I had my first child right before I turned 22, and my second right before I turned 23. They have different fathers because the first was the product of date rape and the second was because I almost got married (but was smart enough to run away before I did). I never got any dirty looks, because every girl in the town I lived in was an unwed mother in her late teens or early 20's (I think there was something in the water ) so it wasn't a big deal.

I moved back to Denver a few years ago, and now I get dirty looks all the time, just because everyone here waits until they're 30-something to have kids.

And I just married a man 15 years older than me (he's 40 and I'm 25), and people always ask him if he likes hanging out with his daughter and her kids... Um... WTF?!?! He doesn't LOOK that old!

And yeah, we're trying to have kids now because he's never been married or had kids before me.

My my, won't they have interesting news to flap their jaws about soon?


People are stupid.

I can relate to everyone's post on here. My youngest brother was born when I was 17 so people always thought he was mine and not my brother... I did get married at 18 and had my oldest daughter at 19. My son was born 3 years later and then my youngest daughter surprised us 8 years later.

My oldest daughter got all kinds of nasty looks when she took her little sister places, they are 10 years apart but my oldest looks older for her age so half the people in town think they are mother/daughter not sisters.

I know I was a better mom when I was younger because I had the energy to do everything with my older 2 kids. My youngest is spoiled. Some days I'm just too busy and tired to fight about the little things.Who cares if the house is messy, I'd much rather the kids be healthy and happy!

I didn't read through all the posts yet but i have to say this... it goes all sorts of ways! I had my son at 19yo. and when people asked me when i was going to give him a brother/sister/playmate/friend etc... and i told them i'm NOT i got so much crap! i only wanted 1! that was MY family plan! not anyone elses! Mine and my (then) dhs'!! So please just remember that everyone has their OWN opinion of what they think is right and of course you know what opinions are! So who cares what those Biz's think/say! If you can lovingly/financially take care of your babies in a healthy loving envionment then who cares!!!

CONGRATS on your soon to be new addition!

Absolutely each couple's business. No kids, 1, 2, or many-- as long as you can take care of them financially and emotionally, totally your business.

My mother was a stay at home mom until I was about 12 and my sister was 6. She loves kids. She told me one time that of course she would love grandchildren, but not unless I or my sister wanted children. She is a strong believer that only those who really want children should have them, and that they should have only as many as they want. We each have one, and they are 5 months apart. They think they are siblings who happen to have different parents. We vacation together (my parents, both daughters, both sons-in-law, and the kids) and love it.

Also, my thought on it being "selfish" to have only one:

if you have only one, you have make sure the child learns to share and not be too focused on him/herself. you have to make sure you don't focus TOO much on him/her and make him/her the center of everything. (This is really hard when he is the only grandchild and great grandchild on one side of the family and one of two on the other side, but that's another issue.) If you have more than one, you have to make sure that you treat them as individuals and that they get enough one-on-one time with each parent and that you can support them all. No matter the number, there is always something to pay attention to.

And I am a teacher. I am in total agreement with my mom and many others that ONLY those who REALLY want them should have children.

Now I have to go to sleep because I'll be up at 5 a.m. to start school for my 19th year of teaching--- and my son's first day of kindergarten.

I have 4 that are spaced out about 2 years apart from each other and if we hadn't of gotten fixed we would have had more . I started when I was 20, just like I planned and I wanted a big family. I come from a family of 6 and can't handle quiet and organized. Anyways, I never had the time to stop and notice what others thought or how they look at me, at the stores I only worry about having my ducks in a row and that they are behaving properly and making sure they're right behind me. Anyone that doesn't like it can suck on a lemon for all I care. I know that when my husband and I retire, we'll still be young enough to really enjoy it and go on a bunch of cruises
Those people who speak their opinion are already letting you know that they are not the kind of people that you even need to take the time to think twice about. They automatically look for ugliness in the world, not the beauty of a mom with her little brood of chicks .

