My Dh's Sweetness Has Made Me Sad!!!!!! Kinda Long Vent!

Decorating By dabear Updated 4 Jun 2008 , 2:07pm by jadak

dabear Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 7:13pm
post #1 of 23

I have just recently gotten comfortable designing my own cakes that aren't exact replicas of other peoples. I never thought I would acheive this! So I had designed a Dora and Diego b-day cake for my soon to be 4 and 2 yr old. My mom is coming in from out of town, so I really wanted to go over the top on this cake.

So, I sat and watched the videos with my kids so I could really create something I hadn't seen before. I had planned on lots of characters to model and using fondant...... Well, last week I sent my dh to the cake store to buy a box. He starts shopping, because it's a $10 min on debit cards. He doesn't call me to ask what I want or need. Instead he is so sweet and wants to surprise me with something. So he comes home with Dora and Diego character pans (that he paid $15 for each icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif ). He thought that would be cool for the kiddos and that I didn't know these pans existed. Now I have to store these pans and never use these expensive pans after this. I don't really even like these pans. Of course my kids love them are are so excited daddy got these pans. This is what they want now. I am so bummed that I am not going to be able to use my "own" design. How do I not make the character pans without hurting his feelings?? Sorry for venting to ya'll, I just feel sad icon_sad.gif , even tho it is "just" cake!
Thanks for letting me vent! icon_cry.gif
Have a great day!

22 replies
emrldsky Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 7:30pm
post #2 of 23

I haven't been married long, and my DH and I have an odd way of handling situations like this (and I say odd because most people I know don't handle things in this manner): honesty.

Tell your husband that you're so thrilled that he would think of you enough to want to buy you those pans. But then go on to tell him how, while you appreciate his thoughtfulness, you really wanted to create your own design for the kids' cake.

Obviously, you would choose your own words, but by doing this, you acknowledge that he did something sweet and wonderful. Unless he's sensitive (I don't know your husband), he might just let it go at that, and be pleased that you noticed his kindness.

As far as the kids go...I think you can go ahead with your design and they would still love it. They're pretty resilient at those ages and I doubt they'll get into their 20's and complain about how mom just had to do her own thing for their birthday cake. icon_wink.gif

*shrug*

potatocakes Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 7:46pm
post #3 of 23

Okay, here's my opinion, take it for what it's worth. I think you should use the pans your husband bought and that your kids are excited for.

I know your kids would love whatever design you did and likely forget all about the pans (especially the 2 year old), but your DH is going to feel a bit slighted, even if he doesn't show it, and to me, it's not worth hurting his feelings just to make the cake I had my heart set on.

Here's an idea: Could you make the two character cakes, then make a smaller, maybe 6 inch cake to incorporate your design and characters on? Or maybe use a cake board or dummy cakes to sort of make your design on if you don't really need more cake? Does that make sense? That way your husband feels appreciated and you still get to use your creative juices.

I know how you feel, and I would also be disappointed, but in the long run you have to remember, it is "just cake" and your husband was thinking about you and how to help you out when he bought those pans. I think it would almost be a slap in the face to not use them now.

Juds2323 Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 7:58pm
post #4 of 23

Don't forget you can always ebay them afterwards so you don't have to store them.

Judi

kelleygirl Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:10pm
post #5 of 23

I agree with potatocakes. Thoughtful husbands are hard to come by. Chances to make your own design will come a hell of a lot more often.

aswartzw Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:12pm
post #6 of 23

Yeah, I agree with potatocakes. While I prefer the blunt method and my own parents do it, I've learned that just doesn't work with my BF. His view is if somebody buys you something then you should appreciate it and never return it. I quickly learned to adapt my ways and things always work out for the better.

There will always be another cake that you can do your own design but hurt feelings can last a lifetime.

fondantfrenzy Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:18pm
post #7 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelleygirl

I agree with potatocakes. Thoughtful husbands are hard to come by. Chances to make your own design will come a hell of a lot more often.




AMEN to that! Take it from someone who is not as fortunate to not only have a thoughtful husband, but also have a husband that supports you that he buys you pans, while he thinks he uncovered some great discovery). Be thankful you have a thoughtful husband, if your kids go to daycare you can make those cakes to take to daycare. If not it's not the end of the world. I do get the fact that your mother in law is coming over, I am the same way, but remember it's really all about the kids!....

