I Hope This Isn't Going To Be A Problem, But....

Decorating By Momkiksbutt Updated 21 Jul 2008 , 10:39pm by Momkiksbutt

Momkiksbutt Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:15am
post #1 of 26

Ok here's the dealio...

My good friend next door, the one I am doing the 80th birthday cake(her moms not hers) for, is starting to get on my nerves about this cake...and I haven't even baked it yet!

She's been very grateful for 3 years when I have passed her all the "oops" cakes, overages, and just plain treats...never a complaint, and always oos and awws...

So now that I am doing this cake for her, and I've done others for her without any problems at all, she is starting to act like I don't know what I am doing!! And she came over and saw my cake I did last week for my twins luau too...and she loved it!! I even sent a half a layer over for her family.

She said something to me yesterday about the icing and wanting it to be more "decorator style"...????? Now this evening I came home from town and there was a peice of paper on my door. It was a recipe for what she thinks is "great icing"....A very simple and very untasty icing recipe that I think she got out of a betty crocker book or something.......

I don't know what I'm suppose to do with that but I am certainly not using it!! What do you all think I should do about this? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is kind of difficult to deal with at times and can be rather scatter brained and very pushy at times too.

I am just trying to figure out where all this is coming from all the sudden....she certainly hasn't had a problem eatting all the free stuff I have given her over the years...I don't get it...

25 replies
veejaytx Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:29am
post #2 of 26

Maybe just nicely remind her that she hasn't had any problem with the freebies all these years, nor the previous cakes you've done for her.

She's probably just freaking out a little over that big 80.

CakeRN Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:33am
post #3 of 26

Could be a bit of alzhiemers coming on. If she asks you if you got the recipe she left you on the door you can just say " yes thank you but I have my own special icing that I use on all my cakes. Do you have a problem with it? The recipe you gave me will not hold up very well on this type of cake but thank you anyway."

If she gets too pushy then tell her it might be a good idea if someone else made her birthday cake to her satisfaction.

Curtsmin24 Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:34am
post #4 of 26

She's nuts!! My sister is the same way sometimes. I just do what I do and hope that it comes out better. Try talking to her about it. I really don't know what else to say but good luck.

kakeladi Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:53am
post #5 of 26

CakeRN is on the right path....sounds like she is getting a bit of dementia(sp?).
I would thank her nicely for the recipe and not go into much detail about using something else. Just do your thing as usual. I'm sure she won't notice afterall.

marknelliesmum Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 6:57am
post #6 of 26
Quote:
Quote:

She said something to me yesterday about the icing and wanting it to be more "decorator style"...?????




Why not tell her you get the feeling she is worried about the cake and feel that she thinks that you won't do a good job, tell her exactly what you intend to do, possibly showing her a picture (unless the arrangement was specifically a surprise cake - in which case it's your call what you do) and tell her if this is not what she is looking for then it's best she gets someone else to do it as it's not worth tarnishing a friendship over. I've heard of Bridezillas before but never Octogenarianzillas - it's amazing what you learn on this site icon_eek.gif
AnneMarie

amoos Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 7:21am
post #7 of 26

Don't forget her age.....I was just home visiting family and my g'ma's really started annoying me, acting crazy over things that have NEVER bothered them before and my mom reminded me that they are getting older and are not the ones in control anymore. While it doesn't seem like a big deal, these are the women that have been in control of the kitchen their whole lives and now they're facing the fact that they may not have that many years left......scary thought. I think sometimes it's best just to ignore petty comments and just take it all in stride, she may not even realize what she's saying, especially if she hasn't had a problem eating the goodies you've given her earlier. Maybe she just wants to have a hand in the party and this is the only way she knows how. Try a hug, a smile....and just letting her comments go in one ear and out the other, the party planning won't last for long and it will be over, but the memories will last forever icon_smile.gif

Homemade-Goodies Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 7:46am
post #8 of 26

Yeah, remember best defense is a good offense....have a sit down over tea and 'decide' all the details for the cake. Gently tell her that all your customers are 'hands off' from that point, so same goes for her! If you have a good relationship with her already, it'll work out.

I hope it turns out nice for you guys.

And btw....as a fellow Washingtonian "Hello!!!!" icon_biggrin.gif

FrostedFavours Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 7:51am
post #9 of 26

What a wonderfuly kind person you have been to your elderly neighbour, so why stop now? Even if you don't use 'her' recipe is there any harm in allowing her to think you did?

Make a sample batch of your best icing and ask her to taste test it for you to see if it is as good as she wants it to be. She'll think it's 'her' recipe' and you'll never have to tell her it's not.

On the party day if she wants to take credit for the great tasting icing, you can consider her pride in it as part of your gift. Should anyone want a copy of 'her' recipe have some ready to hand out.

I suggest this to you as a woman who currently has her 75 yr old MIL living with her. Everyday I find little ways to make her feel as though she has something special to share. So what if her stories are being told for the umpteenth time, or if she thinks shes teaching me a different way to do something better. What matters most is that her years on this earth are quickly coming to an end and I want these days to be happy ones for her.

