I Guess Since I'm Young And Have 3 Kids Then I'm A ....

Lounge By CakeMommyTX Updated 29 Oct 2008 , 6:01pm by FromScratch

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 2:25pm
post #1 of 126

slut?

Did I miss the memo where this was made a social rule? icon_confused.gif
Yes I am 26 years old, yes I have 3 children and I'm about to pop with my 4th, but come on people whatâs so wrong with that?

Iâm so sick and tired of getting the evil eye from "soccer moms" everywhere I go. Little do they know I am a freaking soccer mom myself! Ok so maybe not soccer but Lil' League and Basketball, but whatâs the difference?

I went to the dr yesterday, and the lady walking in front of me with her teenage daughter looks behind her and then says to the daughter " you see thatâs what happens when you have sex with boys!"
No sh$t really, I thought I got this way by using public toilets! icon_twisted.gif

I had a lady at the bank ask me if all my children had the same father!
She was serious too, she looked me in the face and asked me that, I was too shocked to tell her "you know I'm not really sure, but I do have in narrowed down to at least 5 different men" icon_razz.gif

I'm not exaggerating, I get dirty looks and women rolling their eyes at me, or just looking plain shocked when they see my pushing the grocery cart with 3 kids and a huge tummy.
I know I look young, but does that really make me any less fit to be a mother of four?
I chose to have children at a young age . I chose to have my children close together.
I chose to stay at home with them and raise them. I chose to do without designer purses and shoes so my children can have nice clothes and museum memberships.
But none of that matters because I am young?

My husband and I are raising are children to be respectful, have morals, know right from wrong, be kind to others, take responsibility for their actions, and its not easy, but we are busting our butt to do our best.
And yet every time I leave the house I have to contend with stares from other women who think they are better because they were in their 30's before they had children.

My children are what define me; I am a mother, thatâs what I do.

Sorry for the rant, the straw that broke the camels back was a lady that told me âhavenât you ever heard of Planned Parenthood, they help girls in your situation?âicon_eek.gif
My situation? You mean married and in a loving and supportive relationship, with a very close family, in which my best friend is my mother and where all my children are loved and cherished and wanted!!!
I guess thatâs is a pretty bad situation to be in?

Don't get me wrong I don't get dirty looks and comments from everyone , but I do get them every single time I go out, regardless where I go, and its just getting old. icon_mad.gif

I think I am going to get the kids shirts made up that say " have you seen my daddy?" At least then the stares will be warranted!

125 replies
susanmm23 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 2:51pm
post #2 of 126

i am 26 with 3 kids too!!!!! granted 2 of them are my step kids but they call me mom and live with my husband and i.

are any of your kids in school yet? i just love the looks and stares i get at school. my oldest is in 6th grade going to the same school as i did.......his teachers have been some of my friends moms who later tell me they called their sons or daughters to ask if i was preg in high school.

like it matters.......but i so know where you are coming from and it sucks that people are soooooooo judgmental.

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 2:57pm
post #3 of 126

Geez, people are so ignorant! I'm 22 and I have 2 kids myself. I get the same stares. Fortunately, for them, no one has dared ever ask me anything as rude as if my boys have the same father. And if someone ever made a rude comment like that woman, she'd be getting an earful, let me tell you. icon_evil.gif

If I am correct, it was the social norm not that long ago for women to marry, and have kids, at a young age. My grandma had two kids when she was my age and had her 4th well before her 30th birthday. I love that I've started my family so young. Leaves me time to have that fifth kid I want! I also have the energy to keep up with my 2 little terrors and the metabolism to be back in my size 2 jeans a week after I give birth. Being a young mom rocks!

Ignore those ignorant people. You know you're not a slut. Anyone with half a brain can see you're not. And congrats on your 4th child! I might be in your shoes myself when I'm 26. icon_biggrin.gif

ccr03 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 3:16pm
post #4 of 126

yourstrulytx a few things....

1. You have MUCH more patience than I could ever have!! I seriously came THISCLOSE to decking this girl for saying "take care of your darn kids" when my 2-year-old nephew ran in front of me at the pizza buffet. If anyone had ever said anything like that to me, all h*ll would break loose - and I do NOT even use that word!

2. I must say that I totally envy you. My ultimate goal in life is not to be a successful cake decorator, but rather a successful mom.