Not that I like having you feel like this, but it's comforting to know that I am not a wierdo that everyone feels like this about their cakes. To everyone else it's just cake, to us its an insult..ha ha hah. My friend just told me that she didnt want me to make her daughter's baby shower cake because they were gunna get cheesecake becuase she is craving cheesecake..i just about started crying...but you know...if that's what the pregnant girl wants..thats what the pregnant girl gets!!!

Anyhow, I hope you feel better about it, I am glad this forum exists becuase no one really understands cakes except the CC family!!!

foxymomma521 Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:18pm
post #8 of 23

I don't really like the character pans either, but I used the cars pan and put it on top of a sheet cake, which I decorated like a racing flag. It's in my pics. Maybe you can put the Dora and Diego pans on top of sheet cakes. That way you can decorate the sheet cakes the way you want, and hubby won't be hurt...

mayamia Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:19pm
post #9 of 23

Ditto to potatocakes use the pans, and maybe do a smaller version of your creation remember: you can never have enough cake, well atleast in my side of the valley there is always someone willing to take it off your hands, so go ahead and do both cakes icon_wink.gif

JenniferL Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:20pm
post #10 of 23

If your kids love them, then why not use them... make them on another day just for the fun of it. It would be fun to surprise them one night with a Diego for dessert! OR, you could make them to celebrate another milestone like potty training or a first day of preschool/ kindergarden or even the first day of summer?? Tell your husband that they are great and you are going to save them to use on a special day because you already have their birthday cake planned out. thumbs_up.gif

Lenette Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:20pm
post #11 of 23

You know your husband best. He was being very sweet and trying to be helpful. If you think he would be hurt, use them. If he is the type you can just be honest with and have no resentment then do that. I know mine wouldn't care as long as I could get a refund but he really "gets" my creative side.

Another option is to use the pans, let the kids play around with their own cake and still make your cake for the party. The kids would love to make themselves a cake anytime!

Auryn Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:20pm
post #12 of 23

Its not worth hurting his feelings and possibly putting him off from doing nice things like this in the future.

You can always make them another Dora and Diego cake in a couple of months, just because.
You don't need an excuse to make cake afterall.

I'm quickly learning that all men are sensitive wether they admit it or are aware of it or not.

OliviasCakeBites Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:22pm
post #13 of 23

I have to agree with potatocakes. Your children are excited about the pans and your husband did something quite thoughtful. What matters is being able to celebrate your children's birthday. At this age your kids will love whatever it is you do for them just because it's YOU who is doing it. Give your husband great big hugs and kisses for thinking of you and show how much you appreciate his gesture. We (meaning adults) think we have to go to great depths for something to be special...but for children, the love they feel behind the gesture is what truly counts. Be excited that they are excited about those pans and their birthday. You can always do a your own creation for your porfolio in the future. Right now, family and their feelings are the most important thing.

chassidyg Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:28pm
post #14 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by mayamia

Ditto to potatocakes use the pans, and maybe do a smaller version of your creation remember: you can never have enough cake, well atleast in my side of the valley there is always someone willing to take it off your hands, so go ahead and do both cakes icon_wink.gif




I third this, maybe do dora on one side, your cake in the middle, and diego on the other side. This way each child also has their "own" cake to blow the candles out on, and you can show your cake, and hubby will be happy.

dabear Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:42pm
post #15 of 23

Thanks for listening and the encouraging words. I plan to use the pans for their birthdys. He did it out of the sweetness that he is made of. The kids can look back and see how daddy was involved to. I will get the oppurtunity to be "creative" again. Again thank-you for the suggestions. Potatocakes, I really like the dummy cake idea. JenniferL , I also like the idea of using an important mile stone to make another cake for them! I might even use them twice and let them decorate their own cakes another day-good idea (lenette)!
You guys are the greatest!

KHalstead Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:53pm
post #16 of 23

USE THE PANS!!! You're going to have a million other opportunities to make your own designs!!! Your DH will probably feel so proud at the party when everyone oohs and aahs abbout the cakes!

sarahnichole975 Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 8:54pm
post #17 of 23

All I can say is "awwww...." My hubby is a total effort kind of guy. I always say poor baby he get's a total "A" for effort, but fails miserably in the execution of whatever it is he's trying to do. Gotta love him for it.

I think you've been given some great ideas here for how you can both come out happy. I really like the idea of decorating each one for the kids individually and then having one you design yourself you could have in the middle. Let them have fun with it. Even though they're a little older, let them be really big smash cakes for them to demolish, maybe even with their friends. And take LOTS of pics because it would be quite memorable. Then let the grown ups have the big cake you do. Maybe even do it in a more "grown up" flavor. It'll all work out. Now go give that sweetie of a hubby a big ole kiss, he deserves it!

tracycakes Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 9:05pm
post #18 of 23

What a sweet man he is. My hubby is also very supportive and excited for me. When I'm almost finished with a cake, he'll call the neighbor (my BFF since we were 6 yrs old) or my parents who live down the street to come see it. Usually, he gets both of them. icon_redface.gif You are very lucky to have this supportive man.

