Ok, so I agreed to do a cake for a family member for free as a wedding gift. My cousin is the groom and DJ'd my wedding as a gift. So I thought I'd return the favor. The problem? The MIL has made this an absolute nightmare Everytime myself and the bride come to an agreement on the design for the cake, I get a phone call to change the design. It's changed 4 times now. I got all of the flowers for the cake and got a call today that she has changed her colors! The wedding is next Saturday and now I have to drive 30min to exchange the flowers. One good thing, the first design was with gumpaste lilies, never had to make them.
So now I get a call from this woman about the gift registry. I told her that since I had to buy an expensive set of pans and all of the ingredients, this is going to be my gift. She was very sarcastic in saying, "What, are you going to give her the pans?" I had to tell this person that I thought she should call around and find out how much this cake (100 people) would cost at any bakery and that maybe she should go with them. Well I still ended up agreeing to do the cake but refuse to deal with this disrespectful woman again.
I love my cousin dearly and adore his new bride, but I can't wait for this to be over.
If she (the MIL) butts in any more, just smile and say, "Oh thanks! I'll make sure I talk to (bride) about that."
Then, repeat that every time she butts in about the cake, and she'll get it eventually that you're stepping around her.
Because this is your gift to the couple and are not asking for money from the MIL, then she shouldn't have any say in the design. Personally if I am doing a cake for free I will take into consideration what you would like, but I get final say.
Do not keep comunicating with this woman any more. Tell her if you have a question about the cakes you will discuss it with the happy couple from this point on.
As far as your wedding gift, that is your choice and I think she was rude about it. Of course most people only think about the cake mix and eggs and not the time and engery that go into it.
My rule for family: I will do the reception free and/or at cost. But when I get a 'zilla attitude .... YOU get an invoice for the full price.
This ALSO applies to any family member who tries to make my life miserable over it.
I also LUV homecook's suggestion! nothing pi$$es off a bossy b*tch more than the act of someone actively and openly ignoring her! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edited to add: This situation is also why I require the bride to provide all florals ... whether I'm doing the cake for free or for money.
I think the problem is that the bride is so frazzled that she is taking ANY and all help that she can get. But I am no longer dealing with anyone except the bride and/or my cousin. Oh wait, my mom has been a huge help!
Keep your head up and you will get though! You are giving the bride and groom a beautiful gift, don't let anyone make you feel like you haven't given enough.
I agree that you should just talk to the the bride and groom and if the MIL calls just direct her back to the bride and ignore her. She'll hate it!
My niece, a bride, learned early on that no matter WHAT advice was offered, she would answer , "What a lovely idea. I will have to take that into consideration".
You could say "gold port- a -potties"? And she would say, "What a lovely idea...."
MIL says disco ball lighting, my niece answers, "What a lovely idea...."
You get it! Passive aggressive- put her on "ignore"!
Smile and nod... then do what you want. I had a problem bride last week and I ended up just making the cake that I wanted to make. At least I liked it!!! ha! They aren't paying you and if she hassles you about it, don't say a word, not one word. Totally ignore her and let her look like the a**
cvigil, do you have caller ID. I would use it
OOOOOh we all dread the spooky momzilla. They are the worst.
My philosophy is, if she is not paying for it, then she needs to shut her mouth and let the bride make the decisions on the cake. And I would be just the Bi--- to tell her so, no matter how much I love my cousin.
i love duff....he says if he's giving the cake as a gift...he designs it....if they satart putting in too many suggestions...then they can pay for it.
don't feel bad about doing the cake for the wedding gift, i did that for my son's wedding.
she just sounds ignorant...ditto on the caller ID
That poor bride and geez your cousin is getting a water buffalo for a MIL. She is a clod to have brought up a gift registry to you.
Johnson6ofus had the perfect answer from her niece "what a lovely idea....."
If I was giving a cake as a gift (which I have) I would take direction ONLY from the person I was gifting. PERIOD. Otherwise...my new mantra is "what I a lovely idea...I will take that into consideration".
I started using the caller id. Once I stopped taking the calls, my mom gave me a call. I filled her in. Apparently, this woman fired the caterer and wanted my mother and me to also cook for all of these people! NO WAY!!!!!!!!! This is her problem. She can't find anyone on short notice and expect us to drop everything and fix her mistake. Again, NOT DOING IT!!! She also screwed up the alterations on the dress, she thought the bride should use her lady (who is booked solid) instead of the one at the shop. So now poor Vonnie is rushing around trying to find someone to do this for her. My mom finally said that if everyone doesn't mind sandwiches, she'll do it. Also, MIL has to buy EVERYTHING ahead of time or no deal. What a mess.
too funny about firing the caters this close to the date. what a nightmare! she got what was coming to her, poor bride though.
Just keep a smile on your face; let them all scream and holler, but you are the one in control. Bring to the wedding what you want as your gift... if it is the cake, then do with it what you think would make the couple happy. No one will say a word at the wedding. If the MIL says anything, everyone will look at her as if she wants the focus on her, instead of the bride and groom... she is her own worst enemy.
My suggestion is have fun with it.
Poor bride, nothing - Poor Cousin! Does he realize what kind of MIL he is going to have?
Sounds to me like she is trying to cheapen out on everything, but wants top shelf. Step cautiously, and beat the grass to startle the snakes. In other words, no means no.