3. My advice? Next time someone stares at you or says something to you, DON'T stay quiet! If anyone EVER says that planned parenthood crap to you tell then, "Yes, well perhaps your mother should have gone there. At least their would be one less ignorant person in this world." And turn around with kids in tow w/o turning back.
If someone ever says that 'sex with boys' comment, or something like that, don't be afraid to say "No, this is what happens when you love your husband. Maybe you try that with your own - if you have one."

Sorry this is long but, yeah, this upsets me because my sister has five kids - also all close in age - and we know that there are times when people think the same things you just said and worse. Little do they know that she's been married for 11 years, college-educated and running her own business. Rude and mean people suck!

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 4:15pm
post #5 of 126

I'm 29 amd I have a 6 year old and one who's turning 3 next week. Maybe I look older but no one's ever given me the attitude. I do remember the nurses in the NICU when I had my oldest being surprised that I didn't have other children already. I know everyone thought I was pregnant when I got married at 18.

I've had a couple of people say weird things, but I think it's just a matter of what they grew up around. I had one guy ask me if I knew who the dad was, when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I had a neighbor ask me not too long ago if both my kids have the same dad...but that's more understandable because my older daughter is very tall and curvy for her age, and has medium golden brown skin and hair so dark it's almost black, and my younger daughter is really small for her age, such a pale pink that she practically glows in the dark, and has light brown hair. Basically, my oldest looks like my husband and my younger one has my coloring.

The bank asked me before if my kids had the same dad...it was when I was adding them and getting their member numbers so that I could open accounts for them...they just needed both parents' names.

The other reason you might be getting looks from people is they're jealous of your fertility...it sounds really strange, but when you try to get pregnant for a long time and it just doesn't happen, you start looking at other people who have kids and wondering why they get to have kids and you don't, or why it's so easy for them. I know this from personal experience. We tried for four years before we had our first and it messes with your head after a while.

Start giving the attitude back to the women who give it to you. Have you noticed it's always women who are so mean to each other? Anyhow, when they say you're too young to have that many kids, or something that implies that, just laugh and say that you've always taken excellent care of your skin and you're lucky enough to look young (implying that they look old icon_biggrin.gif ). Or go further than that if you're comfortable with it...for the woman who suggested planned parenthood, I would have said, "Well, they don't have a pill for stupid, so I guess they can't help you." When my neighbor asked if my kids had the same dad, I said, "All the other guys I did that month were black, so yeah, Derrick has to be the dad." and watched her mouth drop open. She quit trying to con me into babysitting for her after that, an added bonus.

People can only make you feel bad if you let them...enjoy your family and don't let people get to you.

MamaBerry Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 4:54pm
post #6 of 126

I was pregnant with my one and only and people called me fat...to my face. Funny, I thought it best that the mom to be isn't stick thin. I'm sorry that I've gained the normal amount of weight. I'm not into having a bulimic pregancy. icon_mad.gif

Oh and if you really want people to keep giving you a hard time bout being pregnnt and even after you give birth, mention that you plan on breastfeeding.

Holy crap! You'd think I'd just farted in public with the looks I got---mostly from women. thumbsdown.gif Isn't it a shame? icon_surprised.gif

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:03pm
post #7 of 126

Don't get me started on breastfeeding. I had one women tell me it was "gross and unnatural" icon_surprised.gif
It is the most natural thing, how does she think women fed their children before formula? icon_confused.gif
I had another lady tell me it was wrong to breast feed boys?

littleredtonya Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:04pm
post #8 of 126

Don't worry about stupid people like that. I know it must bother you because it would me. My best friend is 26 and has four children 7, 4, 18mos., 9 months. She also is married. Ive teased her about it but deep down i wish i could have more. But i do get to watch hers alot.

I commend you for being such a wonderful mother and many happy more babies if you want them.