I have the same problem I am 25 and have two young boys. I did get pregnant at 17 on accident but I did not take the route of what some young teens do when they get pregnant and since then I have had looks from everyone. when I was pregnant and at church I remember people looking at me like i was there for help cause I was pregnant.. when I have been there for ever cause I wanted to be there.. I go to the doctors, school activities, team parent for his soccer team, etc.. and I get looks from people like I am some helpless child.. I look younger then I am when not wearing make up and just in comfy clothes for grocery shopping and soccer practice.. so maybe that gives the impression that I am like 20 or so but still. I have a house my own car a stable loving relationship, and the ability to stay home with my kids because we have enough money to allow that.. but I know people may look at me like I am a welfare having family.. (nothing against people in that situation) but because I am young does not mean I can not handle my responsibilities.. I just think it is rude of people to look at you. not knowing anything about your life. I have gotten so many compliments from people after they are around my kids and see that they have manners are kind and eat healthy. I can take my 7 year old to a buffet with lots of junk on it and he will go for the shrimp and veggies and shushi type things and not even look twice at the fries and cakes he like fruit and jello for dessert items.. Its just funny when I see looks like that cause I will watch that person or see the cars they get into and from my opinion my car is nicer and more taken care of and my grocery cart is fuller of meal food and not a lot of pre-ready dinners and frozen things.. I just don't understand why we young mothers are bashed and considered unfit..

I am just like all other moms I put my kids way before all my needs. they get the DS and the splashtown trips and expensive shoes and clothes.. I dont understand the looks or the things people say...

I guess I must be a real slut! I have 4 kids(3 by the time I was 21)... 3 different fathers. I hate filling out their school papers(with 3 different last names), when people don't know the real story. I had my first young. I was 16. My 2 girls are from my first husband, who was killed in a car accident right before my youngest daughter turned 2. I have since gotten remarried to a wonderful man, and we have a son together. He has raised all of my kids like they were his own for the last 13 years, and is the only father they remember. Their ages are 20, 16, 15, and 5. I am 36 and I have gotten all the stares and comments before. I was always the youngest mom, when my older kids were in school, now with my youngest, not so much. My kids always behaved better than all the kids from 30-something parents that they went to school with. My kids' teachers always told me that they could tell I really worked with my kids. They always knew their letters/numbers, etc. well before starting kindergarten, and they were always the most respectful kids in their class. So... people need to quit judging those they have no knowledge about. Just because people don't make the same choices they made, doesn't mean they are wrong.

Amanda Im so with you! I got pregnant at 17 with my 1st daughter, complete accident and it was with a guy id know for years, he totally ditched me afterwards, no big deal i met my hubby when my DD was 2 mths old and hes the only dad shes ever known. We got married when i was 19 and i had my 2nd baby, 2 kids at 19 ! I sometimes get looks but i couldnt care less, my childeren are well behaved, healthy, happy, and spoiled rotten, ppl can look at me and judge but what do they know, my husband makes damn good money, i stay home with my girls, i drive a nice vehicle, and we just bought a brand new house, i may only be 21 but ppl can kiss my tush, my family is awesome, and i wouldnt trade my life or any of the events that have gotten me here. I like to refer to me as a "teen pregnancy success story"

Ive gotten looks but the one time anyone said anything, it was this totally trashy 20 something year old girl who worked for my mom. My family lives comfortably, but i dont go around with this "better than you" attitude, but if someone starts to give me that attitude, i dont have any problem putting them in their place. The girl had never met me and she asked "are those both your kids?" um yes "OMG how old are you" at the time i was 20 and then"oh wow"(in a tone of feeling sorry for my kids or something) To which i then say "and since youre taking a survey im also married to a man who makes great money, i drive a brand new vehicle, and i just bought my first home." so then comes the blank stare and the fumbling for the right words, yeah i put that trashy B**** in her place, i cant stand when ppl look down on others they dont even know. Sorry this got long, it seems no matter the situation when it comes to our kids we can all relate and all have a story to tell

