I Dated A Preacher.....

Lounge By sarahkate80 Updated 2 Jul 2008 , 12:37pm by MystiqueFire

sarahkate80 Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 2:13am
post #1 of 20

So, my husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. He is now on woman two or three now, not sure. My kids are now 5 and 3. We have been separated since Dec 05 but not divorced until March of 08. I didn't date during that time because I was stll legally married and I didn't want to do that.

Well, my friend hooked my up with a preacher. I am a Christian and that sounded safe. Hmmm, not so safe. We ended up getting close really fast and then he decided we shouldn't talk. So, here I am, alone again.

I don't know if it was because he was so "great" or if it was just becuase he was the first guy to be nice to me in YEARS, but I am SO much more lonely now than I was when I was alone all of the other time.

Let me say, this guy was a young, HOT preacher with a GREAT personality. He wasn't your run-of-the-mill old guy. He is HOT and a preacher, which was very attractive to me after what my husband did.

My ex's family still loves me. I was just there tonight until he walked in with his new girlfriend.

So, I am in this tiny town where everyone knows my business and lonlier than EVER. I want to do the will of God and be a good mom for my kids, but I really desire a relationship. Is that wrong? Is that desiring "worldy" things?

Ok, I have talked a lot. I am just tired and lonely. I am only 28. I am not bad looking, I hear I have a great personality (ha ha) but my self-esteem is so low that I can't imagine anyone wanting a "used up" woman with two kids, at least a Godly man without a crazy past icon_smile.gif

Ok, shutting up now.....

19 replies
sarahkate80 Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 2:25am
post #2 of 20

Did I mention that my EX HUSBAND'S GRANDMOTHERlives with me, it wasn't my idea!!

Honestly, comic relief, encouragment, anyone????

-K8memphis Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 2:39am
post #3 of 20

Well he might be hot & all but he's a bit of a dweeb if that's the best he can come up with-no talking--what's up with that. I mean being a dweeb isn't always a permanent situation. Being lonely really sucks though and he could talk to you on a dang phone for crying out loud.

I'm just being silly now--I mean he wasn't a priest or something was he??? For crying out loud!!! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

sarahkate80 Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 2:42am
post #4 of 20

I am with you! I don't know what his deal is. He got all freaked out and didn't want a serious relationship though I passed him TWICE yesterday (afternoon and late night) with the same girl. HMMM, there goes my self-esteem again! Again, love the small town.

He did call me a proverbs 31 woman and said I deserved a great guy. GEEZ, I feel much better now, thanks!!

Candy120 Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 3:18am
post #5 of 20

Wow, Jasmine, those scriptures even helped me, and I wasn't even dating the preacher-dude!! thumbs_up.gif

sarahkate80 Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 3:22am
post #6 of 20

Jasmine,

Thank you so much for what you said! Thanks for the verses and for making me feel better about wanting a relationship. I keep telling God that I am so sorry that I am lonely, that I know I need to be happy with Him alone, but I truly desire a whole "family".

I struggle so much with faith that God will actually bring someone that truly will love my children and me. I wouldn't mind the physical either!!!

I am pretty good about laughing off my situation, but it is really hard to see my ex-husband with this girl who is much younger and seeing them playing family with my children when that is all I want!!

Anyway, thanks so much. This site is a life saver for me tonight. I have worked and done VBS all week and I am spent; it is nice to have an outlet and some encouragement.

MystiqueFire Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 4:00am
post #7 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Candy120

Wow, Jasmine, those scriptures even helped me, and I wasn't even dating the preacher-dude!! thumbs_up.gif




icon_lol.gif Hey! Glad I could be of help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahkate80

Jasmine,

Thank you so much for what you said! Thanks for the verses and for making me feel better about wanting a relationship. I keep telling God that I am so sorry that I am lonely, that I know I need to be happy with Him alone, but I truly desire a whole "family".

I struggle so much with faith that God will actually bring someone that truly will love my children and me. I wouldn't mind the physical either!!!

I am pretty good about laughing off my situation, but it is really hard to see my ex-husband with this girl who is much younger and seeing them playing family with my children when that is all I want!!

Anyway, thanks so much. This site is a life saver for me tonight. I have worked and done VBS all week and I am spent; it is nice to have an outlet and some encouragement.




