Survey Says ......

Decorating By indydebi Updated 16 Jun 2008 , 4:55pm by chrissysconfections

indydebi Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 11:33am
post #1 of 30

I have a survey on my website. I got a very interesting response today that I thought everyone would find interesting. I've cut and pasted it below:

------------------------------------

Q1) As a guest at a wedding, I really would prefer it if the bridal
couple would not ......

Feed some guests one thing and others another without it
being a meal option on the RSVP. What comes to mind are those flat
tiny slices of cake when some guests get something that's got
multiple layers and fillings to it, same goes for kiddie cupcakes. I
sort of feel like I've been cheaped out on when I've just spent $300
or so just to show up at the wedding after all of the transportation,
hotel, gift, etc.
[/u]

29 replies
hallow3 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 11:48am
post #2 of 30

So I take this person must feel that cake is her payment for coming and she did not get enough and can't go back for another piece? wow. Well at least she was honest about her feelings.

jen1977 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 11:53am
post #3 of 30

Sounds like they've gotten a slice of a kitchen cake! I hate those!

gottabakenow Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:05pm
post #4 of 30

well yes, it is very very nice to have the same piece of cake for everyone, but it's not the guests right to have it! you're not supposed to get paid, in whatever currency icon_smile.gif, to go to a wedding.

Edit Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:07pm
post #5 of 30

I'm sure she talks about sheet cakes from Sam's (or so) versus cakes from bakers/decorators. It's not being "paid" for showing up. It's the equal treatment of each guest.

grama_j Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:16pm
post #6 of 30

EVERY guest should be treated equally..... If they are going to be served a "kitchen" cake, it should be the same height, with the same filling, etc. as if it were cut from the larger wedding cake.......

gottabakenow Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:22pm
post #7 of 30

I totally agree on the all-guests-should-be-treated-equally thing. The only thing is, this person seems to think that because she spent $300 on transportation, she should get a big piece of cake. icon_confused.gif I'm just being picky, I completely think that kitchen cakes, if any, should be the same as the other cake.

moxey2000 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:23pm
post #8 of 30

I don't think the respondent was being petty or feeling they should be paid to show up. I think they were just being honest about their *feelings*. Food evocs some pretty intense emotions. I suspect this person has been a guest more than once and saw the lovely bakery cake being passed out and then a slice of sheetcake handed to her. She's just stating a fact, she felt sort of dishonored. I applaud her honesty and thank Indydebi for sharing it with us.

aliciag Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:26pm
post #9 of 30
Quote:
Quote:

EVERY guest should be treated equally.....




I agree.

I would feel like I wasn't a "real" guest......you know the kind where the bride and groom go back and forth....ok we invite her(?)...hmmm no we don't(?) but if we do..(?) then we have to invite them(!?)... icon_lol.gif

fem128 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:44pm
post #10 of 30

I can understand their gripe. Looks like they have gotten a slice of a kitchen cake once too often! I definitely think it's unfair and a little unthoughtful to offer kitchen cakes that are only one layer. Anyone with eyes will notice the difference LOL.

leah_s Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:45pm
post #11 of 30

And that's exactly why I will never under any circumstances do a sheet cake for a wedding. Kitchen cakes, yes, but a kitchen cake has a specific definition. That's a layered cake, with fillings, served from the kitchen, simply iced but without decoration. A sheet cake is a single layer cake, no fillings, more like a kids birthday cake. At least those are the definitions around here.

Whenever I have a bride asking for sheet cakes, I first point out that she will need to identify which of the guests get the "real" wedding cake and which should be served the cheaper sheet cake. That usually wakes em up fast.

Look at it this way - would you serve some of your guests Porterhouse steak and some of your guests "Salisbury Steak"? There're both steak, right?

fem128 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:50pm
post #12 of 30

I can understand their gripe. Looks like they have gotten a slice of a kitchen cake once too often! I definitely think it's unfair and a little unthoughtful to offer kitchen cakes that are only one layer. Anyone with eyes will notice the difference LOL.

MichelleM77 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 1:34pm
post #13 of 30

See, I kinda felt that our reception was for our guests. I chose items I would like to eat, but in the end it was what would be best for our guests. We held the reception to thank our guests for celebrating with us, and in a way an expensive delicious meal is our gift to them. Isn't that what it's for? How could I give some of my guests one dessert and others another? I wouldn't want some of my guests to be upset or feel like some got a better "gift" than someone else, like your survey person.

cjmommy Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 2:08pm
post #14 of 30

I totally agree with the survey responder. I think it's really unfair to treat guests differently.

