Dh Or Maybe Not So 'd' H....

Decorating By tperks Updated 8 Sep 2008 , 2:26am by cakesbycathy

tperks Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 1:33am
post #1 of 17

Does anyone have a DH that is your worst critic? I swear my husband doesn't know how to say kind things about my cakes. He's always finding something wrong with them or they are just 'fine'. Today I thought I did a really nice job on a BC cake - 3 Tiers. His only comment was.... hmm - not your best work. I almost cried! I tried to explain to him that you can't compare it to other fondant cakes I've made. He told me it was nice, but.... not my best work. Grrr. I just want a little kudos sometimes. Is that too much to ask for! He said ..."Don't you want me to be honest?" Maybe I do.... maybe I don't. Sorry for the long vent. I'll try to attach a pic of my 'not best work'.
LL

16 replies
indydebi Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 1:41am
post #2 of 17

Had an ex-husband like that! (Note the word "Ex"). To be fair, though, (and I'll never admit to being fair to my ex again, so mark down this date!) ...... he really REALLY thought he was being helpful. He really REALLY didn't want to be "one of those husbands" who said "Looks fine" or "tastes fine" to whatever I asked him. He thought if he gave some kind of constructive suggestion ... ANY kind of suggestion, then it looked like he was really interested. He thought it looked like he was really helping to improve something.

But when you have to hear it every. single. time. that you ask for just a simple "whatta ya think?" ...... I mean just once, it wouldn have been nice to be told "Wow, that's awesome!" Then once I figured out why he was also giving an improvement-suggestion, then anything he said became just another pet peeve on my "fake-n-phony" low tolerance scale.

After awhile, his opinion just didn't matter at all, because no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough.

(And that's the shortest version of why he's an "ex"! icon_rolleyes.gif )

Current hubby is my best cheerleader (when he's not pi$$ing me off about something stupid!) icon_biggrin.gif

Deb_ Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 1:54am
post #3 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by tperks

Does anyone have a DH that is your worst critic? I swear my husband doesn't know how to say kind things about my cakes. He's always finding something wrong with them or they are just 'fine'. Today I thought I did a really nice job on a BC cake - 3 Tiers. His only comment was.... hmm - not your best work. I almost cried! I tried to explain to him that you can't compare it to other fondant cakes I've made. He told me it was nice, but.... not my best work. Grrr. I just want a little kudos sometimes. Is that too much to ask for! He said ..."Don't you want me to be honest?" Maybe I do.... maybe I don't. Sorry for the long vent. I'll try to attach a pic of my 'not best work'.




I couldn't get the link to work so I didn't see your cake icon_sad.gif
I don't know how long you've been married to DH, but some advice from an old married gal (21 yrs). Next time you guys, you know, "make whoopie" tell him it wasn't his "best work" and than with an innocent look say "don't you want me to be honest?" See how he likes to have his ego deflated icon_lol.gif

On the other hand though, I'm married to a wonderful man that is always complementing me and my work. Sometimes I wonder if he's not being totally honest because he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. So I'm not sure what's worse. icon_confused.gif

JMarieSweets Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 2:04am
post #4 of 17

I have a husband like that. Just once it would be nice to hear how nice something I worked very hard on is. The rest of my family is my cheering squad. Im grateful for my family. So I gave up asking my husbands opinion on anything.

Michelle104 Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 2:06am
post #5 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkelly27


I don't know how long you've been married to DH, but some advice from an old married gal (21 yrs). Next time you guys, you know, "make whoopie" tell him it wasn't his "best work" and than with an innocent look say "don't you want me to be honest?" See how he likes to have his ego deflated his ego is!! icon_lol.gif




I am trying so HARD to stop laughing and every time I get calmed down I get started again!!! That is the best advice that I've heard for a situation like this EVER!!!!! Love it! If ya do it, you gotta tell us how it went!!!! LOL!! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

tperks Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 4:28pm
post #6 of 17

The 'whoppie' advice is the best I've ever heard!! Can't wait to use it!!! Your kind words are very helpful. Thank you - If you didn't get to see the cake on the link - you can go to my pics and see it. It's the teal 3 tier cake with white and teal daisies.

tperks Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 4:29pm
post #7 of 17

The 'whoppie' advice is the best I've ever heard!! Can't wait to use it!!! Your kind words are very helpful. Thank you - If you didn't get to see the cake on the link - you can go to my pics and see it. It's the teal 3 tier cake with white and teal daisies.

