micnmax2003 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:21pm

I was asked to do cookie favors for my cousin's upcoming wedding & although I had some reservations I agreed, b/c it was family. Guilt was a factor as well, since I am home on mat. leave and I had "time". They requested a simple wedding cake cookie w/ monogramming. After doing some research here & with the help/suggestions of CC members..I made 315 NFSC w/ MMF using RI for the monograms and gold periles(?) for decoration . When I informed my aunt/cousin that the cookies were ready to be p/u for packaging (thinking that I had fulfilled my commitment) I was told that they thought that I would be doing them??! Then I got another sob story about how no one really had time to do them (she has 8 freakin bridesmaids!!) so, again out of quilt, I asked when they could get me the materials to do so and was told that I could p/u them whenever I needed them (I live 1/2 hr outside of the city). I make a trip to the city to p/u the bags & ribbon ("oh, could you also attach these little tags? It's not that hard to put cookies in bags w/ ribbon anyways." is what I'm told). Here's the dilemma: all the cookies are done (packaged w/ ribbon & tag) to be p/u today and I feel that I've been used (not to mention that my husband and I are odds b/c of situation) My aunt paid for all the ingredients ($50 to be exact, so maybe not all the ingredients) & and packaging. There will be presentation at the reception and my husband & I disagree about what amount to give (if anything). I would like to get an idea of how much $$ they save b/c I did the cookies (you can find pic in my profile b/c I don't understand how to resize it to post here)? Any thoughts would be appreciated icon_confused.gif BTW I have already given a wedding/shower gift & attended their wedding social (basically a party to fundraise for the wedding) as well as agreeing to my 5 yr old to be the ring bearer ($75 tux rental). My cousin just called me asking if instead of p/u the cookies today could I bring them to her tomorrow...to which I replied that I am very, very exhausted and would like to spend time w/ my boys b/c I've been preoccupied lately w/ her cookies; she's on her way.

45 replies
MikeRowesHunny Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:31pm

I charge a MINIMUM of $2.75 for decorated cookies - so I would have charged her $850+ for those suckers!!! IMO, you don't owe her a gift as well - that was extremely generous of you to do this for free in the first place!!! I hate people who take advantage of others kindness.......grrrrrrrrrr!

Lenette Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:32pm

I would say somewhere between $3-$5 a cookie. You did a nice job and were very kind to go out of your way to do them. I hope you can get things smoothed over with your hubby soon, I know how that goes. icon_wink.gif

HTH! icon_smile.gif

jessieb578 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:33pm

I absolutely agree with bonjovibabe!! Seriously....what are people thinking when they take advantage of people??? I would forget the gift and put in the card "hope you love your favors - Congratulations" and call it a day!

Auryn Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:34pm

you telling me they expect money on top of all your time, energy, electric bill and gas consumption??
their out of their minds.

If I were you, I would take a nice sheet of paper, draw up a nice certificate in photoshop or corel, and create a certificate listing all the money value of the time and effort that you put into their cookies,
stick it in an envelope and hand it to them at the ceremony.

tiptop57 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:35pm

Sorry for your experience hon, but just what kind of hold do these people have over you to make you feel so generously guilty especially with a new baby and all - Egads they should be coming to your house and helping with the little bundle!

Hmmmmmmm I gotta say people need to learn to say NO - it is the most powerful two letter word in the English dictionary and women don't seem to know about it.

cocobean Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:38pm

I made 150 mmf covered Valentine cookies to help for a school fundraiser. They could only afford to pay me 1.00 per cookie. It took myself and my sister two days to make these and we did'nt even have to do the bagging! It's a ton of work!!! You outdid yourself with your gift of time! No more required!!! icon_surprised.gifjudge.gif

KHalstead Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:38pm

I charge next to nothing for cookies...seriously!! I'm so cheap!!! You said you made 315 of those??? I would have charge (guessing that they are about a 4" cookie) $1.50 each plus bags $1.75 each so for that amount it would be $551.25 and believe me I KNOW that's cheap...they got a SERIOUS deal!!!

KristaJ Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:39pm

I would give them a nice card and write something along the lines of "We were so happy to be a part of your special day. I hope you and the rest of the guests enjoyed the wedding cookie favors. Congratulations! Love, XXX" and leave it at that. After all of your time and effort, you shouldn't get them a gift on top of it!

miss_sweetstory Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:39pm

I'm not sure what the dimensions of your cookies are, but I would have charged $2.50 each for them for a total of $787.50.

I don't think you should ever feel guilty for being on maternity leave...you have the least time (and sleep) of anyone!

dinas27 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:41pm

You saved them a PILE. Even if you estimated $2 per cookie which is very reasonable then that would be $630. Minus even $80 for the supplies and you gave them a $500 plus wedding gift.

