to him and feeding into his crap either. I may call the police station tomorrow and see who I can get on the phone that can help me further.

ccr03 Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:31pm
post #16 of 131

wow, I am so sorry.

1. One your landline, go to Radio Shack and buy a tape recorder and a phone recorder adaptor. Be ready to record the conversation so you can have proof.

2. Don't answer any unknown number calls. Let them go to voicemail and when you check them, check them on teh landline so once again you can record any he leaves.

3. If you get any calls during the day, call the police. Make them come over - be a pain if necessary. B/c if he knows where you leave the police can scare him off.

4. What does your husband say?

Hawkette Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:31pm
post #17 of 131

Oh honey! That is a horribly scary situation to be in. We were getting hangup calls a lot when I was a kid and then got robbed (they were checking to see if we were home). They were always blocked numbers. The laws have no doubt changed in the last 15 years, but the cops told us that they could get the phone company to trace the call, but if they went that far, we would have to agree to press charges against whoever was behind it. I think you need to get to a sympathetic cop and have THEM work on the phone company. Of course cell phone companies can trace this sort of thing. They just don't want to for every little tiff that folks go through. But this is serious, so a cop should be able to give them a compelling reason to trace those calls. As for reaching someone who will listen, does your police dept have a website? Ours does, and I once got the email of our neighborhood's beat officer to report a suspicious vehicle. I felt rather stupid, but he was SO nice and encouraged me to always contact him with anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Perhaps you could find your beat officer? If it's not on the web page, call and ask the secretary who that is and say you'd like to leave a voicemail for him. (Don't give her the message.) Good luck!!! Please keep us updated.

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:38pm
post #18 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccr03

wow, I am so sorry.

1. One your landline, go to Radio Shack and buy a tape recorder and a phone recorder adaptor. Be ready to record the conversation so you can have proof.

2. Don't answer any unknown number calls. Let them go to voicemail and when you check them, check them on teh landline so once again you can record any he leaves.

3. If you get any calls during the day, call the police. Make them come over - be a pain if necessary. B/c if he knows where you leave the police can scare him off.

4. What does your husband say?




first he will not leave messages he only talks if I answer the phone. I am still gonna get a phone adapter though to record the calls.

as for my husband I just told him about it this morning I had not told him about it until just now. He is the one that told me to go to the police department and file a report and of course was ticked off that they did not do anything. he asked for the phone numbers but I did not want to give them to him and have him harrassing this guy I do not want confrontation and I do now know people or how they will react to things and my husband can be hot headed and say things that get him into trouble so I don't want him fueling the fire (especially since my husband would probably get his butt kicked, he is not the biggest or most athletic of men).

onceuponacake Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:40pm
post #19 of 131

i kind of skimmed through the posts, but does your DH know? Can you switch cell phones with him and only tellthose who really need to reach you that you have your dh's phone?

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:41pm
post #20 of 131

oh I wanted to let everyone know that the phone numbers he is calling from ARE showing up on my caller ID but when doing a reverse phone search they only tell me it is a landline, it is bellsouth carrier, what city they are located in and that it is either unlisted or unregistered number, I did give the police department the 3 numbers he was calling from but apparently nobody seems to think they can trace that specific numbers down to an actual address or person.

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:41pm
post #21 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by onceuponacake

i kind of skimmed through the posts, but does your DH know? Can you switch cell phones with him and only tellthose who really need to reach you that you have your dh's phone?




my dh has a cell phone provided to him through work so that is not really an option he has to have his cell phone during the day icon_sad.gif

cindy531 Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:45pm
post #22 of 131

This is horrible...do whatever you have to do to protect yourself.

You may want to hook up a a phone recorder.

http://www.radioshack.com/sm-buy-the-mini-recorder-control-on-http-wwwradioshackcom--pi-2104040.html

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000GU88CQ/?tag=cakecentral-20

God Bless

Sweet-Dreams Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:47pm
post #23 of 131

If it is a landline, you can go to whitepages.com and use the reverse look up. You enter a phone number and it usually gives you the name and address of the owner. I'm not sure if it will work for you, but it's worth a try!

michellenj Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:49pm
post #24 of 131

I'd really be bothered by the toe nail polish comment. That means at some point he was fairly close to you. Get yourself some pepper spray, if you do't already. Supposedly, they have the "good" ones (higher concentration) at gun stores.

Have you googled the numbers to see what comes up?

GenGen Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:51pm
post #25 of 131

my father inlaw is a county sheriff soon to medicaly retire. next time i see him i'll ask him his input on this.

AmandaPanda Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:53pm
post #26 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet-Dreams

If it is a landline, you can go to whitepages.com and use the reverse look up. You enter a phone number and it usually gives you the name and address of the owner. I'm not sure if it will work for you, but it's work a try!




thanks I did that already they ar elandlines but they say they are unregistered or unavailable. no names listed only the city the call is being made from.

cindy531 Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:57pm
post #27 of 131
__Martha__ Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 9:58pm
post #28 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellenj

I'd really be bothered by the toe nail polish comment. That means at some point he was fairly close to you. Get yourself some pepper spray, if you do't already. Supposedly, they have the "good" ones (higher concentration) at gun stores.

Have you googled the numbers to see what comes up?



Definitely Google the numbers. Even though they are unpublished, you might be surprised what you'd find.

ThreeDGirlie Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 10:01pm
post #29 of 131

Change your number. Period. You have to stop playing his game or trying to play detective when there is something so simple that you can do to try to stop this.

I know it's a hassle, but if this guy has bad intentions, that could be the thing that keeps you and YOUR KIDS safe. Stop playing his game.

If he can find you AFTER you change your number, you know you have real reason to worry , and showing the police that this guy foind a way to cntact you once you changeed your number and had it unlisted will show them that he's serious.

Kitagrl Posted 16 Sep 2008 , 10:01pm
post #30 of 131

The toenail thing is pretty disturbing. Any chance he can be a neighbor? The fact he's called within minutes of you coming or going makes me think he is a neighbor or someone nearby. Yuck.

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