yourstrulytx .. Whew! I second that. what planet are you from cakethis?
I just came across your lovely thread and was thinking I was the only person in the world treated as you are. I have three girls, 5, 3 and 1. My two oldest are 17 months apart and I caught alot of comments for that. So many that I delayed having my third until my second was older and now I find myself doing it again. my youngest is 18 mos old and my husband has wanted another child for months but I keep stalling. I got so many comments when I enrolled my oldest in preschool at 3yrs old. Here I was with a 3 year old, an 18 month old and a third on the way. And to top it all off I'm 29 so I'm young and clearly don't know the benefits of birth control! It was horrible when I was pregnant with my first too, my cousin has a child that is black, I am white and note this because I would babysit her all the time when I was pregnant and a mere 24yrs old : ). The child is 10 months older than mine so you can imagine the stares I got at the grocery store, carting around an infant that is not my color and being preggo. And I was huge... I gained 75lbs my first time around so I looked like I was ready to give birth when I was 4 months pregnant. I hated going out in public with caila and it wasn't her fault, she was a beautiful baby girl with the most wonderful smile but we received some horrible comments and stares. Its such a shame... Even now, Iâm getting comments all the time, "well you're done now right?", "You're not trying for a boy, are you?" When we found out we were having a third girl, I got condolences... seriously? Youâre saying how sorry you are for me because I'm having a healthy baby girl? Iâm thankful for everything I have. I have a friend that tried 14 yrs just to have one beautiful little girl when she was 40yrs old and my brother and SIL have trouble conceiving, my MIL knowing full well that this is the case, conveniently forgets every time she sees them and says âso when is the next one coming, arenât you trying hard enough?â and they have two so far? I actually had to have my hubby talk to his mother the last time she brought it up, itâs just rude. It comes from all points of view I suppose. And to think my husband wants 6 kids, I canât imagine what will happen if that day ever comes?!? My plan in life is to have kids til Iâm done, that may be 4 it might be 8, who knows, for now I have 3 and Iâm happy so Iâm not thinking so far ahead, I just wish people would allow us to make our own decisions without making us feel guilty either way!

Well I didn't want to be the only one to say it, so I'm glad you did yourstrulytx. I second everything you said! Everything written by cakethis was contradictory, ignorant, and offensive. Choosing to have kids, or not, is up to each individual person. Telling someone they have an excessive amount of kids is absurd.

And really, we should stop reproducing? Where is this Orphans 'R' Us, where you can so easily adopt a child? I was under the impression it was almost impossible to adopt a child in this country.

Definition of selfish, since you don't seem to be familiar with the term:

selfâishâ â[sel-fish] Show IPA Pronunciation
âadjective
1.  devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2.  characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

I think we all can pass over the post made by cakethis (which was their first post mind you) with the thought that it is coming from a young and inexperienced (in the realm of children and in some cases life in general) person. Anyone who has kids knows that even the best behaved children mis-behave. They get over-tired.. they don't posess the cognitive abilities to process things the way an adult does... they are ego-centric (and that is okay... and even appropriate for their age). Anyone who has kids knows this... and those who don't? Well, they just have no idea. I don't fault you (cakethis) for living in your dream world where you and your sibling were perfectly behaved at all times... you don't have kids and you just can't understand at this point in your life. But to say that all kids who have a bad day must have been abused in some way... that is a bit outrageous. I'd be willing to bet money that your momma would read your post and have herself a good laugh at some of your well thought out points.

I don't fault you for not wanting to have kids... I didn't want them when I was younger either. Couldn't see the draw... stretch marks... sleepless nights... not being able to do what I wanted to do... but that changed for me. It may not change for you, and that's perfectly fine. I would never judge a person for not having kids if they truely didn't want them. I do however find it laughable that one who has no experience having kids is somehow an expert on child development. Stick to topics you have a real clue about. You are young and arrogant... but that is appropriate too for your age. Someday you will look back at this time in your life and laugh about how you thought you had it all figured out... when you really had no clue. We all do.

