I Am So Angry! I Need Advice And To Vent! (Long)

Decorating By Jayde Updated 25 Jun 2008 , 12:26am by Mamas

Jayde Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 10:53pm
post #1 of 89

Ok, so I have a good friend who asks me to do a cake for her. After she tells me what she wants, and we decide on size, which is a 12-inch round double stack, I quote her $40, which also includes the special friends discount which is pretty much cost.

She tells me that she really wants to HELP me make the cake icon_eek.gif . I was a bit suprised. If I am anal about anything its my cake-making, but she told me that she wanted to make the cake a suprise for her hubby, and that SHE really wanted to make it, cause she thinks that my cakes are beautiful. She has always been interested in cake making and she really wants me to teach her how. She wants to be able to make cakes just like me, etc. etc. etc. Shes really laying it on thick at this point.

Well I am flattered, and shes a good friend! We decide on a flavor and a design, and I email her a list of materials that she will need; i.e. cake pan, piping bags, cardboard rounds, cake board, tips, the whole shebang (total about $30 worth). I sent her this email 2 weeks ago, no response, no response. Last week I sent her an ingredients list. No response, no response.

Well I got my response today. She called me and left a message when she KNEW that I would be at work, and unable to answer my cell. She said : I cant really afford everything that you sent me a list for. Its going to cost me around $100 to get everything (she was embellishing). I dont really want to get all of this equipment, because I dont know if I will ever use it, and I dont want to spend my money on stuff that I am not ever going to use. icon_surprised.gificon_eek.gif I THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE CAKES LIKE ME!!!

Then she goes on to say that she knows that I have all of this stuff at home, and why couldnt she just borrow my stuff?

Well first of all, this just proves that she wanted to NOT pay me $40 to make her damn cake. Instead she wanted to 'help' me do it so that I wouldnt charge her anything and she thought that she would use all of my stuff, boards, rounds, colors, etc. and just get away with buying $10 worth of ingredients.

What the HECK??? I told her $40! A 12-inch round by Earlene's charts serves 45 people! THATS LESS THAT $1 a SERVING! I am so angry I dont even know what to say to her at this point! How do I get out of this mess gracefully?!

88 replies
Zahrah Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:08pm
post #2 of 89

How aggravating, not to mention insulting! I would let her know that you appreciate her desire to help/learn but the process of creating a cake can be lengthy for the inexperienced and you don't have the time to teach her. Reiterate that you can provide her the cake for $40 and you need the green light from her "now" so that you can make sure you have the time set aside as well as all the supplies necessary. That probably won't appease the part of you that wants to go off, but it might be a solution while preserving the friendship

indydebi Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:22pm
post #3 of 89

Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.

--------------

But then .... that's just me! icon_rolleyes.gif

JoAnnB Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:24pm
post #4 of 89

You can say, 'well, normally, I charge $25 an hour for lessons'

Doug Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:27pm
post #5 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.

--------------

But then .... that's just me! icon_rolleyes.gif




it's a good (!) thing I wasn't drinking anything while reading this or right now I'd be wiping the screen and desk and ..... clean!

Too funny -- but also so true!

PattyT Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:35pm
post #6 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.

--------------

But then .... that's just me! icon_rolleyes.gif




I agree whole-heartedly with Doug about the spit-take!

...and that indydebi had the PERFECT response. Ah....wish you could really use it!

BCJean Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:38pm
post #7 of 89

Indydebi....
You are sooooo funny, while really getting the point across. I love it. Does your husband's comedy traits rub off on you or do you both have a great sense of humor?

bevyd Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:39pm
post #8 of 89

I vote for indydebi's way. If you don't do it that way then you could be a flake just like her and tell her that the cake cost 40.00 and teaching her how to make it and using your equipment will be an additional 80.00.

summernoelle Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:40pm
post #9 of 89

I have no idea what to tell you. From one angle I see her point, maybe she really did want to make cakes with you, and have a fun afternoon, and she thought she could just use stuff that you will reuse (ie, the pans). But on the other...your time is important! And you are worth being paid for a service. I just wish I knew where she was coming from, if she really did want to work with you, or if she was just using you....I would say she should AT LEAST pay for the cake costs-the flour, sugar, etc.

indydebi Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:41pm
post #10 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by BCJean

Indydebi....
You are sooooo funny, while really getting the point across. I love it. Does your husband's comedy traits rub off on you or do you both have a great sense of humor?




