The Nerve Of Some People!

Decorating By Babarooskie Updated 22 Jul 2008 , 7:56pm by BrandisBaked

Babarooskie Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 3:11am
post #1 of 41

I get an order from a lady who wants The Little Mermaid cupcakes. Awesome because that's my favorite Disney movie!! icon_biggrin.gif

We're writing to each other back and forth about flavors, etc. and she says, "Sorry for all the questions! and this isn't even for my kid, it's my husband's daughter's birthday" icon_eek.gif
HOW RUDE!!! I wanted slap her silly!!!
I guess it hit me more than it should because I come from divorced parents and my step-mother always treated me like the black sheep icon_cool.gif
Now I HOPE that I get this order so I can make this little girl's birthday cake awesome!!!!

40 replies
indydebi Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 3:25am
post #2 of 41

I'll stand in line to slap her also! My husband is step-dad to my 2 oldest and the word "step" doesn't even exist in my family! My oldest daughter made it very clear that hubby would give her away at her wedding, not her bio-dad. sometimes it's a little shocking for us to "remember" that we're a step family! Hubby is the first one to tell anyone, "I have three kids". And I'm blessed that all of my in-laws are the same way .... my oldest 2 are just a much a part of their family as my 3rd child. NEVER have any of my kids been treated "different"!

How DARE she treat that little girl as if the little girl is "nothing" to her! icon_mad.gif

You go girl!!

danijus Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 3:41am
post #3 of 41

How insensitive. I hope she has a great bday.

CakeMakar Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 3:53am
post #4 of 41

I wonder what their situation is? Perhaps the daughter lives with her mother in another home and the woman doesn't see her often? Perhaps the husband has stressed she is not to take her mother's place? Sad, but it does happen.
I'm from a many times over step-family, and married into one as well--Our family is so pieced together. My brother in laws and husband are sometimes referred to as "step" by various members of the family but in that case they were all grown and in their 30's & 40's before they became brothers.
Just makes you wonder what their situation could be that the woman would refer to her step daughter in that fashion.

MegWinn Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 3:55am
post #5 of 41

Gee, and we wonder why re-marriage is often so hard on the little ones...shame on that woman! I will say an extra prayer for that little girl tonight.

penguinprincess Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:09am
post #6 of 41

That makes me sooo mad! We have 2 daughters-- one is adopted and the other is biological. People always comment how the biological daugher is "our own" Excuse me-- they are both my own daughters!! It does not matter how they came to us! I always say, that they are BOTH our daughters. They are both our miracle girls as well as our greatest blessing!

kimmypooh79 Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:24am
post #7 of 41

My sister has 2 girls 4 & 6, one from a previous marriage and one from her current, and a stepson 10. She does the same thing with him. I was the one that reminded her that his bday was coming last year and I got onto her for calling him stupid. She leaves his discipline to her husband though. But her husband treats her oldest daughter worse. I get so mad b/c he acts like his 2 kids do no wrong and is constantly yelling at my niece. Most of the time she's just being a 6 year old. Blended families can sometimes be a nightmare but there are the lucky few that are blessed.

hummingbird59 Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:26am
post #8 of 41

when we married I had 2 daughters, my husband had 2 sons, we had a son together. We have always said the only steps here come in the front door. We have 5 children period!

shanasweets Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:27am
post #9 of 41

I grew up with my mom's husband since I was five. He has never once reffered to me or my sister as his step children, he even adopted me when I was a teenager. He is my dad and noone esp my bio dad could replace him. For a fact, his biological children treat him like crap. (there mom was vindictive and lied alot about him) I wish my husband could treat my oldest the same way. It is his step son, and he treats him like it, unfortantly. I never have been able to fathem why, he has known him 5 yrs old and now he is 18. I just have to say I HAVE THE GREATEST DAD EVER!!!!

TandTHarrell Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:55am
post #10 of 41

My stepdad raised me. I called my stepfather dad and my biological father, by his 1st dame. That drove my real dad crazy.

