Relax, it is part of life. It has nothing to do with your caking ability. Every family has people like that even when you do something else for a living. Forget about aunts, even my sisters get so jealous that they pass comments too. I am great with money. I can handle money very well, lot of people ask me suggestions about that and what pisses me off is they call only when they need something. Cooking help, don't even go there, my husband's family used to take full advantage of it. Now, I say sorry I don't think I have time with two little kids running around and a full time job.

So, next time some one shows you a piece of junk and asks you if you can make it, just smile and say are you kidding, a 3 year old can make it easily and walk away.

I am one of the lucky ones who's family is really really supportive!

But, the funny thing is...we have have of those people in my family...and it's my mother!! LOL

I guess because my mom has always been like that...I've learned to not pay her any mind. She was a little weird when I first started out...now, she's one of the most doting...and she refers a lot of people to me now too! She is STILL very judgemental about the prices I charge though...and I know if I tell her much I COULD have charged her or a family member for a cake she just about chokes on her coffee and I know it KILLS her to not say.....why?? It's just flour and sugar and eggs!! LOL

People are funny sometimes....I am sorry you had to deal with someone petty like that!! I know it's easier said than done but.....just let it roll of your back....if other people want to believe her or think it's true you probably didn't want to do cakes for them either!!

I find that I am baking so much that when it comes to family parties I almost love that no one asks me to bake. I would rather just show up and eat someone else's desserts. Plus, I'm at the point where I don't want to bake for free. The only time I was hurt and insulted was at a recent graduation party! There is a woman in my neighborhood who has the same exact business as mine. We don't know each other or get in each other's way.....works out perfect. Anyhow, I went to a friends house for her son's graduation party and she got the cookies from the other lady (whom she is not friends with). That was a blow!!! I was so floored that , I realized the next morning, I forgot to grab a cookie to see how it tastes. That was the only time I have been truly hurt and I hope it's the last.

Jocmom: That's so sweet of your husband!!! what a nice story!

Danijus, I know exactly how you're feeling. Just let it go. It's not worth the stress! I gave up my SIL a long time ago. A couple years ago my SIL asked me to make her son a treasure chest cake to feed 60. No offer to pay for ingredients or anything but that was fine I wouldn't have charged her anyway. the day before she calls and says she's now going to combine my brother's birthday and their son's birthday into one party and can I make a cake for him as well... a golf cake. I say sure no problem, nevermind I already have 2 kids with another on the way and I'm a bit tired?!? so I stay up til 4am making these cakes, I was very proud of myself, I thought they looked really nice. I get there the next day, she immediately shoves them down in the basement, no thank you. No comments at all. She finally drags them out of the basement 5 hours later, within minutes we sing happy birthday and they're being cut up. No one even had a chance to appreciate them! I was so upset to put so much effort into something that even the birthday boys hardly got to see. So the few that did see them raved and asked alot of questions, etc. She just sat there thin lipped and quiet. Fast forward to the next year and she calls, I'm assuming to ask me to make a cake again... nope, she's going to make their cakes but needs my help. I talked to her for a little while and helped her out with the design, she asked me to come over the week of and help her decorate but after a little thought, I just let her do it on her own. She asked to borrow my supplies, I let her but I didn't help. She just can't handle someone getting attention over her. No she claims to make cakes although I've never seen one. This past father's day she actually showed up with a store bought apple pie, knowing full well I make a cake for every occasion at my mother's house. sooooo... just let it slide. I think we all have at least one family member that has the need to shoot us down, don't we?

I think it's a good thing to be proud of the talent and passion we have for cake decorating - I just hope - that we don't forget that before we spent hours and hours and hours and hours LEARNING... we were not experts. (I am no expert - I'm still doing this because I think it's fun.)

Someone in an earlier post said that their friend asked them to help decorate a cookie for their daughter - and the person responded by passing on equipment but refused to donate their "talent and design". I hope I never get to snobby that I won't sit in a kitchen with a friend and giggle while helping them make their childs event special.