To the OP.. don't let anyone get you down. I had my first at 24... I looked about 17... I got looks all the time. If I caught a look I'd say "Hi... my name is Jeanne. I'm 24 and have been married for 2 years. What about you?"... usually stopped anything in its tracks. I'm 32... and have 2 kiddos and am working on my 3rd. This is the third round of IVF and it's been a LOOOONG road. My motto is... Be kinder than necessary, For everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly... and the rest will fall into
place.

The best thing that ever happened to me regarding a stranger and me being a young (looking) mom was this... I was in line at the deli... my dd was an infant and I breastfed her. She was in the sling breastfeeding.. you couldn't tell what she was doing unless you were REALLY looking as I covered her well. Well this older man came over to me and tapped my shoulder... I thought oh god... he's going to give me the "you should be in the bathroom" schpeal. Well he looks me in the eye and tells me that he is proud of me for doing what my baby needed and that it warmed his heart to see the younger generation being in tuned with their babies. It took everything I had to not cry happy tears. He went on to tell me about how he and his wife went against the grain back in the day and his wife breastfed when they about forced the bottle on mothers and how they practiced attachment parenting.

I don't care what you do in your home so long as your child(ren) is loved and cared for... be that sleeping with you and breastfeeding or sleeping in their crib and happily drinking a bottle of formula (or any combination of that). Have one child or have more... it's up to you what you can handle not the rest of the world.

I babysat just like you, from the age of 11, babysitting for infants up to kids age 12 (when I was older of course). Babysitting is NOTHING like being a parent.. nothing at all. Take it from someone who's been on both sides of the coin... even if you do it on a regular basis... babsitting is the GED to your highschool diploma (actual parenting)... to put it in your terms.

Some people don't like kids.. that's okay. But to not understand their behavior on a real level and try to speak about it to those who have the hands on experience makes it easy to see through the fact that you really don't understand what it means to have children. I am not trying to be rude at all and I think you know that. Just trying to put the facts out there. I am by no means an expert on child development, but having some basic psychology under my belt along with reading many child behavior books as well as having two of my own I feel that I know what it means to be a parent and the trials and joys it entails. Moreso than someone who babysat when they were younger anyway. Believe me.. I know where you are coming from. Like I said before... I used to feel just like you did. That there was nothing positive about having kids. Something inside of me changed when I was in my mid 20's though. That may never change for you and that's okay. It's better you don't have kids if you loathe them that much. It wouldn't be a good situation for you. I will go out on a limb here and say that I was 17 when I got pregnant the first time. I was young and scared and wanted NOTHING to do with being a parent. I took myself to planned parenthood and had an abortion. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I know it was the right decision for me. I would have been a horrible parent at that tiem in my life. I could hardly take care of myself. I do think there are people out there who shouldn't have kids. I also think that if you are on state assistance you shouldn't have MORE kids. Our welfare system is broken and it needs to be fixed. I was on assistance for a year and 1/2 after I left my first husband and was going to school full time. It was a JOKE. When I tried to go to work part time they took away almost all of my services including the health insurance for my kids. I was trying to help myself and the system made it impossible. BUT... if I had another kid I would have recieved more. I was single... going to nursing school... trying to make ends meet and I was punished for working. Come on... where's the justice right? I know a little off topic, but this is so you know where I am coming from.

I don't think the solution to the problem is to stop reproducing... it's deeper than that.

This is getting to be a big ramble so I'm going to stop here. I don't want you to feel attacked, and I'm sure some of your comments will get you jumped on. I can see them for what they are, but many aren't going to take it so nicely when they see your comparing their kids to tattoos and cigarrettes.

I just wanted to add that just like your parents did with you... my kids know that when I say stop it, don't touch, be quiet that I mean business and I have no problem turning around walking out of store or playground if they feel like making scene. Once we walked into the grocery store and they decided it would be a good time to have a moment so I put the cart away (I hadn't even started shopping yet) and we went home. Even with that being said they are their own little people and they can and most certainly will push the boundaries. That's what kids do... it's how they learn what's acceptable and what isn't. No one ever behaves as they know they should all of the time.