beachcakes Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 12:26pm
post #1 of

Got a call from a relative yesterday inviting us to her son's birthday dinner this weekend - he's 8. She generally invites a crowd, so I asked if there was anything I could do. (I didn't offer to make a cake) She immediately said she ordered the cake to "make it easy". At this point I wasn't offended, b/c every holiday/birthday she says her son hates cake and then orders one from the upscale spa bakery (not a kids cake). But she must've felt guilty b/c she kept rambling about cake. This time not from the usual place but from a restaurant that is not known for desserts. And then added, 'you're not offended are you?'

I never even let on that i was disappointed, but now I am offended! It's like she went out of her way to rub it in. Most people like my cakes - I don't think they're that ugly or taste bad. icon_sad.gif

25 replies
Texas_Rose Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 12:38pm
post #2 of

Your cakes are lovely. My guess is that your relative is either jealous of your abilities or jealous of the attention that your cakes recieve.

cakesbycathy Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 12:44pm
post #3 of

Just because I'm feeling obnoxious at this particular moment...
I would have said "Yes, I am actually." and then immediately hung up the phone.

Sounds like you handled it exactly right! Those "customers" usually tend to be the biggest PITA to deal with and in the end you're wishing they would have ordered from someplace else.

KeltoKel Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 12:58pm
post #4 of

Question - you said you have done cakes for this relative in the past. Does she pay you for them or do you just bring one (free) as part of your "gift" or contribution to the party?

Perhaps she knows how much work, time, and money goes into your cakes and she feels bad always asking you to bring one and wants to give you a break.

I have no idea what your cakes taste like, but they are AWESOME! I am sure they are delicious as well. I don't think that is the issue at all.

I would not be offended, I think she just wanted to cut you a break.

mcelromi1 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:03pm
post #5 of

Why are you offended?
Since you are known for making cakes and you aked 'If there was anything you could do' she probably assumed that you were hinting at helping with the cake.
To me it sounds as if you can't understand why everyone else loves your cakes but she never ask/requests one and always orders from somewhere else.
Get over it.
I don't think she was rubbing it in, I think she felt she had to explain herself so that she wouldn't hurt your feelings. Which it seems like she did, by your last sentence.
Just because she never orders from you doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks your cakes taste bad or their ugly.

maggiev777 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:13pm
post #6 of

ITA with mcelromi1. What is there to be offended about? I agree she was probably trying to not hurt your feelings, but honestly it is her prerogative to order a cake from whoever she wants for whatever reason she wants. People shouldn't feel like they have to defend themselves for ordering a cake from someone else, but she obviously felt like she did have to.

Be gracious about it. Let it go and enjoy the party!! Have a piece of cake while you are there and enjoy every bite. (And if you think you could have done better, do not tell a single soul.)

Cakepro Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:21pm
post #7 of

I wouldn't be offended either, or try to analyze it too much. Now you don't have to do a freebie cake and can just be a guest at the party! icon_smile.gif

suchie6 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:30pm
post #8 of

Your work is very nice. I wouldn't be offended at all. Maybe your reading to much into the conversation. Maybe she's just heard you talk about how much work it is and wants to give you a break and allow you to just attend and enjoy and event!

I'm a newbie at this so I like going to events and seeing other peoples work and tasting their treats so that I can get ideas.

Enjoy the break and someone elses talent!

Tootall Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:31pm
post #9 of

I wouldn't be. icon_smile.gif Sounds like she just chose to get a cake from wherever and wanted to make sure it didn't hurt your feelings. I don't mind when my friends/family don't come to me to make every cake for every b-day. In fact, I'm GLAD! icon_lol.gif If my hubby's family expected me to make a cake every time, I'd have to quit my PAYING job! icon_biggrin.gif

LNW Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:33pm

Your cakes are gorgeous and you are a very talented cake artist.