My daughter calls my husband by his 1st name, however if she is talking to her friends hes dad. I think the fact that we call him by his 1st name so long, she decided to do the same ( we met when she was one and then married 2 years later, hes pretty much all she know, ). My husband has two older kids and they are horrible kids, ages 21 and 29. They refer to me as stepmom, but not once have they called my daughter their stepsister. The same with my inlaws. I would not trade them for nothing, She has always been sister, or a grandkid..

qubanqtee Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 5:14am
post #11 of 41

my husband and I have been married for nine years. He came into our marriage with three kids....2 girls and 1 boy with special needs. I came into our marriage with three kids, 2 boys, 1 is also special needs and 1 girl. He has the three oldest kids and I have the three youngest. When someone asks him how many kids we have he says 6...and then someone inevitabley says how many are yours, and his reply is ALWAYS all of them. From the two oldest girls WE have 5 grandchildren....Step families can be tricky but it's never the childs fault and no child should ever be referred to as "not my kid".....slap that woman

itsloops Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 5:20am
post #12 of 41

icon_mad.giftapedshut.gifthumbsdown.gificon_evil.gif

Ohara Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 12:47pm
post #13 of 41

Several have mentioned how they respond to questions of how many are yours, or comments on the ones that are "your own". I am a foster/adoptive/biological parent. What amazes me, even after all these years, is that people ASK!!! People I don't even know will ask very personal questions, like it is any business of theirs. icon_evil.gif
My problem with people who make such comments as this isn't even for my kid, it's my husband's daughter's birthday, is that if they will say it when the child isn't present, odds are good that it will come out of their mouth in front of the child and not think a thing about it.
Yes, I hope you get to make an awesome birthday cake or cup cakes for this little girls birthday. Keep us posted.

kimmypooh79 Posted 17 Jul 2008 , 4:50pm
post #14 of 41

I've always referred to my sisters 10 year old stepson as my nephew and not my sisters stepson. I made my bio-niece's cakes and I plan to make his just as fab. He can be a turd sometimes when he's come home from his bio-mom's house but it mostly goes away. My 3 year old daughter loves to play with him, he and my nieces come to stay with me somtimes.

Janette Posted 18 Jul 2008 , 1:44am
post #15 of 41

I can not pass a chance to talk about my "Dad". He and my Mother started dating when I was 8 and married when I was 14.

Talk about the wind beneith my wings, he was.

ThreeDGirlie Posted 18 Jul 2008 , 2:06am
post #16 of 41

Step back and chill out. You have no idea what kind of relationship they have. It could be that the girl lives with her mom and thinks of this lady as "my dad's new wife". i.e. no real relationship (or desire for one) either way. You just don't know the dynamic.

That said, I understand how it can be frustrating. My mom married my dad when I was 5. I had known her since I was 3 and don't remember anyone else as my mom... I never think of her or her family as any less my "real" family than my dad's side. Then last year at her parents' 50th anniversary party I overheard her sister (my aunt) referring to me and my sister as my mom's step-daughters. OUCH! It's been 25 years since she married my dad and I started calling her mom. So to be referred to as a step-daughter, even though it's TECHNICALLY correct really blew me away.

jammjenks Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 4:37am
post #17 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by penguinprincess

That makes me sooo mad! We have 2 daughters-- one is adopted and the other is biological. People always comment how the biological daugher is "our own" Excuse me-- they are both my own daughters!! It does not matter how they came to us! I always say, that they are BOTH our daughters. They are both our miracle girls as well as our greatest blessing!




You could always say, "I have two daughters; one grew in my belly and the other grew in my heart."

I'm sure you've heard this quote before, but I read it somewhere and instantly thought of it when I read your post.

CeeTee Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:22am
post #18 of 41

I agree with ThreeD, don't jump to hasty conclusions! I'm appaled to see so many people condemn this woman for trying to arrange what sounds like a very special birthday cake for the newest member of her family. If she didn't care, then why is she going through the trouble?

For all we know, she's recently married and she's not yet been able to fully bond with the daughter, so she doesn't feel quite right yet calling her her step-daughter or daughter yet. There's plenty of times when the kid shuns the new spouse and never gives them a chance because they aren't their "real" parent.

You all should be ashamed! icon_mad.gif

Wjk Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 8:51am
post #19 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by CeeTee

I agree with ThreeD, don't jump to hasty conclusions! I'm appaled to see so many people condemn this woman for trying to arrange what sounds like a very special birthday cake for the newest member of her family. If she didn't care, then why is she going through the trouble?

For all we know, she's recently married and she's not yet been able to fully bond with the daughter, so she doesn't feel quite right yet calling her her step-daughter or daughter yet. There's plenty of times when the kid shuns the new spouse and never gives them a chance because they aren't their "real" parent.

You all should be ashamed! icon_mad.gif




If she hasn't had time to bond with the child, then the child is still her step-child. Not "my husbands kid"

When kids shun the new spouse, its not easy. The thing is they are kids. As the adults we should know better! Its not fair to say "Well the kid shun's me, so I'm not even going to try" Its up to the adult to make it work and to find a way.

