Please Vote =)

Lounge By shellzey Updated 4 Aug 2008 , 4:01pm by tracycakes

shellzey Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 3:28am
post #1 of 18

okay everyone I need your input. a friend of mine is getting married to someone who has been married before. her husband to be has a very nice bed that was used in his previous marriage. he thinks nothing of this. my friend is comfortable with using this bed and thinks they should get a new one. give me your input please

17 replies
mkolmar Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 3:42am
post #2 of 18

UH, tapedshut.gif yeah I'd want a new bed! A set of towels is one thing a whole bed that they *ahem* used is another.

Amia Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 5:08am
post #3 of 18

Well if not a whole new bed, a new mattress AT LEAST! Men... ::shakes head:: ...they just don't get it. icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif

Ruby2uesday Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 6:41am
post #4 of 18

I'd want a new mattress at least! I just thought, OMG im sitting on the mattress that came w/ my BF when we moved in together and i know that this furniture was his/his xwifes. But then i thought.... WHEW, he bought a new mattress when he moved out! LOL kind of an afterthought after 2.5 years huh??? lol New mattress definatly!

kimmypooh79 Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 7:14am
post #5 of 18

I could care less as long as it has new sheets, it's no worse than sleeping in a hotel bed.

Ruby2uesday Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 7:48am
post #6 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimmypooh79

I could care less as long as it has new sheets, it's no worse than sleeping in a hotel bed.




lol, i can see your point, but i see it like this... i know he's not a virgin, but i dont' want to know how many, and how they were in bed! LOL I'd like to have the illusion that i'm the ONE AND ONLY! LOL

indydebi Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 12:48pm
post #7 of 18

Oh please! It's a piece of furniture, not used underwear! If he has the same dishes, then your lips are touching the same cup rim as hers ... but that doesn't mean you're kissing and it doesn't mean he thinks of her everytime he drinks coffee!

Sorry, but I have super zero tolerance levels for this kind of crap. There are too many "real" issues in a marriage without trying to make some up!

mkolmar Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 3:03pm
post #8 of 18

I usually agree with Indy but not on this one, this topic could be a source for a bad start in a marriage. Honestly, if one person in the relationship finds a problem with the bed then they need to get a new bed. It's just that simple. To some it's a piece of furniture, to others it's a big part and almost a symbol of a past relationship.
If it bothers her than she either needs to let it go or buy at least a new mattress for it.
If somethings was to happen to me and DH and I tried to move on everything I see would remind me of him. Not to sound graphic but the bed room is a big part of a marriage (hey, I have 4 kids--it is to us.)

indydebi Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 3:38pm
post #9 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkolmar

(hey, I have 4 kids--it is to us.)




icon_lol.gif Ok, I gotta fold on that one! YOu have the winning hand with that statistic!! icon_lol.gif

Hubby and I are anomolies (sp?), I guess. Maybe because I was married before and he was mid-30's when he finally got married. Maybe because we were both well established in our community and lots of opposite-sex friends. We just dont' see the point of getting all bent out of shape over stuff like this. It's not a big deal to us. We are very confortable and secure in our relationship.

Out of curiousity .... does this issue come up if neither partner has been married before? Surely "that bed" has seen a lot of activity before the new spouse moved in. Does it matter ONLY if it's a prior "marriage bed"? Or do one-night stands not count ... even tho' it's the same "activity"? icon_confused.gif

Ruby2uesday Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 5:31pm
post #10 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by mkolmar

(hey, I have 4 kids--it is to us.)


