I am due to have my third baby in 6 weeks. This one is a boy. My oldest is also a boy (4 years old) and there is a 16 month old little girl sandwiched in between.
A couple of my friends at church would like to throw me a shower and invite people from our church to come. Now, my extended family also attend this church with us. We all love it there. My husband and I, although we are not on staff, we are in ministry at our church and EVERYONE knows us and seems to really love us. This event would be open to all the women of the church (a common practice there).
So my friend approached my sister-in-law to see if she wanted to help her plan the shower (just thinking that it would be polite to include her in the planning process) and my SIL replied that she didn't step up to do it herself because she didn't know how some people felt about coming to a shower for me, since this is my third child. She didn't want to "get into all the politics of it all" and she didn't know how people would respond to it.
Now I don't HAVE to have a shower....we are actually calling it a "sprinkle" instead of a shower, since I don't need all the big stuff, instead I am needing diapers, nursing pads, pacifiers, some clothing since my older son was born in another season, etc... I think a "sprinkle" is a cute idea and I am greatful for anything that I might get.
So I am looking for honest opinions about this. How does the general public feel about this subject? I don't want to upset anyone at the church, it's not worth it. But my friends have told me that this is something that they want to do for my family and I, they are going to go ahead with it no matter what, "and if people don't like it then they just don't have to come."
So what do you think?
I agree with your friends. Nobody is forced to give you anything, but believe me I know that by the 3rd you need some new stuff!
I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Personally, I don't why there isn't a shower for every child. JMO. With my oldest son my Mom threw a welcome to the world party, instead of a shower. This is done after the baby is born, that way everyone gets to see the baby as well. I actually preferred this since my son was almost 10 pounds and didn't fit into newborn clothes, so people knew what size to buy. This could be an idea for you, then people will get to meet your new baby, and not feel obligated to bring a gift (even though they still will). Then you can also relax with your baby at home without everyone dropping in to visit. Let us know how it goes, and CONGRATS on your new baby!
I think you need to consider what the custom is in your area and your church. If everyone has showers for all their babies, then that is the custom and people will be happy to be invited.
That is not what happens here in the area where I live. Friends have showers for first babies only. When invites come for showers for 2nd and 3rd kids it seems like it is a gift grab. Of course first shower gift are rather generous here-anywhere from 35 to 75 dollars per guest. Since this is your third and if they have just had a shower for your little girl like 17 months ago, it might be a bit much. You mentioned that you could use more things for a boy, won't your friends send and bring gifts when you have the baby? People always do that here, even after they have given a gift for the shower. But these are really local customs and you should be comfortable with whatever is done for all the other members of your church.
IMHO-"if they don't like it they don't have to come" and "nobody if forcing them to give anything" doesn't ring of the warm fuzzy feeling that should be surrounding such a happy occasion.
I have to agree with funcakes about showers for babies after the first seeming like a "gift grab". If I was invited to a shower for a 2nd or 3rd, I would decline. DH and I were talking about this a few weeks ago, and both seemed to think it was rather greedy to do. That being said, if it's common in your area, then it's up to you. Your sil's reaction would make me think that it isn't common, but I don't know obviously. If it were me, I'd say no. Good friends and family usually buy things for new babies when they visit anyway.
Every child is new and should be celebrated. Having a shower for each child is not uncommon these days. I think it's highly old fashioned NOT to have one. When my friends have showers, I can't wait to buy stuff for them, whether it is their 1st or 10th. Each baby should have something new, that is just for them -- even if it is just small stuff like blankets, bibs and burp cloths.
If people think it's a gift grab they don't have to come. There are others who would love to do something for you and you deserve it. Being pregnant isn't easy. And let's face it, you will need new stuff for the third. Did you know that a carseat has an expiration date? The foam padding can break down, as well as the plastic, due to heat and other conditions. I say, have your sprinkle and celebrate this new blessing!
Thank you all for your opinions.