I would write a nice card out saying something very sweet about how much you 'enjoyed being able to contribute to their wedding day'. And maybe a small gift like a picture frame or something. I'm have done a few wedding cakes in lieu of a gift before and given just a small fun gift. Since they are totally unappreciative of all your hard work I would be tempted to do nothing else. I might even wait to see if you get a thank you at the reception - HIGHLY DUE! She has 8 bridesmaids and they cant lift a finger? BS. That stuff takes a long time especially for just one person.

I would love to write out a bill and say PAID - but I think its a little tacky to list the cost of your gift.

Mizuki Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:41pm

What's the going rate for a wedding gift? $75-$200 more or less? Depending on the type of wedding and how close you are to the couple.
Now, let's just say they found a place that charged .50 cents per cookie (yeah, right!!). They still would have paid over $150 for 315 cookies. Since they only paid you $50 for materials, that means that you saved them $100...and that's a pretty decent wedding gift. Maybe not a Waterford Crystal gravy boat, but something decent nonetheless. icon_wink.gif
The real cost of the cookies is undoubtably much, much more. I am certain you saved them hundreds. IMO you don't owe them a darn thing!!
Good luck!! thumbs_up.gif

FromScratch Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:42pm

Yes.. I would have said I made the cookies.. you bag up the little f'ers. I would have charged the $5 per cookie.. That woul dhave been over $1500.. and that's not packaged.. if they wanted that I would have added another $1 per cookie (assuming I used my own supplies) so you saved them a buttload of money. I would hand them a card at the presentation and an invoice for the full amount with your MORE than generous discount. Jeeze Louise!!! And I agree with Shirl.. look in the mirros and practice the word NO. With a new baby the last thing you needed to be doing was making 300+ cookies. ((hugs))

CakeMommyTX Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:42pm

Sounds like $945 ( $3 per cookie, bagged, tagged and tied with curling ribbon, which if I'm correct does'nt curl its self) worth of cookies is a darn good gift!
Not to mention the time it took you to make those, and we all know how much free time you have with a new born baby in the house.
It does sound like you got taken advantage of a little, am I right to assume 315 cookies means 300 something guests?
If you invite that many people then you should make sure you have the resources to supply all of them with favors, or skip the favors. But yet people are always planning weddings they can't afford and then suckering family into freebies.
So to make a long story short, you already gave a gift...315 cookies, and if they are'nt happy with it then take back all the cookies from the guest and give them a blender.

aliciag Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:46pm

You already feel used, why would you add to your own pain?

While you were cooking and wrapping for her, she was probably at work making money (mat. leave or not, your time is ... YOURS)

And what exactly did the bridesmaid do for her? Nothing?
so they are more important to her than you are but you should do the work?

Figure out how much you would have given her as a wedding gift then take that money and spend it on yourself! icon_smile.gif

southerncake Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:46pm
Originally Posted by jessieb578

I absolutely agree with bonjovibabe!! Seriously....what are people thinking when they take advantage of people??? I would forget the gift and put in the card "hope you love your favors - Congratulations" and call it a day!

This is exactly what I would do. I used to feel an obligation to take a separate gift if I was providing someones child's b-day cake or a wedding cake/favors, etc., but I finally learned to "mention" how happy (cough, cough) I was to do it in a really super nice card.

jadak Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:47pm

icon_eek.gif 315 beautifullly decorated and packaged cookies for $50? I think that was VERY generous of you. I am sorry you felt you had to do it out of guilt. Typically I find that the people who try to guilt me into doing something for them are the ones who would tell me to go to he** if I asked of them what they asked of me. There always seems to be a double standard. So, I am learning to require what I deserve from people. That does not mean I won't do things for others out of simple kindness and generosity. But, I no longer do things out of guilt. I end up feeling like crap and the recipient never gives a second thought to their audacity or my feeling awful. I do not say any of this to make you feel badly or second guess yourself.

I would have probably made the cookies...since it was family. And, I might have even done them for $50. However, I would NOT give the bride and groom an additional gift. Even if you were ULTRA CHEAP and charged only $1 a cookie, you gifted $315-$50= $265!!! That is a very generous wedding gift.

I hope you make a decision that you are happy with. And, I hope if you opt to not give an additional gift and anyone tries to make you feel badly about it, you explain the cost, process and time it takes to make such beautiful wedding favors. Good luck to you.

thems_my_kids Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:50pm
Originally Posted by micnmax2003

There will be presentation at the reception and my husband & I disagree about what amount to give (if anything).

presentation? Meaning gifts will actually be presented to the bride and groom during the reception?

If that's the case, then that's odd to me, never seen that done. But I would do what a previous poster said. Make up a nice certificate about the cookies and give that. Don't give them anymore $$$ afteryou did all those cookies for them!

And they should have brought the supplies to you to package them if they thought you were gonna do it in teh first place adn still brought them too you after you agreed.