Wouldnât you know it just happened again!
I went to McDonalds with all 3 of my boys and my niece, so there I am 4 kids and pregnant. The kids had been very well behaved so I was rewarding them with ice cream cones. There we all sit eating our ice cream, and granted we were a little loud but they are 6,5,3 & 2 years old, its gonna get a little loud with all those kids. They werenât being bad they were laughing and telling jokes.
Just one table away sat to women, one of the women said under her breath, but loud enough for me to still hear " oh my god, look she's pregnant", the other one replied "are you serious, like she really needs another kid!â
Before I could say anything though an older women sitting behind us leaned over and said loud enough for the women to hear " wow you are wonder women, it fills my heart to see such large loving families, don't listen to anyone who wants to criticize you, keep up the good work, your children are beautiful", she then smiled at the rude women and sat down.
I have never had a stranger stick up for me like that; it made me feel so good. I thanked her for her kind words (I wanted to hug her, but I thought that might be weird) and ignored the stares from the other women the rest of the time we were there.

yourstrulytx-
I'm happy someone stuck up for you. I guess there are still nice people in the world. I know it gets frustrating, but try not to let the idiots get to you. You are a lot nicer than I would have been. People just need to keep their noses out of other people's business.

okay, I was 24 when my first daughter was born so it isn't my age that makes people say rude things just the shear number of children. I am pregnant (due in four weeks) with my ninth baby. We are letting God plan our family size.

I shut my rude brother in law down at the annual family reunion...I either show up with one in the oven or a new model just born...

"You'd think you guys would have figured out what causes that by now" said smarty pants pointing at my big belly.

Me with big innocent eyes, " No, do you want to draw me a diagram?"
Not nice but it is what came out of my mouth at the time.

Usually I just say..."Wow, that was a rude, personal or unkind remark" what ever suits the situation. I always tell my kids just because some one asks a question does not demand that you answer it if it makes you uncomfortable.
That goes for grocery clerks, nosy neighbors or friends on the playground.

sorry that you have to deal with these people.
Don't you wish social graces were taught in school?

mommachris

i think its great when people have great big families, i only have 2 girls and i dont intend to have anymore, but i admire the ppl who have many childeren. yourstruly im glad someone took up for you, it sounds like someone appreciates big families. My mom had 5 kids and my husband is one of nine, i think thats wonderful, if you can care for your kids, then its nobodys buisness but yours as to how many childeren you have. Two's my limit but to those of you who have more than two, and even nine childeren you're tryuly amazing people, youre incredibly strong and you must have a ton of patience, I think its great!

must be something in this summer air....I just got offended at my regular grocery store.

She was a new clerk and I only had my youngest four with me but I guess she felt the need to suggest I sign up for WIC (women, infants and children..a welfare program that provides money so babies and toddlers get milk, cereal etc.)

She didn't know me!
Guess she was just trying to be helpful but I found it to be a 'smack' at me for having so many little guys. She assumed I needed assistance.

I have never used a government program to provide for my children. God has always taken care of us and my husband works as a corrections officer..in california they make big bucks.

I guess since I have so many, I couldn't possibly be able to feed them.

Don't know why I was the one who blushed.
I forgot to bring my snappy come-backs with me today.

count me in as one who has been judged.

mommachris

My father is french creole and my mamma is west indies/native amer. decent. When I married my jewish husband our child was the same shade as my late granmamma (my father's white mother)--which shocked my husband.

Fast forward to 2 days after my son was born.

Every week that he's on this planet--almost 2 years now-- I either get asked:

You are a great babysitter. Who's his mother?

Is he yours?

Is he adopted?

You both have similar featurs but why is he not the same color as you?

People can be really rude and ignorant.

I got married when I was 21 and had my daughter when I was 22 then my son 5 years after that.

When I tell people that most of them look at me like they feel sorry for me! I chose to get married and I really wanted to have a baby when I did so there's no point in feeling sorry for me.

I actually feel sorry for them because they are always complaining that they've slept with so many people and still haven't found the right person!