But I understand your disappointment. My hubby's 60th BD is Thursday and I wanted to make him something special. I never make cakes for him so I wanted to do something special. I asked him what kind of cake he wanted and he said "pineapple upside down cake". I just looked at him and he said "what?" I said that I can't decorate one of those. I think I've convinced him to have carrot cake instead since I made him the pineapple upside down cake last week.

DoniB Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 9:06pm
post #19 of 23

first off, your hubby's a sweetie, and deserves massive kisses and kudos for even thinking of it, even if it was a little misguided. (mine learned long ago never to buy craft or cooking supplies as a surprise, just because he's likely to be duplicating)

Another idea is to use your idea in a smaller cake, but make the character pans, then surprise HIM by presenting him and the kids with their own icing to decorate with... it can become a project for all four of you, and will make a cherished memory, at least for the adults. icon_smile.gif Then you'll have the cake you designed as the official cake at the party. icon_smile.gif

Just a thought.

thems_my_kids Posted 3 Jun 2008 , 10:15pm
post #20 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by emrldsky

Tell your husband that you're so thrilled that he would think of you enough to want to buy you those pans. But then go on to tell him how, while you appreciate his thoughtfulness, you really wanted to create your own design for the kids' cake.




My husband would be crushed if I said that to him after he did something like that for me. (Because it usually doesn't occur to him!)

I'd use the pans and hope to my own design another time.

apclassicwed Posted 4 Jun 2008 , 1:43pm
post #21 of 23

I agree with potatocakes: Use the pan your DH bought-this is his way of showing support of your ability and being involved with the kids birthday (He's a sweetie, for sure!).
I don't know how this would work, but can you use the character pans as Jello molds??

summernoelle Posted 4 Jun 2008 , 1:58pm
post #22 of 23

Oh, that is sweet.
I didn't read all the posts, but I would use them even if you don't like them. Men are good this way, they have big hearts, so try not to hurt him by not using them.
I LOVE making fondant figures, too, so go ahead and make them, and then display them somewhere on the table, too. Buy a cut plate and put them up on a cake stand between the cakes as a centerpice.
Your husband was being very kind and it sounds like he was excited to help you-just give him a kiss, tell him thank you.

jadak Posted 4 Jun 2008 , 2:07pm
post #23 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by thems_my_kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by emrldsky

Tell your husband that you're so thrilled that he would think of you enough to want to buy you those pans. But then go on to tell him how, while you appreciate his thoughtfulness, you really wanted to create your own design for the kids' cake.



My husband would be crushed if I said that to him after he did something like that for me. (Because it usually doesn't occur to him!)

I'd use the pans and hope to my own design another time.





My DH would be sad too. I think you have to base what you do on how your DH is...and only you truly know. I also would use the pans. Besides, there doesn't have to be an "occassion" for their to be cake! When you're wanting to express yourself, just do it. Your family will have a nice dessert treat or give it to a neighbor. I've done this often when I want to try a new technique, but there's no occassion. I haven't had anyone turn down an unexpected piece of cake yet. thumbs_up.gif

I know how you feel though. DD recently turned 7. We were having 2 parties...one for family and one for her friends. She picked out an adorable purse cake for her family party. I was going to carve it and cover it in fondant and then let her put dots or flowers or whatever on it.(That was going to be hard, but it was HER cake.)

Lo and behold, the day before her party...as I'm baking, she announces that she no longer wants the purse. She wants---ready for this?--- Darth Vader with yellow flowers and pink and purple "lines around the edges"!!!! What????? So, after asking her about 100 times if that was really what she wanted, I made a FBCT of Darth Vader. Then I made the icing in the colors she wanted. I iced the cake, applied the FBCT and gave her bags of yellow, pink and purple icing. She decorated her cake (and not horribly for a 7 year old) and was happy and excited. It looked awful and I made sure everyone knew she did it, icon_lol.gif but it was what SHE WANTED and ugly or not, it tasted good.

Allowing her to do that also got "it out of her system" and she let me make her cake for her friend party all by myself!

I am sure you'll do what's best for your family. Just know ther'll be many more cakes. icon_biggrin.gif

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