Ur patience is tried? I have a 7 year old son who tests my patience day in and day out. I have a hard time every single day when it comes to his homework. I tell him a million times pay attention, do your work etc... He gets out of school at 2:30 and he will start his homework at 3 but by 6 he's still doing the same one piece of homework he started on It is really frustrating. I have no patience at all, I am constantly getting headaches from repeating myself. I don't believe in hitting kids but sometimes I just have no other choice. I'll take all of his toys away, I won't let him play outside, I won't let him play with his puppy. I've thrown his toys away before and last year he had another dog which I gave away because he was getting bad reports in school. What am I going to do?? With the way he's acting he'll never be prepared for when the work starts getting harder and harder. I usually let my husband deal with him but right now he's out of town for 2 weeks and I have to deal with him alone. One time when my DH was not here, It had gotten so bad that I blacked out for like 10 minutes and then I had a panick attack. Everyone says that I need to not get worked up but its easier said than done when u constantly have to say the same things over and over again. I feel like he's old enough to understand what he has to do. School has only been in session for 4 days now and I'm already getting frustrated with him. I feel like a bad mother, because I can't deal with him How many of u has ever felt this way? I'm wondering should I seek professional help for us both!

What is he doing while he is sitting there, supposed to be doing his homework?

Maybe I don't have enough information, but from what I'm assuming, I would tell you to put him in a quiet place, free of distractions, with everything he needs to do his homework. He can get up when he's finished. And then I would leave him alone.

If that didn't work, I would make him a time schedule. This worked for my kids. For example, from 2:15 to 2:30 is time for a snack, etc. At 2:30, he is to be seated with homework out, ready to work. You will stay with him for the first 5 minutes, to give him any guidance. If his work is to take him no longer than say, 30 minutes, schedule him to be finished at 3:00. Then have some really great, fun things scheduled between then and dinner. However, he can't go on to those things if he hasn't finished.

Does he have attention issues? Other problems that need to be addressed?

Does he need to have some relaxation time before he starts?

One of my children had some focus problems, so it took a lot of training for her to learn to get her homework done in a timely manner. But she learned, became a great student, and graduated magna cume laude from college (just missing suma cume laude). There is hope!

Take him to a pediatrician, and ask the pediatrician to have him tested for ADHD, by a child behavioral specialist.

ADHD is not the nightmare that people think it is. More often than not, it is a sign of genius. The problem is that the person with ADHD has difficulty processing the information on the short-term.

I wish they had the information on ADHD then, that they have now, when I went through it with my son 25 years ago. He would be working at NASA today.

Theresa

ziggytarheel...yes he's suppose to be doing homework. Ok, I'll let him eat something before he starts his homework and then he knows he needs to get started but he does other things. I know that he has a problem focusing thats why I'm going to get him tested. I love your ideas of putting him on a schedule and I'm going to start tomorrow when he wakes up for school. I don't want to be a drill seargent but if I continue to let him go on like this then it will hurt him in the long run.

See I can't really give him fun activities to do because by the time he's finished with his homework it is already time for him to get a bath and get into bed. So since school started last week there has been no outside nor tv watching for him. I am going to get rid of the rest of his toys tomorrow and make him earn them back, but I don't want him to just do good enough to earn his toys back and then its back to the same thing.

playingwithsugar...i'm going to take your advice and have him tested for ADHD, I honestly don't see why people make a big deal about it, its not the end of the world. I am glad that you mentioned that because I was thinking about it, I just didn't want to go that far. Thanks you guys for the advice!!!

I'd do the following:

1) Discuss the problem with him. You know that he is not having any fun either, so approach it from a "we need to work this out so we all have good afternoons" perspective.

2) Before this, think realistically about what you are expecting. I have no idea what your requirements are, but be sure they are something he really can do. If you have a trusted friend with a similar-aged child, ask for their expectations.

3) In the discussion with him, find out what he would like to see happen in the afternoons. Homework is not optional, but he might be able to decide whether he'd like to do it before or after snack, or before or after playing a little outside to get some energy out. And you might be surprised at his answers.

4) Talk with his teacher(s) about this. They might have good ideas and might have some good guidelines for what to expect from a child his age. They see DOZENS of kids your son's age and often have a good grip on what is "normal" v. unusual.