I would just ignore them. I love your responses though!!

Dont give people another thought, most comments of this nature are given out of ignorance. And if you remember that, it sort of takes the bite right out of them. I always try to tell myself, "oh how sad, they are too ignorant to know better"...

people will judge no matter what, its really human nature unfortunately. I was given quite a bit of grief over choosing not to breastfeed my child, not that I couldnt do it, I chose NOT TO.... I am the poster child for a selfish mom (because knowing myself I would never have been able to do it out in public or even in front of my parents, so I refused to be a prisioner in my own home)... but truly it was NO ONE'S business! I refuse to let my son run the show, so if he starts throwing a fit when we are out and about, we leave, with him kicking and screaming if necessary because I will not reward bad behavior by giving in and giving him this or that, yet you should SEE the looks I get from people on the rare occassion i have had to do that (but it has worked my son asks for NOTHING when we are out and about now).

If I saw a young mom with quite a few kids, I would think to myself, I feel sorry for that mom, because having kids young was not right for ME.... I watched things that my sister missed out on by having my niece at age 19...so for me, I wanted to get out and do some traveling, spend some time in the career world etc... just totally being selfish, it was my ME years. I was 26 when my son was born, and am 29 now and have a 2 month old also. That said, you can certainly feel sorry for me (and moms like me) being one of the OLDER moms at your kiddo's graduations! (or at the exhaustion on our faces) LOL My point is this, just in the same way being a younger mother was not what I wanted, you dont want to be an older mother.... neither is right or wrong.... you just have to do what is right for YOU and ignore the people who just dont get it!

I sure get less judgemental the older I get. Some of the remarks aren't meant to be rude, they are just annoying, especially because you have heard them umpteen times before. Or the person thinks they are making smalltalk, without cluing in that they are treading on personal and possibly painful ground.

I have three boys. I keep getting asked if we are going to have another or are we done. Often I just reply, "I should probably discuss that with DH first." What has me stumped is when they say, "Are you done" and I say undecided, and they give me a knowing look and state (not ask) "You're going to try for a girl." Umm, no, not really. I have never said that I wanted a girl. So I either say "well, I already have all the boy stuff" or else "but I LIKE my boys". If we have another, I pretty much just want a healthy kid and a singleton (hats off to you moms of twins and triplets!!!). Who cares if it is a boy or a girl? Except, I guess, I would have a hard time thinking of another good boy name.

I didn't get pregnant until just about our 3rd anniversary, and we had planned to have kids right away. I got a lot of comments about why we didn't have kids (and I got one about denying DH a child as well). Since I find the subject of my fertility to be intensely personal and private, I didn't tell anyone that we were trying, but those comments sure were hurtful.

I have an uncle (old rough and tough bachelor), and I don't think a person in our family has had a child (especially a second or later child) without him asking them, "haven't you figured out what causes that?". It's just the thing he says, and there is no point getting worked up about it.

Obviously, my comments only apply to the benign but annoying comments mentioned here, not to the outright rude ones.

This is where you politely askwhen you get asked something stupid, or someone is sticking thier nose in. Excuse me what are you doing right now? When they answer tell them good, I suggest you get back to it, and keep your nose out of my business then.

Mike

Urgh... I hate rude and ignorant people.

I just joined this forum today. And this was the first post I saw so had to respond. I'm 25 (26 on the 18th!) and am pregnant with........ Baby...... Number..... SIX!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, for some reason, I don't get any comments other than the usual "you must be mad" comments that most large families seem to recieve. I normally start most conversations which I know are going to turn towards my family with;

"Yes, they are all my Hubby's. Yes, we do have a TV, yes, they were all planned and yes, we do know what causes it - it's the second bottle of merlot!"

That seems to shut most people up!

