Assaulted And The Cops Do Nothing......

Lounge By Sunflower08 Updated 19 Aug 2008 , 1:47am by seasonsmoke

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 2:55pm
post #1 of 27

Ok So what does it really take for the police to do something over abuse. I was assaulted Saturday by my ex husband, I have evidence (bruises, scrap, broken glasses, and even his hat in my car) But his story doesn't match mine. He told the cops he didn't touch me. So the cops say there is nothing to do... Am I going to have to be in casket before they do anything to him!!

26 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:21pm
post #2 of 27

There are a lot of good cops in the world, but there are also a lot of lazy ones. It sounds like the ones that you dealt with fall into the second category. I think you should call the police station and ask to speak to the sergeant. The police should be willing to make a report based on your word about what happened, and they should have photographed your injuries as evidence. Most criminals won't admit that they've committed a crime, so refusing to do anything because your ex says he didn't touch you is dangerously stupid on the cops' part. If you do get them to make a report of the assault, you may have to go to the DA's office and press charges yourself...I was assaulted before by a coworker and I had to do that.

I think you need to get a restraining order against your ex. (I've never had to do that, so I don't know how it's done...maybe someone else knows the procedure for it?) I also think you should go to your doctor so that there's a record of your injuries. And I think you should buy a can of pepper spray and be ready to use it the next time your ex shows up....get the 20 percent gel with dye in it.

Amia Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:28pm
post #3 of 27

That can't be right. You need to file an assault report. They have to take your report, even if they don't have to arrest him. File one EVERY TIME he comes near you! Go the the ER EVERY TIME he touches you so that it is documented. Look into a restraining order. Even if he lies to the cops, the fact that you have an RO against him means they have to take your word over his. Well that's the way it works here, anyway. You can call the police dept any time and request to file a report. They should send an officer to you right away.

I know here, in San Antonio, they prefer coming to you rather than you going down to the station. They practically looked at me like a moron when I went downtown to file my harassment report (I had to go b/c I had tons of evidence I needed to give them -- like a written threat complete with picture of the person threatening me -- and the sheriffs in my jurisdiction are a$$holes and I know they wouldn't have taken it). Anyway, cops can be so worthless sometimes.

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:31pm
post #4 of 27

Thank you.. Yes I think I got the lazy ones. They took a report but told me I couldn't press any charges when it happened. They told me to call the prosecutor. Which I have calls into. But they told me it's still his word againist mine. It's not fair I get hurt and he gets to stand there and get away with it. The cops even told me oh you can call so so for abused women. That's good they can admit I was abused but won't do anything to the abuser!

Texas_Rose Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:40pm
post #5 of 27

Okay, if they told you to call the prosecutor, then they did their part. The only other thing they should have done was have photos taken of your injuries. The prosecutor will take your case number and information and tell you what can be done. I bet they can tell you too how to get a restraining order.


Amia...it's not really that all the sheriffs are a$$holes, they're just seriously understaffed and underpaid. Although my FIL retired from the sheriff's dept and he is a big old a$$hole and my MIL was a deputy too...they were disappointed that DH didn't follow in the family tradition, but he actually makes more doing private security than he would working for the county. That's kind of sad...

Sunflower08 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:42pm
post #6 of 27

Thank you Texas Rose.. This is actually the second report I have on him. He tried to run me and my daughter over in a parking lot and they couldn't do anything then either.

Amia Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:43pm
post #7 of 27

Definitely get a restraining order. In TX, that eliminates the he said/she said crap. Whoever filed the RO first is the one they have to believe. So even if he tried to file one against you later, they'd still have to take your word over his. Maybe make an appt with your doctor so that you can have all your injuries documented. Take pictures (dated and timed) of all bruises. Start building up evidence. There is no reason he should be allowed to hurt you.

Amia Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:46pm
post #8 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Okay, if they told you to call the prosecutor, then they did their part. The only other thing they should have done was have photos taken of your injuries. The prosecutor will take your case number and information and tell you what can be done. I bet they can tell you too how to get a restraining order.


Amia...it's not really that all the sheriffs are a$$holes, they're just seriously understaffed and underpaid. Although my FIL retired from the sheriff's dept and he is a big old a$$hole and my MIL was a deputy too...they were disappointed that DH didn't follow in the family tradition, but he actually makes more doing private security than he would working for the county. That's kind of sad...