I once spent ALOT of money to attend a destination wedding that NONE of the bride's friends attended (we're friends of the groom). When they had their reception at home I was stuck in the very back corner of the room while all the bride's friends were upfront and she spent the entire night thanking her "supportive" friends. PLEASE!

Not quite the same thing as two different types of cake, but either way you feel slighted and like your friendship doesn't matter.

My vent for the day icon_smile.gif.

Petit-four Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 3:04pm
post #15 of 30

Thank you, Indydebi for sharing that insight!

It certainly shows 1) some guests DO notice the small details that go into event planning and 2) the powerful, psychological need to share equally of a beautiful work of sugar art.

I think that is why, in part, people gather around cakes (more than, say, an elaborate floral arrangement) -- there is part of us that says, "boy it's beautiful, but soon part of it is MINE!"

We all have an inner two-year-old. icon_smile.gif

CoutureCake Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 5:36am
post #16 of 30

I think it's the geometry of it... A flat slice of sheet cake is a smaller portion than even a regular slice of filled wedding cake. I've been to a number of weddings and been "that guest" only the best time was the time when the parents of the groom had finished eating and were mingling with us as they had already had their elegent slice of wedding cake and we got this itsy bitsy little cube that was exactly 1 1/2"x 1 1/2"x1 1/2" that the groom was BRAGGING about getting for .25 less than the REAL cake. O.k. geometry says - he got TOOK to the cleaners because he only got 1/2 of what his money paid for..whooops! (for $20 he made himself, his bride, his parents and her parents look like cheapskates)..

I think the original respondant's point was that it's not fair when you've paid everything that it costs to show up at a wedding, then some guests are treated better than others yet you're still expected to fork over the exact same money for the annoying block hotel, $4/gallon for gas there and back, $100 or more on the gift (let's face it, if we add up every penny we spend on wedding gifts after the wrapping paper what it REALLY comes out to - more if our gift is the cake!), babysitter at $13/hr, if you or your kid is in the WP, it's another night's hotel, $150/pp for the required attire, $60 for hair/makeup if the bride is requiring that as well, dry cleaning expenses that otherwise would not be incurred, etc. I would HONESTLY rather have a KFC catered meal (aka $4-6/pp for a full meal on paper plates and plastic tools) with a vanilla icecream cup for everyone for dessert than see someone at the next table over getting steak and a 3-scoop icecream sundae with strawberries and sprinkles when all I got was this chincy vanilla icecream cup. What makes one guest more important or "more caring" than another?!?!

My brother actually had this situation happen years ago... He and his coworkers were invited to a "cake reception".. Thinking the couple couldn't afford to feed everyone, they all showed up with their nice gifts at the specified time, saw a rubbermaid with some (no frills or lots of icing) cupcakes.. no one around.. finally they all got tired of waiting for an hour plus without even seeing a staff person from the reception site... went upstairs to find someone on staff... There was a room with JUST enough chairs left empty for each and every one of the coworkers to have been able to eat but they were assigned to other people who ended up not showing up... The people that went to check came back down and told the rest of the people what they had seen, the others went to look for themselves (mind you, they're all cops)... about half of the coworkers ate their cupcake, closed the card (WITHOUT a monetary gift or they took the card off of the gift to take it home), and left.. The rest to this day resented the fact that they had spent what they did on the gifts, ate their "gross" cupcake (think Jiffy mix with crisco on top) and left as well without sticking around for anyone from the WP to even come acknowledge them...

I've been on the "rubber chicken circuit" and everyone there gets treated the same, why should a wedding be held to a different banquet standard for how attendees are treated in the level and quality of the meal?

indydebi Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 12:38pm
post #17 of 30

couturecake, I think that's exactly what this person was saying. I dont' think it has anything to do with "I spent this much money to attend their wedding and I expect to be fed a certain way because of how much money I spent." I think it's strictly equal treatment of guests.

There are too many stories on www.etiquettehell.com on this topic!

I've seen so many things like this where guests are treated different. One wedding had certain tables who were served their food, already plated, by the wait staff, and the rest of the guests had to stand in line at the buffet and serve themselves. Oh yeah, THAT went over big with everyone! icon_eek.gif

Even assigned seating causes problems ..... I was just "the cake lady" at one wedding where an aunt gave me the whole lowdown on the family gossip, as she b*tched about ".... I don't know why SHE gets to sit close to the bride and *I* have to sit way out here in the corner! SHE isnt' even a real aunt! She acts like she's somethin' but I remember when she didnt' ahve a you know what to you know what in!" All because one aunt was seated closer to the bride than another aunt (I *SO* hate assigned seating at a wedding!)