Lets remember that people have a choice in where they get their cakes/cookies etc. I am certain that people have more in their lives then to sit and think "hey I'll buy a store bought cake and really insult so and so because I know that will piss her off" You never know - those people may have thought "hey she/he is always talking about how expensive it is and how much time it takes - I won't ask her so that she can just come and enjoy the event" OR they may not have thought of YOU at all - they may have just been thinking of their event and how they wanted it done.

We also need to remember that these events are not about us and our cakes they are about someone elses birthday, graduation, wedding etc. so why should we be offended that our cake is not the center of attention??

I know how you feel. I would be hurt too. I just went to my neices grad party and I DID make the cake. It came out nice, but it was a short order. So I didn't really have time for anything super fancy. Well, my neice was so excited to have me make her cake! I was happy she wanted me to do it too. However, I find out just before the party that she doesn't like my frosting! What?!!! I use sugarshacks bc...which I've only had rave reviews from. They're all use to the grocery store stuff. So now I'm ticked! Why go through all that and have her...and almost the rest of her family not eat it?

Well, I brought it anyway since her mom paid me...(not enough I might add) and everyone loved the filling and the cake, but left the frosting. They made me feel like a failure. Even her mom stuck her tongue out when she was talking about the cake!!! I would have liked to take the whole thing and smash it in her face!

Anyway, sorry about the vent! I know how you feel though. Just be gald you didn't have anyone saying bad stuff about your cake!

I used to try to get into peoples heads and figure out why they didn't come to me for a cake when they rave about my cakes.. WHO KNOWS... so many have different reasons... then you get the people that come to y ou and say "I DONT NEED ANYTHING FANCY OR ELABORATE JUST A SHEET CAKE." I RESPOND WITH: " Fancy IS what I DO! GO to Costo for your sheetcake" (I don't do sheet cakes very often at all) That hurts.. To think they could give someone a great cake that people would" Oohhh and awww" about (i would hope) and make a special memory for someone.. But ask for "Nothin fancy" and these are friends I don't charge full price for.

PLEASE.... People... DON'T WASTE MY TIME. sheet cakes... Nothin fancy sheeeshhh.

OMG....I am laughing my a@* off. Hey Stephanie....we must be related because I could SWEAR you were talking about my SIL.

Actually....I think I am related to everyone on here.....you all sound like you are talking about my evil SIL, who by the way appreicates NOTHING anyone does for her....cake or not.

SO, my nephew was baptised 6-7 months ago. I had 3 other orders for cakes for that weekend and my brother calls and asks if I can make a cake for the baptism. So I go out and buy the "cross" cake pan (I am not much of a carver) and I get some ideas off CC. SO I make the cake. This lovely SIL of mine does not even say one stinking word to me about it, other than "oh...........that's nice". People keep asking her who made the cake and she pretends that she doesn't hear them (FYI>>>>we pretty much hate each other) so she doesn't have to answer. Grrrrrrr. Here is my awful comment for the day. When I found out she was pregnant I thought to myself...."oh GOD, now we will never get rid of her". I know...awful....huh.

Well anyway, my nephew turns 1 in September. Wonder if I will get a call for a b-day cake. If my brother asks, I will do it for free. If she asks, I'm charging.

I see you can all relate. I do feel better.......It is nice to know that others out there have SIL's just like mine.

I definetely have to toughen up. I take things very personally. I know I'm never going to please everyone although I'm still gonna try. The more I talk to people about my cakes the more I realize they have no idea of the time and effort put into these cakes. My friend called me on a thursday and asked me if I started working on her cake for saturday. I had to tell her that I had been working on her decorations for over a week now. She was floored. Now they are starting to realize why we charge so much more than BJ's.

My nieces came over while I was making a cake one night I put them to work coloring fondant for me.. they stayed and watched while I decorated my daughters Bridal shower cake.. I finished at 1:30 Am.. At the shower the next day they both were saying how they have a NEW appreciation FOR ONE OF AUNT SHELLYS CAKES NOW!! "That's a lot of work!" People really don't know how much time and work go in to our ART. And a lot of us have day jobs as well. Thats why the 1:30 am cake decorating sessions... BUT I LOVE IT!!

I hope I never get to snobby that I won't sit in a kitchen with a friend and giggle while helping them make their childs event special.