Oh no, the sheriffs are a$$holes. I had one get in my face, while I was holding my 4 month old son, and he told me if I ever called the police again he would arrest me. He also told me that a threat wasn't a threat unless it was someone saying they were going to put their hands on me (which, under his own definition, he then threatened me). Another one harassed my mom when she had a car accident. She came up over a hill and rear ended another car. The couple driving was OBVIOUSLY drunk. They couldn't stand, let alone walk, but that sheriff's deputy was too busy cussing at my mom to notice. That's not understaffed. That's being an asshole. And the prosecutor here doesn't do jack. I was told to call too and then when I did they said they didn't serve the public.

Texas_Rose Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:56pm
post #9 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by amia1024



Oh no, the sheriffs are a$$holes. I had one get in my face, while I was holding my 4 month old son, and he told me if I ever called the police again he would arrest me. He also told me that a threat wasn't a threat unless it was someone saying they were going to put their hands on me (which, under his own definition, he then threatened me). Another one harassed my mom when she had a car accident. She came up over a hill and rear ended another car. The couple driving was OBVIOUSLY drunk. They couldn't stand, let alone walk, but that sheriff's deputy was too busy cussing at my mom to notice. That's not understaffed. That's being an asshole. And the prosecutor here doesn't do jack. I was told to call too and then when I did they said they didn't serve the public.




When I was assaulted, I had to go downtown to the municipal court building (where traffic tickets get paid) and go upstairs and talk to a prosecutor. I don't know if that's the same place that you called.

I've had problems with SAPD...they wouldn't return our calls about our identity theft problems, even when we had tracked down the names and license plate number of the people who had done it (and they didn't just do it to us, they were caught with 200+ identities). I also got threatened by a neighbor to the point where I had to call the police...the officer came out and lectured me on behaving like an adult and getting along with people. He wouldn't make a report or give me a case number. Then he went to talk to the neighbor I'd had the problem with. Right after he left, the neighbor came down and kicked the crap out of my door until I opened my curtains and showed him my gun and then he keyed my car.

Amia Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:07pm
post #10 of 27

I don't live in the city limits, so I, unfortunately, have to deal with Bexar Co. Sheriff's. They suck. I haven't encountered one that knows how to be nice. My friend got pulled over by one and he refused to give his name and then he changed his story 3x as to why he pulled her over. It was raining and she veered a little around a corner and I think that's why he pulled he over, but since I was VERY pregnant and her car was empty of any "evidence" he had to make up a story so he could still give her a ticket. We went to court and fought it. She won. I filed a complaint against the one who came to my house and threatened to "grab" me and "throw" me into his car (I wasn't even the one involved in the dispute) or to arrest me if he was ever called to my house again. The officer that took my complaint was appalled at his behavior. The officer was pissed because it was a domestic dispute and it wasn't something he deemed important. I haven't really dealt with SAPD, so I can't say if they're better or worse. That's why I went downtown, where the jail is, and filed my report. The detective there was nice and actually took me seriously (my complaint looked a bit foolish since it was an online stalker thing, but a threat is a threat and I had proof -- the BCS would have laughed at me I'm sure). The BCS is a sore point with me haha.

As for the prosecutor, I have no idea who I called. I called the number the detective gave me and was referred to someone else, who referred me to someone else and on and on it went.

Honeydukes Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 8:45pm
post #11 of 27

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Contact your local women's shelter immediately. They will have the information you need and people you can talk to.

indydebi Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 9:18pm
post #12 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeydukes

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Contact your local women's shelter immediately. They will have the information you need and people you can talk to.




Great suggestion. These folks have figured out how the system works and how to deal with "those kind" of cops who aren't doing their job.

Many of my in-laws are in law enforcement .... I can't imagine any of them talking to an abuse victim like that!