Well I can assure you that he hears you, and I can only imagine how it must feel to see your ex with another woman. God knows the desires of your heart, and He is faithful to bring to pass that which He has promised you! It certainly is NOT His will to see you in pain or sadness, au contraire! Just put your full trust in Him no matter the circumstance. He always performs! In fact, I felt impressed to write this scripture down the other morning, and I think it ties perfectly with this situation. I was looking for this to write in the previous post but I've since found it... so here it is!

Psalm 55:22 -- Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Funny how that happens!

Jasmine

jsmith Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 4:08am
post #8 of 20

I don't have any words of wisdom but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry you're going thru a rough time. It sucks to be lonely and I don't think you need to apologize for it. Your kids are lucky to have you and I hope you find a great guy.

Dordee Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 5:54am
post #9 of 20

Just wanted to say that I am very sorry for what you are going through right now. I know it hurts to see your ex with another woman. It feels like a big punch in the stomach but it WILL get better. Leaning on God is the best thing you can do. Like someone else has already said He will send you the right man and you will know he is the right one for you when he comes along. Hang in there! I'll say a prayer for you.

tracycakes Posted 26 Jun 2008 , 9:54pm
post #10 of 20

God DOES have plans for you and they will work out in His time and it will be better than you can imagine.

I want to share a quick story about myself. I dated a man for 7 years starting shortly after I turned 21. It was the first time I was really in love and "I" just knew this was the man for me. I was miserable. He was a great guy....to everyone except his family and girlfriends. I was afraid to break up because I didn't want to be alone and all I wanted my entire life was to be a wife and mom. Finally, I got strong enough to break up. I started dating another man and we married 10 months after my breakup with ex-boyfriend. My hubby is wonderful! We've been married for almost 16 years and I was 29 when I got married. The timing was perfect because we couldn't have gotten married any sooner. We worked together and it wouldn't have worked. I was so afraid that I would be an old maid with 100 cats. Instead, e have gotten to do so many things together, he is so supportive and I can hardly remember life before him.

Be strong. Be patient. God knows what you need and when you need it. He will provide.

Sorry it's so long, I didn't mean to hijack the thread. icon_redface.gif

Nyma Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 1:09am
post #11 of 20

Sarah,
First of all your NOT a used up woman, your a child of God that is trying to do the right stuff and had the misfortune of divorsing her first husband. The Lord doesn't look lower on you therefore He will bring one of his child to your life but keep in mind that it will be on HIS time and that's alway just in time! Remember that if we delight in his presence he will give us the desires of our hearts (psalms 37:4) and I'm a living testimony of that. (Excuse my english as it is not my mother tounge)

sarahkate80 Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 1:59am
post #12 of 20

Nyma,

Thank you for what you said! I am amazed at the support and amount of believers on this site. It is such a blessing. I really needed to hear that I am not "used up" tonight. God bless you for that!

I have struggled for weeks now about faith, God's timing, how much I should work to find someone and how much I should sit back and trust. I will work more to keep myself in the Word.

Funny story. A guy started talking to me tonight at the ball park. I asked him is name and as I was leaving, he invited me to come play sometime. When I got home, I asked someone from this town if they knew him and they said "oh yeah, he is in seminary to be a pastor!" Hmm, what is up with me meeting pastors???? icon_smile.gif

Nyma Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 4:06am
post #13 of 20

LOL!!! hillarious! I'm glad my words were a blessing to you. I would not say to just sit back, but you definetively have to trust that is a most, I would not say to go and date everyone you find on your way but give your self a chance to at least talk to people and carefully try to learn a little bit about someone and the Lord will confirm by giving you peace in whatever decision you make. Ask him to give you discernment in this process and I'm sure you will soon look back with joy because you've found the right person!

krysoco Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 6:14am
post #14 of 20

I see you've already gotten plenty of good advice. Please know that you are not alone. I am married and I'm still lonely. I know how you feel. Your self-esteem has taken a blow. The clouds will disappear and God will show you the way. Then you will begin to see that you're worth a lot. You mean a lot to many ppl. Your kids are blessed to have you. Don't worry about what your ex has. You are true to yourself and that's more than he'll ever be.