I agree that we don't know the whole story and we don't know why she said it. All I can do is take it at face value and comment appropriately.

I think the lady was out of line. I can't sit here and speculate what her intentions were. All kids are important and special! I don't care if they are the neighbors kids. I treat them all like my own. icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 11:13am
post #20 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by CeeTee

For all we know, she's recently married and she's not yet been able to fully bond with the daughter, so she doesn't feel quite right yet calling her her step-daughter or daughter yet.




Then you don't get married yet! When we were dating, I made it clear that I was a package deal ... love me, love my kids. Ain't no if's, and's or but's about it. No "we'll work on getting along later" stuff. THESE ARE MY CHILDREN!!! No way I would marry into a situation that may or may not work with my kids!!

I appreciate your sentiment ... but it just doesn't hold water.

sarahpierce Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 11:42am
post #21 of 41

indydeb, I totally agree with you. My son was 6 when I started dating my now husband. My son can be difficult sometimes because of his ADHD. But I would of never of gotten married if they didn't get along. When my husband proposed he said he couldn't imagine his life without me AND my son. I never told my son to call him dad, or not to. I left it up to him. Now that's the only dad he knows, and he calls him that with pride. I also have a 2 year old with my husband, and he doesn't treat him any differently.my inlaws are awesome to. They treat the boys the same. We forget that we're a step family, and that my boys are half brothers. We're one of the lucky families to be blessed with happiness, and a wonderful man. icon_biggrin.gif . It's sad not everyone is like that. Sometimes people forget to think about their children when they get into a new relationship. But, I let my husband know from the get go that my kids come first. Lucky for us he agreed icon_biggrin.gif .

sarahpierce Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 11:43am
post #22 of 41

indydeb, I totally agree with you. My son was 6 when I started dating my now husband. My son can be difficult sometimes because of his ADHD. But I would of never of gotten married if they didn't get along. When my husband proposed he said he couldn't imagine his life without me AND my son. I never told my son to call him dad, or not to. I left it up to him. Now that's the only dad he knows, and he calls him that with pride. I also have a 2 year old with my husband, and he doesn't treat him any differently.my inlaws are awesome to. They treat the boys the same. We forget that we're a step family, and that my boys are half brothers. We're one of the lucky families to be blessed with happiness, and a wonderful man. icon_biggrin.gif . It's sad not everyone is like that. Sometimes people forget to think about their children when they get into a new relationship. But, I let my husband know from the get go that my kids come first. Lucky for us he agreed icon_biggrin.gif .

indydebi Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 11:47am
post #23 of 41

sarah, I could have almost written that word for word. You can't make a kid call you mom or dad .... mine chose to do so at their own time and their own pace. And their "step" dad is DAD and the other guy is referred to by first name or as bio-dad. Great inlaws here, too! NEVER have my kids ever been treated like "a step child"! icon_lol.gif

When my daughter was filling out her son's baby book, on the family tree page, she listed "step" dad as the grandfather, and bio-dad is an asterisk at the bottom of the page! Hubby's head swelled up big time on that one!

What ticks me off is people who say we are "lucky" that we have a family like that. Oh right. The ONLY reason we all get along and have a wonderful relationship is because we're "lucky". Not because we're good parents, or did things right. No .... because we're "lucky". I wanna smack up right upside the head!! icon_mad.gif

-K8memphis Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:14pm
post #24 of 41

If she is an evil step mother why is she asking so many questions about kidlette's cupcakes?

If I didn't care about a kid I wouldn't be ordering specialty food for her.

Relationships take time.

Just my two pesos.

indydebi Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:24pm
post #25 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

If she is an evil step mother why is she asking so many questions about kidlette's cupcakes?

If I didn't care about a kid I wouldn't be ordering specialty food for her.




Because she said....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babarooskie

....."Sorry for all the questions! and this isn't even for my kid, it's my husband's daughter's birthday"




First of all, what difference does it make and why did she feel theneed to clarify that info to "just the cake lady"? Granted, I can't hear the tone of voice, but to me this says, "If it was MY kid, these questions would be justified, but I'm sorry to bother you with asking this stuff for some kid that isn't even MINE!"

Ever have a discussion with your husband on who is going to call the furnace repair guy or talk to the mechanic? Yeah, I'll DO it ... but I hate it, I don't WANT to do it, I think HE should do .... and while I'm talking to the garage mechanic and asking questions, it's because I HAVE to, not because I WANT to.

Big difference.