Sunflower08 Posted 5 Aug 2008 , 1:08pm
post #13 of 27

I finally got to talk to the prosecutor and she says according to the police report that my ex husband claims I caused my own injuries. they won't do anything for me. how is it that I'm the one that calls 911 as I'm getting attacked and now they are blaming me...

snowshoe1 Posted 5 Aug 2008 , 3:41pm
post #14 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower08

I finally got to talk to the prosecutor and she says according to the police report that my ex husband claims I caused my own injuries. they won't do anything for me. how is it that I'm the one that calls 911 as I'm getting attacked and now they are blaming me...




Please, please don't stop there. Do as some others wrote and get yourself to a local women's support group. They may not be able to help get him arrested, but at least they can give you some good advice on protecting yourself, support groups, restraining orders, etc... So sorry you have to deal with this - I can't even imagine the fear and anger you must feel.

KKC Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 3:47am
post #15 of 27

I'm not trying to make light or put ideas in ur head of the situation but has it ever occurred to u to fight back...I know most people won't agree with me but I come from a family with a bunch of strong women and one fight we all fight....

I grew up watching my uncle abuse his girlfriends until one of them fought him back like she was a man...he never touched her again. I know violence is not the answer and all that but some times it works. If the police won't do anything to help u then u need to do something to help urself the next time he decides to put his hands on u...

Here in Florida we have gun laws that allows us to shoot first and ask questions later ONLY if we feel our lives are in danger...do u have the law where u are located?? If so u need to strap up for ur safety...

Texas_Rose Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 4:39am
post #16 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia



Here in Florida we have gun laws that allows us to shoot first and ask questions later ONLY if we feel our lives are in danger...do u have the law where u are located?? If so u need to strap up for ur safety...




You would have to get a concealed carry permit for your gun. I looked it up and here's the info about training and other requirements: http://www.ohioccw.org/content/view/3979/101/#training The gun shops always have lists of instructors and places that do the classes.

I'll say one thing though, don't buy a gun unless you would actually shoot someone to defend yourself. You can't assume that just showing them the gun would be enough to make them go away, and if you had it and didn't use it, it could be taken from you and used on you by your attacker.

Guns are a lot louder than the movies. They also stink and make fire and clouds of dust when you fire them, plus the casing comes out hot and just goes wherever...so practicing with a gun isn't very pleasant. Some firing ranges are scary places too. Before you buy a gun for yourself it might be a good idea to go to a firing range with someone you know who owns a gun, just to see what's involved and if you could really imagine doing it. Having said that, I'll tell you that I do own a gun and have learned how to use it. It's definitely not my favorite thing in the world to do but I go and shoot now and then.

I think pepper spray or a taser http://www.taser.com/PRODUCTS/CONSUMERS/Pages/C2.aspx would probably work as well for you, because you could defend yourself without killing your ex (because with the police reports already it sounds like the cops there are taking his side, if you shot him it would be hard to prove that it was necessary).

KKC Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 6:19am
post #17 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia



Here in Florida we have gun laws that allows us to shoot first and ask questions later ONLY if we feel our lives are in danger...do u have the law where u are located?? If so u need to strap up for ur safety...



You would have to get a concealed carry permit for your gun. I looked it up and here's the info about training and other requirements: http://www.ohioccw.org/content/view/3979/101/#training The gun shops always have lists of instructors and places that do the classes.

I'll say one thing though, don't buy a gun unless you would actually shoot someone to defend yourself. You can't assume that just showing them the gun would be enough to make them go away, and if you had it and didn't use it, it could be taken from you and used on you by your attacker.

Guns are a lot louder than the movies. They also stink and make fire and clouds of dust when you fire them, plus the casing comes out hot and just goes wherever...so practicing with a gun isn't very pleasant. Some firing ranges are scary places too. Before you buy a gun for yourself it might be a good idea to go to a firing range with someone you know who owns a gun, just to see what's involved and if you could really imagine doing it. Having said that, I'll tell you that I do own a gun and have learned how to use it. It's definitely not my favorite thing in the world to do but I go and shoot now and then.

I think pepper spray or a taser http://www.taser.com/PRODUCTS/CONSUMERS/Pages/C2.aspx would probably work as well for you, because you could defend yourself without killing your ex (because with the police reports already it sounds like the cops there are taking his side, if you shot him it would be hard to prove that it was necessary).


