Vent On Un Disiplined Children

Lounge By mellormom Updated 7 Aug 2008 , 4:18am by KKC

mellormom Posted 24 Jul 2008 , 7:34pm
post #1 of 11

I know this is a common vent but I had to get this off my chest.
A very good friend of mine does not discipline her children. So when ever we go out together it's total meihem (can't spell) And then of course my son starts up because they are wild and it rubs off.
I guess it is really bothering me this week because he was acting up over the weekend and got in big trouble. (no tv for a few days. ) Finally the last two days he was starting to behave again and then he gets around my friends kids and boom we are back at square one. Now he has no TV tonight or tomorrow for acting out at home.
I would talk to my friend but she gets very offended and defensive. So....
Pretty soon my son is going to start realizing that he gets in trouble for things that they don't and is going to wonder why. So then I will have to have the different rules in different families talk.
Well I guess I will get off my soap box for now.
Thank you for letting me vent!

10 replies
costumeczar Posted 24 Jul 2008 , 9:35pm
post #2 of 11

I had a friend who I stopped hanging out with becasue her kids were so uncontrolled...Maybe you should wait until the kids are back in school and just meet your friend without the kids around. If they're all really little then you might have to tell her that your kids rile each other up too much. You don't have to say that her kids are rampaging brats, just that they all work each other up too much!

itsmylife Posted 24 Jul 2008 , 9:47pm
post #3 of 11

I have a friend who is the same way. Her kids are very undisciplined.... and my kids have the same reaction where their behavior rubs off on mine. My husband and I always joke about how we have to spend two or three days 'deprogramming' ours after a visit with theirs.

Talking back, throwing things, screaming.... all things that don't happen here, but one visit later, and suddenly it becomes an issue (that is quickly kaboshed and corrected).

Even when we are together... we will get onto ours about doing something that is wrong or about to be wrong. Example... their older son got a hold of a bucket of dad's hand tools (screwdrivers, pliers, etc), and he started picking tools out and banging them on their glass table. So, my son picks up something from the bucket I stop him right before he whacks the table, and RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER PARENTS, my older son (he's 5), says something to the effect of 'but mom, xxxxxxx just did it." To which I will say, "I'm telling you no... and that means no." And their kids continue whacking on the glass table with the metal tools while they say nothing.

I know it's confusing to him, and I try to explain it as best I can afterwards. Frustrating though.... I feel your pain on this one. Our solution was to limit the visits.... caused me too much stress.

maryak Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 12:41am
post #4 of 11

I agree with costumeczar, I'd only meet her on her own without the kids their. Children tend to learn good and bad from everywhere without being able to tell the difference. It's up to us to try and prevent these situations as much as we can when. I know it's not always possible but there is always something we can do when the children are with us.

Texas_Rose Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 1:13am
post #5 of 11

We've known people who we quit playing with because they either didn't discipline their children or I didn't agree with the methods they used. I usually just make excuses about why we can't get together.

Since this is a good friend of yours, maybe you should suggest that the two of you split the cost of a sitter while you go somewhere. Then find a sitter who's tough enough to handle her kids icon_lol.gif

It is hard when the kids see someone else acting up and they're not allowed to do it too. It doesn't even have to be someone we know...if my kids see other ones running wild in the grocery store, they want to know why they don't get to do it too. I always just tell them, "Because I am not in charge of making sure those kids behave, but it's my job to make sure you know how to behave."

maryak Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 1:35am
post #6 of 11

[quote="Texas_Rose"]Since this is a good friend of yours, maybe you should suggest that the two of you split the cost of a sitter while you go somewhere. Then find a sitter who's tough enough to handle her kids icon_lol.gif "quote]

That's such a good idea!!

mellormom Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 11:31am
post #7 of 11

Thanks everyone. icon_smile.gif

mocakes Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 2:11pm
post #8 of 11

This topic made me laugh because when my boys were little and we had to explain why we wouldn't let them act a certain way or talk back...

My DH and I would always say, "We love you too much to let you act that way."

It kind of backfired one day when I was in Wal-Mart with my son who was 4 at the time. There was a little boy sitting in a cart and throwing a fit and yelling "NO" at his mom.

My son, with this disapproving shake of his head, blurts out, "That mom must not love her son very much!"

I knew what he was getting at....I'm not sure that Mom understood! LOL

Pookie59 Posted 25 Jul 2008 , 10:04pm
post #9 of 11

Can you find another friend? I think I would cool things with her and if she asks "how come I never see you anymore?" tell her the truth! If she gets mad, so what. Her failure to discipline her kids is not good for anyone.

maryak Posted 28 Jul 2008 , 12:03am
post #10 of 11

Mocakes, that's hilarious, kids don't know what the meaning of volume is when they talk and tend to talk at the top of their lungs!! I know my son has done that to me a couple of times when he's pointed things out that I've not allowed him to do but he sees others doing!

KKC Posted 7 Aug 2008 , 4:18am
post #11 of 11

My little cousin (4) and his older brother (1icon_cool.gif are the same way...and Its not a typo when I said the older brother is 18...but he acts like an 8 year old thumbsdown.gif My aunt who I am very close to and who is also the Godmother of my son has no control over her son spends every spring break or summer break and weekends at their house. Well anyway, the 4 year old when we go places he yells and has hissy fits and my son tries to do the same thing thumbsdown.gif One day my aunt, my mother, my husband and our son who is 7 and little cousin were in Macys and the 4 year old starts to run around the store screaming hiding in the clothing racks falling on the floor so my son started to do the same thing. Now first of all I hate to shop with kids around and too much noise makes my nerves bad so I quietly but firmly tell them to cut the crap...the 4 year old goes to his mom and told her that I am bothering him icon_lol.gif so she tells me to leave the kids alone because when they are with her she lets them do whatever they want thumbsdown.gif ...I told her well my son knows that when we are out in public with me he does not act like that and if he acts like that when he's with her and she lets him then he does not need to be in her care...I don't let my child act like he doesn't have any home training...even at a younger age my son would never fall out and have temper tantrums NEVER...he never ate things off the floor like most kids and he never played in the toilet (everyone thought there was something wrong with him because he didn't do those things) thumbs_up.gif Thats why whenever I take my son somewhere the 4 year old never wants to go because he knows that I don't play icon_wink.gif She has no control over him...I'll tell my son to go read a book for 30 minutes and she'll tell her son to sit and practice writing his name he'll tell her no and he'll hit her icon_eek.gif When my son comes home from her house I have to let him know that whatever goes on at his aunt's house won't fly at this house....

Now her 18 year old...big @$$ baby, he cries whenever he doesn't get his way, he's loud, obnoxious and he's spoiled. And my son witnesses this and tries to act the same way, but his father and I quickly remind him that we will break him in half if he even attempts to act like that.

The bible says..."He who spareth the rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" -Proverbs 13:24 and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14

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