I'm not the person referred to in the above, but I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to sit with a friend and help them. If the person who calls only wants to USE you only for cakes, then she isn't a friend. I totally agree with not letting yourself be taken advantage of. I've offered to help my neighbor with cakes before, but that was me offering. If it makes me a snob to be able to put my foot down and say that I won't be taken advantage of by someone who doesn't even say thank you when I do help them, then so be it.

Don't let people guilt you into doing something, but if you want to do it go ahead. Saying no doesn't mean that you're snobby, it just shows that you have enough of a spine to stick up for yourself.

Costumeczar -
You said "if the person who calls only wants to USE you for cakes, then she isn't a friend" I completely agree - that person isn't a friend but they could be a customer if you handle it well.

The entry I was referring to mentioned that the person was a friend whom she knew well and whom she had made cakes for in the past and that this year the friend wanted to make the cake herself with help... There is a difference between a actual friend and an aquantiance who only calls for a cake. However, we seem to spend a lot of time on this site "ranting" "venting" etc. about friends, family and customers who insult us or upset us because they don't understand what it takes (cost, time, talent etc.) to deliver the edible art they want from us. I feel that taking a few minutes to explain the hours, equipment, cost of supplies, time away from our family, stress of deadlines, fear that our work won't be liked, is a better way to use my energy. Or better yet, helping that friend or relative complete their own edible art so that they could experience for themselves what we put into this.... they would be better able to appreciate the treat that much more the next time. And who knows you may even find a kindred spirit with whom you can decorate and dish with in the future.

I'm just saying there's enough bad stuff in life - cake is supposed to be happy!

suchie-- The tone of the actual entry we're discussing didn't imply that this was a good friend who the poster had known for a long time, it kind of sounded like it was a friend who was nervy and willing to try to take advantage of this person because she didn't want to pay for her work. And she had a nervy mother as well. So I just felt that saying that it's snobby if you don't have the time or inclination to hold someone's hand while walking them through the process of decorating something because they're too cheap to hire you to do it is a little off the mark.

Everyone has friends and family who are willing to try to get you to do the work while they want to take the credit. We also have friends and family who are appreciative and truly enjoy the things that we do for them.

My point is that a lot of women feel compelled to do everything for everyone, and we shouldn't feel bad if we actually say no sometimes. Especially for people who just want something for nothing. If we can say no to them, then we'll have more time to say yes to the people and things that we really enjoy. The OP was venting here because as cake decorators, this is the appropriate site to vent about this kind of stuff! Dang, if I didn't vent and complain I'd lose about half of the topics I usually talk about! I'd guess that venting on these boards actually has a good effect for most of us, since we can get it out, other people understand the situation because we've all run into similar things, and we don't have to harangue our spouses with it all the time!

I am sorry if my entry offended anyone. That was not my intent at all.

I guess we interpreted the OP entry differently. I don't think I said they were "good friends" or that they had known each other for a long time. Since I don't actually know either party - I simply took the details of the entry saying that the friend knew the decorator didn't do cookies and the fact that the decorator made a cookie last year for this friend and that the friend and decorator were still in contact this year at the Childs birthday - to mean that they were more then just someone who was trying to use the decorator. (I may be wrong) I also didn't take the mother's statement to be nervy. I thought if the decorator didn't do cookie cakes - the mother was just saying the decorator didn't have to step outside of her norm and bake the cookie cake - but - that her daughter could use a hand with the decorating therefore lightening the load asked of the decorator.

At no time was I advocating women should always say yes and do everything for everyone nor did I say that someone should take on tasks when they don't have time or they know they are being used.

I guess that's the thing about blogs and emails - you can't tell a person's tone and therefore the statements are left up to interpretation â and sometimes some of us get it wrong. I was trying to say (and I hope it comes across well this time) that sometimes we forget that people who are not involved in this hobby/passion/job/art do not have the knowledge we have gained over time therefore they can not possibly understand what it is they are asking of us when they seek our edible art and expertise for free. And that maybe explaining what it takes directly to that person instead of getting upset at them and talking about it here â might bring about a more positive outcome.

I hope itâs coming across well and Iâm not further upsetting anyone. Iâm a glass half full / look at the bright side type of person and thatâs all Iâm trying to sayâ¦.

Again â Iâm sorry if I came across wrong.