Actually, we've both done stand up on the amateur side, but he's the one who took it up a notch. But I tell everyone that *I* am his head writer!! Both of us really do have a great sense of humor ... which is the only reason we can explain having survived being with each other for 20 years! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

FromScratch Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:41pm
post #11 of 89

All hail Debi.. the queen of the quippy come back!!

I'd just tell her to grab the ingredients and then she can help you make the cake. That's IF you want to do it. If not.. tell her that something has come up.

Jayde Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:42pm
post #12 of 89

I wish i could say that Debi icon_lol.gif . Too much gossip and word of mouth would get around and I no one would order from me anymore. She has got the biggest mouth this side of the Mississippi!

I am thinking about offering her an ultimatium. 1. Either you ask pay the the $40 to do the damn cake. 2. You buy all the perishables, including the cardboard circles, the colors, and the piping bags, and all of the ingredients and I attempt to help her make a cake without killing her with my leveling knife (which is very long, very sharp, and very serrated!).

Or the 3rd option is to buy a crappy looking and crappy tasting cake from Walmart.

Which is coincidentally where she works!

jennifer7777 Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:44pm
post #13 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.

--------------

But then .... that's just me! icon_rolleyes.gif




CLASSIC!!!!

Bottom line...if she wants a cake like YOU make it, then she's going to have to pay the $$ for YOU to make YOUR cake. She's is really trying to get over big time. The Wilton chart says a 12" will serve 56...at a reasonable $2 per serving that's $112.00...and she's paying $40.00!!!!!
I would all of a sudden become booked!

aliciaL_77 Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:50pm
post #14 of 89

[quote="indydebi"]Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.

--------------

lol

jamhays Posted 12 Jun 2008 , 11:55pm
post #15 of 89

WAIT a MINUTE...she works at WM & thinks the supplies would cost $100??!!!
she can buy most of those supplies AT WalMart AND get her 20% employee discount!!!!

PUH-LEEZ icon_confused.gif

veejaytx Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:00am
post #16 of 89

It would appear that wherever this "friend" is coming from, it is going to cost you both time and money, so you may as well bite the bullet and figure out the least costly way for you to do this cake so she won't have anything to badmouth you about.

Good luck, and maybe you should lock up that big, long serated knife! LOL

TC123 Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:07am
post #17 of 89

Indydebi: You're too much! icon_lol.gif

IF-IF-IF she really wants to learn cake baking/decorating, tell her when you are not busy the two of you can get together over your house and whip up something just for fun. But this is an important cake that requires your focus and attention, and you simply can't do that to the best of your ability if you are training her at the same time.

Careful, though! Dealing with friends can be "touchy" sometimes. Good luck! icon_smile.gif

Lady_Phoenix Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:08am
post #18 of 89

Why is it always friends and family that seem to take our cakes, and us for granted! I have an acquaintance that is getting married. They know the date but NOT the year. I offered to help her, and give her a discount on her cake. She wants 4 tiers, alternating chocolate fudge and white cake, covered in fondant, with fondant sweet peas and orchids cascading down the entire cake. She also asked if I could "find" her a cake top to go with their Pretty as a Picture theme. That line was discontinued over 2 years ago, but I do have the musical cake topper on hand. I checked and the topper is selling for $95 to $120.00 now. She asked for a price, and I told her for the cake it would be $180.00 if she picked it up in addition to the topper. She can't understand why I can't make the cake and give her the topper both for $180! I have explained several times that the price I gave her is in todays prices but with the cost of ingredients going up I would not guarantee it. I also explained the meaning of collectible, and likely increase in value. Now shes angry, said she will find someone "reasonable" to do her cake! I wish her luck! icon_mad.gif

ceshell Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:14am
post #19 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCarra

IF-IF-IF she really wants to learn cake baking/decorating, tell her when you are not busy the two of you can get together over your house and whip up something just for fun. But this is an important cake that requires your focus and attention, and you simply can't do that to the best of your ability if you are training her at the same time.




