My "inappropriate" Avatar And Ticker

Decorating By twooten173 Updated 5 Aug 2008 , 4:51am by Heath

twooten173 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:29am
post #1 of 204

I feel like I need to reply to the post about my "inappropriate" avatar. I do not expect everyone to agree with me on this and you are more than welcome to say so.

OP of the original thread - I feel sorry for you if a mother proudly showing pics of her child - dead or alive - is disturbing and inappropriate to you. I wish you had just pm'd me about the now infamous avatar. I would have taken it down if I thought it would cause someone enough grief to label it inappropriate and start all of this hoopla. Now it would take GOD himself to come down her to make me remove Taylor's picture!

The reason I put his picture up is because I like it. I think he is too cute. And most importantly, I want to celebrate his life! I figured everyone else puts pics of their kids up, so why can't I? I like seeing his picture when I'm browsing my favorite website. Old girl is acting like I used a graphic pic of an autopsy as my avatar.

I am upset with the OP because she drew so much negative attention to his picture and had people bickering with each other. Make no mistake - no one should feel sorry for me. Yes my puppy died March 17; April my son died April 11; later April 11 - a good friend died; April 15th I buried my son; April 17th I went to pay my last respect to my friend; April 25th as we were trying to celebrate our 10th anniversary on a cruise, we were told our aunt died; May 1 we got a huge ticket while parked at our aunt's funeral and after all that you know what - I'm still BLESSED!!!

A lot of crappy stuff has happened to me lately - so what! I still have a ton of stuff to be thankful for - I woke up today, I'm not hungry, I can pay my bills, I can afford to do a lot of the things I want, I have a ton of friends and family to share my joy - and pain, and we were lucky enough to have a child even if for only a brief time. I am thankful for what I have - a good life!

Someone wrote that they wouldn't have shared something so personal. Well I THOUGHT I was among friends - hmmm icon_confused.gif CC was a great place for me to come while all of this was going on. A lot of funny stuff going on, some recipes, techniques, and products to try out to occupy my mind, sharing in other people's joy (birth's of childen, becoming legal, etc) and pains.

I know hearing a child died is shocking initially. But don't feel bad for him because he was loved more than many people who live to be 100 years old.

All that being said, I'm going to go back to the business of moving on with my life.[/b]

203 replies
twooten173 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:34am
post #2 of 204

Also, people asked was the picture of him taken after he died. Yes - he was still born. His cord got wrapped around him.

MeMo07 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:41am
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Twooten....

I feel the need to apologize. I had a hard time looking at it the first time I saw it. I felt it was inappropriate....and for that, I ask you to forgive me, because I wasn't seeing it through YOUR eyes. (Not that I ever EVER could.)

I was being selfish in feeling that way, and I'm sorry. Whenever I saw it, I didn't see what you saw- an adorable, precious gift. I saw my biggest fear....I've been in that spot, wondering if my child would be ok....and it set something off in me that I didn't know how to react to, except to think negatively about it at first.


He was beautiful...and every time I've seen his picture, I've said a quick prayer for you, and your family....and now, every time I see it, I won't think of how sad I think you must be...because I see now that you celebrate him....and I will too, in my own way from now on.

You are a strong woman, I can tell.....and you've shown me something today....I worry far too much about the unimportant.

Anyways, sorry for this long rambling post.....

Cakenator Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:42am
post #4 of 204

You are one amazing lady.

delisa01 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:45am
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My heart hurts for you and your recent losses especially your beautiful baby and even after it all you have the kind of attitude that I much admire. My prayers and thoughts are with you and I only hope that the previous thread on this topic will not deter you from this site.

Delia

mixinvixen Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:45am
post #6 of 204

i was not involved in the earlier mess, but i wanted to let you know that my heart breaks when i hear this. god blessed you with a cute little angel, and may he keep on blessing you. you have a wonderful attitude, and i'm glad you're celebrating taylor's life, however short it was.

my favorite quote is from steel magnolia's, where julia says that she would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a life time of nothing special...

you're in my prayers.

lardbutt Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:46am
post #7 of 204

I too, think he is very beautiful and glad you have the photos to remember him with. I am so sorry about the "hoopla" that has gone on.

bwonderful Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:53am
post #8 of 204

I'm sorry as well for all that went on and for your loss. I think he is beautiful and we are blessed to have a strong woman like you around. I think that if more people knew the circumstance, it would not have been an issue.