Homemade-Goodies Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:40pm
post #26 of 41

I suppose the thing I dislike in this story most is just that fact that she calls her own child "my kid", without any particular respect or love...then the implication that she doesn't seem to have too much regard for the stepdaughter either.

All of us come here with our own histories and pains, so there is a lot about this lady we can pick apart and really dislike...but she IS looking to order a cake for her stepdaughter. That's a heck of a lot more than what so many parents manage to do for their children. E for Effort...but F for tact.

imho...

kjt Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:47pm
post #27 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by MegWinn

Gee, and we wonder why re-marriage is often so hard on the little ones...shame on that woman! I will say an extra prayer for that little girl tonight.




Me, too...and I say EXTRA icing for her on her cake!

-K8memphis Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:48pm
post #28 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by k8memphis

If she is an evil step mother why is she asking so many questions about kidlette's cupcakes?

If I didn't care about a kid I wouldn't be ordering specialty food for her.



Because she said....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babarooskie

....."Sorry for all the questions! and this isn't even for my kid, it's my husband's daughter's birthday"



First of all, what difference does it make and why did she feel theneed to clarify that info to "just the cake lady"? Granted, I can't hear the tone of voice, but to me this says, "If it was MY kid, these questions would be justified, but I'm sorry to bother you with asking this stuff for some kid that isn't even MINE!"

Ever have a discussion with your husband on who is going to call the furnace repair guy or talk to the mechanic? Yeah, I'll DO it ... but I hate it, I don't WANT to do it, I think HE should do .... and while I'm talking to the garage mechanic and asking questions, it's because I HAVE to, not because I WANT to.

Big difference.




Could be, Indy, but it could spin several other ways too. Like, she might mean that if it was for mher own biological kid she wouldn't be so picky.

Or I need to really impress people because of all the hoopla surrounding my hubby's ex.

Or y'know we could go a jillion different ways, just can't say.

Maybe kidlette stamped her feet and said I will not be a step child I only have one Mommy and Daddy. Who knows.

Maybe kidlette has been indoctrinated by her Mom and wreaks freaking havoc.

Maybe it's a new new step mom situation and she doesn't want to assume anything.

Maybe this lady has to get the samie same cupcakes or something on par with what she had previously at her Mom's house?

I'm not saying any of those are valid I'm just checking off possibilities.

bkdcakes Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 12:56pm
post #29 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

sarah, I could have almost written that word for word. You can't make a kid call you mom or dad .... mine chose to do so at their own time and their own pace. And their "step" dad is DAD and the other guy is referred to by first name or as bio-dad. Great inlaws here, too! NEVER have my kids ever been treated like "a step child"! icon_lol.gif

When my daughter was filling out her son's baby book, on the family tree page, she listed "step" dad as the grandfather, and bio-dad is an asterisk at the bottom of the page! Hubby's head swelled up big time on that one!

What ticks me off is people who say we are "lucky" that we have a family like that. Oh right. The ONLY reason we all get along and have a wonderful relationship is because we're "lucky". Not because we're good parents, or did things right. No .... because we're "lucky". I wanna smack up right upside the head!! icon_mad.gif




Oh, Debi, if they admit you worked hard to get there, then they'd have to admit that they didn't! icon_lol.gif It's not luck, in any relationship, it's hard work. I have a great marriage, but dh & I both came into it believing that we would have to work hard to make it great. I'm sure it was even harder for those of you with the kids in the mix, because it got harder for us as the kids came along! icon_eek.gif Kudos to all of you.

Make that little girl the best Little Mermaid cupcakes ever! thumbs_up.gif

loriemoms Posted 19 Jul 2008 , 1:05pm
post #30 of 41

you never know what the situaction is. The daughter might live with her mom and they get the kid just for birthdays and christmas or something. Maybe they are newly married and the daughter hasn't established a relationship with her. She didnt say this was her husband's ex wife, maybe the daughter was born out of wedlock or from an affair! At least she is ordering cupcakes for her and wants it to be nice...(thus all the questions)

I grew up also with a mom and step father (and my step father gave me away at my wedding. My bio dad was a creep) I also have four children...my three girls and my step son, but I never say I have three girls and my husband's kid. Because my step son lives with us, and we treat him the same as any other child...I drive him to school every day, and take care of him after school and sometimes I do more disaplining then his dad! When my daughter was married, my husband (her step dad) did more for the wedding then my ex husband did!

So yeah, I agree, step families can be wonderful (remember the Brady Bunch! hahaha!) but you never know what someone's situaction is...

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