Does she ever bother me or rub me the wrong way? Yes sometimes she can and does, but that is when I force myself to remember that it realy is an act of kindness to make her feel special, so I do.

I hope your kindness can find a way to continue too.



Michelle104 Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 7:54am
post #10 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by amoos

Don't forget her age.....I was just home visiting family and my g'ma's really started annoying me, acting crazy over things that have NEVER bothered them before and my mom reminded me that they are getting older and are not the ones in control anymore. While it doesn't seem like a big deal, these are the women that have been in control of the kitchen their whole lives and now they're facing the fact that they may not have that many years left......scary thought. I think sometimes it's best just to ignore petty comments and just take it all in stride, she may not even realize what she's saying, especially if she hasn't had a problem eating the goodies you've given her earlier. Maybe she just wants to have a hand in the party and this is the only way she knows how. Try a hug, a smile....and just letting her comments go in one ear and out the other, the party planning won't last for long and it will be over, but the memories will last forever icon_smile.gif



I agree wholeheartedly. My GMA is so different now than she was 3 years ago. Seems that's just the natural order of things for some. Just try as hard as you can to help her feel involved in some way. Just thank her for the recipe if she mentions it and just do what you do. She's always loved it and she'll love this one even more because it is going to be created especially for her. thumbs_up.gif

Momkiksbutt Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 7:58am
post #11 of 26

I guess I should have said that the cake is for her mother, she's only 48....only 5 years older than me...

FrostedFavours Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:11am
post #12 of 26

The same rules of interaction can apply.
The 45 year old can be allowed to 'think'
she is doing something in her Mom's interest.
While you allow her to think it. icon_wink.gif

Brujalita Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:12am
post #13 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momkiksbutt

I guess I should have said that the cake is for her mother, she's only 48....only 5 years older than me...




You did say it was for her soon-to-be 80 y.o. mother, not her. Has she had some kind of uncontrollable loss - laid off from a job, family member death, pet dying - and she may be trying to micromanage you? Maybe you could tell her that with all she already has to do with planning for her mom's 80th, the cake is one less thing she should worry about - you've got it handled - but that if you run into any problems, you'll be sure to let her know.

Homemade-Goodies' suggestion is a good one - let her know that you'll be treating her like one of your many satisfied cake clients.

Good luck! And here's a {{{HUG}}} - you'll probably be needing one!! icon_lol.gif

veejaytx Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:17am
post #14 of 26

Well, in that case, just reminding her she's never had a problem with your cakes before, there's no reason she should anticipate one now ought to settle her down, if not maybe then suggest she get her cake elsewhere.

I'm sure she just wants things perfect for her DM but she shouldn't be unloading her stress on you.

Michelle104 Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:37am
post #15 of 26

icon_surprised.gificon_surprised.gificon_surprised.gif Oops!! icon_redface.gif Sorry~ didn't catch the part about her mother... icon_redface.gif

Changes the whole thing!! I would just assure her that you'll do your best and remind her how good everything has always been. She sounds like she just wants everything to be perfect. It will definitely be one of those that you're glad to see the date come....

[[[[[[[[[[[[[another hug]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

marknelliesmum Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 9:21am
post #16 of 26

Sorry, i too missed the part about it being for her mother. I'd still do the same as i suggested in my last post - clarifying what she wants / what you are willing to do.
Perhaps she is feeling a bit down/guilty about not being able to do the cake herself ( obviously i don't know this lady) and maybe wishes she had the skills to do it and this is her way of trying to be involved. I have made cakes for childrens birthdays and while the mums were delighted with the cakes they had a knawing guilt that they didn't do this wonderful creation -i use the term very loosly icon_redface.gif - themselves for their child.

AnneMarie

Momkiksbutt Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 8:44am
post #17 of 26

Thanks guys!! I took your advise! She came over tonight and I showed her the topper I had made, and she absolutely loved it!!!! She's soo impressed and I impressed her even more when I told her what I had planned for the rest of the cake!!

I talked to her about flavors and fillings and even got her to agree to a higher price! Wow...am I a salesman or what!? LOL

She already had me doing her son's cake on the same day, and now she's commissioned me to do her twin girls in September.

Goody for me!

I wish I could get some other people to order from me too!! icon_rolleyes.gif But this is much better than I thought would happen from her. She is a micromanager, but more than that she is a perfectionist, with a hubby that hides out and doesn't help out and blames it on his asthma....whatever...he does what he wants when he feels like it as long it if fun for him....I feel sorry for her.

I'm glad to do the cakes for her though. I've even given her permission to use my tranporting pads and my silver plateau just for fun. Heck..what are friends for anyways?! LOL thumbs_up.gif

Thanks again everyone!! Oh, and here's a pic of the topper!! I hand painted it, and did the arrangement and sculpted the numbers, and jeweled them myself. Only cost me about $6.00 to do it...not bad huh?
LL

Mike1394 Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 9:28am
post #18 of 26

That's pretty, nicely done.