That quote from Steel Magnolias is one of my favorites too. It's a fact that I had to face when I decided to marry a severe diabetic and it's something we live with everyday. It's very hard but very wonderful.

I believe that God will replace what has been taken from you tenfold. So just keep your head up!

xstitcher Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:59am
post #9 of 204
Quote:
Originally Posted by MessyBaker

I too, think he is very beautiful and glad you have the photos to remember him with. I am so sorry about the "hoopla" that has gone on.




I too think your son is very beautiful and glad that you have a photo to remember him by. I am also very so sorry for your loss both your son's and your aunt and friends, I don't think I could cope as well as you if I was in your situation. You are a very strong woman. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you and your family.

Parm

summernoelle Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:02am
post #10 of 204

Sweetie (twooten)



Screw all those people who said nasty things about this!
I did not see the thread that started this, but he is your baby! You love him as much as any other mother loves their babies, and you have a right to have his photo up.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am also saddened that people were mean about it.
My thought and prayers are with you.

janelwaters Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:03am
post #11 of 204

I read most of the other post, but never posted to it mostly because for the life of me I couldn't figure out what avatar they were referring to. I never thought it would be yours.

I have seen the picture of your beautiful baby and wondered if he had passed, but regarless it never bothered me. That is your journey to take and not anyones place to pass judgement.

After reading your post and while I type this I am in tears for you, for many reasons. I cannot imagine having gone through all of that in such a short amount of time - so for that I cry for you. I cannot image the strength that you have to get through this - so for that I cry for your. For the pettyness of others on this site and around the world - I cry for them. For your unimaginable insite to celebrate his life - I cry for you.

don't you DARE take that picture down.

I dont' know if you have ever hear of this blog, but it is amazing! Please check it out bringtherain.blogspot.com.

Please let me know if there is ever anything that I can do for you!

xstitcher Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:08am
post #12 of 204
Quote:
Originally Posted by janelwaters

I read most of the other post, but never posted to it mostly because for the life of me I couldn't figure out what avatar they were referring to. I never thought it would be yours.

I have seen the picture of your beautiful baby and wondered if he had passed, but regarless it never bothered me. That is your journey to take and not anyones place to pass judgement.

After reading your post and while I type this I am in tears for you, for many reasons. I cannot imagine having gone through all of that in such a short amount of time - so for that I cry for you. I cannot image the strength that you have to get through this - so for that I cry for your. For the pettyness of others on this site and around the world - I cry for them. For your unimaginable insite to celebrate his life - I cry for you.

don't you DARE take that picture down.


Please let me know if there is ever anything that I can do for you!





Very well said!

CarolAnn Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:09am
post #13 of 204

Good for you Theresa!!! You're turning this mess around to bless others through your own loss. How about that!! When we try we can find all kinds of reasons to say "Isn't it just like God" to bring joy out of heart ache, blessings out of misfortune, friendship out of difficulty, and on and on...........
I use that saying every chance I get. You are a strong woman and I'm darn proud to know you. You're doing better than okay girl, what a blessing to know!

indydebi Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:19am
post #14 of 204

I cant' believe this is even a discussion. I've seen your avatar a number of times ... didn't know the history ..... thought it was a cute baby! I'm confused on why ... once people know it's a deceased child .... that it 'creeps' them out. Why does that make a difference? All I see is a beautiful sleeping baby.

When I was 16, my 3-month old baby brother died. He never came home from the hospital. He died on my mother's 40th birthday. We only had 3 short months to take photos. Photos were taken at the funeral. Some people called it morbid, but you have to understand that while most people have "an entire lifetime" to capture their family in photos, my mother had only 3 short months and he was in an incubator the whole time. Unless you've been thru that, you can't really understand. To not have any photos at all is like denying the existence ... and no way is a mother or a family going to do that.