I have a very large family and social circle. Everyone knows I make cakes and nearly all of them have had my cake at some point. I get invited to events where the cake served either came from Wal-Mart or a favorite bakery. It doesnât bother me in the least though. I actually enjoy not having to bring the cake and answer a million questions about how I made it etc. Itâs also a chance for me to see and taste what the competition is cooking up (sometimes **GASP** itâs better than mine).

I wouldnât get offended by what your relative has done. I know some of my family members make it a point to NOT order a cake from me because they know how much work I put into them and they just want me to come to the event and enjoy myself. I appreciate that. She probably felt guilty since she hadnât ordered the cake from you and thought she needed to explain herself. I might mention to her that isnât necessary in the future, she shouldnât feel guilty because she chose to go somewhere else for cake. Shoot my cousin owns an auto repair business and I still take my car somewhere else. Itâs not a slam against him in any way.

aswartzw Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:35pm

I wouldn't be offended either. It doesn't sound like she did it to spite you or anything. Just that she didn't want to take advantage of you. Maybe by you offering she's starting to second guess herself or truly feels she might have offended you. Her talking like that is what I do when I feel like I might have hurt someone's feelings.

MadPhoeMom Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:36pm

nope, i wouldn't be offended. i never am when people don't use me.......i appreciate the clarity of knowing themselves well.....if THEY understand that we aren't compatible, then they aren't wasting my time.

how many times have you spent tons of time planning a cake with someone all to find out they are expecting you to do it for a 'bargain?"

for whatever reason she didn't choose you....go and enjoy the party...taste the cake, see if it's worth befriending the baker....

sally

jmt1714 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 1:58pm

i think it would be great if people never assumed someone was trying to be offensive.

Maybe she DIDN'T want you make a cake. Maybe she doesn't like them. Maybe her 8 year old doesn't. So what? People are different and not everyone likes everything.

From what you described above, I get this: You were invited to a celebration. Your presence is desired (ok,and likely your presents too . . . lol). They want you to be a guest in their home and enjoy yourself. They were worried about your feelings and went out of their way to make sure you weren't hurt. Gasp. What horrible folks.

adven68 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 2:36pm

BC,

Someone else might have asked her if she was getting the cake from you...or the mere fact that she ordered it from a different place this time might make her think that you may be offended. Who knows? It could have been a lot of things...only you know what she sounded like so i will not tell you not to feel offended.

I will, however, tell you that your cakes are lovely. Be confident in that and always take the high road if you can, as you did. icon_smile.gif

dailey Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 2:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Your cakes are lovely. My guess is that your relative is either jealous of your abilities or jealous of the attention that your cakes recieve.




i totally disagree. i've seen post like this in the past where some will jump in and throw out the "jealousy" issue, however, i really don't see the connection? just because you make cakes that doesn't mean everyone you know is obligated to order them from you. not *everyone* is going to like the taste/style of your cakes. its really no big deal...

beachcakes Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 3:03pm

Let me clarify a little... When she called to invite us, I did not expect her to ask me to make a cake, nor did I offer for that reason. She hosts about six parties a year and always has them catered. It's a prestige thing to impress her side of the family - She once had cookies overnighted from NY city. I was surprised that she asked me twice to make cakes in the past.

It was more her tone, and the fact that she kept bringing it up. She has also been known to call me up on a Saturday to ask if I'm caking and then make some comment about it. I'm beginning to think she's jealous? I'm not a competitive person.

suchie6 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 3:11pm

Why would you think she is jelous - does she decorate cakes too? Maybe she's felt you were offended by your reactions in the past and she's trying to prevent that this time.

I try to look for the good in what people do. There is enough bad already.

jmt1714 Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 3:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachcakes

Let me clarify a little... When she called to invite us, I did not expect her to ask me to make a cake, nor did I offer for that reason. She hosts about six parties a year and always has them catered. It's a prestige thing to impress her side of the family - She once had cookies overnighted from NY city. I was surprised that she asked me twice to make cakes in the past.