I plan to use this story to share with brides on "Yes, your guests DO notice the differnce and they resent it".

I love leahs response to them on "which guests get the cheap looking cake?"! icon_lol.gif I had one bride who wanted to buy my full cake package includes plates, forks, punch, cups, etc) for 100 and "just cake" for 50 or 75. I told her, "Sure! Just let me know which guests get their cake on a plate with punch in a cup, and which guests get their cake served on their hand and get to drink from the water fountain." She got the point.

MichelleM77 Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 2:01pm
post #18 of 30

That's exactly why we did sit-down seating at our reception, not to mention it was cheaper to do it that way than a buffet (at least that's what I was explained, because they would have to have more food available for the buffet per person because they wouldn't know who was going to eat what, more wasted food, etc.).

How would you have a wedding reception and not have assigned seating? Hours would be spent trying to find everyone a seat. Not everyone has 8 people in their "party."

FromScratch Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 2:33pm
post #19 of 30

We didn't have assigned seating at our wedding.. and there was no issue in everyone finding a seat. There was close to 100 people there too. Everyone went in and sat down and that was that. icon_smile.gif

marthajo1 Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 3:07pm
post #20 of 30

I hate doing assigned seating for Christmas dinner I can't even imagine all the politics that have to go into assigned seating for 150 +.... YUCK!


Thanks for posting that survey response Debi!

lecrn Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 5:50pm
post #21 of 30

I have zero experience with wedding cakes, but I want to put my 2 cents in. I understand the need to feel equally treated, but come on! This is a celebration for the Bride & Groom. I personally have never received a filling portion of cake at any of the weddings that I have attended. I also have never took the time out to survey how big or what flavor that Betty Sue has sitting at the next table (or how close she's sitting to the bride). If you're going to a wedding for the cake or the food, you're going for the wrong reason. If you don't want to spend the money for transportation, then don't go. Why don't the couple open the wedding gifts before the guest are served so that the cake pieces can match the value of the gift?
This is exactly why my husband & I went to Jamaica to get married. Neither one of us wanted the hassle of spending all that money for food that other people would not like/appreciate.
Off my soapbox.. If I did wedding cakes and a bride requested sheet cakes, I suppose she would also need to pick out which guests got which cake (as someone else mentioned). This really makes dummy cakes make more sense to me. Just give them all a piece of sheet cake. Problem solved.

FromScratch Posted 14 Jun 2008 , 6:08pm
post #22 of 30

No.. just make your kitchen cakes look like a piece of the big cake and that there is your problem solved. Making dummies and servigns sheet cakes doesn't help the couple that's for sure.. since it will cost them a lot more for that. I charge the same for dummies as I do for real cake since it's the same decorating time. Kitchen cakes aren't discounted a ton either since they are just under-decorated versions of my regular cakes.

The reception is for the guests IM(not-so)HO. It is a party you throw to celebrate your marriage and thank your guests for coming and helping to make your life what it has become.. that's how I looked at it for my wedding. No way would I be skimping on part of the cake just to save some money. Every guest took the same time to come and celebrate with us and they all deserved the same food/cake.

lecrn Posted 15 Jun 2008 , 2:26am
post #23 of 30

[quote="jkalman"]No.. just make your kitchen cakes look like a piece of the big cake and that there is your problem solved. Making dummies and servigns sheet cakes doesn't help the couple that's for sure.. since it will cost them a lot more for that.

I suppose that would make it more economical.
I was just voicing my opinion on the subject. I also think that this should be a celebration for the bride & groom to celebrate with their guests, but I think that some guests get carried away with the "small" stuff like how big of a piece of cake they receive. That is just my personal opinion.

FromScratch Posted 15 Jun 2008 , 3:47am
post #24 of 30

I defintely didn't mean to come off as bitchy as I did.. LOL. Sorry if you felt that I was jumping on you. I was speaking more in general than directly at you. icon_smile.gif

I know that I wouldn't appreciate getting walmart sheet cake if others were getting a yummy bakery cake. (*IF* I noticed a difference). But in all reality I agree that it's silly to get upset about.. I wouldn't hat my friends if that happened to me. I wouldn't eat the cake is all.. icon_lol.gif.

On a side note.. getting married in Jamaica sounds nice.. icon_wink.gif I got married on the beach too.. but in Nantucket, MA. We had a very laid back wedding/reception. I am not into all of the fuss. We didn't do the father daughter dance crap or the bride and groom's first dance.. it was just a big party.. an upscale party.. but a party none-the-less.. icon_lol.gif

lecrn Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 2:10am
post #25 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by jkalman

I defintely didn't mean to come off as bitchy as I did.. LOL. Sorry if you felt that I was jumping on you. I was speaking more in general than directly at you. icon_smile.gif

I know that I wouldn't appreciate getting walmart sheet cake if others were getting a yummy bakery cake. (*IF* I noticed a difference). But in all reality I agree that it's silly to get upset about.. I wouldn't hat my friends if that happened to me. I wouldn't eat the cake is all.. icon_lol.gif.