I'm so sorry you had to endure a loss like this and then deal with it as an issue on here.

I'm just ..... well, I have no words .... I'm just so sorry.

beemarie Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:19am
post #15 of 204

I have been thinking of you all day and praying for you all day, and I will continue to do so. Your baby is beautiful. May you continue to be blessed!

CakeWhizz Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:23am
post #16 of 204

Dear Twooten,
I am so sorry for your loss. Having been through this myself ( twelve years ago and twice!) I completely understand what you are going through and how you feel. I am not at all surprised by the insensitivity of people. Sometimes people simply don't know how to react to this issue. My one is regret is that I don't have any photos of my babies to remember them by. Take care of yourself and I pray that God will be with you and comfort you as you grieve.

raquel1 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:29am
post #17 of 204

Let me start by saying you have lifted me up, your testimony has blessed me inmensely and I thank you. I saw the precious picture and I saw your note, and my heart sank to a familiar and old depth, one that had been covered up and not dealt with. I also count my blessings now, a new child, a new blessing has come into my life. She doesn't take the place or makes me forget, but gives me a chance to teach her about how blessed we are in any circumstance, because He is always with us. All my love, Raquel.

4starcakes Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:33am
post #18 of 204

I too am very sorry for your loss. Your avatar is not only a beautiful picture of your baby but a beautiful picture of an ANGEL!!! GOD BLESS YOU!

mpence Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:33am
post #19 of 204

I'm glad you have decided not to change your avatar. Your child is beautiful and you have every right to celebrate him. When I first saw your avatar, my heart broke for you. Now when I see it, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have three healthy children.

DoniB Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:40am
post #20 of 204

Twooten,

I've written to you personally, but thought to share publicly as well.

I, for one, find it comforting. Not that your child died, and not that you've put the only picture you could of him on your favorite forum, where he can celebrate your joy of cake decorating with you. But because each time I see him and your ticker, I'm reminded that I'm not the only one who's gone through a horrible loss.

I've lost three babies, each one past the 4 1/2 month stage. It's a very long and painful story, but basically I lost each one after being able to feel it kick, after feeling it move, and after starting to dream. I finally had to have a hysterectomy to save my life, so there will be no babies for us now, unless we adopt. And you're lucky, very lucky, that you were able to take a picture, and hold him in your arms before returning him to God. I never had that chance, and indeed, mine were partially re-absorbed, so we didn't have ANYTHING tangible when it was over.

Miscarriage and still-birth is a very uncomfortable subject for some people, but I've noticed that the folks who object to it the most either don't have a maternal/paternal bone in their bodies, or they have never had to deal with such a loss personally. (A good friend of mine asked why I was so upset... it was, after all, just a clump of cells, right?)

Your loss is still very new, and you have every right to want your friends to know that you're grieving, even if you're doing so with a smile.

I used to have such a ticker, but when I went through the grieving process, I was able to let it go and move on. That was 5 years after my first loss.

You do what you have to, when and where you have to, in order to get through something like this. I, for one, am glad that you're willing to share your joy and pain publicly, so that others of us can be reminded that we're not alone, and be comforted by that sad fact.

I hope God continues to bless you and your family.

Sorry so long, but this one hit a major nerve.

NanaNut Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:47am
post #21 of 204