Tonya

foxymomma521 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:06pm
post #9 of 126

I know just how you feel... I was preggo with my 1st at 20, not married, and it was awful how people treated me... My son's pediatician actually asked me if he had clothes, and if I had a drivers liscense?! icon_confused.gif We had 3 by the time I was 25, I'm 26 now... (we've been married 3 years andwe have since changed pediatricians! icon_rolleyes.gif ) Anyway, I'm glad I'm a young mom. My closest friend and I each have 3 kids, and we look forward to the day when we are 39 with our oldest graduating high school! I know it must be hard, but when most others are having a hard time keeping up, we still have our youth to help us recover. thumbs_up.gif

indydebi Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:17pm
post #10 of 126

My oldest daugher was almost 15 when my youngest daughter was born. She got the same dirty looks from people who thought her sister was her duaghter! She quickly taught the baby to call her "Sissy".

I was with my 2 girls when a cashier at a grocery asked, "Do we have 3 generations here today?" And I said very sweetly, "no....they're both mine!" (smile sweet, bat eyelashes, stare her down). She blushed and apologized all over herself!

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:19pm
post #11 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by yourstrulytx

Don't get me started on breastfeeding. I had one women tell me it was "gross and unnatural" icon_surprised.gif
It is the most natural thing, how does she think women fed their children before formula? icon_confused.gif
I had another lady tell me it was wrong to breast feed boys?




What's funny is that if you don't breastfeed, you get the negative attention too...I heard that I was a bad mom, that I was lazy, that I wasn't a real woman, that I was selfish...all because I wasn't breastfeeding, which I had wanted really badly to do, but I just never made any milk.

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 5:33pm
post #12 of 126

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one, but sorry that other's have been treated rudely as well.
I just don't get why people have to be rude?
Oh well, it will all come back to bite them when I'm a young sexy grandma !

Texas_Rose: I know, your damned if you do and damned if you don't.
My sister could'nt breast feed because of
anti-seizure meds she was on and she caught all kinds of grief from her friends.
There was nothing she could do, she had to take the meds.

BREN28 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 6:06pm
post #13 of 126

when your in your 40's you'll start getting comments like"i cant believe your kids are that age, you look really good!"and you just say "thank you very much!" i was in my 20's also when i got married and had two kids. i dont remember ever getting any rude comments,but im sure there were probably some behind my back that were made. my husband and i had alot of family support on both sides so i felt really lucky! now that my boys are in college, i know my husband and i raised them well,with alot of love and support.anybody who meets them will rave about how well manered or good looking or polite or helpful or hard working they are. we are so proud of them both. its sad that people have to make rude comments that can be hurtful,but some people are just that way.

Aliwis000 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 6:16pm
post #14 of 126

Now I am not a big feminist or anything. I believe in live and let live for the most part and am really lucky to have grown up around women who are self sufficent and great mothers!

What gets me is that there is almost a set timeline I feel girls these days have to go through, its like you go to high school, get through college, become that big time professional person but you better be married with kids by 30. Somehow you have to make this work because if you choose to be a mom young then you get looks and if you choose to wait till later in life (as many of my female family members did) you get looks of 'why havent you settled down yet?'

Its really pretty strange if you ask me, how am I supposed to start a job, devote myself to that, find a husband, get married and start having kids, all within 4 years or so. I cannot imagine doing that lol.

Congrats on following your heart, you know what is right for you and you are doing it!

michellenj Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 6:48pm
post #15 of 126

Don't you just love how once you are pregnant everyone feels like it's okay to comment on your physique? I'm 5'3" and petite, but when I get pregnant, I get HUGE. Like a #75 weight gain, without even trying. And my coworkers would tell me how huge my azz was, or how I looked like I was going to pop (when I had 2 months to go), and things like that.

Once, an old man came up to me, grabbed my stomach with both hands and said "I am so glad you decided not to have an abortion." icon_confused.gif What the???? Of course, I wasn't wearing my wedding rings b/c my fat sausage fingers were to big at that point, so I'm guessing he thought I was an unwed mother. Who knows?

mbelgard Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 6:57pm
post #16 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

I know just how you feel... I was preggo with my 1st at 20, not married, and it was awful how people treated me...




Some of the relatives on my mom's side of the family made some pretty interesting comments when I got pregnant at 19. The one who upset me the most was one of my mom's cousins who my dad said was REALLY loose in high school, yet she made a few remarks in front of me. icon_mad.gif

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 7:06pm
post #17 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

I know just how you feel... I was preggo with my 1st at 20, not married, and it was awful how people treated me...