On a side note.. getting married in Jamaica sounds nice.. icon_wink.gif I got married on the beach too.. but in Nantucket, MA. We had a very laid back wedding/reception. I am not into all of the fuss. We didn't do the father daughter dance crap or the bride and groom's first dance.. it was just a big party.. an upscale party.. but a party none-the-less.. icon_lol.gif




No offense taken. I'm just feeling a little hormonal lately.
It's weird that I never had that big dream of having an extravagant wedding. I saw what my sister went through, & it all seemed so stressful. My husband & I decided that we would save my parents the $ and have a nice, private wedding/honeymoon. My parents weren't thrilled at first, but were ok once they found out they didn't have to pay for anything. My mother did insist on buying my dress. I wouldn't have done it any other way. It was absolutely perfect!

Carolynlovescake Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 3:49am
post #26 of 30

Ok here's a funny one... when I was in California a friend of mine owned her own shop. The rest of us basically subleased from her but we all worked as one business.

One of the the other's decorator's had a cousin come a calling for her wedding.

I think she was a Bridezilla to google infinity and beyond and to this day have never met one worse... but I regress.

She ordered a cake for 50 and we thought nothing of it, nor did her cousin who worked with us. They had a small family and so our friend just figured it was an immediate family thing. She never questioned it, nor did we. She and the cousin were not all that close so she had no idea about the wedding size.

We showed up on the wedding day and walked into a reception room set up to feed about 300. Yup we had a small cake table. We honestly questioned everyone we could and finally the wedding planner showed up... I kid you not these were her exact words to us "your small display cake for the bridal party and family goes here. The rest of the cake from Safeway is sitting in the kitchen and almost done defrosting."

We about soiled ourselves. They refused all of us kitchen access to see the cakes so we figured we would wait it out and watch the disaster unfold since we were also guests.

When we were served our slice of cake we about died. We got a variety of either chocolate or marble sheet cake with yellow tinted BC frosting. Some had yellow roses, others red, and a few were purple.

Many people asked us what kind of cake we made prior to the dinner being served and we were honest. It was a pink champagne and strawberry cake.

When the guests were having nearly frozen grocery store cake slapped down in front of them with neon roses all eyes were on us and they were glaring... they wanted their pink champagne and strawberry cake too. They thought we had brought the sheet cakes.

Our shop owner stepped up and saved the day with business cards signed for 10% off a cupcake order matching the wedding cake flavors. She earned respect from many in attendance that night and many long term customers from it.

It was a disaster averted but a lesson learned.

Guests know when they are cheated out and fed replacement cake. They are not stupid especially when you are being handed a BC piece with neon colored BC roses after looking at a fondant covered, gumpaste flower creation all evening.

chutzpah Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 6:45am
post #27 of 30

OMG That is SOOOO tacky.

Carolynlovescake Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 4:23pm
post #28 of 30

oops, I missed a line in that post... here's the corrected version...


Our shop owner stepped up and saved the day by standing up and announcing to all (who by that point were mumbling about switch/bait) that we had no idea the reception was this large. She only ordered "that cake" (pointing to ours) and we had no idea about the sheet cakes." then handed out business cards signed for 10% off a cupcake order matching the wedding cake flavors. She earned respect from many in attendance that night and many long term customers from it.


Sorry... I was holding the baby and some how erased that part with out knowing it.

FromScratch Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 4:42pm
post #29 of 30

That was a very generous offer from the shop owner.. I would have been MORTIFIED as a decorator to be in that position. I have all of my customers sign an exculsivity clause that there can be no other cake at their event. Plated desserts are more than fine, but no other cakes. I would have smiled and walked away with my cake. That is beyond tacky.

chrissysconfections Posted 16 Jun 2008 , 4:55pm
post #30 of 30

I've done two 'kitchen' cakes in my very short career. BOTH were 10" rounds, two layers, same decorations as the main cake and same flavors as at least one tier in the cake.
I must admitt that I was extremely naive on this point....I just naturally assumed that when you did a sheet cake sized kitchen cake it was an exact replica of the main cake only in sheet form to be sliced first....maybe with less decorations if the decorations are elaborate.
But I guess you know what they say when you assume right? icon_biggrin.gif

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