I actually went to a shooting range with my grandfather before I got married because he wanted me to be able to use one when I get one...I've been to several gun shows and took some classes and got the permit along with my husband...we just haven't went to buy a gun yet.

I agree with u about the pepper spray and taser (although my DH says he won't buy me one because of the fact that I won't hesitate to use the taser on him but I will think twice about the gun)...I have about 10 relatives in law enforcement on my mother's side of the family so when we have gatherings one of them talk to us about protecting ourselves. He tells us about the laws and what we need to know because u have some people who don't know what their rights are. He also teaches self defense classes (karate, tae kwon doe)....

I feel so bad for op no one deserves that kind of treatment, U have to find some kind of way to stop him from hurting you...

Sunflower08 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 11:54am
post #18 of 27

I wouldn't feel comfortable having a gun around my daughter. Yes it would be safety for me but I would just be uncomfortable with it. I am going to look into the pepper spray.

From now on he now has to pick our daughter up from the police station lobby and bring her back there as well. There are camera's everywhere there so it won't be his word againist mine any more. I've even went as far as I'm not speaking to him I'm tired of the verbal abuse from him. If he has something to say I'm letting him talk to my voice mail that way it's recorded and I have it as evidence.

Thank you all for your support of me. I never thought I would be in a situation such as this...

CakeMommyTX Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 1:32pm
post #19 of 27

I wouldnât suggest physically fighting back (unless it was absolutely necessary) but legally yes!
If you cause him injury then you will be subject to criminal charges as well, not the best situation with a child.
Domestic disputes are tricky and hard to work through because it is a bunch of he said/she said and most of the time very little hard evidence.
Even if there are scratches and bruises the other party can always claim self defense.
Talk to a womenâs shelter/ support group, that is what they are there for and that is their specialty. Also keep anything that could be used as evidence against him, pictures of injuries , letters, Emails, voicemails, anything that is threatening. I would even go as far as getting written statement of character from friends and family for both of you . Don't give up and don't let him get away with it.

KKC Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 7:03pm
post #20 of 27

I know u wouldn't feel safe with a gun and I think u are going about it the right way. I'm just saying that if he gets physical with u are u going to just let him abuse u. The verbal abuse is different of course if he's just calling u names and such then there is no reason to get physical but don't just stand there and let him beat the crap out of u. That's just wrong on so many levels. I don't like violence but if I have to protect myself then by all means necessary his @$$ will be grass....I'm so sorry you are going thru this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'll keep u and ur daughter in my prayers. God bless you and good luck!!

Sunflower08 Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 7:06pm
post #21 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia

I know u wouldn't feel safe with a gun and I think u are going about it the right way. I'm just saying that if he gets physical with u are u going to just let him abuse u. The verbal abuse is different of course if he's just calling u names and such then there is no reason to get physical but don't just stand there and let him beat the crap out of u. That's just wrong on so many levels. I don't like violence but if I have to protect myself then by all means necessary his @$$ will be grass....I'm so sorry you are going thru this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'll keep u and ur daughter in my prayers. God bless you and good luck!!


Thank you very much.. The only reason I didn't fight back when it happened was because my daughter was in my arms and he was over top of me... But I promise he trys it again and he's gonna have problems having children again...

KKC Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 12:14am
post #22 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower08

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia

I know u wouldn't feel safe with a gun and I think u are going about it the right way. I'm just saying that if he gets physical with u are u going to just let him abuse u. The verbal abuse is different of course if he's just calling u names and such then there is no reason to get physical but don't just stand there and let him beat the crap out of u. That's just wrong on so many levels. I don't like violence but if I have to protect myself then by all means necessary his @$$ will be grass....I'm so sorry you are going thru this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'll keep u and ur daughter in my prayers. God bless you and good luck!!

Thank you very much.. The only reason I didn't fight back when it happened was because my daughter was in my arms and he was over top of me... But I promise he trys it again and he's gonna have problems having children again...


Wow...what kinda person would do that in front of their children... Like i said I grew up watching my uncle abuse his girlfriends and one time he did it to one of his girlfriends in front of her son...lets just say that when she was finished with him he never raised a hand to her again. Thats so sad to do that in front of your baby. I hope that when she's old enough to understand you'll explain to her that a man isn't suppose to hit women. I know alot of girls who allow that type of abuse because they saw the same thing happening to their mom growing up. One girl in particular about my age she grew up watching her mom get beat by her man and I swear to you the same things her mom said and did she's doing. She'd provoke the man by saying 'Go on and hit me, run me over with the car...and so on'. It's sad!