Some of the relatives on my mom's side of the family made some pretty interesting comments when I got pregnant at 19. The one who upset me the most was one of my mom's cousins who my dad said was REALLY loose in high school, yet she made a few remarks in front of me. icon_mad.gif




I got pregnant with my first when I was 19 and unmarried too! My now DH and I had just gotten engaged a month before we found out. My aunt, who had a pregnancy scare when she was 17 (and unmarried, I might add), was the first one to start with the derogatory comments. Isn't it annoying how some people conveniently forget their slutty pasts? icon_mad.gif I love how people like to put unwed parents down, like a marriage license somehow makes you a better parent. icon_confused.gif

mbelgard Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 7:33pm
post #18 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by amia1024

Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

Quote:
Originally Posted by foxymomma521

I know just how you feel... I was preggo with my 1st at 20, not married, and it was awful how people treated me...



Some of the relatives on my mom's side of the family made some pretty interesting comments when I got pregnant at 19. The one who upset me the most was one of my mom's cousins who my dad said was REALLY loose in high school, yet she made a few remarks in front of me. icon_mad.gif



I got pregnant with my first when I was 19 and unmarried too! My now DH and I had just gotten engaged a month before we found out. My aunt, who had a pregnancy scare when she was 17 (and unmarried, I might add), was the first one to start with the derogatory comments. Isn't it annoying how some people conveniently forget their slutty pasts? icon_mad.gif I love how people like to put unwed parents down, like a marriage license somehow makes you a better parent. icon_confused.gif





My parents weren't much better, it didn't bother them that I got pregnant while unmarried but that I wasn't about to jump into marriage because I was did. My mom got pregnant at 17 but that was okay because she married my father before my brother was born. icon_confused.gif Holding their marriage up as how it would all work out wasn't the best tactic to take with me either, I have yet to figure out why my mother never left.

We did eventually marry but our son was 1 week away from his second birthday when we did.

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:10pm
post #19 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by mbelgard

My parents weren't much better, it didn't bother them that I got pregnant while unmarried but that I wasn't about to jump into marriage because I was did. My mom got pregnant at 17 but that was okay because she married my father before my brother was born. icon_confused.gif Holding their marriage up as how it would all work out wasn't the best tactic to take with me either, I have yet to figure out why my mother never left.

We did eventually marry but our son was 1 week away from his second birthday when we did.




My grandparents were that way. We have two children now, ages 2 and 6 mos, and we didn't get married until last month. We waited until we were ready, financially and emotionally. Our sons have two loving parents, always have, always will. Our being married has nothing to do with that. There are tons of married parents out there who don't love their children half as much as some single parents. Like I said, marriage doesn't make you a parent. And I, for one, am very happy to hear that yourstrulytx is 26 with almost 4 kids! That is my goal, and you are my hero right now! thumbs_up.gif

MamaBerry Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:18pm
post #20 of 126

I'm constantly given a hard time for deciding to not have another child. People tell me I'm selfish and that my child is lonely as an only child.

Instead of getting pissy I say one of two things. Are you ready?

1. How do you know about being an only child, are you one? (The answer is always no.) I am and I can tell you I am fine and so will my son. Besides, my husband teaches 300+ child a week. I think my son having 300+ friends is not so bad for any kid. Don't you think?

or

2. You're absolutely right. As soon as I'm ovulating again I will work on getting pregnant but I swear, once I have kid no.# 14 I'm DONE!

That shuts people up.

Keep your head up and know that many people have no class/tact and see if you can use humor to defuse the situation.

P.S. The breastfeeding issue:
I'm still nursing and my son is determined to not ween (that's a whole different story) and I have peopel ask me or tell me not to nurse him in public. Keep in mind I don't "whip it out" for all to see. Some tell me it's gross and I promptly tell them, "if that is so, then please stop eatign your lunch in front of me. It's simply UNNATURAL." lol

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:26pm
post #21 of 126

With me, especially with my husband's relatives, it's not when are we having another child, it's when are we going to have a boy?

The answer is...never. The doctor said it was too dangerous for me to attempt another pregnancy, and encouraged me to get my tubes tied. Since I want to stick around for the kids I have already, I took his advice.

Besides, I didn't know you could special-order a boy...what if we ended up with 20 girls and still had no boy?