5) Sometimes the consequences at school for not having things done will be enough to take care of the problem without your stress and upset and horrible afternoons. If the teacher is willing to issue some that are strong enough, you can even tell him you aren't going to bother him about it any more, but if you find out from the teacher that he isn't doing as he should, there will be consequences at home. I had one student who kept forgetting his book or paper to do homework. I asked his mom to give me about 2 weeks, since I was sure her son was capable of solving the problem, especially since he cared enough about recess to not be happy about missing it (which is what happened if homework wasn't done). I told her she could always crack down again, but that if this worked, they would both be much happier and he would be more independent, which is the goal anyway.

I hope some of this helps. You sound so frustrated, and your child couldn't be much past 1st or 2nd grade, so working this out is important.

He's in 2nd grade now. You know its interesting because when he was in Kindergarten his dad use to pick him up from school while I was at work and he'd let him play first and then do homework later and he never seemed to have that much of a problem with him...but then again he's his dad and he's scared of him. But I always figured that it was work first then fun. Could that be the problem? I am very frustrated and stressed out. I give him 30 minutes to eat his lunch and/or snack before its time for homework. We had this problem with him in Kindergarten but not 1st grade and now. I think alot of times he likes to try me to see how much he can get away with. Its getting to be a bit much for me and I know I have to figure it out since his dad is going to be out of town alot from now on. I have tried counting to 10 before I deal with him but it doesn't work.

Okay, his teacher makes all the students write down their homework assignments every single day...now this is day 4 of school and he's only done it once. Luckily his teacher posts the homework assignments on the school site otherwise he'd be missing his work. I feel that is unacceptable, he needs to do as he is told or his is not going to be ready for 3rd grade let alone the real world. All of his privileges are gone the puppy, the toys, tv, video games, outdoor play...gone! I've sat him down a little while ago and told him the things that I expect from him and the things that will not be tolerated. I've also signed up to be a homeroom parent at his school, so we'll see how it goes!

TexasSugar, what steps are you guys taking to make it easier??

Definitely go get him checked out for ADHD. I feel so bad now, after the fact because you sound like me a year ago. I finally had my daughter tested (she's 11 now) and they diagnosed her and put her on adderall after Christmas last year. It was like a light switch had been turned on. She was so happy and so proud of herself, and happy that I was proud. She went from a C,D,F student to a B student. She passed all her tests to be promoted to the sixth grade! In the past she was always "placed" and I was like how long are the teachers going to keep shuffelling her off to Buffalo? Nobody in my family 'likes' giving their kids meds for this, but I tell you it's made a world of difference for my baby. AND the doctor was telling me that lots of times the kids only 'test' the one they feel safest w/ and that they sooooo want to do good but they just can't focus. I had been making her feel horrible for years by taking things away and I wish I could go back and had helped her sooner. But, I guess better late than never, huh? She was soooo excited to be going back to school this morning. I hope you find the solution like I did

Could some of you who have had your child tested tell me exactly what they do to test them? Kivia's words could've been taken straight from my mouth, the only difference being my son is 12. He just started jr. high last week, but we have been having problems the last couple of years. He won't bring work home, always using the excuse "I forgot it". Whenever we have conferences, the teachers always make me feel like I'm not doing my job at home, you know, like I don't keep up with what he's doing. Last year I told his teacher I was withholding things from him and she had the nerve to tell me I wasn't taking enough away! I would have him tested, even though I'm sure he doesn't have any problems. My main concern is around here, the doctors are too quick to diagnose ADHD and prescribe meds to make the parents feel better. Plus my son's school is notorious for calling parents of ADHD kids to make sure they have had their meds. I struggled in school myself, and I see alot of my problems in him, so I really think that's all it is. We are also having the typical teen age problems, but this seems to be taking over our lives. I just want to get it taken care of before it gets too late to help him.

Whether he has ADD or ADHD or has some degree of a focusing problem or doesn't have any medical problem at all, I really think you have to give him some time to unwind and you have to give him some space. He needs to see his homework as his job. It's very hard for any little boy to sit in school all day. My son, who is in college now, recently looked at a list of ADD symptoms and declared that ALL boys are ADD. That isn't to make light of ADD, it is simply to say that focusing and staying on task is difficult for every boy.

Since he is only 7, I cannot imagine that the teacher gives him hours of homework. I think you should ask the teacher how long his assignments should take a student in her class. That is what I had in mind when I said give him fun things to do when he finishes. The idea being he would then have an incentive to motivate himself and learn how to work efficiently. It would be a good and easy way to see if he could do it himself.

I do know from watching my friends that it is not doing you any good and probably not doing him any good for his homework to be a battle. I'm a big believer in clear rules with clear consequences. That way, it becomes less personal between you and your child. (Can you tell I was a school teacher?) I've seen kids with ADD who were helped tremendously with medication. But I've also seen kids who just needed some extra training in how to focus and complete a task, and kids who were engaged in a power struggle with mom at homework time.