SweetConfectionsChef Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:53pm

I agree with the card and simple statment idea! I would have charged $5 per cookie which totals $1575. If your hubby doesn't value your time and efforts...time to set that man down and have a talk! icon_twisted.gif

sugardaze Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 5:57pm

Just to clarify...did you agree to do the cookies gratuit and your aunt pay for the materials? Or did she agree to pay for the cookies and material? If you don't give a gift it might cause a huge rift between the families and you have to be prepared for that.

My best friend asked me to do my god daughter's "First Communion" cake because it would be so special coming from me as I was one of her godmothers. (Haven't uploaded the pics yet). And that it would be great practice for me as I had just finished a few decorating classes. It was hard to say no to that even though I was stressed because I had just done my son's birthday and was set to do my daughter's birthday. Because I had agreed to do it "gratuit" we still gave my goddaughter a very generous gift. Let me tell you...they were on a major budget because they even had cut down the grandmother's wedding to make my goddaughter's communion dress. They basically did not want to pay for a cake.

All my friends have started to pay for my items..which my best friend found out and thought was great...however, she has not been ordering anything from me and there have been quite a few occasions...I guess it's not so special coming from me when you have to pay icon_lol.gif

kimsmom Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:02pm

I agree with letting them be your gift. Whenever I'm asked to make cookies, or I volunteer to make them I always say at the time that they will be my gift. That way there are no misunderstandings. They know that for the most part they are getting one of a kind designs, and I get to be creative. Most of the time the end result is worth more in $$ than they would get in a gift from me.

Valli_War Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:02pm

We are our own worst enemies. We should learn to use excuses or say NO. I am an asian Indian and a great cook. I can cook so many authentic dishes that even my mom's generation people cannot. My mom is a great cook too. My husband's side of the family have used me so many times. Can't say no because they are in-law's side (typical indian if you know what I mean). But after doing it for 9 years, I have learnt to say NO. I just say I have too much on my plate right now. Coming to the point, if I were you, I would just go to the party/wedding and say nicely how did you like my gift of cookies or something in that line. Make sure you tell couple of people that your gift was making those cookies. (I know I sound like a mean woman, but that's what 9 years have made me in situations like this)

Enjoy the party and walk out. Remember to say NO next time.

Good luck,

dinas27 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:03pm
Originally Posted by thems_my_kids

Originally Posted by micnmax2003

There will be presentation at the reception and my husband & I disagree about what amount to give (if anything).

presentation? Meaning gifts will actually be presented to the bride and groom during the reception?

If that's the case, then that's odd to me, never seen that done. But I would do what a previous poster said. Make up a nice certificate about the cookies and give that. Don't give them anymore $$$ afteryou did all those cookies for them!

Hmmm interesting point... I lived in Winnipeg for a summer its also acceptable to hold a social (big dance) and charge people to come in as a fundraiser for your wedding. Now of course not everyone does that, but this would be new to me.

I will be doing two family weddings this year - I am donating my time because I offered and taking the ingredients off what I would have given them as a gift. I love my family and would like to help them out as much as possible - if I ever started to feel used all bets are off.

You had better be expecting a nice thank you. That would be the last straw to me... my dad's cousin (really like an aunt) agreed to do a few alterations to my dress, make the sash etc. and wouldnt take any money from me. You bet she got a nice gift certificate from me - she spent hours going over my dress making sure everything was perfect with the lace and embroidery.

krazykat_14 Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:03pm

Everyone is right. I'm not an expert or professional cake decorator, but I am broke and don't do too bad a job, so if someone's getting married/having a baby shower/birthday I make a cake or cookies for them and that's my gift.

When I did a shower cake for my cousin, my Aunt asked how much for the cake. I said the cake would be my gift. I got a lovely thank you note for the cake. That's how it should be.

I did run into a situation once with a different cousin, though. I volunteered to do her wedding cake because she "was on a tight budget" (read:broke.) I then heard her step-mom wanted to pay for a cake. Fine, no biggie to me. TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING: I got a call from the bride asking if I was still doing the cake! She thought her mom called me, her mom thought she called me! So, being a sucker and not wanting her big day to go over without a cake, I did it. It wasn't great, but it was free and there. I still haven't even gotten a thank you note.

LeanneW Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:03pm

wow, this site sells them for $4.00 each in the bags and with a tag.


That would be $1260.00 I'd say that is a gift if I ever saw one. Don't forget about S&H too. You are very generous.

yummymummy Posted 5 Jun 2008 , 6:05pm

" Congratulations on your marriage. May the two of you be forever happy! DH and I hope you enjoy the cookies I worked so hard to make for your special day! Best Wishes.."

I have family like that too. You'll swim the Nile for them, but they won't jump a puddle for you! Enjoy your new baby and stop feeling guilty! Be confident that you did them a HUGE favor! thumbs_up.gif

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