Best wishes,

Sarah-Jean

Consider this, at least you're not 50 and having kids. I had older parents growing up and it made me vow that I was going to be a young mother. Sure, it might suck that you get a few looks from some ignorant fools, but at least you have the strength and energy to play with your children. I grew up with this: "Mom, can we go to the park?" "No sweetie, Mom's too tired." or "Dad, can't I stay later?" "No, it's starting to get dark out, we have to get home." Or try practically living in a hospital because your father has had another heart attack, or another bypass surgery. Not fun. Not the right environment for a child to grow up in. Be thankful that you're going to have A LOT of time with your kids. I'm 25 and my parents are probably never going to meet any children that I may have.

Here's a suggestion, get some Mormon friends! NO OFFENSE INTENDED!!!!!! One of my best friends is Mormon and her parents had seven kids. And yes, they started quite early. I think the mother's first child was conceived on her wedding night! My friend is 19 or 20, she's been married for about 6 months and her mother is concerned that she's not pregnant yet. Kinda funny really.

Don't fret. When your kids are teenagers, they'll be popular at school for having the "hot mom"!

I would not consider it to be slutty as long as you are married.
I have a co-worker who has four children from different men. But non of these men are even willing to marry her. That's the kid I just cannot understand. WHY ?????????

WOW I can not believe the stories that you guys are telling! I can't imagine some of the stupid people in thie world. OP- if the bank teller were to ask me that I would have asked to see the manager, then I would have called corporate. That is just so shocking I can't even imagine!

I only have one and I was 28 when he was born. I don't know what I would have done if I had heard people say the horrible things you guys have heard. I think I would have gone to jail for smacking the crap out of someone! I would have just blamed it on hormones. My ds will be 3 in a couple of months. He is and as far as I know will always be an only child, just like myself and I think I turned out just fine. I have people ask all the time when I'll have more but it honestly doesn't bother me. No one has ever said anything about him being lonely or me being selfish.

The comment about having your hands full(because you have more than one) please take that as a compliment I've heard someone say that to woman and I heard it as a compliment. Maybe some people hear it so much that it's annoying but really, I struggle with one, so when I see a mother with 3 or more I think sometimes I stare because I'm trying to figure out how the he!! she manages to get everyone fed, cleaned dressed and out of the house in the morning without going crazy. I know I couldn't do it.

to all you women! Mothers or not. It ain't for everybody!


ps- the only thing that really annoyed me when I was pregnant was people that were so inclined to walk up to me and rub my belly like I was a budda. WTH is that about? Try doing that to a woman who isn't pregnant and see how graciously they react to it.

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. My oldest daughter was born 3 weeks after my 19th birthday and I would get dirty looks and people asking me if I was old enough to have a baby. Well I obviously was, I was pregnant wasn't I! I'm 30 now and with this last pregnancy, which was my 5th child, I got really stupid comments. I'm 4'11 and tiny so I look really young. People would ask me if I started having kids at 12. I would tell them "no, I was 9" . Sadly my 5th child, Sonny, didn't make it and the people in the hospital would tell me "did you really want 5 kids, 4 is more than enough, you should get your tubes tied". Are you KIDDING me? I just lost my baby and those are your sympathetic words? I guess because I have 4 kids, losing him shouldn't have been a big deal? Some people are just SOOOOOO stupid and obviously don't think before they speak.

Just tell them you're going for 18 like that family on TV... you know, the Duggars.. if you didn't start young, you wouldn't stand a chance of catching up!

nickshalfpint, I am so sorry for your loss, one of my best friends has lost 2 babies and I am always amazed at the comments she gets. I think because people dont know what to say, they force something and it almost always comes out wrong. At least i hope that is the reason....

I had twin boys at 19 (11 months into marriage!) and another 3 years later. Three was all I could handle. My hats off to those who want big families and can afford them, because it sure isn't for everyone. I could not have a bunch of kids and remain sane.

I may catch some flak for this, but I kind of think all the feminism/women's lib stuff has given society an attitude against motherhood. Our values sure have shifted.

My son in law happens to be black (I tend to forget, but it matters to this story). He has been on SSI for several years because he had kidney problems, went on dialysis, and then had a transplant 1 1/2 years ago.