I love this idea!

kansaslaura Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:23am
post #20 of 89

Gee.. I gotta wonder if she's tried this on her mechanic, hairdresser, dentist, doctor...............etc.........

Indy Debi said what needed to be said.

Whata idiot!!

sweetcravings Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:26am
post #21 of 89

I would just go back to your original offer..$40.00 for the cake. Invite her over for a glass of wine, she can drink and talk while you work. That way she can see how you do things and maybe better appreciate all the work that goes into making cakes.
It is pretty rude of her to expect you to cover even more expenses than you already have thru discounts. What can i say, sometimes friends and family don't think. Of course it doesn't make you feel any better but somehow we always forgive and forget. Or at least next time if you havent' forgotten, you'll be too busy to help her.

indydebi Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:27am
post #22 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady_Phoenix

Now shes angry, said she will find someone "reasonable" to do her cake! I wish her luck! icon_mad.gif




Point her down the road to walmart .... I want to see her try to get a cake like that in ANY kind of "traditional" bakery!

hellie0h Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:35am
post #23 of 89

I have to differ here a bit. I didn't read anything in OP where this good friend didn't want to pay her. OP is assuming this, from what I read.
Maybe this gal wants to get some first hand experience learning techniques by "helping" you with the cake.
Equipment is expensive, 12" cake pan alone, is costly. Just giving your friend the benefit of the doubt is all.
If she tells you she expects the cake for free, then that is another thing all-together.
No flames intended.

dbax Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:40am
post #24 of 89
Quote:
Quote:

Well I got my response today. She called me and left a message when she KNEW that I would be at work, and unable to answer my cell. She said : I cant really afford everything that you sent me a list for. Its going to cost me around $100 to get everything (she was embellishing). I dont really want to get all of this equipment, because I dont know if I will ever use it, and I dont want to spend my money on stuff that I am not ever going to use. I THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE CAKES LIKE ME!!!



Did she really say my money???
Wow!! so why don't you be a good friend and spend your money on this stuff for her hubby????? icon_eek.gif
the nerve of some people.

How can some people say things like this without any consideration for our feelings yet we end up worried we will offend them?
Maybe you can respond with ''I can't afford to make cakes for free so doing it at cost is the best I can do for a friend'' or ''I'd be happy to help you make the cake, but I don't have a surpluss of supplies, beside the cake pan, so you can either buy what you need and accept my help, or pay me for the items I need to buy and let me do it...'' icon_wink.gif

LeanneW Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:44am
post #25 of 89

why exactly does your firend think she would be "helping" you if she was there when you made the cake.

If it takes 3 hours to make the cake it will take 6 if you have to explain to her what and how to do everything.

I would send a recipe and a production schedule along with some links to wilton's website for the decorations she would like, that would be more than helpful.

Perhaps send her the local wilton class schedule too.

Jayde Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:45am
post #26 of 89

She really said her money...

Jayde Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:52am
post #27 of 89

My hubby said that she was probably expecting me to come over there, bring all my stuff, make and bake, and then decorate and she would 'observe'. He said this when I told him about me teaching her, like 2 months ago, when she first asked.

I stood up for her and said no way, she isnt like that, blah, blah, blah.