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:30pm
post #22 of 126

As an only child, I can safely say that your child will survive. I love being an only child! I'm the only one I know who could amuse herself for HOURS as a child, whereas most other kids needed a playmate. I also love being the center of attention and having my mom to myself (my dad too, when he was alive). I also matured at a much faster rate than my peers. Being an only child isn't the hindrance some people assume it to be.

MamaBerry Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:35pm
post #23 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by amia1024

As an only child, I can safely say that your child will survive. I love being an only child! I'm the only one I know who could amuse herself for HOURS as a child, whereas most other kids needed a playmate. I also love being the center of attention and having my mom to myself (my dad too, when he was alive). I also matured at a much faster rate than my peers. Being an only child isn't the hindrance some people assume it to be.




We should start a club! icon_biggrin.gif

koolaidstains Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:35pm
post #24 of 126

I never got any looks, but my husband does! I'm white and my husband is asian. My husband is 35 and could easily pass for 25 or younger. People at work hear he has 4 kids and their jaws drop! I on the other hand probably look older than I am or at least when I was younger I did LOL. I can't even imagine what people think when we're together! My husband still gets carded when he's on his own, but NEVER when we're together. I don't remember the last time I got carded. I'm 33. It's all in people's perceptions.

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:40pm
post #25 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBerry

Quote:
Originally Posted by amia1024

As an only child, I can safely say that your child will survive. I love being an only child! I'm the only one I know who could amuse herself for HOURS as a child, whereas most other kids needed a playmate. I also love being the center of attention and having my mom to myself (my dad too, when he was alive). I also matured at a much faster rate than my peers. Being an only child isn't the hindrance some people assume it to be.



We should start a club! icon_biggrin.gif




We should!!! The I-Survived-Being-An-Only-Child-No-Thanks-To-My-Selfish-Parents Club! Hmm maybe that's a bit long? icon_eek.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

cakesbycathy Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:41pm
post #26 of 126

Any time someone makes any kind of comment I would just look at them and say
Gosh, don't you just love it when people mind their own business?'

Bet that shuts them up.

CakesByJen2 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 8:57pm
post #27 of 126

I can't believe the audacity of some people! To ask someone if their kids had the same father??

My sister was young (22) when she had her daughter, but she looked at least 5 years younger than she really was, and she said the nurses at the hospital treated her like dirt, and assumed she was an unwed teen-age mother (not that anyone deserves to be treated badly).

My kids are 7 years apart, and I have had many people ask me if the second one was an accident. It's none of their business and it surprises me that anyone would actually ask that, but it doesn't really bother me. I just tell them, "No, actually the first one was the accident and she put our finances in such a mess we had to wait a long time before we could afford the second one!"

What did bother me is when I was pregnant with #2 several people said that implied they though I was really old to be having a baby. I was only 35, which was a typical age for women to have a FIRST child where I used to live, but here some people are grandparents by then!

Then there's the time someone though my husband was my son's grandfather, not father, LOL! He is 7 years older than me, and looks even older, so that was understandable, but we never let him live it down, LOL!

Amia Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 9:01pm
post #28 of 126

That happened to my aunt too, CakesbyJen. I pick up my cousins from school every day, so the first time my aunt picked them up, the director asked if she was their grandmother! I guess the director thought I was their mother. icon_lol.gif My aunt was not amused -- she's only 47 and doesn't look it.

foxymomma521 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 9:56pm
post #29 of 126

Ugh, I can relate to the hospital thing... you would have thought I delivered at 2 different hospitals for the change in attitude!

mbelgard Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 9:58pm
post #30 of 126
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

With me, especially with my husband's relatives, it's not when are we having another child, it's when are we going to have a boy?

The answer is...never. The doctor said it was too dangerous for me to attempt another pregnancy, and encouraged me to get my tubes tied. Since I want to stick around for the kids I have already, I took his advice.

Besides, I didn't know you could special-order a boy...what if we ended up with 20 girls and still had no boy?





My family gets worked up over girls instead of boys.

My grandma got mad at me when she found out we were done with two boys. I was told that I had to have a girl before I could quit. She shut up when I asked how many boys I had to pop out before I could give up the quest.

My husband never would have let me try for a girl anyway, he said two kids were plenty and he really wanted boys in the first place.

I grew up in a large family (seven kids) and I never wanted that for myself.

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