The red flags have been raised. Heed them and move on. This woman was obviously seeking you out for reasons other than your cake decorating skills. If you make the cake, you won't have seen the last of her. Nice or not, she's obviously preoccupied with your ex's past relationship with you. Cut the ties as it will be more difficult to get rid of her down the road. In my opinion, this isn't about business, and she shouldn't be treated as such. Dealing with this woman will be a huge mistake. It would be different if you gradually became friendly acquaintances over something other than your ex.

Wow, this is just too creepy.

Danielle,
I am an Mom that has a hard time trusting people that act in a strange way. I can't help but see red flags of warning all over this situation. Please forgive me if I am wrong, but....

I know you feel confident that this will be no big deal to do, and any fall-out will land on them. From your perspective this may be true, but, please be careful with this woman. You really don't know her and her motives. I really wish your Mom had not given out your information to this woman.

My first impression about her was that she was using your web site to check out what pleased her boyfriend in another woman. Her curiosity and "getting to know you" really is more than creepy, it sounds like a form of stalking. Her fascination with your prior relationship, by forming a "friendship" with you is not a healthy sign, especially since you both know it would be upsetting to your ex. Her focus is on you.

Delivering the cake to her will give her the opportunity to meet you, to see you, etc. That would not be a good thing if you really don't want her to become a ever increasing part of your life.

If you know your ex will become angry over the cake, then why wouldn't she? What would be the purpose of her knowingly spending so much money for his special day, only to ruin it? That isn't the trait of a nice and loving girlfriend. That kind of behavior makes it seem like she is more interested in you, than in a special cake for him.

I can't help but think she is up to something. If he gets sick after eating your cake, would you be the one to be blamed? Your ex would automatically think you were trying to harm him. Who knows the actual status of their relationship. They may be having problems. I wouldn't want to be the one blamed for someone else's pay back.

Is this her way to make sure his feelings for you are dealt with?
He might actually be there, by her design, when you deliver. It might be important to her to see his reaction to you. If he doesn't get mad, and instead shows any positive response to you, would she turn against you and become jealous? Who knows! You were a major part of his life, for a very long time. She may see you as a hidden part of his past that she needs to open.

I'm sorry y'all, but I wouldn't go for the money. I would stay far, far away from anyone that obviously has some emtional issues. Peace of mind and life, with safety are more important.

Please don't think I am fussing at you. I really don't mean to. I just can't help but worry that things are not right with this whole thing.
Please let us know how things go. - Debbie B.

I'd make the cake. Make it the best I could. Make sure to get pictures. I'd double check with her as far as the flavor combination though.

As far as checks go...I cash them at the customers' banks and deposit cash into mine. Things happen...most times unintentionally...but they happen and I prefer not to be put in the situation where a payment bounces.

All the best to you on your decision.

I think there's such a variety of responses because we all have different situations with our exes. My ex-husband and I have a peaceful and polite relationship and almost always have. We usually only talk about our son, but we deal directly and comfortably about our son.

His current wife and I have gotten along off and on, but have had no real clashes for years. She always hires me to make the cakes for their adorable 2 yr old daughter and any parties she has. She raves about my cakes to her friends. She pays the price I charge....and she tips.

My point is, it can work, depending on the situation.

As for the flavor situation, I would tell her I would be happy to make her a yellow cake with German chocolate filling, but I would suggest a couple of authentic German flavors to her if she really wants "a flavor of Germany."

Best of luck whether you decide to take the order or not!

\\5 words "Run like the wind, Bullseye!!!" Kick her in the pants first for being an idiot!

Adding: I agree that this is her checking you out, and if it makes him mad, then there is your clue. SHE is not over you. I've had my DH's ex stay at our house before (she is in Australia with their son), and even IF they lived here in town, I would encourage her to go somewhere else for cake for her own purposes. I'd do the son's in a heart-beat, but not one for her or her BF or whatever. Unless you are THE ONLY cake decorator in town or within a 50 mile radius, this has wierd written all over it.

That being said, I must admit, this made me laugh, and I appreciate you bringing this to us!!!

[quote="Laura102777"]I think there's such a variety of responses because we all have different situations with our exes.


My husband and I have never had an ex, just each other. We married young 29 years ago. (Straight out of the cradle for those of you trying to figure out my age. ) For better or worse, I'm just one of those moms that is protective and cautious.