Sunflower08 Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 1:56am
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower08

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivia

I know u wouldn't feel safe with a gun and I think u are going about it the right way. I'm just saying that if he gets physical with u are u going to just let him abuse u. The verbal abuse is different of course if he's just calling u names and such then there is no reason to get physical but don't just stand there and let him beat the crap out of u. That's just wrong on so many levels. I don't like violence but if I have to protect myself then by all means necessary his @$$ will be grass....I'm so sorry you are going thru this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'll keep u and ur daughter in my prayers. God bless you and good luck!!

Thank you very much.. The only reason I didn't fight back when it happened was because my daughter was in my arms and he was over top of me... But I promise he trys it again and he's gonna have problems having children again...

Wow...what kinda person would do that in front of their children... Like i said I grew up watching my uncle abuse his girlfriends and one time he did it to one of his girlfriends in front of her son...lets just say that when she was finished with him he never raised a hand to her again. Thats so sad to do that in front of your baby. I hope that when she's old enough to understand you'll explain to her that a man isn't suppose to hit women. I know alot of girls who allow that type of abuse because they saw the same thing happening to their mom growing up. One girl in particular about my age she grew up watching her mom get beat by her man and I swear to you the same things her mom said and did she's doing. She'd provoke the man by saying 'Go on and hit me, run me over with the car...and so on'. It's sad!


It's sad but I'm sorry get out.. Don't stay ever around that.. That's the reason I divorced him. He tried to hit me one night and missed hit the wall and broke his hand. I had enough that night and I wasn't going to stick around for more...

bitofsnshn Posted 8 Aug 2008 , 2:30am
post #24 of 27

Sunflower,

Definetly get a restraining order. When i lived in California i had an ex boyfriend who's crazy new girlfriend decided to stalk me. It was the most ridiculous thing. One day she got violent chasing my car and then throwing her car in front of mine. all over some guy i didn't want or see. It was weird. She was just crazy. Anyway i filed police reports every time she left messages on my car. Followed me. etc...

I finally wised up and went down to the courthouse and got the restraining order paperwork. It was actually fairly easy. The court pretty much because of an escalated incidents agreed and sent us to arbitration to negotiate our off limit areas and if we had any common areas like same gym or school we identified that, but still under the condition that she was not allowed to approach me. She didn't fight it and if the person doesn't show then you automatically get pretty much what you ask for.

A restraining order takes away the he said she said and boils down to you are not allowed anywhere near me. Don't be intimidated by going to the courthouse its a little time consuming, but once its done you know he will be arrested for violating the restraining order. Be sure to document all the violence in your court document and any statements from witnesses that might have seen his attack. I also agree you should document your bruises whether through your doctor or going back to the police station and insisting they be documented as part of your report.

dldbrou Posted 9 Aug 2008 , 2:49am
post #25 of 27

After reading how the law enforcement has mishandled your case, I would write your own report, document every thing that was done to you and was told to you by the police and the prosecutor and then take out an ad in your local newspaper about how the law enforcement does not help abused women. I bet you would see someone, possibly a news station that would look into your case. Make sure you have pictures and doctors reports if possible. Also get the names of the officers and the prosecutor in case you need to go further with this. It's possible that an attorney would help you with this also. I would not let them blow this off and believe your ex just because it's not important to them.

tktexasgirl Posted 19 Aug 2008 , 12:52am
post #26 of 27

I know you are in OH, and I am not sure of their laws, but I am a police officer in texas and if there is anything I can do to help you please IM me I would be happy to do whatever I can. Like I said, I am not sure about OH, but in TX we take family violence very seriously. If I am not mistaken there was something passed nation wide about family violence. Anyway, I am sorry things were not handled differently, and again please IM me if you have any question.

seasonsmoke Posted 19 Aug 2008 , 1:47am
post #27 of 27

I am so very sorry that this happened to you. I hope you are able to find help from someone.

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