I didn't even know this issue was going on, but I've read all the threads. Your picture is beautiful. Don't even ponder taking it down. You know only a mother who has been through what you have can truely understand your motivation and reasons. I would have done the same thing. When I was pregnant with my son, so were 4 other ladies that I worked with. We were all due within 10 days of each other, all boys except one. I had to have an early emergency c-section and thought I would be the first. My last night there I ran into some of my unpregnant co workers at work and they told me that my friend had lost the baby and had to give birth to her son. I was at a loss. They told me that for the past 3 days she would have the nurses bring the baby to her room just like if he had lived. It was so heartbreaking. I went to her room and through her grief she was so proud to show me her precious baby boy. Her love for him was no different than my love for my child. It was in that moment when I was in her room that I sort of understood her actions of wanting to spend time with him, to love on him, to have those moments to tenderly look at his precious face, and took take pictures with him. To others, they were acts of a deranged morbid mother in denial, but to me it just made sense. Don't ever let anyone tell you how to handle your grief, to love your son, or how to nurture his memory. I told my pastor about this the next week and his reply brought me to tears and touched my heart. He looked at me and simply said.... "The Lord's love for us is unphathomable....we can't begin to understand it....some children are so precious he just can't wait. His plan for them is instant paradise." We must keep the faith. The Lord is in control. Stay strong and you and your family will be in my families prayers. God bless you.

fondantgrl Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:48am
post #22 of 204

Yeah ! let's see them handle what you have been through. Let's see if they are as brave and strong of a person as you.. Or maybe it's just the mouth that is big and not the strength to go thru all this.

It's like slapping you on face after all you have been through. Hopefully they will experience much harder times than you. Let's see how they would feel about it. icon_razz.gif Please keep that photo and ignore those retards. icon_razz.gif

ladij153 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:49am
post #23 of 204

Dear Twooten,

I had not seen your avatar before and in fact I was just trying to figure out which one everyone was talking about. As I said in an earlier post I have not seen any avatars, tickers or signatures that I have felt were in any way inappropriate or disturbing.

Your avatar of your precious little angel was a beautiful tribute to him.

Bless you, your family and your darling new little guardian angel.

Love,
LuAnn

BCJean Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:50am
post #24 of 204

I have never lost a child and can only imagine what it would be like. If you find comfort from the only photo you have of him, I can't imagine anyone trying to take that from you. You have my blessings. I am so happy you came on and shared this with us. Please don't be upset if a few viewed it wrong. I too will think of you each time I see your Avatar. I will think about how loved this child was and how strong and determined you are.
When I have a tough day and feel sorry for myself....then come on CC and see your Avatar, I am sure I will gain strength from it.
God Bless You.

NikkiDoc Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:53am
post #25 of 204

You have an amazing spirit! God bless you. I think things have turned around for the better here becaue of you. I didn't see your avatar before today and didn't know what was going on, but for what it's worth, I want to let you know that I support your decision. I must admit, it was hard to look at at first, simply because the first reaction is sadness to see a beautiful, innocent child lost. But mother's instinct said that you had chosen your avatar out of your love and pride for your child. But your attitude in this matter goes above and beyond that! Thank you for posting this thread.

Nikki

mixinvixen Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:54am
post #26 of 204

no matter how much you disagree with posters in another thread, i don't think ANYONE deserves the pain to be wished back on them. not only do they not deserve it, but neither do the others that would be affected by that ripple.

Ironbaker Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:56am
post #27 of 204

I sent you a PM but still want to say again that your strength and grace are admirable. Memo said a lot of how I feel. I think some just really don't know how to process it. As real as it is, death is just uncomfortable for many people. I know for me it just brought about feelings of sadness for you and for him. I'm sorry it got to this point but at the same time believe you've helped so many in some way or another. You definitely reminded me of what's important in my own life and I thank you for that. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and the others who have been through similar losses.

lardbutt Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:59am
post #28 of 204
Quote:
Originally Posted by mixinvixen

no matter how much you disagree with posters in another thread, i don't think ANYONE deserves the pain to be wished back on them. not only do they not deserve it, but neither do the others that would be affected by that ripple.



ditto

GenGen Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 5:01am
post #29 of 204

he is indeed a gorgeous child and one can just tell how much he was and is still loved. no one can fully understand what you've gone through but you Are among friends and will remain so (even though you and i dont' know one another much more then in passing) but as I always say.. you don't have to be blood, to be family.

Much love girl. give your little boy a big hug from me.

Image

bobbi96 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 5:07am
post #30 of 204

I just wanted to agree with the others and commend you on your strength in sharing such a loss. I too have experienced the death of a child - your insight and acceptance after so little time has passed shows an incredible inner strength that is very admirable.

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