I had to tell him that he was probably right today. He did the "I was right" dance. I hate that dance icon_mad.gificon_cry.gif .

just_for_fun Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:56am
post #28 of 89

I have a sister like this. She has 2 left hands (no offense to you lefties), and absolutely no patience. so she had a party and her stupid MIL asked her to bake cookies - she can barely toast bread, how is she supposed to make fancy cookies??? of course she called me, so i told her i'm very busy (i had a 5 wk old baby), sorry. so she had a great idea - i should help her, and since she doesn't want to make a mess in my house, we should do it in her house!! of course, i had to bring all my supplies, so dh dropped it off before work. i don't drive so i had a 20 minute walk to her house, she was busy w/ her neighbor, on the phone w/ her friend, and doing laundry, but i could not do anything while she was busy cause i was "teaching" her how to bake cookies!!! she did not do anything like i showed her (she is a stingy person, so she used like 1/2 the icing on each cookie). well they looked horrible, but she told everyone that i helped her make them. i also wasted a whole day, i barely ran through the door before my kids came home and i was so tired. of course, the next time she wanted me to "continue teaching her", i was not available,every day was a different excuse til my other sister yelled at her that i'm obviously not going to do it. she was massively insulted and thought i would be hurt when she told me that her neighbor showed her what to do!! Thank gog!!!!just leave me alone!!

sorry so long, just showing you where this could lead to!! if she wants to learn, let her pay someone to teach her!!!!

ceshell Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 12:57am
post #29 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellie0h

I have to differ here a bit. I didn't read anything in OP where this good friend didn't want to pay her. OP is assuming this, from what I read.
Maybe this gal wants to get some first hand experience learning techniques by "helping" you with the cake.
Equipment is expensive, 12" cake pan alone, is costly. Just giving your friend the benefit of the doubt is all.
If she tells you she expects the cake for free, then that is another thing all-together.
No flames intended.




OK well this is good point too! So...why not do as above: call her up or email her, whatever your friendship dictates, and just let her know you now understand, you're sorry but you had thought she said she wanted to really try "getting into it" and you were just pointing her to a list of the least expensive "starter tools" that she'll want to use. That said, you realize she's not ready to commit to this as a new hobby/career direction so of course you'd be happy to have her over to watch/help/chat/whatever. And that the discount will still stand at $40.

THEN see what happens!! Either she'll be okay with it, maybe she really just was being naive...in which case of course you should only plan to allow her participation at whatever level you feel comfortable (too many cooks in the kitchen?). Or...on the other hand....if she keeps waffling (I can see why the not hearing from her for 2 weeks+she calls when she knows you can't answer would raise your suspicion) you can decide that your gut instinct was right after all and throw her to the wolves LOL.

Can't hurt to just communicate about it a bit more anyway to really understand what she was getting at. I could put myself in her shoes easily, and think "Oh maybe I can help out so there is a little bit of my participation/love in the project" be it decorating or some other creative product. I can also imagine any of my friends requesting the same of me out of a sincere wish to learn/help/whatever and not out of the desire to squeeze me for a chunk of $$. And if I was charging them for the cake, I wouldn't expect them to purchase supplies too. [Of course in my case I would tell them, sure, come on over, I usually get started after my DD goes to bed at 9:30pm and I have a habit of finishing up around 2am...bring a pillow! :LOL:. whoops, off topic]

Ooops more posts came in while I was typing. I think the "my money" comment mainly meant she's thinking of all of this stuff as a long term investment, I mean I wouldn't want to buy a cake pan I didn't think I'd ever use again either (I do it anyway but that's another off topic rant). Remember, you did offer to do the cake for $40 BEFORE asking her to chip in on all the other stuff too, right??

Anyway, I dunno, I am in no way trying to defend her per se, I don't know either of you and maybe we should trust your judgement here, you must have a reason for jumping to this conclusion about her. But it still seems to bear communicating about some more, to avoid hurt feelings and long term annoyance (meaning: yours!)

michellenj Posted 13 Jun 2008 , 1:00am
post #30 of 89

When is this cake making day supposed to happen? Could you wait until a day before and say that you have raging diarrhea? I usually think that the direct route is the best way to deal with things, but in her case I think that it might just piss her off and stir up trouble. And she'll still have plenty of time to get one from Wallyworld. Couldn't she learn how to do cakes there????

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