No child, at that age, should have homework that takes that long to complete. I would imagine that it should never take him more than one hour. Talk to his teacher, give him some time to relax and have fun, give him some positive incentives to self-motivate, create an atmosphere conducive for study (maybe even make it seem "special" with some new gadget or something), model a good routine to get him started, and leave him alone as much as possible. Don't treat homework like it is "bad". Don't make it a power struggle. Stay calm and positive. And, talk to your doctor.

Wow..thanks everyone for all the advice. I did talk to him this morning before school. I'm going to try to give him a little unwinding time until 5pm then its time to start homework. I guess I'm continuing the vicious cycle that my mom & grandparents started for me...work first, play later...and they didn't take no crap, I was a straight A student (like they would have it another way). It was alot of pressure on me so I could imaging what I'm doing to him. I feel so terrible, I know that if you all are saying the same thing then you're right. I'm going to take heed to everything you're saying. I can't believe how I've been going about this and I know by now he's intimidated by me and i feel horrible. Hopefully this works...Thanks guys!!!

[/quote]
I also tested my son for ADD .... he never finished his homework and was a little airhead. We frequently talked about how we'd never be able to leave him home alone, like we could his sister. Turns out he didn't have ADD, but had (as mentioned above) a genius IQ level. He didn't want to do the homework because it was boring and too easy. He didn't turn it in because "...John had proved to himself he could do it ... he sees no need to prove it to a teacher."
[/quote]

This sounds like my brother - he didn't turn in homework because he could do it, no need to prove it. He aced his tests so why turn in homework. When he and his best friend started 1st grade, the teacher wanted both of them tested for ADD and it came back negative - they were just active 6 yr old boys. Fast forward several years. My brother joined the Air Force and later started taking college classes. However, every time he started a class, they ended up sending him TDY (temporary tour of duty) somewhere for 3 - 4 months. This man has been working on this bachelor's degree for over 15 years and he is 2 classes away from his degree and starting on his masters. But several months ago, he had really had some problems focusing and other issues - he had himself tested for ADHD and it was postive. He was put on medicine and he says that it has made a world of difference for him. Who knows what he could have done if he had been on medicine previously. And btw, I am very much against unneeded medicine and only take it when absolutely needed but when you need it, take it.

My son did the Ritalin thing - they didn't have adderal then. It was still a nightmare to get him to do homework, because the Ritalin wore off at about 3:30, just as he was getting home from school.

I am given to understand that Adderal works longer, and therefore, is still working when the homework is being done. I wish they would have had it then.

Please do not let your family physician or pediatrician make the diagnosis for you. Have the doc send you to a child behavioral specialist, as I mentioned earlier. You will get a much more thorough diagnosis than you would just by the observation of the PCP or Ped.

Theresa

Especially through the 1980's, but even today, small-minded people consider ADD and ADHD to be a form of mental retardation. It is not, nor ever was considered a retardation by the medical community, only by the jackasses who stand jabber-jaw-ing across back fences.

Fortunately, over the past 10 years, medicine has made many breakthroughs via research, and new medications and treatments are popping up all the time.

Theresa

I think the other posters are on the right track with the ADHD thing, but have you thought about other social issues? What he sounds like he's doing is what I used to do, and I truly believe it was because of social issues. Looking back, I think I was depressed.

oops double post and wasn't finished yet

Oh yeah, my son (almost 14 ys. old now) has C.P. and is MR and HE had more attention span than my daughter! hehehe No really, this is true! He notices everything and NEVER forgets anything; he's my little elephant

I'm going to talk with his teacher after school today. He is nothing like the average child...he doesn't eat meat, well he eats cheeseburgers (only from McDonalds) and he eats the chicken nuggets but you can't say the word "chicken" otherwise he won't eat them. When he was a baby he never picked up anything off the floor and put in his mouth, he never played in the toilet. I asked the doctor if there was something wrong and she said that it wasn't. He was talking and knew his ABC's by 9months and knew how to count to 10 by the time he was a year old and the doctors thought that was a problem So when he was 3 he started school and when I took him for his check up the doctor tried to get him into speech therapy and hearing tests just because he wouldn't talk to her At this particular doctor office my cousin was an assistand and she told the doctor that he is very talkative so there is no need for speech therapy...my cousin later told me that she suggests speech and hearing therapy for all patients...WHAT?! When I heard that, I immediately thought that most of these doctors are just guessing what could be wrong instead of fully investigating. I am ready to face this head on if there is a problem. Should I just try things as suggested like giving him some unwinding time before homework or should I get him tested 1st?? So many questions....