Out of curiousity .... does this issue come up if neither partner has been married before? Surely "that bed" has seen a lot of activity before the new spouse moved in. Does it matter ONLY if it's a prior "marriage bed"? Or do one-night stands not count ... even tho' it's the same "activity"? icon_confused.gif




refer back to my second post.... i'll keep the illusion that i was his one and only! hahahahaha. lol

I eat on the dishes he had that she picked out that he thought was ugly but for some reason she said she didn't want. I think they're pretty and i eat a full meal! lol and the entire bedroom furniture was theirs (he picked it) but i love it.... i just feel a little better knowing it's a new matress. wierd i know, but hey, whatever helps me sleep at night. lol

As a couple you have to compromise, so if a compromise is to at least buy a new mattress, or sell the bedroom suite or even just the bed and buy a new one that's just for them to make thier marriage bed "THIER" marriage bed, and it makes her feel better, then i think that's important and he needs to realize that.

but that's just my opinion! and you know what those are! LOL

mkolmar Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 5:31pm
post #11 of 18

I don't know that is a good question. Does one night stands and prior girlfriends count then? icon_confused.gif I guess I've never dealt with that so I didn't even think about it. DH and I started dating when I was 15 and I'm now 30, so we've been a couple for 1/2 of my life. We've been married for almost 11 1/2 years.

mbelgard Posted 3 Aug 2008 , 5:48pm
post #12 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi



Out of curiousity .... does this issue come up if neither partner has been married before? Surely "that bed" has seen a lot of activity before the new spouse moved in. Does it matter ONLY if it's a prior "marriage bed"? Or do one-night stands not count ... even tho' it's the same "activity"? icon_confused.gif




I think that the marriage bed has symbolic meaning to alot of people. I believe it was the Romans who made a big deal out of displaying the marriage bed in a main room where people could see it.

I've never dealt with the issue personally so I don't know where I come down with it but I suspect it's more of a mental thing society has drilled into our heads.

EnjoyTheCake Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:35am
post #13 of 18

I would like to point out that your question and your answers don't mesh well.

You asked: Poll :: would you be comfortable using this bed?
Answer #1: no, i would have no problem with it
Answer #2: yes, i would want a new bed

Shouldn't the answers be No, I would not be comfortable and want a new bed. or Yes, I would be comfortable.

Either way I wouldn't care. They probably had sex on the couch and the table too, maybe even the floor. Are you going to replace everything?

kimmypooh79 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 5:58am
post #14 of 18

This might sound harsh, I don't mean it too but, I kinda think anybody that has to buy a new mattress b/c DH shared it with another woman in another life has security issues.

Ruby2uesday Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 11:39am
post #15 of 18

Yes, but everyone has differant comfort levels and you cannot force someone to be more comfortable with a situation then they are willing to be. and if it comes down to a mattress i think that's a small price to pay to make someone happy. She asked about a mattress/bed, nothing else.

Aliwis000 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 2:38pm
post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Oh please! It's a piece of furniture, not used underwear! If he has the same dishes, then your lips are touching the same cup rim as hers ... but that doesn't mean you're kissing and it doesn't mean he thinks of her everytime he drinks coffee!

Sorry, but I have super zero tolerance levels for this kind of crap. There are too many "real" issues in a marriage without trying to make some up!





LOVE THIS! lol, Its a bed, I mean if its old and needs to be replaced then sure, but if its in good condition who cares? What is past is past, my boyfriend doesnt like thinking of me kissing my ex but it did happen, just like he kissed his ex. But i dont think about it, we are together now, thats what matters.

Here is wishing you many happy years together!!!

kimmypooh79 Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 3:15pm
post #17 of 18

true

tracycakes Posted 4 Aug 2008 , 4:01pm
post #18 of 18

I don't think it's about security issues, I think it's more about celebrating the new life the couple has together as husband and wife.

I know several couples that when they got married, they sold the old house that was the ex-spouses with them and they bought a new one together - to reflect THEIR new life, not an old one that either of them had with a previous spouse, whether they divorced or the spouse died.

New house, new furniture, new dishes - it's all about celebrating a new life together. Yes, I speak from experience. My hubby was married before but I have no issues with it. When we got married, I moved into his condo for a few months (his ex never lived there) and then we sold it and my house and we both a new one together - to celebrate US.

If she has issues with the old bed, then yes, they need to get a new one.
Just my 2 cents. icon_lol.gif

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