After talking to my husband about it, I have decided to decline the shower. Since I've heard those comments from my SIL, I am thinking that there is a chance that others may feel the same way and it just isn't worth it. I definitely don't want to cause any problems within my family or my church, not over some diapers and pacifiers....just not worth it.
Thanks for helping me think through this whole mess. Yes, this baby should be celebrated and he deserves a warm welcome into this world w/o any controversy surrounding his birth.
I also agree that people who want to give, will give whether we have a shower or not.
Thanks y'all. Have a great night!
If it's a good friend, we always take gifts anyway! I'm sure you'll get tons of stuff being very involved in your church. The church we went to before we moved here used to do diaper drives for new moms. Everyone would bring a pack of diapers. That I would do for a second or third child. I remember how many diapers we went thru! They would pick a Sunday, and if people wanted, they would bring diapers. May be something to think about! I agree wit hyou though that if sil made the comments, others may too. Good luck with your little one! Both of my sisters are preggers and due 5 weeks apart with their firsts!
i understand the argument that every birth should be celebrated BUT personally, i feel its is extremely tacky to have more than one baby shower. most friends/family will bring a small gift anyways when the baby is born...
If these are all close friends and family on the invite list, then they probably want to do this for you. However, without a shower, they will probably give you gifts anyway.
Personally I don't feel inclined (unless it's for someone I really care about) to attend showers for 2nd, 3rd babies or for 2nd and 3rd weddings (seems silly to ask me to help buy a second set of china after the first marriage went bust). People have multiple babies because they want them and I don't feel obligated to help outfit their nursery every time a coworker chooses to have another child.
I don't think its a big deal. I have three kids and I was thrown a baby shower on my third child. And I certainly would go to a baby shower of someone who was expecting a third child or more for that matter. And other people are right...you will always need "stuff". So I say if they want to come fine, if not, fine to.
Awwww it's a baby sprinkle!!!!!
That is TOO cute!!! It tickles me!
oh, and there's nothing wrong with having a baby shower even if it's your tenth baby....just my opinion, everyone needs some kind of help..
I like the idea of a "sprinkle"
I'm one who tends to think that a baby shower for every child is not needed. However, my former church did the same thing by throwing a small baby shower for each kid and if someone had a problem with it, they just didn't come.
I had a huge baby shower with my first one. I didn't really need much of anything. Then baby #2 and #3 came along. I got rid of almost everything (except the crib) that I could and threw away the rest that was trashed from wear and tear. Then guess what, baby #4 came along (got pregnant while on the pill) My friends threw me a small shower and I'm so glad that they did. I could have never afforded to buy a new car seat and a few other items without their help.
If you feel like a baby shower may be inappropriate how about a few guys get together for a diaper party instead?
I'm about to have my ninth in a couple of weeks.
Went to the attic to get my 'boy' clothes and discovered that I didn't have any. I'd forgotten that I gave them all away when the last child was born ( a girl...20 months ago) because they were so old and dated. I don't have boys that often.
Would I like another shower....nope.
I hated being the center of attention the first and only time which was 17 years ago.
I kind of like the idea of a welcome the the world party. Having to get the house ready for visitors every night who just want to 'see the new little one' can put a stress on the family.
We have turned down being on the list at church for dinners just so we could have some peace right after I get home from the hospital.
Now, my dear friend had a shower for her seventh child but it was a 'casserole shower' and we all brought a frozen meal so she would have a couple of weeks of dinners on hand. Neat idea She said it was a real blessing.
I can see why you turned down the offer. No one needs extra drama when they are a new momma.
I'm glad you made a decision you are comfortable with. At our church, there is a shower for every baby, no matter how many the family has had. The idea is to bless the new little one and to support and encourage the family. And it is pretty common here to have showers for more than the first baby among friends. In general, though, I think the whole idea of a "shower" is different here. They aren't normally fancy parties, just get togethers of people who know and love the bride or the mom and want to be a blessing to her. They are born (ha ha, sorry, couldn't resist) out of a desire by people to do something good. And it is becoming really common to have the shower after the baby is born to try to fill in any gaps the new mom might have in what she needs to get started.