do both........ put in the request for the test... and at home start your routine. my oldest was diagnosed in kindergarten as adhd. and let me tell you it was the hardest thing ever for my dh and i to do because his family is sooo against medicating kids. we have been through a lot of different meds with him because they all seem to work great for about 3 months then one day nothing. we were about to put him on adderall when a new medicine called vyvanse came out. let me tell you i would almost call this the wonder drug. while all the other meds had made a difference this one makes him actually able to function like a normal 11 year old boy.... he is old enough now to let us know how he feels in regards to the meds. we have a set routine and he does great. a lot of times unforntunatly its trial and error when it comes to the meds but when you find the right one man its like you've been drowning and you can finally come up for air...........

Well I just got off the phone with my DH and lets just say it wasn't a great conversation. He feels that there is nothing wrong with my son and that I'm just looking for an excuse to make things easier for myself. Mind you, I'm always the one who helps my son with his homework while by DH is sleeping until 7pm. I'm so frustrated, I told him that when he comes home from his trip that I'm leaving for a vacation alone. When he was younger, they told his mom that he had a learning disability but in reality he couldn't see, he needed glasses and no one bothered to see what was going on with him until it was too late. I feel like the teaching should start at home. I am not going to wait until my son starts school to teach him the basics, reading, writing, math etc...I told him I blame his mom because she was so wrapped up in being his friend than being his mom. She cared about his looks more than about him getting an education. He always had to have the lasted sneakers and clothing but when it came to school work she didn't care. She never asked him about homework, she let him play games all day...its a wonder he graduated high school. We're never going to agree on this subject but its my job as a mom to make sure my child is ok and is ready for life when he gets older. Am I wrong to want to get him tested or do u think I'm using this as an excuse to make this easier for me?? My DH thinks that all doctors are going to diagnose the child with ADD just for the money...how stupid can he be?! I don't believe its just a phase if its been going on for the past few years.

Kivia, this sounds just like my sis's Hubby. He didn't even want his kids to get glasses when they needed them. He said their eyes were just tired! My sister went ahead and got them! Now they are battling over one of the kids possibly having ADD.
The truth is, if your child does have ADD/ADHD, and he gets some form of help, life will be a little easier for you because it will be a lot easier for him. And the doctors don't always catch it or diagnose right away unnecessarily because They didn't catch my daughter's ADHD at first.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Thanks, I'll keep you guys updated...

One thing that might be a big help to you is finding a middle school student or high school student to come over and "tutor" your son on homework. They'd probably be happy to make a few dollars, or if you're on a budget you could check with the private schools and see if they have any students who need service hours (I went to Catholic school and tutored younger kids the whole time to fulfill my service hour requirements). Your son would be more likely to get his work done with a stranger helping him...sounds weird but it works. Two years ago I was tutoring a little girl...she was 7 and in the 1st grade for the second time. Her mom said she could never get her to do any homework...most of the time the mom would end up doing it in the morning before school so her daughter wouldn't get in trouble you'd think the school could tell, but nope... Anyhow, we did different fun things to make homework less boring. For example, when we practiced for the spelling test, she got a bead for each word she spelled right, and when we were done for the day, I gave her an elastic string to put the beads on and make a bracelet, which she wore for the spelling test, to remind her that she did really know all the words. I bought a dry erase board and we wrote stories on it, taking turns writing three words each. If she had done well each day, on Thursday she got to do homework outside...we actually had all the neighbor kids over doing their homework on Thursdays and we called it the Thursday Homework Club. I also downloaded a computer game for her that had a puppy to take care of (she was asthmatic and couldn't have a real one) and she got to play with her puppy on the computer each afternoon after the homework was done, which motivated her to get it done faster. She couldn't read at the beginning of the year and by the end of the year she was reading at a 3rd grade level.

Now, all that being said...I have a 6 year old and I can't get her to do anything. We bought a ton of workbooks to do over the summer and she just refused. My 3 year old will do them and try to read, but the 6 year old won't. As soon as she doesn't understand something, she gets mad and storms off to her room. She also can't count to 20 because she won't say the number 13. Starting next week she will have homework and we'll probably be struggling the way you are. She does fine for other people, it's almost like she's afraid to tell them no. My husband says she's just like him, in terms of attitude and learning ability, and it may just take her a few more years to get it all done than it takes other people. I don't think that's acceptable. We'll probably end up having her tutored at the school in the afternoons...but it's a little early in the year to start planning to have problems.