When their 3rd was born, they had so much criticism from people, including people at their own church it was unreal! After the baby was born, a lady walked up to SIL at church and told him they had no business having another baby!!! (The whole young black guy sponging off the govt stereotype--he didn't look sick, and he wasn't working.....he must just be lazy!!!).

I was FURIOUS!! I told them it's a good thing I wasn't there, I would have looked the lady square in the eye and said, "I'm so sorry we offended you, we'll take him right home and kill him." (Just to be outrageous--it hurts me to even type that!!) Then I would have been calling her (at least) 2-3 times a week in the middle of the night, and ask her if it is okay with her if we have sex.

Another time, DD was in the grocery store with all 3 and they were a little bit wild (which means being normal, healthy children) and a total stranger walks up to her and says, "I certainly hope you aren't planning on having any more"!!!!! I told her she should have said you had better hope I do, because my next one might find the cure for whatever disease you have that is the reason for your extreme rudeness! (DD said, "Yeah, RIGHT, Mom, like I could remember that!" I told her I'd get her a Tshirt that had SHUT UP printed on it!).

Their 4th was miscarried, it was probably their lowest point ever. They had been so upset to find out she was pregnant, there they were, scraping by on 700 a month SSI, living with us. But they got to a place of acceptance and were even excited about it. Then she went to the dr for her first checkup, and when they did the sonogram even DD knew right away that the baby was dead, it had been dead about 6 weeks. She never even hinted at a miscarriage--had to have a D & C. They didn't tell hardly ANYONE because of people's attitudes, and so they had very little emotional support.The whole thing was so awful. There were just OCEANS of tears cried by all of us!!!

But a month ago they had #5 (or what most people think is #4). The dr said this was all she needed to have since all were c-sections, so she had her tubes tied, which was a very emotional thing for me, for some reason.

DH and I have 2, we really wanted more, but I couldn't deal with the throwing up. (Mine, not the baby's) So when ours were a little older, we began keeping foster babies and got our "fix" that way. Sometimes I do wish we had more--to help take care of us in our old age, LOL!!!

God bless anyone who has a large family, and God bless those who don't! We are all unique and special and that is what makes the world so interesting. Maybe some day we will (as a society) move past this to more important issues???

Wow...I could have wrote the exact same thing!

I am 26, with three young children...I have a 5 year old, 4 year old and 16 month old. I look VERY young (most people guess between 17-19), so I get looks and comments all the time.

I have heard older ladies mumble "Poor thing, a child with children", or "Her life is ruined now".....it pisses me off! My life is not ruined or over, my gosh...my kids are my LIFE!

You should see peoples faces when I say they were all planned....or better yet, when I say I want another 1 or 2!

I had to jump in here because this annoys me so much. I am 24, I do not have children but throughout college I babysat for a family who had me take their 3 year old to preschool and out shopping (we live in a somewhat city like area and these things are all near by). So, I would take the dear little girl who I grew to love very much, out for lunch after school, to the library, wherever. In a very upscale department store one afternoon, I had a bundle of clothing, totaling over $500, and asked a sales girl for assistance (my little tot was in her carriage with my bag on it and I assumed with all of these clothes I would get help), well the woman IGNORED me, I mean looked at me, looked at my finger (to see if I had a wedding ring on), looked at the little girl, and walked away. I knew exactly why, so I went to another person who did the same thing. I was so furious that they would not help me that I took the pile of clothes dumped them by the register and walked out of the store in tears. I took the little girl home and explained to her mom what happened when we were out, she was so upset for me but was not surprised.
It really ticks me off that people have such nerve. How dare anyone not serve another person because they have a child with them and they look young or WORSE, say something. I am so sorry for all of the women here who this has happened to. We live in a crazy world, we accept somethings and not others, and people think freedom of speech means they can say whatever they want whenever they want to. I wish I was quick with words to have a come back when people say these things, I just walk away and cry in my car.