But Laura10277, you two have a son together. Of course you have to deal with the new wife.
This girl has no reason at all to be in contact with the new girlfried. I tend to side more with DebB-there is an agenda here. To see his reaction, to make him angry at her, something isn't right. I still think she was checking out the site to see what the ex girlfriend was like, and how she compares to her.

what a kooky story...

IMHO I would go ahead and do the cake -for as much money as I can get from it -and make it perfectly clear to the new girlfriend that you appreciate her business, but you will not do any more cakes for her/them.

....then I would change my e-mail addy...

It does seem a little odd to me, but her intentions may not be bad...

I do cakes for my husband's ex all the time, but he still has to deal with her because they have a daughter together. She is actually my best customer and she gets me all sorts of business! She can be a very back stabbing and vicious kind of person - but has never once even complained about the cakes and is willing to pay very well, even for the ones for my step daughter (which I offer to do for free).

I have never had one of his ex girlfriends contact me in this manner though, but I would likely do it...it would be a great thing to show off to them!! As long as you protect yourself financially (as I am sure you do with all customers) then no worries!

thanks guys - I've really gotten some wonderful, unbiased opinions, which, in turn, have caused me to examine the situation a little more carefully. I am just as much at fault as her for summing her up via the e-mails she has sent me. I did, however, send her an e-mail this morning accepting (not in so many words) her order. No contract has been signed, so I still have an out... ...I'm now trying to word an e-mail to renig my offer (if possible). Has anyone ever had to back out of an accepted order?

Just be honest and tell her that under the current circumstances it's best that she find another decorator. Do you have someone you could provide as a referral? Explain that under different circumstances you would be happy to do the cake. But after further consideration, it's in both of your best interests not to pursue this. Tell her it's nothing personal, but you cut off ties with your ex long ago, and don't feel comfortable being associated with him directly or indireclty. If you think it's too late to back out, go through with the order, but politely tell her that you will not be able to be her cake decorator in the future.

almost seems to me that she may be ordering a cake from you just to sabotage you. I mean she can't say your cakes are horrible or that they fall apart or look terrible in person if SHE'S never ordered one before right?? But if she orders one, she has a good excuse to bad mouth you and your business to anyone who'll listen. I say you call her up and tell her that you just had someone pay a deposit on a wedding cake the same day and you're sorry but you're booked now. She didn't send you a deposit or anything on the cake yet right?

I also have a couple stories to add...

The girlfriend of my exhusband wanted me to do cakes. I knew her before I met my husband. She hated me. I was single, she was in an on again/off again relationship. Her boyfriend and I became good friends and started dating during one of her "off again" mood swings and he never went back to her.

We dated very seriously for a couple years and I put up with her crap and games she played and attempts at breaking us up. Doug and I just realized that we were better friends and chose to end it at friends and worked to stay friends. Jennifer NEVER got him back. She tried, oh did she try.

Another friend of mine (Katie) came into the picture. Katie and I had many long talks with me about Doug, and how I felt about him during our relationship. She was always very supportive of my decisions and of my relationship. She herself was in a relationship at the time and honestly didn't see Doug that much and just knew him from occasional passings at a party or group dinner dates.

Katie's boyfriend passed away after Doug and I split up. They ran into each other at an event and hit it off. I was estatic for them.

Doug and Katie fell head over heals in love. 5 months into their relationship were engaged, 6 months after that were married. I did shower cakes, wedding cakes, and until I moved out of state birthday cakes for them, their children, family and extended family. When I am going back to California for a Wilton class next month they will be making a 2 hour drive with 3 kids and a newborn to see me... completley out of their way.

Not all ex-relationships are orders to run from.

After Doug and I broke up I met someone and married him. Two years later our marriage ended. Oddly enough my exhusband ended up wtih Jennifer a year later. Oh how she loved this! Gloated to everyone she knew... um hello it was a bad reason I left him gloat all you want I was done with him. I was the one that walked away due to some bad actions on his part.

She tried to order cakes to see me. To see what I was about. To keep me involved in her life with him.

I called my ex and asked him to call her off. I was nice, I was professional and yes it caused a huge fight with them but she wouldn't go away. It was creepy.

I told him "listen this is awkward, Personal is personal and business is business but in this situation I can't keep the two apart no matter how hard I try. Please have your girlfriend leave me alone, leave my shop alone, and have her go away."