JanH Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 7:41am
post #15 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahkate80

So, my husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. He is now on woman two or three now, not sure. My kids are now 5 and 3. We have been separated since Dec 05 but not divorced until March of 08. I didn't date during that time because I was stll legally married and I didn't want to do that.




You've had months to come to terms with the demise of your relationship. You cannot move on to a new healthy relationship if you're still emotionally invested in your ex-husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahkate80

We ended up getting close really fast and then he decided we shouldn't talk. So, here I am, alone again.




Perhaps he recognized that you were on the "rebound" from a bad relationship you would not/ have not ended...and he didn't want to take advantage of your neediness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahkate80

I don't know if it was because he was so "great" or if it was just becuase he was the first guy to be nice to me in YEARS, but I am SO much more lonely now than I was when I was alone all of the other time.

...my self-esteem is so low that I can't imagine anyone wanting a "used up" woman with two kids, at least a Godly man without a crazy past icon_smile.gif




Your self-esteem is low, so it seems you feel "any man" no matter how you're treated is better than "no man".

People (men) will treat you according to the limits/expectations that you set. (If you don't expect to be treated nicely, you'll certainly attract that type of person.)

I would strongly urge you to seek professional counseling so that you can achieve closure of your previous relationship (your husband has certainly moved on).

Counseling might also help you recognize why you're so anxious to jump headlong into any type of relationship.

Faith in God is comforting, but you need help to seriously focus on improving your mental outlook so that you can confidently get on with the rest of your life (and forgot about what your ex-husband is doing or not doing).

You can have a good life, you're just getting in your own way right now!

(Dr. Phil) Life After Divorce:

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/213

Psychology Today - Dating After Divorce:

http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20030121-000001.html

Starting Over After Divorce (A series of Articles):

http://www.womansdivorce.com/after-the-divorce.html

HTH

P.S. Long story, short:
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.....

-K8memphis Posted 27 Jun 2008 , 12:48pm
post #16 of 20

More great links from Jan.

Thank you, Jan.

dydemus Posted 30 Jun 2008 , 11:14pm
post #17 of 20

Big hugs to you.
I have to say what Krysoco said was interesting "I'm married and I'm still lonely" - it's true - a partner/husband won't fill our voids completely. This has got to be a tough time for you. Although it seems that your hurts are centering around being "alone" you've mentioned a number of hurtful things that are compounding the pain. A man (even Superman) will not be enough to make that heal right now.
It's wonderful that you have faith. That is where the healing is. Draw nearer to God- and He will give you the mercies to make it to the next day. One day at a time icon_wink.gif

sarahkate80 Posted 1 Jul 2008 , 1:50am
post #18 of 20

Thanks to all of you who are supporting me. I appreciate the last comment.

I don't feel that I am desperate, I have done fine since 05 to be alone and take care of my children. I have just had it on my heart lately to be a party of a family. I want my kids to be younger if and when I ever remarry.

Anyway, I would appreciate any of you sisters (and brothers icon_smile.gif) in Christ to say a prayer for me when you read this. I know that there is a lot of stuff going on in this world and this may not seem that important, but I am always thankful to have prayer support no matter what is going on!!

dydemus Posted 1 Jul 2008 , 12:01pm
post #19 of 20

Will do.
You know, it's interesting how God works. I have this dorky saying (but I love it) - there are lots of ways to get to Ninevah, I'd rather not do it in a fish icon_smile.gif.
God has a plan for you. I spent many years trying to control my cicumstances, and it didn't work - I chased what I thought was the kind of life I should have, rather than the one God wants for me, created me for, and has given me the gifts to do. When I was truly able to let go of what I wanted, some really wonderful things have happened. It's definitely a process, and each day is a struggle of its own. But God gives us the mercies to deal with each day while he carries us closer to our purpose. The only way to hear Him is to spend time in the word, and prayer. Find others who can support you this way (not superficial people who want to tell you all the right things - but people who truly care about you).
Will be praying - I know I don't know you, but God does icon_wink.gif

MystiqueFire Posted 2 Jul 2008 , 12:37pm
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by dydemus

Will do.
You know, it's interesting how God works. I have this dorky saying (but I love it) - there are lots of ways to get to Ninevah, I'd rather not do it in a fish icon_smile.gif.




that quote is AWESOME! HA! Too cute!

Jasmine

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%