AKA_cupcakeshoppe Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 4:29pm
post #8 of 17

I have a mother and father like that LOL one time I decided to make this complicated dish and while eating it my father said this would have been better if you made it for lunch. i was like WTF???? i can't make it for lunch because it takes hours to prepare and besides they don't even have lunch at home. ARGH!!!!!

but my bf is such a sweet guy he tells me I'm good at baking even though I'm not. icon_biggrin.gif

CakesByJen2 Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 5:18pm
post #9 of 17

I know exactly how you feel. A couple of months ago it was my in-law's 50th anniversary. They didn't want a party or anything, but I decided to surprise them with a really nice cake, even though that week was really busy. I was up until 3:00 am finishing that cake, and it was beautiful! Gp orchids and stephanotis, dainty piped embroidery, and fondant ribbons all hand-painted with gold it's in my pics). Meanwhile HE sneaks off and goes to bed at 9:00pm, even though he knows nothing has been packed for the trip! I was so ticked off. Then when I asked him what he thought about the cake, he said "It's okay". Okay?? It's way freakin' better than "okay"! I could have strangled him!

mocakes Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 5:40pm
post #10 of 17

I have to say, in all fairness to our sensitive and tactful husbands....LOL...before I got into decorating cakes, I too, had little to no appreciation for the amount of work and talent that goes into making one.

Before, I would look at one and think...."why would anyone pick a cake like THAT one?"

But now, having done cakes myself....I appreciate the talent and artistry that the decorator put into a cake. Now I think to myself....."wow! That is a tough technique...or...what beautiful work".

It's all about perspective! icon_wink.gif

jenlg Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 5:44pm
post #11 of 17

Sometimes men just don't know when to speak or remain quiet. This is aside from cakes but my ex knew at one point I was trying to lose weight.....I lost 20 lbs and he says to me "are you even losing weight cause your a$$ still looks big?" I could have killed him I was 137 at that point. Geesh!

My fiance now will give pointers on cakes and suggestions to some decorating, which are usually good ones. He hasn't made any wrong comments yet about my cakes. I think I'm my own worst judge on them though.

JessDesserts Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 5:50pm
post #12 of 17

Perceptin IS reality, but, they're not talking about customers/clients/on-lookers, etc. These are their loved ones who should have a pretty good idea how much work goes into their beautiful creations.

I know what it's like to have both;and believe me I prefer my current situation ( who btw thinks both the gold cake and the blue cake with daisys are "gorgeous"- his word).

My bf is sweet as sweet can be. Even if he doesnt like something, he will find ONE thing about it to say something nice about.

Believe me when I tell you this is the polar opposite of what I knew pretty much my whole life.

He was the one who encouraged me to pursue decorating. Granted i'm still in the early stages,but, its so amazing to have my own personal cheerleader. I wouldnt go back for all the BC in the world icon_wink.gif

P.S. I'll never have to use the "whoopie" comment, but can someone please, please, PLEASE tell me the look on his face when you say it?!?!?!?!
And, if things change and I do have to use it, I promise to share as well! icon_razz.gif

mw902 Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 5:55pm
post #13 of 17

Maybe when he said it's not your best he meant to say, the cake looks great but that's not a design I would have picked, or maybe he just didn't like the color? I think some people see 1 thing they don't like and it messes up the whole thing for them, or maybe he really is just blind and can't see the beautiful cake sitting in front of him! LOL!!

Michelle104 Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 8:22pm
post #14 of 17

I forgot to say when I posted that I think your cake is gorgeous! I showed it to DH and he liked it too!! You did do a fabulous job!!! icon_lol.gifthumbs_up.gificon_biggrin.gif

Arriva Posted 7 Sep 2008 , 9:10pm
post #15 of 17

You cake was beautiful. I loved the flowers. DH really liked it too.

tperks Posted 8 Sep 2008 , 2:11am
post #16 of 17

Wow - all of your kind words have really made me feel better. I took the cake to the shower today for my cousin. Everyone there loved it. It made me feel so much better.

cakesbycathy Posted 8 Sep 2008 , 2:26am
post #17 of 17

If he does this everytime you ask his opinion, then stop asking. Take your compliments from those who mean it.
If he asks why you never ask his opinion anymore, just tell him you were tired of him hurting your feelings. Maybe he really does not realize he's been an a$$ and you can point out the error of his ways. Or if he's just being an idiot because that's who he is, then he'll just keep his opinions to himself since you'll have stopped asking for them.

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