It was the intent behind the orders. It was creepy. She was loony.

When it comes to my exhusband while I was still in California they got zero orders.

There's a time and place to take and order and a time to turn one down when it's a matter of our hearts and/or our past.

In your situation you did say something like "he would be livid if she got the cake from me." and insinuated it could end their relationship in one of your posts.

Yes you would make money off her, yes it's an order but at what overall cost? Is doing an order worth ruining a relationship for them over? Is it worth that cost to you? If that relationship does end over you doing the cake can you live with yourself over it?

I don't want you to answer those here publicly, only in your heart and you and only you can answer that question.

Best of luck with your decision either way. Follow your heart and head.

*hugs*

Yes, I have had to cancel an order before -- a bride and mom that I just didn't think I could work with (they were kind of kooky also ). If you do want to cancel it, I would simply send her an email (since that is how you have been corresponding) letting her know that you are very sorry, but you are no longer available to do her cake.

Leaving the ex-thing out of it, I think it is hard to do a cake (especially something large and detailed) for someone you don't feel comfortable with. The main florist that I work with (who charges the most and is the "it" florist in our town) often turns away customers if he doesn't feel they can have a good working relationship.

I'm betting that he has said something about you or she's found a picture or something. She is trying to keep tabs on the both of you.

RUN!!!!!!!

There is nothing good going to come out of this!
This is going to bite you in the butt!!!!

Lu

I wouldn't be concerned if you ex called and wanted a cake. You know him. Some exes get along others don't at all. You would have enough information to know what you should do.

But in all honesty, this worries me. It is just not normal behavior on her part. Perhaps she really is being completely honest. But if you do make this cake, please take extra, perhaps ridiculous precautions, okay? Don't deliver the cake alone. Don't be alone with her. Don't give her more information that you would give any stranger.

I don't know you, but I'm concerned for you.

Please bare with me while I think (type) outloud...

An EX's current girlfriend got ahold of your email from your MOTHER, and wants you to create a ''German'' cake for his birthday, and doesn't want it too chocolate, but wants a ''German'' CHOCOLATE cake!

1. I think I would be having a talk with my mother over why she gave this woman your email address, unless she didn't know who she was, and how did this woman know your mom was your mom? Did she hunt her down?

2. Does the ex even know she asked YOU to make this cake? How would he feel about that?

3. Her email sounds like she is trying to rub it in your face that she is with him now and you aren't, and she wants something different, like a yellow (not too chocolate) german chocolate cake, to try to see if you fail at it.

4. Regardless of if her check clears or not, what happens if (God forbid) they get or fake food poisoning from your cake or don't like the cake? Will you be able to handle any bad-mouthing that they might do or if they ask for a refund? People are mean and this would be my luck if I did this cake. If he was mean enough to clean out your bank account, would they be mean enough to try something like this?

5. Professional or not, it is just too stressful in my opinion, and all of this is just MY opinion, so forgive me if you don't agree, but I would err on the side of caution. WHY put yourself in a potentially bad situation? I wouldn't take this chance, but this isn't my decision to make.

I wish the best to you whatever your choice may be. Please keep us informed of what happens.

Yeah, she seems way too looney! Don't do the cake... There is no telling what she is up to.

Ok, update everyone... ...I politely but professionally backed out of the deal by being as honest as I could without offending her, and I got back an e-mail that was quite strange. I had originally offered to forward her design and flavors over to another bakery in the area that I trust could handle to request, but her response was, "Thanks but I guess we'll just go to the mountains instead." This confirms that it was never about the cake, but it was about me making the cake. Thank you to everyone for your sound advice! Without you guys, I would have followed though, and ended up with a stalker, or worse yet, an alleged poisoning lawsuit and a cop on my doorstep!!

Thank you!!! You guys are the best!

Hugs to you Danielle.

Can I make a suggestion in case you have any other ex's out there I'd have a talk with your mom regarding future inquiries about you regardless of how innocent they seem and ask...no... demand that she get their contact information and you will contact them and for her not to give your site and other info out.

When it comes to jelous girlfriends with an ex anything is possible and you can't be to careful.

Weird response from her. Weird weird weird.

Run, Forest, Run!!!!

Thank heavens, Danielle. I was worried.
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The mountains must be beautiful this time of year - LOL !

I didn't even read the whole forum but THANK GOODNESS you didn't do it. It had S-T-R-A-N-G-E written all over it