It was more her tone, and the fact that she kept bringing it up. She has also been known to call me up on a Saturday to ask if I'm caking and then make some comment about it. I'm beginning to think she's jealous? I'm not a competitive person.




huh. now this seems like you are more than a little judgmental. A prestige thing? How about maybe she'd just like to relax and spend time with her guests, which is why she has it catered. Cookies overnighted from NY? big deal. Maybe she LIKES those cookies or they were a special treat that she knew one of the guests would like.

Don't go looking for a reason to be offended.

newlywedws Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 3:46pm

If it would have been me, and that question was posed I probably would have replied "I'm not offended, I'm relieved - I'll be able to sit back and relax"

Texas_Rose Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 3:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dailey

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas_Rose

Your cakes are lovely. My guess is that your relative is either jealous of your abilities or jealous of the attention that your cakes recieve.



i totally disagree. i've seen post like this in the past where some will jump in and throw out the "jealousy" issue, however, i really don't see the connection? just because you make cakes that doesn't mean everyone you know is obligated to order them from you. not *everyone* is going to like the taste/style of your cakes. its really no big deal...




Possibly jealousy was the wrong word...what I meant was that a really nice-looking cake would get some attention that otherwise might be directed toward the hostess of the event. If you order a lovely cake from a relative, the relative will get a ton of compliments. If you order a lovely cake from a stranger, then you will get the compliments on your good taste, etc...

TOMAY Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 4:03pm

Ok , yes if she is the type of person that likes to receive praise for putting together a large event that goes fantastic and everyone just can not beleive that she did this on her own , then yes making a cake can sometimes still the thunder away from the host making the party for her a little down. I sometimes feel bad at family & Friend weddings were I know I have done a good job or the fact that some people have not seen a cake like what I create , the cake at times can steal the show . People want to know how you do it or who made it .. it does create drama . If this has happened to you at her occasions then take the hint let her order her cakes becasue it does show she can plan a party and buy her nice deserts it shows to her friends & family that she has good taste. try not to be offended I think she was trying to insure that she did not step on your toes trust me I know how family can be My husband has 80 family members within 10 mins of us so events can sometimes be tricky .

MaisieBake Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 4:35pm

No one who doesn't share your roof and your mortgage is obligated to buy from you. (Okay, I'll hear arguments about whether people whose womb you once occupied also share this obligation.)

You do nice work. She's going in another direction. No harm, no foul.

KeltoKel Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 5:15pm

I think Texas Rose has a good point, but you can't kill yourself by looking into this any more. I don't think she was trying to hurt you at all, but at the same time, she did not want to offend you.

I don't know if you make cookies, but maybe you can make some killer and super cute cookies to take to the party? LOL!

dragonflydreams Posted 29 Jul 2008 , 5:31pm

. . . if in the future she asks you the same question . . . "you're not offended, are you?" . . . I would flat out ask her . . . "I don't know, should I be . . . why do you ask" . . . maybe you will get to the bottom of it . . . in the mean time, don't try to read too much into it . . . guessing someone's heart motives can be a waste of emotional energy . . . 'cause you really are just guessing . . .

stephaniescakenj Posted 6 Aug 2008 , 3:55pm

Beachcakes, I understand where you're coming from. My SIL is that way, I made a treasure chest cake for my nephew which was a big hit. she didn't like the attention drawn away from her party so suddenly after that she was a cake decorator and made the cakes herself. I was offended at first but I got over it. What kills me is when she brings grocery store made cakes to parties at my moms house knowing full well I'll be making something. You know you're good at what you do and that's all that matters. Maybe you could have said I would have gladly done the cake for you but I understand or something like that. Try to be gracious and enjoy the party.

sarahpierce Posted 6 Aug 2008 , 4:07pm

I would be relived to not bring a cake. I still think I get invited to random childrens parties so I'll make the cake. But I usually end up doing it because I'm a big ol' dumba**. icon_smile.gif

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