Mike[/b]

karenm0712 Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 10:47am
post #19 of 26

I am thinking that she just wanted to make sure that the cake was extra special for her mom and wasn't thinking about how she was really coming across.

Now onto the cake - GREAT JOB! How did you create the "80"?

kakeladi Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 10:54am
post #20 of 26

Aaaawwwwwww how nice you were able to work things outicon_smile.gif I know you will do a super nice job on it for her.
See, sometimes going out of your way to be nice pays off big time.
Just keep doing a good job every chance you get to make a cake and people will notice and start ordering. It's hard to sit back and wait but take advantage of the time to learn all you can.

Jocmom Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 11:22am
post #21 of 26

Maybe she's been bragging to her friends and family about your other cakes. She's built up so much hype that now she wants to make sure that it's perfect. It sounds like seeing the cake topper has put her at ease. She'll probably back off now. Good luck!

BTW - great job on the topper! Is that real or edible? Either way - nicely done. thumbs_up.gif

marknelliesmum Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 11:50am
post #22 of 26

Simply stunning - well done you! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
Would you mind sharing how you did it.
AnneMarie

vickymacd Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 12:12pm
post #23 of 26

Ha, ha, after reading most of these posts, I thought "I" read it wrong. I knew it was the neighbor bugging you not the mom.

I agree with one of the posts and explain about her not holding up and you use your own and if there is a problem that she's never told you about.

I love the freeby people who have such balls to put their two cents in!!!
Oops, I guess that was ME right now!
well, you know what I mean!

Momkiksbutt Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 12:17pm
post #24 of 26

I'd love to share!!

We decided on silk flowers for this cake since she was wanting to keep the costs down. And boy did I find her a deal!!!!

I was at Michaels on Wednesday and they are having big blow out sale!! 80% off of a lot of their spring and summer flowers and many other items!! Gotta love that!! I was able to pick up all the flower I needed for $.99 a pick, the large ones that can be put into pots, not the little singles!!

I got a little ceramic watering can, base painted white. 2 cans of metallic spray, one in sage and one in pearl. Painted and then "antiqued" the can myself. Turned out better than I even saw it in my head!

I've been flower arranging since I was 17 so it was easy to come up with the image in my head for the flowers in the pot.

The 80 is a fabric floral wire frame, and then sculpy clay formed over the top of that, leaving the pic end free. Once I baked it and let it cool completely, that took about 30 minutes in the oven and then another 15 to cool, I sprayed it liberally with a spray adhesive and then rolled it in glass beads with a pearly sheen. And PRESTO!!! I stuck them in a foam block to dry while I arranged the flowers and then once they were completely dry, into the pot they went along with the flowers!

The base for it is a little round mirror they had in the floral arranging section of Michaels, I think for candles, but I thought this would be a nifty base, and a keepsake for the "Birthday Girl".

My friend agreed!

The cake is due for the 2nd of August, and she ordered a Speed racer cake for her little boy for the day before. So I'll be part way busy with cakes the end of this month.

I'll post them both when I get them done for all to see! Thanks everyone!!

If you have anymore questions about the topper or anyother questions don't hesitate to ask! icon_wink.gif

Momkiksbutt Posted 20 Jul 2008 , 12:18pm
post #25 of 26

I'd love to share!!

We decided on silk flowers for this cake since she was wanting to keep the costs down. And boy did I find her a deal!!!!

I was at Michaels on Wednesday and they are having big blow out sale!! 80% off of a lot of their spring and summer flowers and many other items!! Gotta love that!! I was able to pick up all the flower I needed for $.99 a pick, the large ones that can be put into pots, not the little singles!!

I got a little ceramic watering can, base painted white. 2 cans of metallic spray, one in sage and one in pearl. Painted and then "antiqued" the can myself. Turned out better than I even saw it in my head!

I've been flower arranging since I was 17 so it was easy to come up with the image in my head for the flowers in the pot.

The 80 is a fabric floral wire frame, and then sculpy clay formed over the top of that, leaving the pic end free. Once I baked it and let it cool completely, that took about 30 minutes in the oven and then another 15 to cool, I sprayed it liberally with a spray adhesive and then rolled it in glass beads with a pearly sheen. And PRESTO!!! I stuck them in a foam block to dry while I arranged the flowers and then once they were completely dry, into the pot they went along with the flowers!

The base for it is a little round mirror they had in the floral arranging section of Michaels, I think for candles, but I thought this would be a nifty base, and a keepsake for the "Birthday Girl".

My friend agreed!

The cake is due for the 2nd of August, and she ordered a Speed racer cake for her little boy for the day before. So I'll be part way busy with cakes the end of this month.

I'll post them both when I get them done for all to see! Thanks everyone!!

If you have anymore questions about the topper or anyother questions don't hesitate to ask! icon_wink.gif

Momkiksbutt Posted 21 Jul 2008 , 10:39pm
post #26 of 26

oops! Double post by mistake!

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%