But these things are very culturally sensitive and you need to do what is right for you. Communication is a tricky thing, no matter what the medium.
I have to say, several people approached me wanting to give me a shower for the baby I had 2 1/2 months ago, I told them all no..... when I had the baby my family and friends all came to the hospital or to our home following the birth and I think every one of them had a gift anyway. I told my Mom I think I wrote more thank you cards for this baby that for my first baby with the shower!!! I love going to first child showers, I really do, but i get a bit grumpy going to repeat showers....I already bring a gift to the hospital when i visit the new baby so I feel like I end up spending twice as much on them. I think what irritates me further is that this is the age where everyone finds out the sex of their baby ahead of time, and then decorates totally to the sex of that child, and even picks out gear (like high chairs and car seats) that are gender specific....then when they have their next child and its a different sex then THEY HAVE to have another shower because they need new nursery decor, etc. WHY SHOULD I be the one buying you all new stuff because you gave no thought or regard to if you had more than one baby !!! (edited to say that I am in no way saying that this is the OP's situation just what I have experienced with friends and family)
This is not about whether or not every baby should be celebrated, because absolutely they should!! But I dont necessarily believe that means that we have to throw a shower in order to say that they have been celebrated! Ilike the idea of a meet the baby event after the baby is born, but if it were for me, I think I would put no gifts needed, so people truly felt free to meet the baby even if they couldnt afford a gift, and you know that people still would bring a gift if they really wanted to. (and really how much fun would it be opening a bunch of packages of diapers---no oohing and ahhing there)!
I think that "back in the day", showers were given to help the new couple or the new parents get started. This was also "back in the day" when people were popping out babies one a year or so, and it was expected that the moms would keep all of their baby clothes "just in case".
Then came The Pill and couples had more control over that "just in case" factor. Babies were planned. They were spaced apart.
Today, a shower is more of a social gathering. Dads are now included. As kids are spaced further and further apart, the parents just don't hang on to the clothes and the equipment for 5 years or so. My kids were 7 years apart ... trust me, I had NOTHING by the time the next one came around! Even if those clothes and equipment were still around, chances are I've shared them with sisters and cousins who needed baby things, so they've been around the bend a few times .... 7 years and 4 babies later, they are NOT going to be in great shape.
Especially in your case where your oldest is 4 and your youngest is 16 months and the opposite sex ..... I don't think it would be looked at as a gift-grab. Today's showers are more of a reason to get together at a social level ..... less of a "charity" to help the new mom get started like they were "way back then".
History lesson over .... Old lady signing off now!
Just as I suspected...there is no right answer here.
Just to update you on this situation...
My family and my friend have decided to go ahead w/ the "sprinkle" at the church in a couple of weeks. So far the response has been nothing but positive - wheww!
I appreciate all the opinions given. Now that I am a mom of (almost) 3 kids, I can now understand that not everyone is out for a gift grab. Most people genuinely need a few items for each baby. And yes, my older son's clothes have been loaned out to my nephew, so they've been worn my two kids already. But before I had kids, I totally didn't understand!
Anyway, thanks again.
I have always been of the opinion that a shower for a 3/4/5/etc. baby is not exactly needed. A celebration for the child is of course needed though!
I love the idea of a "sprinkle" or a "welcome to the world party". The last one is actually really neat, though I'm sure it could be a little tiresome for the baby.
Perhaps your party throwers could come up with some way to word the invitations to let the people know that it's not a full blown shower.
I'm glad that a mutual decision has been made.
Like most PP - in my area showers are pretty much for the first child only. However - another good idea that has evolved around here for the 2nd, 3rd, etc births is a "Sip & See".
A few friends can get this together and just provide beverages - which won't encourage the guests to stay as long if you provide food - they can see the baby, leave the gift, have a sip and go home.
I also love the casserole shower idea too.
I think that if your friends want to put on a shower for you then that is a wonderful thing. I idea of calling it a sprinkle is very cute. No one is being forced into giving you a gift and it they want to be upset that is their problem.
With your 3rd baby you do need some new items and diapers are always a need.